Benny's Grab Bag

NRR 22 - Akaname Akanoway

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This just in, a group of really gross red cryptids with long tongues were seen being escorted out of town in the direction of what can only be the Detroit Metro airport. This is Vox and you’re listening to Not Really Radio.

The Akaname are no more. That sounded ominous. They’re not dead, just being deported. More on that in a moment, but first, the classifieds.

  • To everyone ignoring the first of the two stop signs on the westbound lane of the intersection at Evans and Patterson. Please stop. You’re causing untold damage to the large herds of migrating jackalopes that use that intersection to safely navigate the mean sidewalks of Tecumseh
  • To the person responsible for the previous bulletin, please stop referring to the sidewalks of Tecumseh as mean. They’re actually very nice if you treat them well.
  • There’s a pleasant sense of well-being that’s been found on Kilbuck. If you’ve lost your pleasant sense of well-being, it can easily be reclaimed by inviting three people to join you at the Not Really Radio live event on April 30 at 7pm at Covenant Church.
  • The hydra who lives near the Waste Water Treatment plant has asked that people stop screaming “Oh no, a monster, run away” when they see him. Instead, just scream “Oh no, it’s Tim, run away”.

    • Back to the news.

    Witnesses have described what appeared to be a really disgusting altercation between two members of the FBCI and a handful of Akaname behind Tuckey’s Big Boy yesterday at dinnertime.

    Apparently it was an arrest of convenience, the two agents had been driving by and happened to spot the three Akaname beginning to tip the dumpster while four more jumped up and down in excitement.

    The agents immediately pulled in, produced super soakers filled with Cryptid paralysis venom and sprayed the Akaname, freezing them all solid, with one exception. An eighth Akaname had been inside the dumpster and tried to flee upon seeing his compatriots frozen. The agents leapt on him with cryptid cuffs and a can-do attitude and after a spirited scuffle managed to subdue the Akaname but not until they both were covered in filth and greek salad.

    Gross.

    But congratulations to the FBCI on a solid and very public win! Good job guys.

    Maybe we can convince these two heroes to join us at our Not Really Radio Event on April 30th at 7pm at Covenant Church here in Tecumseh! I’m optimistic.

    Until next time, this is Vox and you’ve been listening to Not Really Radio.

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    Benny's Grab BagBy Benjamin J Nichols