Rumor has it a new gang of cryptids has made its way into our fair city and I’m more than a little grossed out. This is Vox and you’re listening to Not Really Radio. These cryptids have come to us all the way from Japan and are called the Akaname. The name sounds cool until you find out what it means, which I kinda don’t want to say.

It’s gross.

Anyway, there has been a rash of dumpster tippings all over town which my sources say are the fault of our guests from overseas. Apparently the Akaname typically live in bathrooms, the dirtier the better. The good news is, Tecumseh bathrooms are considerably more hygienic than those of 17th century Japan. The bad news is, The Akaname are in our town on a temporary visitor visa for some big cryptid convention allegedly sponsored by the deer whisperer, and while they’re here they’ve gotta eat.

Gross.

Thus the dumpster tipping. If they’re going to eat the stuff I don’t know why they can’t just crawl in and go to town, why make a mess? One theory is that they want to make Tecumseh a place of perpetual filth so as to increase their numbers and eventually conquer the state of Michigan.

I guess some cryptids are just kinda jerks.

Gross jerks.

My sources say the FBCI is investigating and close to making an arrest, but the visitor visa makes it sticky… gross. And they have to catch them in the act of criminal activity in order to deport them.

Hopefully they’ll wrap it up soon since another source of mine says hometown hero Chester Chase is out of the country teaching old dogs new tricks so we can’t expect any help from him and I’m not eager to report much more on this particular story.

I think I’m going to skip lunch today, because… gross

More good news, if you want to visit a place guaranteed to be Akaname free, come to the Not Really Radio live event on Saturday April 30ths at 7pm at Covenant Church. Until next time this is Vox the voice of Not Really Radio slightly nauseous and signing off.