[some rehashings]

I don't know how to write this scene,

Lol.

SHIA LABEOUFF

Uh oh. That's not right.

Don' google it.

I know, huh.

Uhh.

It's okay. I got this.

SHIA LaBeouf*

lol

Worst last name ever

Anyway

SHIA LABEOUF

JUST DO IT.

Ok.

The former child stars of the LATE 90's EARLY 2000's era

Lol, how do you write something like this

idk.

Here:

A STRANGE CULT has gathered, a large tabernacle-like choir chanting ceremoniously, cloaked beneath the long robes and thick plumes of smoke, hidden deep within the confines of a candlelit cavern, adorned with mystifying and mysterious objects.

Yeah, that does it.

Lol.

Don't put me around famous people, guys.

I'm not right.

Especially ones I like.

Kesha blew my mind like 4 years ago and it still keeps me up at night.

I'm telling you.

It's not right.

Just write.

The Chanting reaches it's peak and comes to a close, as a–

Wait.

What.

Economically speaking

Uh huh.

How much money is it going to take to get all of these people in a room together at one time.

A lot.

We can do cut takes.

No cut takes!

WHAT THE FUCK DRAKE. I TOLD YOU NO CUPCAKES.

I brought–cupcakes.

I TOLD EVERYONE THERE WOULD BE COOKIES.

I brought cupcakes.

COOKIES. NOT CUPCAKES.

YOU'RE INVITED

Ooh. what's this.

COME TO THE DARK SIDE

WE HAVE COOKIES.

DUMMMMMMB.

This is reckless.

Stop doing whippets.

No.

What? Why not.

Hoes Love Whippets.

CARRYING ON.

Josh–

I SAID, CARRYING ON.

Why Does Josh Peck talk in all caps?

Typecasting.

AnYwAyS

So– is she– ‘The Forgotten One'

CULT, UNANIMOUSLY “The Forgotten One”

The shadowy figure removes his hood to reveal himself as DRAKE BELL

(gasp)

Yeah, she's one of us.

DUDE. You're not supposed to take your hood off!

It's hot under here:

SO!

Everything's on fire and I had to run around and get cupcakes!

–And that's where we left off:

JOSH PECK also removes his hood, revealing himself to the audience.

Woah. what episode of Drake and Josh is THIS

A new one.

No fucking way.

JOSH PECK

WHAT THE FUCK DRAKE. I TOLD YOU NO CUPCAKES.

I brought–cupcakes.

I TOLD EVERYONE THERE WOULD BE COOKIES.

I brought cupcakes.

COOKIES. NOT CUPCAKES.

(From The Crowd)

Aw, what–there's no cookies?

(Crowd disapproval; everyone deflates and begins taking off their hoods and cloaks, clamoring.)

THE DISNEY CHANNEL CIRCLE OF STARS Enter Dramatically through every possible entrance, much like the cast of a critically-acclaimed Broadway musical.

Which Broadway musical?

Uh. One where the cast enters through the aisle. Duh.

Ugh, these guys.

Who invited them?

I did.

For what?

That was the whole point.

After a large MUSIC/DANCE number.

Lol

Hold the phone

What

How are we gonna get ALL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS

CUT TAKES

NO CUT TAKES.

BRO.

HM.

IGOTIT,

SUPACREE wakes up at a mysterious RAVE.

Oh shit. Throw a party.

Celebrities loooooooove parties.

That's all they do.

…

…

…

Yeah–that too, but we don't like to think about that.

DISNEY.

I'll take it.

SOLD.

Wait, this is on Disney?

Or one of it's subsidiaries, none of which are

NICKELODEON.

We'll take it.

SOLD.

Wait.

What.

You Auctioned Off The Festival Project on The Black Market?

Yeah.

WHY?

I don't know. Something about cookies.

At the height of the chaos, SUPACREE strolls in.

Ah shit, cupcakes! I love these.

THE FORGOTTEN ONE.

Are these Vegan?

(gasps and whispers, whippets in the back)

Pause.

OKay. Deep thought process collison

Go on…

Either someone's a genius and set this whole thing up

That's making sense

Or Hollywood just fucks people up enough that

Whippets. I need more whippets.

For what?

Whippets.

Everyone's on drugs.

oh golly, everyone's fucked up.

Orrrr, orr–they're just having fun.

Should I be worried?

Nah.

…

…

…

Coincidences don't exist.

JOSH PECK

A COINCIDENCE THIS IS NOT.

How are you this deep in my consciousness.

Maybe I'm Not.

Oh yeah, I watched The Wackness.

Oh yeah, huh.

Fuck.

So wait. Everyone's just real hot–

Money's not a problem,

And everyone's on drugs.

Yeah.

Sign me up!

Okay, You're up.

Excuse me, I'm what?

You're on Go.

Uhhh—

Just…talk.

This is stalking.

Don't stop writing

OMG WHAT'S IN THE DUFFEL BAG .

What's in the pinata?

This is NOT THAT SHOW.

Of Course it is.

It's not.

THIS IS AAAAAAALL THAT

THIS iS AAAAALLL

THAAAAAAT.

yeah.

HOW MUCH IS THIS GONNA COST???

Can we please have a stereotypically jewish accountant for this project?

On it.

Rodger.

What's up, guys.

Uh.

These are good.

…

…

…

Can you see us?

Yeah.

All of us.

I think so. Especially Amanda Bynes. Hey,

AMAND BYNES

—she KNOWS who I AM.

Duh.

WOO.

[takes a whippet]

Wow.

How are you not freaking out?!

I have cupcakes.

Fiar.

Besides, it's just a dream.

What?

I'm dreaming. None of this is real.

Uh–it's not a dream.

Maybe multiple dreams.

Ew.

Don't be gross.

I can be gross. It's my dream.

You don't understand.

No, you don't understand. Because you're in my dream;

But i'm dreaming. I'll probably just wake up in a couple of minutes when I'm finished with this cupcake…and really want cupcakes.

How did you even get here?!

What reality do you think this is?

It's not reality.

IT iS–REALITY.

THIS IS REAL.

FLASHBACK: HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA 2010

Woah, hold the phone.

Yes, I'll hold.

Nothing really matters anymore,

No more words, now

Try to lay down

Try to phaseout my

Drastic, disasterful thoughts

With croissants

And the words to a song,

Or a new work of art in

The Festival Project

I'm not God, yet;

I'm only his daughter

A doctor,

I work at the smokeshop

Look, go back to Hollywood–

Now you're a subject.

Went to Fame School,

But just started fame college

I'll need that doctorate to call

Drake and Josh up

–Honestly, don't come back.

I filled up half a chapter

(Don't want your autograph)

I wrote a paragraph after,

10 songs, and wanted a cocktail

For watching you

Buy your own canister

Jesus Almighty

And Kevin McCallister

Candidly answer a

Call from the darkness:

“Heaven Help Hollywood,

Please, Heaven Help Us.”

[The Festival Project]

[When it]

Turns out,

The bottom of your heart

Was the tip of the Ice Berg

And the whole ship has [s]unk[en],

[&] I[t]'s probably ice cold

At the bottom of the ocean;

I'll tell you where i'm from

Why,

I'll tell you anything for

About one dollar

Turns out,

I've already got one eye on you;

One eye'd sad heart

I should probably roll out my art on you

[I probably should not]

One man bought a kiss,

Another, a whole night from her–

One man bought a whole farm

The other, a Whole Foods Market

–and you can't even franchise those

Amazon's got a monopoly

We were playing for corners of earth,

All i got was some kandi,

Subscriptions to candidly,

Actually,

I really liked the tree trial

(I think i'll wait a week, sorry)

When it turns out

The world that you wanted

Was actually hours already

The dollar you got

Was also borrowed

And the money they wanted and got

Was just actually stolen from someone else

They bought all the food up

And sold it for profits

I promise this avocado

Once costs nothing at all

But you wanted that car for your daughter

She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it

My mom, on my honor

Of all the garages in Lost Lands,

I promise the owner of it was

The first to go last,

And the last to come home

Now he's on his own alter

And also the worshiper;

How do you go back?

Oh, you don't

Oh you don't

Oh, you don't wanna know that

But i was of course,

All of your rock bottoms

It's bottoms and tops, and

We don't let the top fall over,

We're counting up crumbs

And this muffin costs $24 dollars

Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks

For the dead homies

Not dead in the general sense

But just in the head, the heart,

And the soul

The homeless are happier at McDonalds

Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks

For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere

I'll avoid the power struggle at operations

for about 18 dollars and 56 sense

(Please, keep the pennies)

I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's

Something indecent, or decadent

Whichever it is

Cause i'm better of with the memory of it

Than actually dragging it in.

–I'm a cat again.

Ouch.

Shut up.

It HURTS.

Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics.

YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid.

Yes, but lucily* for you–

–or, for him–

Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid.

–Ouch–

–Shut up.

That we know of.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

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ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©