OCF Crosspoint Podcast

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If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's "Be a Guest" webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to [email protected].

Show Notes

How do emotional intelligence (known as EQ) and leadership go together? What does EQ have to do with leading in the military? How does EQ line up with scripture?

Noble Gibbens, also known as the EQ Gangster, joins me on the podcast to answer these questions. An Oklahoma-born West Point graduate who served in the U.S. Army in the 82nd Airborne Division, Noble combined his entrepreneurial spirit and experience with his passion for emotional intelligence to become a certified emotional intelligence practitioner, corporate speaker & trainer, and executive leadership coach.

After growing up in a home where he "learned absolutely nothing about conflict resolution" and realizing his emotional dysfunction in his own home as an adult, Noble met with a counselor and began his emotional fitness journey. In this episode, he defines emotional intelligence, shares experiences with leadership in and out of the military context, talks about David and other biblical examples of emotional intelligence, and more.

Check out these resources mentioned in Noble's interview:

• Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Dr. Travis Bradberry and Dr. Jean Greaves
• EQ-i 2.0, an online self-rating assessment tool
• EQ Gangster podcast, Episode #273: Dr. Brooks Gibbs, Emotional Resilience in Teens & Adults, and Creating Unstoppable Humans
• Changes That Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You by Dr. Henry Cloud
• Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend
• Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute
• Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb, PhD, with Christine Musello
• Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships With Your Partner, Your Parents and Your Children by Jonice Webb, PhD

As you listen to this conversation with Noble, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. How would you define emotional intelligence?
2. Think back to your own upbringing. How did your community, family, etc. talk about emotions? How has that impacted your understanding of emotional intelligence now?
3. To pose Noble's question mentioned in this episode: How often do anxiety and frustrations, motivation, impulses, fear, and distress affect and impact your decision-making?
4. Having listened to Noble explain the impact emotional intelligence can have on working relationships, what can improve within your own workplace?
5. We talk about Jesus as the biblical model of being unoffendable, a trait that indicates high emotional intelligence. What can we learn from His example?

Got an idea for a guest or topic?

If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's "Be a Guest" webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to [email protected].

Show Notes

So many conversations within the OCF community circle back to this question: How ought Christians in the military integrate their faith and profession? One week after graduating from high school, CW4 Rich Smith, USA (Ret.), embarked on 24 years of military service that provided him experiences that answer that very question. Upon retiring from the Army, Rich has developed a passion for encouraging other service members not to camouflage their faith in Christ during their years in the military.

In this episode, we discuss what hinders and helps Christians live out their faith in the military, his personal experiences with Christian fellowship during years on active duty, and more. He also shares about his book, Camouflaged Christian, which provides a deeper dive on the topics he discussed on Crosspoint. Rich now resides in his hometown of Rome, New York, with wife Teri and granddaughters Amerie, Elodie, and Maisy.

As you listen to this conversation with Rich, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. What motivates you to camouflage your faith while serving in the military context?
2. How does Ephesians 6:10-20 encourage you to live out your faith in all areas of life?
3. Rich shares a couple of personal anecdotes about how fellowship with other believers strengthened his walk during his time in the Army. What impact have you seen fellowship or the absence of it have in your own life?
4. What Scripture can you commit to memory for the seemingly impossible tasks you'll face at work?
5. Rich talks about the value of turning to the Bible first in all circumstances. What things do you find yourself turning to first for encouragement, comfort, etc.?

Got an idea for a guest or topic?

If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's "Be a Guest" webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to [email protected].

Show Notes:

After graduating from West Point in 1989, Ricky Preciado served in the Army on active duty for five years then as a reservist for an additional five before shifting into business operations for a variety of manufacturing companies. Since 2017, he's been working for Chick-fil-a, and he currently works for them as an owner-operator in the San Diego area.

Ricky joined USS Somerset OCF for a day to share about one of his favorite topics, servant leadership, with Chick-fil-a in tow, of course, and he joined Assistant Director of Communications Courtney Taylor on the podcast to discuss the very same topic. He breaks down what can often seem to be a "Christianese" term in the church, shares what he's learned about servant leadership via his work with Chick-fil-a, and recaps his visit with USS Somerset OCF.

To find a small group fellowship similar to the USS Somerset OCF group Ricky visited, check out the OCF directory online.

As you listen to this conversation with Ricky, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. How would you define servant leadership?
2. Who are your role models, biblical or personal, for servant leadership? Why?
3. What personal experiences have humbled you and can be used in developing your own servant leadership?
4. How does surrendering your responsibilities to God enable better servant leadership?
5. Ricky talks about taking the focus off yourself as an impactful means to being a servant leader. What are some practical ways you can focus on others?

Got an idea for a guest or topic?

If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's "Be a Guest" webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to [email protected].

Show Notes

What is resilience? Is there a correlation between resilience and the prevalence of suicide in the military? How do you know if you've become resilient? Minutes after leading a session about the topic of resilience during OCF's annual Local Leader Conference held at Spring Canyon earlier this year, Col Tim Hale, USAF (Ret.), sat down with me in the dining hall of Hartley Holmes Lodge to address these questions and others.

Raised in a military community near Scott AFB, Tim began his own career in the Air Force after completing Air Force ROTC at St. Louis University. Throughout his decades of service, Tim's command positions at a variety of levels, bolstered by post-retirement experiences as a cabinet secretary for the New Mexico Department of Veteran Services and as an elder at his church, enabled him to see the importance of resilience firsthand.

Tim now resides in Oklahoma, where he serves as OCF's Area Coordinator for Central Oklahoma, Southern Kansas, and Northern Texas.

Check out the various resources mentioned throughout this episode

• "March or die": Turning to Christ & community in times of trauma, OCF Crosspoint episode with Jeremy Stalnecker that focuses on topics related to today's episode with Tim
• Path to Resiliency by Chad Robichaux, Jeremy Stalnecker, and John Mizerak (foreword by MG Bob Dees, USA (Ret.))
• Days of Anguish, Days of Hope by Bill Keith
• The Resilience Trilogy by MG Bob Dees, USA (Ret.)

As you listen to this conversation with Tim, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor

1. Tim says the best time to build resilience is before a traumatic event takes place. How can you build resilience now so that you're better prepared if and when potentially traumatic life events occur?
2. Referring to Path to Resiliency, Tim reminds us that God can heal our trauma and enable us to move forward. What examples, biblical or personal, come to mind as you think of God restoring people after a traumatic event?
3. Specifically, what spiritual disciplines can you cultivate now so that those habits are already established if and when traumatic experiences occur?
4. Who do you consider your community to support you through trauma and recovery?
5. Tim shares 2 Corinthians 1:3 as a biblical encouragement that God sustains us through trials. What scripture can you begin clinging to now that will encourage you through the hardships of life?
6. Tim suggests that a self-examination of behavior in day-to-day life–even when things are good–can help assess personal resilience that will prove necessary in hardships. Reflect now on how you're handling the "small things" during this season of life, and ask yourself if there are spiritual disciplines to pursue as you seek to develop this resilience.

Got an idea for a guest or topic?

If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's "Be a Guest" webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to [email protected]

Show Notes:

Earlier this season, Nicole Breining spoke about her husband's pornography addiction that resulted in betrayal trauma and a serious strain on their relationship. But what impact does pornography addiction have on the rest of the family? Do kids experience a similar type of trauma when they learn parents struggle with a problematic sexual behavior? How should parents respond if and when they discover their children are viewing pornography? In this episode of Crosspoint, Dr. John Thorington addresses these questions.

John is a licensed professional counselor and certified sexual recovery therapist, and he has a private practice in Huntsville, Alabama, called Restoring Hearts Counseling. If you haven't already, listen to his first episode with Crosspoint from its first season, titled "The Theological Implications of Addiction."

John talks about how parents might navigate a conversation with kids when a parent is struggling with problematic sexual behaviors, how to set boundaries in recovery, and what resources to use in next steps. We then flip the script to talk about how parents can move forward when they learn their child is the one struggling with problematic sexual behaviors, turning to God's design rather than the world's during ongoing conversations.

Check out the various resources mentioned throughout this episode:

• Restoring Hearts Counseling, John's practice that offers competent counseling and treats teen pornography addiction and other compulsive online behaviors with a Christian perspective
• Pure Desire Ministries, which seeks to provide hope, freedom, and healing from sexual brokenness through Jesus Christ
• Be Broken Ministries, which helps men, women, and families move from sexual brokenness to wholeness in Christ and equips others to do the same
• Treading Boldly through a Pornographic World: A Field Guide for Parents by Daniel Weiss and Joshua Glaser, written to help parents navigate conversations with their kids about pornography
• Honest Talk: A New Perspective on Talking to Your Kids About Sex by John Fort, a guide that provides parents a new approach to help children safely navigate today's hypersexual culture
• The Porn Phenomenon: The Impact of Pornography in the Digital Age, a Barna Report published in partnership with Josh McDowell Ministries
• Focus on the Family, a global Christian ministry dedicated to helping families thrive
• Covenant Eyes: Screen Accountability™
• Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships by Barb Winters
• Pure Teens: Honoring God, Relationships, and Sex by Dr. John Thorington

As you listen to this conversation with John, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. What is the value of backing up promises with action when navigating recovery from addiction with your family?
2. If you're a parent finding out that your child is viewing pornography, how can you make sure you respond well so that your relationship is not damaged?
3. What can we learn from Jesus' example as He interacts with the woman at the well in John 4:1-26?
4. How can you be proactive in educating your kids about God's design for sex and sexuality in a world where we often see a rebellion against that design?
5. John talks about the potential harm we can do by framing conversations about sex in a negative light. How ought God's design and His positive view of it shape how we talk about sex?

Got an idea for a guest or topic?

If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's "Be a Guest" webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to [email protected].

Show Notes:

On the heels of several episodes on the topics of pornography and sexuality with CAPT Brent & Nicole Breining, USN (Ret.), Dr. Joy Skarka joins me on the podcast for a similar conversation, except we'll approach this topic from the perspective of single or dating women.

Joy currently serves as the director of discipleship at Authentic Intimacy, a ministry devoted to teaching on God's design for intimacy and sexuality.

Joy discusses the meaning behind and value of a phrase that contains two words we likely wouldn't expect to go together: sexual discipleship. She then shares her own story with pornography addiction and how God turned a source of brokenness, pain, and trauma into a passion through which she helps other women navigate similar struggles. You can connect with Joy by following her on Instagram: @joyskarka.

Check out the various resources mentioned throughout this episode:

• Authentic Intimacy, the ministry Joy works for that offers online groups, resources, and more

• Java with Juli, Authentic Intimacy's podcast with the ministry's president and co-founder Juli Slattery

• Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters by Dr. Juli Slattery

• The Girl Defined Show: Freedom from Porn & Sexual Struggles for Women with Joy Skarka

As you listen to this conversation with Joy, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. Quoting Juli Slattery's book Rethinking Sexuality, Joy says, "Every sexual question is ultimately a spiritual one." Do you agree? Why or why not?

1. How might a lack of education from the church result in a poor or even harmful understanding of sexuality?

1. Joy talks about how addiction to pornography can start so subtly. What are some ways we can proactively guard against developing such addictions?

1. If we truly understand that the point of being a Christian is to be made more like Christ, how does that understanding affect our contentment in Him alone, regardless of relationship status, circumstances, etc.?

1. Who are the trustworthy mentors in your life with whom you can discuss heavy topics like the ones covered in today's episode?

Show Notes:

CAPT Brent & Nicole Breining, USN (Ret.), return to the podcast today to continue our series on pornography and sexuality. If you haven't listened to the first three episodes in this series, I encourage you to check out those episodes first and then return to hear today's episode as we discuss the three parts of the healing process, resources for recovery, and more.

The Breinings break down the three parts of addiction recovery—breaking denial structures, understanding the addictive cycle, and accessing the wound. We then address why we can feel so discouraged by the time and effort required to heal, the value of understanding the nature of addiction regardless of personal experience, and the importance of addressing these sin struggles for the purpose of restoration rather than rejection.

Check out the various resources mentioned throughout this episode:

• Pure Desire Ministries, through which Brent and Nicole help men and women heal from unwanted sexual behaviors and their repercussions
• Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships, a resource for women
• Sexual Integrity 101, an eight-week study for men, women, and churches
• Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, a book that explores the "why" behind self-destructive sexual choices
• Covenant Eyes: Screen Accountability™

If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's "Be a Guest" webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to[email protected]

As you listen to this conversation with Brent and Nicole, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. Brent says, "Sexual bondage is not about sex, but medicating the pain in your life." No matter what addictions you might struggle with, what pain might you trying to be medicate?
2. Who can you trust and talk to about your traumatic experiences and addictive behaviors? How can you be someone others can talk to about their struggles as well?
3. How does our quick-fix culture present challenges in recovering from addiction?
4. In what ways can you help the church adopt a culture of grace when it comes to ministering to broken people in this context?
5. What tools can you utilize to overcome unwanted sexual behaviors and/or keep in mind to recommend to others struggling with such behaviors?

Show Notes:

CAPT Brent & Nicole Breining, USN (Ret.), return to the podcast today to continue our series on pornography and sexuality. If you haven't listened to the first two episodes in this series, I encourage you to check out those episodes first, get to know Brent and Nicole's story, then return to hear today's episode as we explore the concept of betrayal trauma in the context of marriage and romantic relationships.

In this episode, we discuss how the symptoms and effects of betrayal trauma present uniquely in different individuals, then Brent and Nicole share their personal experiences with betrayal trauma. The Breinings remind us that this betrayal trauma falls under the category of inevitable struggles Jesus promised we'd face in this life, but they remind us of our hope we have in Him.

Check out the various resources mentioned throughout this episode:

• Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Dr. Barbara Steffens

• Struggle Well by Ken Falke and Josh Goldberg

• Pure Desire Ministries, through which Brent and Nicole help men and women heal from unwanted sexual behaviors and their repercussions

If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's "Be a Guest" webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to [email protected].

As you listen to this conversation with Brent and Nicole, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. Have you experienced hurt that has prompted you to question God's goodness? How did you work through that doubt?

1. How might a desire for control over your own life be connected to betrayal trauma?

1. How do traumatic experiences shake your understanding of your core beliefs?

1. What is the value of processing past traumatic experiences to better understand your reactions to present circumstances that might result in trauma?

1. Nicole shares several things she found helpful in her recovery from betrayal trauma: finding community she could trust, practicing self-care, educating herself about sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, not rushing into big decisions when working through betrayal trauma, and creating boundaries for safety. What practical ways within those categories might you be able to work through or help a loved one work through betrayal trauma?

Got an idea for a guest or topic?

If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's "Be a Guest" webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to [email protected].

Show Notes:

CAPT Brent & Nicole Breining, USN (Ret.), return to the podcast today to continue our series on pornography and sexuality. If you haven't listened to the first episode in this series, I encourage you to check out that episode first, get to know Brent and Nicole's story, then return to hear today's episode as we dive into the nature of addiction.

We discuss statistics and real-world case studies regarding the pornography industry that reveal the magnitude of its harmful effects on society and on individuals alike. Brent and Nicole then unpack terms and concepts such as the cyclone of addiction, the shame cycle, and neurochemistry of the brain that all point to God's intricate design for His creation.

Check out the various resources mentioned throughout this episode:

· Restoring the Soul podcast: Part 1 with Tony Anderson, and Part 2 with Tony Anderson

· Fight the New Drug

· The Social Dilemma

· Pure Desire Ministries, through which Brent and Nicole help men and women heal from unwanted sexual behaviors and their repercussions

As you listen to this conversation with Brent and Nicole, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. We refer to the statistic that 49% of rescued sex trafficking victims were forced to participate in the production of pornographic material. How ought that knowledge affect decisions to consume that pornographic material?
2. How does the pornography industry harm our perceptions of others as individuals made in the image of God?
3. Why might "rigid, disengaged homes," per Brent's description, often become an environment in which many individuals become sex addicts?
4. What habits can you establish to "live in this world of technology… but do it in a healthy manner," as Brent says?
5. What sin struggles have prompted you to feel shame and hide from God and from fellow believers?

Loads of Additional Resources on this topic

Problematic Sexual Behavior (Men):

Books:

Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan.

Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man's triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal.

Roberts, T. (2021). Seven Pillars of Freedom (5th ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International.

Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn't Want

Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your

Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr.

Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/

Video Series:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Ward, G., Wiles, J., & Wiles, T. [Executive Producers]. (2013). Conqueror Series: The battle plan for purity [Video series]. KingdomWorks Studios.

Problematic Sexual Behavior (Women):

Books:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2019). Unraveled: Managing love, sex, and relationships. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 20). The Female Addict and Unraveled (No.

172) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-female-addict-unraveled/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn't Want

Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your

Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr.

Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/

Video Series:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Betrayal Trauma:

Books:

Kolb, H., Jameson, A., & Roberts, D. (2022). Betrayal & Beyond: Healing the trauma of sexual

betrayal (3rd ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International.

Pure Desire Ministries. 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (ebook). https://puredesire.org/free-ebook-7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/

Steffens, B. & Means, M. (2021). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and

Heal (2nd ed.). Armin Lear Press Inc.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, November 3). Boundaries in Recovery (No. 174) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/boundaries-in-recovery/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, May 11). What If My Struggling Spouse Doesn't Want

Healing? (No. 201) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-struggling-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 13). Hope for Betrayed Men (No. 210) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/hope-for-betrayed-men/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 27). 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (No.

212) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, February 1). Women's Takeover #1: Healing From

Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens (No. 239) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire

Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/womens-takeover-1-healing-from-betrayal-w-dr-barbara-steffens/

Healthy Sexuality:

Books:

Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books.

Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K. (2022). The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books.

Roberts, T. & Roberts, D. (2010). Sexy Christians: The Purpose, Power and Passion of Biblical Intimacy. Baker Books.

Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 9). Soul Ties (No. 105) [Audio podcast episode]. In

Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/soul-ties/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 30). Sexual Discipleship w/ Juli Slattery (No. 108)

[Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/sexual-discipleship-w-juli-slattery/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, April 26). The Good Guide to Great Sex w/ Dr. Keith and

Sheila Wray Gregoire (No. 251) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-good-guide-to-great-sex-w-dr-keith-sheil-wray-gregoire/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 1). The Four Pillars of Sexual Love w/ Dr. Juli

Slattery (No. 278) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-four-pillars-of-sexual-love-w-dr-juli-slattery/

Young Adults/College Age:

Books (Young Men):

Bennett, B., Butcher, B., & Roberts, T. (2016). Living Free. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Books (Young Women):

Bradley R. & Roberts, D. (2012). Behind the Mask: Authentic living for young women. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2018, January 30). Living Free w/Ben Bennett (No. 30) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcast/living-free/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew

Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 12). Groups for Young Women (No. 184) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcast/groups-for-young-women/

Parents:

Books:

Roberts, B. & Kolb, H. (2018). Digital Natives: Raising an Online Generation. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Wright, R. & Wright, T. (2020). How to Talk with Your Kids About Sex. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, August 13). What Parents Need to Know about Porn

(No. 110) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-parents-need-to-know-about-porn/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh

McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/

Pastors/Chaplains/Churches:

Books:

Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan.

Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man's triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal.

Stumbo, N. (2017). Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame. Pure Desire

Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh

McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 27). No Shame Churches (No. 173) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/no-shame-churches/

Singles:

Books:

Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books.

Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K. (2022). The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books.

Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew

Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, July 26). Unmet Longings & Unhealthy Behaviors w/

Ben Bennett (No. 264) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/unmet-longings-unhealthy-behaviors-w-ben-bennett/

Miscellaneous:

Books on Trauma:

Falk, K. & Goldberg, J. (2018). Struggle Well: Thriving in the Aftermath of Trauma. Lioncrest.

Van Der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.

Websites:

Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists: https://www.apsats.org/

Authentic Intimacy: https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

Pure Desire Ministries International: https://puredesire.org.

Got an idea for a guest or topic?

If you would like to share your own story, complete the form on OCF's "Be a Guest" webpage. Alternatively, if you have an idea for a guest or topic I should consider for a future episode of the show, send an email to [email protected].

Show Notes:

In January 2023, Pensacola OCF hosted a one-day workshop to discuss sexual brokenness and unwanted sexual behaviors like pornography addiction and to introduce solutions for healing and wholeness. CAPT Brent & Nicole Breining, USN (Ret.), led sessions throughout that one-day workshop, and they join me today on the podcast as we begin a series of episodes focusing on similar topics.

Brent and Nicole share their story and the impact that porn had on their marriage in this episode, and their remaining three Crosspoint episodes will cover topics such as the nature of addiction, the shame cycle, and the neurochemistry of the brain.

Having reached a breaking point in their marriage in 2012 and recovered since then by God's grace, Brent and Nicole talk about why that addiction placed such a strain on their marriage, how God worked through accountability partners in their healing process, and more. Above all, their desire is for listeners to understand there is hope and that God can restore anyone struggling with problematic sexual behaviors.

Brent retired from the Navy in 2017 after a distinguished 27-year career, and he currently serves as a Foursquare Institutional Chaplain with Pure Desire Ministries, through which he helps men walk in sexual purity and break free from unwanted sexual behaviors.

Nicole received a Bachelor of Science in biochemistry from the University of Illinois and a Doctor of Pharmacy from the University of Illinois at Chicago, going on to work as a hospital pharmacist for 25 years. Nicole also has been working with Pure Desire Ministries, leading their betrayal and beyond groups for spouses for about three years. Both Brent and Nicole are accredited pastoral professionals.

As you listen to this conversation with Brent and Nicole, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. How can the church establish a culture of grace, especially as applies to this topic of addiction?
2. Brent refers to Ephesians 5:25, which says "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." How does this verse shape your view of emotional intimacy in marriage?
3. Brent talks about the iPhone's contribution to an increased accessibility to pornography in recent years. What steps can you take to ensure your own devices aren't contributing to addictive behaviors?
4. How does our freedom in Christ set us free from the shame of our secrets?
5. Nicole talks about realizing her husband's struggles with pornography prompted her to react in sin as well. If you've been hurt by someone else's sin, what's the value of not using their sin as license to sin in response?
6. If you're struggling with addictive behaviors, sexual or otherwise, what positive habits can you establish to replace those behaviors?
7. Why is assessing your heart posture in all things so critical?

Loads of Resources on this topic

Problematic Sexual Behavior (Men):

Books:

Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan.

Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man's triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal.

Roberts, T. (2021). Seven Pillars of Freedom (5th ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International.

Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn't Want

Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your

Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr.

Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/

Video Series:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Ward, G., Wiles, J., & Wiles, T. [Executive Producers]. (2013). Conqueror Series: The battle plan for purity [Video series]. KingdomWorks Studios.

Problematic Sexual Behavior (Women):

Books:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2019). Unraveled: Managing love, sex, and relationships. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 20). The Female Addict and Unraveled (No.

172) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-female-addict-unraveled/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn't Want

Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your

Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr.

Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/

Video Series:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Betrayal Trauma:

Books:

Kolb, H., Jameson, A., & Roberts, D. (2022). Betrayal & Beyond: Healing the trauma of sexual

betrayal (3rd ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International.

Pure Desire Ministries. 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (ebook). https://puredesire.org/free-ebook-7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/

Steffens, B. & Means, M. (2021). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and

Heal (2nd ed.). Armin Lear Press Inc.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, November 3). Boundaries in Recovery (No. 174) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/boundaries-in-recovery/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, May 11). What If My Struggling Spouse Doesn't Want

Healing? (No. 201) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-struggling-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 13). Hope for Betrayed Men (No. 210) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/hope-for-betrayed-men/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 27). 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (No.

212) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, February 1). Women's Takeover #1: Healing From

Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens (No. 239) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire

Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/womens-takeover-1-healing-from-betrayal-w-dr-barbara-steffens/

Healthy Sexuality:

Books:

Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books.

Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K. (2022). The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books.

Roberts, T. & Roberts, D. (2010). Sexy Christians: The Purpose, Power and Passion of Biblical Intimacy. Baker Books.

Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 9). Soul Ties (No. 105) [Audio podcast episode]. In

Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/soul-ties/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 30). Sexual Discipleship w/ Juli Slattery (No. 108)

[Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/sexual-discipleship-w-juli-slattery/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, April 26). The Good Guide to Great Sex w/ Dr. Keith and

Sheila Wray Gregoire (No. 251) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-good-guide-to-great-sex-w-dr-keith-sheil-wray-gregoire/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 1). The Four Pillars of Sexual Love w/ Dr. Juli

Slattery (No. 278) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-four-pillars-of-sexual-love-w-dr-juli-slattery/

Young Adults/College Age:

Books (Young Men):

Bennett, B., Butcher, B., & Roberts, T. (2016). Living Free. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Books (Young Women):

Bradley R. & Roberts, D. (2012). Behind the Mask: Authentic living for young women. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2018, January 30). Living Free w/Ben Bennett (No. 30) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcast/living-free/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew

Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 12). Groups for Young Women (No. 184) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcast/groups-for-young-women/

Parents:

Books:

Roberts, B. & Kolb, H. (2018). Digital Natives: Raising an Online Generation. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Wright, R. & Wright, T. (2020). How to Talk with Your Kids About Sex. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, August 13). What Parents Need to Know about Porn

(No. 110) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-parents-need-to-know-about-porn/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh

McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/

Pastors/Chaplains/Churches:

Books:

Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan.

Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man's triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal.

Stumbo, N. (2017). Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame. Pure Desire

Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh

McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 27). No Shame Churches (No. 173) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/no-shame-churches/

Singles:

Books:

Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books.

Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K. (2022). The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books.

Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew

Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, July 26). Unmet Longings & Unhealthy Behaviors w/

Ben Bennett (No. 264) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/unmet-longings-unhealthy-behaviors-w-ben-bennett/

Miscellaneous:

Books on Trauma:

Falk, K. & Goldberg, J. (2018). Struggle Well: Thriving in the Aftermath of Trauma. Lioncrest.

Van Der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.

Websites:

Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists: https://www.apsats.org/

Authentic Intimacy: https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

Pure Desire Ministries International: https://puredesire.org.