Off Thee Record

Today’s episode is part 2 of a 2 part series where we dive into what you need to quit in order to win.

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Today’s episode is part 1 of a 2 part series where we dive into what you need to quit in order to win.

Learn about 1:1 Coaching with me: https://calendly.com/erinrhawkins/discovery-call   

Instagram: https://instagram.com/erinrhawkins?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=  

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erin-hawkins-658780a4

Twitter:   https://twitter.com/erinrhawkins   

TikTok:   https://www.tiktok.com@erinrhawkins

Question: What are you praying for?

On the last episode I talked about praying the same prayer over and over. Asking God a question he’d already answered.

Thinking about what I was praying for then, made reflect on some of the things I’m praying for now.

I grew up in church. But when I was a child prayer was more of a ritual than it was a spiritual practice.

I went to church three times a week. Christian schools. You know. Wash your hands, wash your face, say your grace.

It was part of my routine.

My grandparents. Both of them. Lol. taught me my childhood bedtime prayer. Every night we spent at their house we’d get ready for bed, get down on our knees, clasp our hands and…

“now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the lord my soul to keep

And if I die before I wake

I pray the Lord my soul to take”

That’s deep… Lord… My soul is yours to have while I’m here. It’s yours keep when I’m gone. So if my heart has to stay here…. take my soul with you.

Right… at least that’s the understanding I’ve developed as my faith has matured.

I’m so grateful to my grandparents for teaching me THAT Prayer…. Because God used it as a catalyst to show me the power of words

See… up until about six the prayer like poem more than an actual prayer. I was more interested in the rhyme than I was the actual words.

Until my best friends grandfather died…. I was 6 and it was the first funeral I’d ever been to. I remember it so vividly. The red dress I was wearing. The color of the carpet in the sanctuary. But mostly I remember how sad everyone was. Her, her parents, her sister…. It was just a really heavy experience for me.

So when I said my prayers that night… I finally heard the words. “And if I die before I wake…”

Death actually had meaning. So I saw it differently. And being a familiar enough with it to know what it was and that I couldn’t control it was scary to me. I was laying in the bed think all types of shit like…

My grandparents could die… what if my grandparents die? I love my grandparents…. I would be so sad…. Then it made me feel sad…..

Then after a while… I thought about it a little more… if “iiiii die” I could die? Kids die? Obviously even this prayer is for kids. Why would I die? I don’t want to die? What about my sister?

Then that made me feel sad….

Now that same prayer that gave me comfort… also made anxious, fearful, and overwhelmed….

What brought peace…. Was also disrupting my sleep…

And I went into this thought spiral every night. For like a month. Well I was 6 so if it felt like a month it was prob like 4 days or some shit

But I remember at some point just getting fed up with thinking about it. Like being annoyed that this Was the only bed time prayer I knew and it was keeping me up because somebody thought it was a good