Growing up, my parents taught me to be honest. Then I became a teenager who kept lots of secrets. I’ve lied being straight to my parents and I’ve lied to myself, believing I was who I was.
Then I went to college where I was able to explore my identity, sexuality, and my views about the world. I explored my spirituality. I was born Roman Catholic, but at the age of 17, I got baptised as a Born Again Christian as I accepted Jesus into my life to forgive me for all of my sins and save me from the coming rapture. As an adult, I got to make that decision which gave me satisfaction. Then I learned that gay people will suffer in hell if they continue being gay, so I stopped attending church and find my own people by challenging myself to understand the meaning of the universe.
Then I fell in love with a guy for the very first time, in which I couldn’t understand in the first place. Then I moved on, then I fell in love with another guy again, and so on. The cycle continued, doing the same thing over and over again. It’s a different kind of pain when you are going through something and you need someone to talk to, but you don’t want to bother anyone, so you just sit there drowning in your own thoughts.