This was one of the best stretches of football all tournament. Messi gets his first ever World Cup hat-trick at 38 years old, tying Miroslav Klose's all-time scoring record — and somehow still gets overshadowed by Mbappé and Haaland both scoring twice on the exact same day. England wins a genuinely insane 4-2 game against Croatia that goes back and forth four times before halftime even hits, and the US tops their group for the first time since 2010.

This week we also break down exactly how the group stage standings actually work — points, goal difference, and the new third-place team wrinkle that's confusing everyone with this expanded 48-team format. Plus a rundown of who's looking good heading into the final group games, and who should probably start worrying.

Final group games are coming. People are about to go home.

Music: Sovereignty by KETSA X THE CONSCIOUS COLLECTIVE via Free Music Archive, License: CC BY

Week one of the 2026 World Cup is in the books. Three red cards in the opening match. The US scoring four goals for the first time since 1930. Spain getting nil nilled by a tiny island nation. Cape Verde's 40-year-old goalkeeper producing one of the saves of the tournament. Brazil not winning.

This week we break down all of it — Mexico vs South Africa, USA vs Paraguay including the funniest VAR check in World Cup history, and everything else from a genuinely chaotic first week of football.

We also introduce a brand new segment — Hot Takes, No Follow Ups — because some things just need to be said without qualification. Plus, Laws of the Game breaks down all eleven positions on the pitch, explained like a normal person... finally.

Music: Sovereignty by KETSA X THE CONSCIOUS COLLECTIVE via Free Music Archive, License: CC BY

Format: Solo | Style: Casual, self-deprecating, mild language 

The World Cup is here and I have opinions. Episode one of Offside Remarks covers everything you need to know before the tournament — who to watch, who to worry about, and why I'm emotionally attached to the England national football team despite all available evidence that this is a bad decision. Plus: the offside rule, finally explained like a normal person. Welcome to the show. 

Music: Sovereignty by KETSA X THE CONSCIOUS COLLECTIVE via Free Music Archive, License: CC BY