In this maiden voyage episode of Pointless Global News, first I'll report on a knife fight at a nursing home over some canned meat.

Next, you'll learn about the business juggernaut that is Rat Taxidermy. Imagine frozen dead rats turned into showgirls, it's totally awesome!

Then, the Governor of Massachusetts steps in, to save Nibi The Diva Beaver.

Finally, a Brazilian man gives us the 411 on his penis enlargement procedure.