So Tony Robbins said, need a vision that has the power to pull you when my vision is cordoned California for six months. Coming back, having the ecpr people come here, train people, somebody wants to become a trainer, somebody becomes a trainer. And then things go from there. I guess in saying that, it shows me that really, I just don't want people to be pathologized. I don't want people to be told they have a mental illness in the first place. I was told after two days in the psych ward. And so that is my vision is d pathologize. ation of extreme states. And beyond that seeing the gifts in those extreme states. And I've already talked about that. And I don't want to start repeating myself too much. But there are gifts. And there there is healing that happens and strong reasons why was number two for Tony Robbins and I want to be off meds so then I can keep my kidneys and my thyroid in good shape. Because I'll need them for those extra 25 years that I want to live, that will likely be taken away from me if I remain in this paradigm. And it's not just having those 25 years back. But what am I going to do with those 25 years, I think that might be the most important part is that I have to have good enough reasons to have those 25 years back. So if I just come off meds for my own little 25 years, that's not very powerful. But if I have that goal in order to help other people will get their 25 years back, then that's a lot more powerful than just for my own personal wellness. And he also talked about raise your standards? Well, I have high standards and that I don't want to be on medication. And so when he talks about needing to stay consistent with who we think we are, well, I think bipolar actually gives us access to different dimensions of ourselves to experiment. Well, is this who I am, is this who I am. Do I want to be more like this. And I think that's for me where embodied mania comes in is there could have been a lot of experience ones had in mania and psychosis that one would not want to embody. And so by having access to more of the spectrum, one can actually choose different ways of being after the fact through embodied practice versus always assuming one is this consistent entity that one is trying to stay consistent with. And he said joy comes when we're spontaneous. So that's definitely true of mania being super spontaneous, is being super joyful. So synchronicities, spontaneity, joy. I feel those are part of embodied mania. And so that's what Tony Robbins said is, the strongest force in the human personality is to stay consistent with how we define ourselves. I defined myself as somebody who's not on medication, who's very healthy. I would like to help bring the gift of wellness to people. First, I have to create it myself. I'm optimistic that I can get off medication or watch another talk online and the guy said invest in your own brain and he was talking about education and reading and stuff but I think too, coming off medication is investing in my own brain. Part of my wellness company actually the beginning part it's actually investing in myself and experimenting with myself. I remember years ago, I had a chronic fatigue like syndrome thing going on. And when I finally was able to heal myself of it through diet and and things like that I told myself I really wanted to help other people have really good health. But then I didn't do that and then it was too late and then I had this mental health condition. So I feel like by doing these videos when I do come off medication, at least all have already created something that might be helpful. And I don't know if it will be or not. I have no idea but the videos I was doing For sort of like a big reframe, and big context creation. And I feel already that even in my last couple of weeks of struggle that some of that context has helped me. It sort of feels like it arises in consciousness when, when I'm going through something, and that's that story, those words, in my own voice that I created for myself, sort of hold me and cradled me in a way. And since I don't have this support network right now of people who have that context, to uphold that context for me, I have to do for myself. So I feel like I do need to continue with some of the context creation, because that is my immunity in a way, by by having my own words for myself, that's my immunity. If I was in a paradigm, where if I went into an extreme state of consciousness, and everybody had that sort of context, or something similar, and sort of came up to me and received me in that way, and hold me and cradled me, why would need to necessarily know that, if that's how the professionals responded, I personally wouldn't need to know that. I might come to know that after the fact, like, Oh, that's what was happening and, and blah, blah, blah. But it's almost like I have to create my own factual context, which is not necessarily factual in terms of scientific facts, but facts within my own neurons, facts within my own brain cells to keep me safe from that other story that I need that other kind of help coming into my brain coming into my consciousness. Because that other stuff is just a story. And, and I feel like I've talked to myself enough that it doesn't even really enter my brain so much. Like, I never really truly thought, oh, wow, I could be going into psychosis, when I was having these extreme pains and body pains, and my body was burning and, and I felt extreme so called anxiety was very painful. But it didn't go further than that it didn't get the story of terror, or of, of, oh, that could mean that somebody is coming to kill me or that could mean that whatever story that I feel the story is actually related to the state of consciousness. So if I'm in extreme anxiety, and kind of like terror, anything related that to that I could feel like I'm in the middle of a war hiding in a bathtub or something, because that's how terrified I feel. But I my brain never created any of those stories. And I'm wondering if it's because that I've talked to myself so much with other contexts that maybe that context writes over those other possible associations that could even be called hallucinations and delusions. Because my brain isn't going into that state and making things making the extreme fearful state not coupling that with something that would be equated to a hallucination or delusion. It's just the feeling. And it's not comfortable. But if there's no story associated with it, that's like some terrifying Oh, and like being stabbed or something, well, then I'm not necessarily. Those are the things actually that that require. hospitalization for me are those those stories that start getting created. Like before, when I said, I feel like I'm a homeless person. And I feel like I'm not me. But if I've created enough context, in my own brain to stop those other stories from arising that have nothing to do with me, maybe it's perhaps preventing some of the collective unconscious stuff, and just remaining personal unconscious, because those things aren't going to lead me to get really confused. Because those things are going to have the EC forex sensation, I'm going to recognize that, hey, that's something from my past, or Hey, that's something whatever, it's a memory or Oh, that's something processing things like personal things, but not necessarily to the point where I'm like, Where is this coming from? Like, where am I who am I because I don't know where these thoughts and these feelings and these associations are coming from. So what I'm saying is by talking to myself enough in this way might prevent some of that It might keep the Forex sensation intact, instead of it going beyond my own self. And the things I felt like I was in pain about, were definitely personal things. And that could be the difference too, is that sometimes in my work and things that I research I, I go into the pain beyond my own personal self, because just like with mental health, how I find it quite painful to, to witness what's happening to people, and it's, it's, it's labeled as their mental illness one. Obviously, there's something going on. But a lot of what is made, making it worse is the medication and that's not acknowledged, it's seen as necessary. And I had that experience in April, where what was seen as necessary for me was not necessary, and it nearly made me way worse than was necessary. While it did for a period of time while I was on that medication. And to me, that gets mistaken as Oh, a person's mental illness, what a lot of it is that the process is being interfered with, with by medication. And then I don't know, anyways, it's it's scary territory, because there's nothing else to support people then what is there, and what is there, that's what it's doing, to people. And, and so yeah, I don't know what I was saying. But I feel like, since it was a personal thing, it was kept personal instead of sometimes when I go into those other states, I get very concerned over others. And that happened a couple of months ago, and somebody helped me see that. If I destroy myself over that, then I can't help others anyway. So it's sort of a silly thing to do is to take on other people's stuff, I'd rather be in a position where I'm, I'm supporting people to thrive. So there's none of this working, trying to not take on other people's stuff. I admire the people that are able to do that, because that's amazing. But even the paradigm to which they're devoting their energies is creating a lot of what they're there to actually help with. That support I don't agree with I wouldn't mind supporting people on medication if they were on it very short period of time. And then they were given nutritional and vitamin supports and all this other stuff. But the way it's going right now is just was awful. And I think that either nobody has a mental illness or everybody has a mental illness, we all have that same process going on within us and, and certain people's sort of spin out of control. And then we try to put people back together with medication and that's not the long term solution. And I was thinking about the trauma release exercise that I was doing and how it induces a quivering or a shaking state and I know that usually right before I get hospitalized, I'm like shaking like crazy. And I actually think it's releasing trauma. It's like the body's trauma release mechanism, psychosis and mania or releasing trauma. No wonder it seems confusing because it's not like a logical state. It's not like Okay, so now I'm going to release trauma and you will be in discomfort for five minutes while I do that, no, it's just it's it's a living process. So I wrote up some stuff on alternatives and options. And I don't know if I'm gonna call my wellness company, clear skies wellness, or happiness, first wellness, something like that. But I don't really want it to be about mental illness because I don't actually believe in mental illness. So it's not necessarily just for people diagnosed with a mental illness. Because that can be a little bit dicey. I feel like it'd be more about helping someone with their wellness. So then that sort of crowds out the mental illness part. So for me, I can't just say oh, I don't have a mental illness and stop taking my medication. That would be silly. But if I Create enough wellness if I take certain supplements if I have a peaceful place to live, if I am moving towards the life that I want, then all those aspects are going to add to my wellness and that will possibly decrease the likelihood that I will experience symptoms of anything else because I'll be keeping my allostatic load very low

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