Parents, are you in need of some tips on how to help your marriage win in the midst of the busy life of parenting?
Even the best couples sometimes get stuck in the necessary routines of parenting. Here are some of the experts' tips on boosting the spark in a marriage... even your busy relationship!
Tip #1: Adjust the bar!
- The reality is, marriages change when you have kids, and some of your expectations probably should, too!
- EXAMPLE: I have a few friends who have chosen not to have children and the primary reason was they evaluated what their life would look likeā¦. how things would change.. and decided they didnāt want to make those adjustments.
- Rememberā¦. different doesnāt have to be worseā¦different can be better!
Tip #2: Do Small Things Often over Grand Gestures
- Sometimes we quit before we begin because we think marriage has to look like before kids in order for there to be spark (more flexible, bigger)
- But itās the little things done consistently - Gottmanās small actions practiced daily. āāSuccessful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.āĀ
- Make small emotional deposits every day
Tip #3: Practice the Art of Contentment.
- Refuse to compareā¦comparing always ruins contentment.
- Donāt compare what your marriage used to be likeā¦. what your spouse used to be like!
- Donāt compare how you are navigating having kids with how you think others are.
Tip #4: Repel Resentment by Being a Gardner for Gratitude
- A big temptation with parents is scorekeeping. Who is doing more? feel unappreciated, unsupported.Ā This leads to resentment and criticism, which is poison ivy.
- A big way to fight against this is to garden for gratitude. donāt just wait for gratitude to come ānaturallyā - you have to seek it out and cultivate it, look for it.Ā What we focus on is what grows.Ā Gottmanās ācatch your partner doing something rightā
Tip #5: Refuse to Make Your Entire World Revolve Around Your Children
- Force yourself to be selfish once in a while early onā¦. or else it will be tough later.
- Rememberā¦you are a parent, not a āKarentāā¦. your kids canāt dictate everything.
Tip #6: Prioritize Date nights - and Donāt Feel Bad About It!
Find ways to have date nights or ātimesā it can be simple, maybe just once a month thatās designated as purposeful date. it WILL take effort - but it's important.
But the bigger point here is donāt feel guilty about it! Itās actually a tremendously healthy thing to model for your kids - investing in marriage and relationships, that world doesnāt just revolve around them. And strong marriages = strong families.Ā
