On The Road To Perfection

Episode 182: Being Who We Are Supposed To Be

Being Who We Are Supposed To Be is something you hear in our episodes all the time. Make no mistake about it, we are not experts at it in practice - but we are a lot better than we used to be because we are purposeful in our pursuit of being perfect in it - hence being on the road to perfection! Because of our ups and downs, we can share what being who we are supposed to be is and how to put it into practice - and how to recover when we fail at it. In this episode, we share what it means to be who you are supposed to be, and how to get to being that!

Starting with a brief history of how we got to this way of life and raising children (and ourselves!), we get into our natural calling as Men and Women - and other possibilities if there are chromosomal challenges. We talk about that natural calling God wants us to be, and then what comes out of that - what other vocations beyond being a Man or a Woman.

When growing up, we are asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" And the answer always seems to be a doing - a Fireman, A scientist, a Doctor. But those are "doings", not "beings".

But then we spend our life pursuing doing what we think we want to do, instead of spending that time discerning who God wants us to be. If we discern His intention and desire for our life - our being - He will then provide for us the necessary means to support that being: the doing.

We all have a personal call to holiness: Our vocation. Our vocation - our being who we are supposed to be - is who God created us to be to achieve holiness and He then reveals through discernment how we are going to walk that path, and be on this road to holiness: the road to perfection.

First, we get on the wrong foot, not discerning our Man or Woman vocation and recognizing that he has created us to be those, and then we get on anther wrong foot by not discerning the call to holiness, but instead a call to pleasure - what is going to be fun, make me happy, give me pleasure; as opposed to what is going to fulfill my mission that God has planned for me and bring me JOY. Jesus says, "I came that you might have joy, and that it might be complete."

Being who we are supposed to be will bring us joy. It follows, then, that not being who we are supposed to be will bring us misery and unhappiness. Which explains why so many people in this world do not have joy: they are not being who they are supposed to be.

Complete joy is in Heaven, and being who we are supposed to be sets us up for Heaven. If we decide who we are going to be without God in the discernment process, we may be far off the mark.

We further explain how a boy knows he is a man, and a girl a woman. And who gets to tell them when they are. As parents we do a lot of telling and instructing on the doing, but rarely on the being, that leads to knowing when Man- or Womanhood has been achieved.

There are virtues necessary to master or have in good practice to achieve being who we are supposed to be. We discuss some of these, and what true obstacles they can be to becoming who we are supposed to be.

In twenty minutes, we squeeze almost an entire three-night parish mission. Hope you can hang on for the ride!

Some items on our site that will help in Being Who We Are Supposed To Be, or at least get you started:

TWMWU: He Was Made Perfect

Podcast Episode: Discerning God's Will - Part 1 - Episode 74

On The Road To Perfection

Episode 181: Couple Discernment

We are not perfect. We strive for perfection, on the road to Perfection. As a couple, Beth and Kristofer work hard to be who we are supposed to be every day. Sometimes we fail, and sometimes we fail spectacularly! There is less likelihood if the couple discerns together, as one, and there is greater opportunity and possibility of forgiveness, reconciliation, and being better and doing better moving forward. Discerning as a couple starts with some basic rules, one of which we talked about when we opened this series with the episode The No Always Wins. As we begin this episode, we talk about Deaconate Formation as a good model to start with concerning that critical tool.

A lot of what we have practiced in our own marriage comes from Beth's parents, as well as a great gift from Kristofer's Dad. While not explicitly taught, each of these deserve the credit for us being generally good at discerning as a couple. Anytime we fail, it's on us!

After an emotional start, we dive into the how-to.

Everything we decide and do has a ripple effect.

And we aren't talking about what's for dinner. We're talking about discerning as a couple for family, family, planning, and managing the ongoing aspects of life together that challenge us every day. Just thinking about a decision without involving our spouse still affects our spouse. When we talk about discerning as a couple, it involves every aspect of the past episodes, and being certain to not fall into group think or fail to consult consult other sources. Reading scripture, praying together, going to Mass together are all parts of being married that should be in a discernment. The Lord speaks most explicitly to us through our spouse - if we listened and have created the marital relationship that allows it.

Discerning as a couple is not "natural" so much as it is something that we have to grow into. The better formed each individual is, the better formed and informed the marriage is. Discerning as a couple is supernatural because of that. Remember, we are discerning the better over the good.

We take the last few moments to address couple discernment missing in a relationship that we believe leads to the significant number of divorces in married couples after the children have all left the house.

This series has been a thumbnail of the Discernment Parish Mission we provide, tailored to the needs of the community and the needs of the individuals in that community. When your diocese, parish, organization, or individuals need help figuring out God's direction for them, this is what we help with - giving you tools to keep and practice so that you, too, can reach the goal of discernment - peace and freedom that brings you closer to God, more perfect, more holy, in concert with your primary vocation, on the path you're supposed to be on - the Road to Perfection - so you can know who you are supposed to be, be who you are supposed to be, and do what you are supposed to do.

We are glad to help! Contact us here!

Previous Episodes in this Discernment Series:

Discernment - What It Is and What It Isn't - Episode 176

Discernment - Listening For God - Episode 177

Discernment - Listening To God - Episode 178

Discernment – Being Open To God’s Messengers – Episode 179

...

On The Road To Perfection

Episode 180: Discernment - Peace and Freedom

When you are in the Will of God, you will feel a profound sense of discernment's peace and freedom. And that is the key to knowing if you have discerned rightly. In this episode, we wrap up individual discernment by discussing the key indicators that tell you that you are on the right track - that you are being and doing as God has ordained. It's a terrific sense of accomplishment, regardless of what you are called to be or do - even when you discern something that hurts to discern. With a grand example involving Santa Claus, we jump in and get to that peace and freedom idea.

Discernment is not necessarily about choosing right from wrong; it's about choosing the better of the good, choosing the lord over us.

Love is an action, and discernment is an action culminating in a decision that requires more action. Peace and freedom are the sense one has that informs them that the action required after the decision is in God's Will - and that action will bring about what God has ordained, proving He does not deny what he has ordained.

Discernment needs to be completed; decisions have to be made. We can get stuck in the thinking circle instead of the discernment cycle = which has a beginning and an end...with a continuation. Peace and freedom give us the strength to follow through on the determination - and if we do not have that peace and freedom, we may have made a decision just to make a decision.

This series has been a thumbnail of the Discernment Parish Mission we provide, tailored to the needs of the community and the needs of the individuals in that community. When your diocese, parish, organization, or individuals need help figuring out God's direction for them, this is what we help with - giving you tools to keep and practice so that you, too, can reach the goal of discernment - peace and freedom that brings you closer to God, more perfect, more holy, in concert with your primary vocation, on the path you're supposed to be on - the Road to Perfection - so you can know who you are supposed to be, be who you are supposed to be, and do what you are supposed to do.

We are glad to help! Contact us here!

PS: There's one more discernment topic; Couple discernment, which fits in great with marriage preparation and married couples’ groups and retreats!

Previous Episodes in this Discernment Series:

Discernment - What It Is and What It Isn't - Episode 176

Discernment - Listening For God - Episode 177

Discernment - Listening To God - Episode 178

Discernment – Being Open To God’s Messengers – Episode 179

Some items on our site that will help in Discernment - Peace and Freedom, or at least get you started:

Page: Letters Home

Page: Prayer Basics

Article: Why Doesn't God Shout?

Video: Spirit In Life - Exploring the Holy Spirit | A Video Series

Video:

On The Road To Perfection

Episode 179: Discernment - Being Open To God's Messengers

Who and what speaks for God? In this episode about Discernment - Being Open to God's Messengers - we share an in-depth example of one of many episodes in our family's life that speaks clearly to the idea that God speaks to us through many messengers. The idea of being who we are supposed to be is key to noticing these messengers and being open to them working for God's purpose in our lives; oftentimes inadvertently and unknowingly. But God does not shout, nor does He deny that which He has ordained - so the message has to get to us somehow. It gets to us through God's messengers.

Recognizing and being open to God's messengers is another key to proper, effective, and correct discernment. When we are prejudiced to the possibility of a messenger, or when we are determined that someone or something must be a messenger, we place God in a box. Being open to God means accepting that, yes, He works in mysterious ways but, more importantly, recognizing that He will speak to us in unexpected ways. Oftentimes being open to God's messengers means getting rid of our suppositions of impossibility and seeing who or what God puts in front of us when we honestly dislodge ourselves from doubt.

Being open to God's messengers means that discernment is not a one man show, and that discernment is not the same as decision-making. God's messengers come in whatever form God chooses them to come in, and in this episode, we help you see that. So, do not be surprised by God's messengers - and don't be surprised if you are surprised. And if you are surprised, it may not be appropriate to pigeon-hole God into that box, either.

Confused? You won't be after this episode - an episode we have a lot of fun with in parish missions and hope it stimulates you to dig deeper into discernment. Being open to God's messengers starts with being open to how the one message is sent through many different ways.

Previous Episodes in this Discernment Series:

Discernment - What It Is and What It Isn't - Episode 176

Discernment - Listening For God - Episode 177

Discernment - Listening To God - Episode 178

Some items on our site that will help in Discernment - Being Open to God's Messengers, or at least get you started:

Page: Letters Home

Page: Prayer Basics

Article: Why Doesn't God Shout?

Video: Spirit In Life - Exploring the Holy Spirit | A Video Series

TWMWU: This Great Gift

Podcast Episode: Discerning God's Will - Part 1 - Episode 74

Podcast Episode: How Do I Listen To And Hear The LORD? - Episode 145

On The Road To Perfection

Episode 178: Discernment - Listening To God

Discernment - listening to God - is different than listening for Him that we discussed in the last episode. As we continue this discussion on discernment, listening to God seems to be an obvious step. But is it? And how should we actually do that? That's what we talk about, and it is vital to understand the difference - and how to practice them in their proper context. So, with a lot of laughs and example, we get into it.

Being able to listen to God includes prayer, prayer from others, and going deeper into our faith. Take advantage of spiritual development opportunities, retreats, ministries, and asking for mentorship.

We consider the idea that God does not deny that which He ordains, and we use Moses for that example (because our personal one is a bit too funny!).

A big key, for us, is the Mass. There is some serious discernment opportunity going on there, and we help you open up to see that, to hear that, and to listen to God in it.

Listening to God is hearing Him AND acting upon it. And we drive the point home that anybody who is a parent or a child can understand!

Previous Episodes in this Discernment Series:

Discernment - What It Is and What It Isn't - Episode 176

Discernment - Listening For God - Episode 177

Some items on our site that will help in Discernment - Listening to God, or at least get you started:

Page: Letters Home

Page: Prayer Basics

Article: Why Doesn't God Shout?

Video: Spirit In Life - Exploring the Holy Spirit | A Video Series

TWMWU: This Great Gift

Podcast Episode: Discerning God's Will - Part 1 - Episode 74

Podcast Episode: How Do I Listen To And Hear The LORD? - Episode 145

Podcast Episode: God's Beauty - Episode 160

Podcast Episode: Walking In The Catholic Faith - Episode 167

Your suggestions, questions, and ideas for topics are what we need to keep providing great episodes. Email us or use the contact page to let us know what you would like us to talk about, or comment below to let us know if we picked a good topic with Discernment - Listening To God.

 

On The Road To Perfection

Episode 177: Discernment - Listening For God

Discernment - listening for God being a necessary part of it, is not hard or difficult, and we hope this episode helps you hear that. In our second episode of the series based on our Parish Mission on Family and Discerning, we talk about this significant step in the discernment process. We must say, "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening," and we need to mean it - and do it. God is constantly waiting for us to listen "for" Him before we can listen "to" Him. Here's how.

While applying some standard practices is important, and there are "ingredients" that can't be missing ["Cake less eggs ain't cake," as Kristofer points out] we have to invite God into our discernment process, subordinating ourselves to Him.

Invoking St. Augustine, St. Ignatius, St. Mary, and so much more, we jump into how this part of discernment - listening for God - is so much about being open to The Lord and His words of everlasting life. We point out scripture that helps us open up to Him, and how these words and some practices are key to listening for HIm.

Making ourselves available to Him, so we can honestly listen for God, is a big next step. It seems obvious, but there are tons of examples and suggestions we give, regardless of your station in life or what you do during the day.

Beth shares and teaches while Kristofer goes ballistic on God. We have the calm listener and, as Kristofer puts it, "The Jacob, wrestling with God." Whether in your life you find yourself not available to God as a homemaker like Kristofer or a busy professional like Beth, there are options. To prove the point of how important it is to be available to God, we share a story of lifesaving that happened to us not long ago.

Time, place, and manner matter for discernment - listening for God is not a constant practice that is not affected by changes in our lives. We must be constantly vigilant to how we are listening for God, so that, like Jesus, we can find a new spot to listen for God. We may have to go off to a mountain for Discernment. Listening for God, though, comes from picking the mountain and going, not waiting until you get back around to the mountain you prayed from when life was different.

Ending with a poignant story about our friend Barry and him hearing the voice of God (and finally moving forward in his discernment by listening for God), we meet Walter - and wonder what God is telling us in his bark.

Previous Episodes in this Discernment Series:

Discernment - What It Is and What It Isn't - Episode 176

Some items on our site that will help in Discernment - Listening For God, or at least get you started:

Page: Prayer Basics

TWMWU:This Great Gift

Article: Why Doesn't God Shout?

Podcast Episode: Discerning God's Will - Part 1 - Episode 74

Podcast Episode: How Do I Listen To And Hear The LORD? - Episode 145

Podcast Episode: Walking In The Catholic Fai...

On The Road To Perfection

Episode 176: Discernment - What It Is and Isn't

This entire series is an abridged version of the parish mission we give on discernment.

Discernment - What It Is and Isn't - is a discussion we all need to have with ourselves, and each other. We aren't talking about what to make for dinner or wear to work. This is about our being and our doing according to God's Plane. The foundation to that is being who we are supposed to be, and discerning who that is requires figuring out what our primary vocation is. This episode we dive into discernment for the first in a series of walk and talks about discernment.

In this first episode we discuss what discernment is and isn't. What is discernment? Is it a quick and easy decision, or does it always have to be a life-changing possibility? Who is involved in our discernment? Is it just us talking to God, or is there some listening involved - and if so, how do we hear Him, or distinguish His voice from the myriad others?

We first must decide to follow Christ, be a child of God, because it is very difficult to hear God's voice if we are not listening for it, and it is hard to listen if we are not a disciple. What is DISCernment? It first requires being a DISCiple.

Our primary vocation is our core being. Discernment - what it is and isn't - involves first seriously determining who we are supposed to be...and then following through with that!

We share some examples of what discernment is and how we discern, giving a foundation for the rest of this series.

As we kick-off this series, we hope and pray for you to find the peace and sense of freedom we find in our discernment. We promise it is not easy even once you come to this sense of peace and freedom, but it is consoling, empowering, and gives a deeper sense of happiness on the road to perfection!

Some items on our site that will help in Discernment - What It Is and Isn't, or at least get you started:

Page: Letters Home

Article: Why Doesn't God Shout?

Video: Spirit In Life - Exploring the Holy Spirit | A Video Series

TWMWU: This Great Gift

Podcast Episode: Discerning God's Will - Part 1 - Episode 74

Podcast Episode: How Do I Listen To And Hear The LORD? - Episode 145

Podcast Episode: God's Beauty - Episode 160

Podcast Episode: Walking In The Catholic Faith - Episode 167

Your suggestions, questions, and ideas for topics are what we need to keep providing great episodes. Email us or use the contact page to let us know what you would like us to talk about, or comment below to let us know if we picked a good topic with Discernment - What It Is and Isn't.

On The Road To Perfection

Episode 175: The No Always Wins

In Holy Matrimony - Marriage - there has to be a couple of rules. "The No Always Wins" is a major foundation of our marriage, and we think it is helpful for everyone else, too. Decision-making in a marriage, no matter how simple or significant the decision is that needs to be made, is ALWAYS a two-person proposition. So, what happens when both spouses do NOT agree? You guessed it: The no always wins.

Decisions are changes. Something in life is going to change, and a marriage is one life, a life together. Let no one put it asunder, not even - and especially - one of the spouses.

The no always wins simply means that one of the spouses is not ready for change. It is an absolute veto power. Committing to allowing that is crucial to a successful marriage. The fact that the no always wins means that that person is not ready for the change, or cannot make the change without maintaining some normalcy or taking the change in stride.

Taking a new job, moving, deciding whether to have a gun in the house, where the kids go to school, these are all significant decisions that require harmony between a husband and wife. But so are the small decisions like what kind of macaroni and cheese the family will eat. Every time a decision is made by one spouse, it is as if the other has made the decision. Do we invoke the no for things like macaroni and cheese? Not typically, and we discuss that.

With a significant example from early in our marriage, we dig into the emotions of putting into practice that the no always wins. We discuss the gut-wrenching need to share WHY we are saying, "No," and that "Because" is not a fair answer. If we are asking our spouse to trust, and not have resentment for our veto, we have to give honest feedback so that we can grow together, understanding each other's hopes, dreams, fears, and doubts.

The no always wins is relationship-building. It cannot be used for manipulation, or a weapon. And the marriage always wins if we let the no always win by committing to using it honestly.

Some items on our site that will help in The No Always Wins, or at least get you started:

TWMWU:What is Marriage?(Opens in a new browser tab)

Article:Eros - Sexual Romantic Love

Podcast Episode: Praying With Your Spouse, Part I

Podcast Episode: Praying With Your Spouse, Part II

Podcast Episode: Marriage Preparation - Episode 40

Podcast Episode: On the Road to Perfection - Episode 166

Podcast Episode: Walking In The Catholic Faith - Episode 167

Podcast Episode: (Re)Building Trust With Our Spouse - Episode 170

On The Road To Perfection

Episode 174: Balance

Answering another listener’s question, we tackle having and creating balance in our busy lives. Balance in pursuing perfection is a difficult prospect. As the year begins, we explore "How do I have balance in my life between family and providing for my family?": Work/Life balance, as it has been called. How do we do that? Well, we talk about that, first by defining balance in the context of the listener who asked us the question, and then we tackle it from the idea of Catholicism and God Himself giving us clues as to how to have balance. As opposed to a Work/Family paradigm, we need to have a God/Life balance.

Eventually it all comes down to being who we are supposed to be so we can then do what we are supposed to do to support our being.

It sounds simple, which it is. But it isn't easy.

Using an example from a friend of ours, we get to the point pretty quick: Balance comes from the Eucharist.

If we are not focused on God, and what He wants for us, the natural consequence is an unbalanced life.

You'll have to focus during this episode, as we continue to have technical difficulties due to our equipment that is falling apart. You may have to turn it up in some places: Kristofer's audio is a bit muted at times, because of this broken equipment we cannot afford to replace (hint, hint). [DONATE HERE, PLEASE!]

Some items on our site that will help in Balance, or at least get you started:

Product: VBS - Not Your Average Joe

TWMWU: What Does Ephphatha Mean? Be Opened!

TWMWU: God of the Living

Podcast Episode: Saints - Episode 16

Podcast Episode: It's All In The Little Things - Episode 69

Podcast Episode: Making Time For Prayer - Episode 146

Podcast Episode: God's Beauty - Episode 160

Podcast Episode: Walking In The Catholic Faith - Episode 167

Your suggestions, questions, and ideas for topics are what we need to keep providing great episodes. Email us or use the contact page to let us know what you would like us to talk about, or comment below to let us know if we picked a good topic with Balance.

 

On The Road To Perfection

Episode 173: Sibling Rivalry

Acting on a question from a listener, sibling rivalry is our focus, particularly rivalry for parents' attention and rivalry with each other.

Taking a guess at Scripture, with a caveat from Kristofer, Beth starts us off with an understanding of gifts and talents and skills and understanding there is no "better" when comparing these apples and oranges. Kristofer pulls St. Faustina out of nowhere to share her encounter with Jesus and His purpose for people having varying degrees of virtues.

Sibling rivalry is a constant, in some fashion, in lots of families, and it can be destructive if not channeled and formed properly in an understanding that we are a community, even - and particularly - as a family, where we learn to be a part of many communities throughout our lives.

We each share some stories from our youth to exemplify sibling rivalry and to help us get to the point that sibling rivalry can spread like a disease into adulthood if not handled properly.

We share some examples of sibling rivalry amongst our own children and how we have approached those situations, as well.

Let's not let sibling rivalry become a virus, and instead become a relationship-building opportunity. And we only get there by looking to Our Lord for His examples, and how he dealt with it amongst His brothers the Apostles, and the community at large, and how Paul did, too with the communities of the early Church.

Gratitude is a key, and we share some practices you can implement. It's never too late!

You may have to turn it up in some places: Kristofer's audio is a bit muted at times, because we have broken equipment we cannot afford to replace (hint, hint).[DONATE HERE, PLEASE!]

Some items on our site that will help in Sibling Rivalry, or at least get you started:

TWMWU:

TWMWU:

TWMWU:

Article:

Article:

Podcast Episode: Community - OTRTP0006

Podcast Episode: The Incarnation - Episode 72

Podcast Episode: Almsgiving During Lent - Episode 84

Podcast Episode: What Are Good Works - Episode 114

Podcast Episode: How DO I Listen To And Hear The LORD? - Episode 145

Podcast Episode: God's Beauty - Episode 160

Podcast Episode: Walking In The Catholic Faith - Episode 167

Your suggestions, questions, and ideas for topics are what we need to keep providing great episodes. Email us or use the contact page to let us know what you would like us to talk about, or comment below to let us know if we picked a good topic with Sibling Rivalry.