One Another: for Group Leaders

8. Delving Difficult People Part 1: Gremlins Meet Thomas Keating We typically think of "difficult people" as people out there that cause our consternation. However, one cannot spell "difficult" without an "I"—two I's to be exact. Those two “i”s represent two core aspects of our experience as human beings: Most often referred to as our true self (the self God created to be in loving, free relationship and enjoy God and others forever), and the false self, which is the self we began to construct in childhood to protect ourselves. It’s the self we unconsciously believe others want us to be, or the self we think we should be in order to attain love. So, it is not that difficult people are not "out there", because they are. But, we must begin with lovingly welcoming the difficulty that resides inside. On this episode one of a multi-part series delving difficult people, we acknowledge the source of the often hidden motivations that drive our experiences in community by beginning a conversation (so-to-speak) with the late, great Trappist monk, Thomas Keating. After establishing the source of our afflicting emotions about others, we'll move towards spiritual practice in the next few episodes designed to heal and make whole—what Keating calls, Divine Therapy. Recommended Resources:For more on Thomas Keating, check out his works: The Human Condition, On Divine Therapy.Also for more on the 80s smash hit Gremlins: 20 Facts About Gremlins, Gremlins Trailer

7. I Was in Prison and You Visited Me, w/ Aaron Buttery On this episode, Abby talks with chaplain Aaron Buttery about how he went from visiting prison, to severing prisoners. As you'll hear, Aaron takes the words of Matthew 25 seriously, where Jesus equates caring for the poor, the destitute, and the prisoners with serving himself. Aaron also serves as a Flood Church Caused-Based Group Leader for prison ministry at Donovan Prison. There are more than 5,000 men incarcerated in San Diego, so the need is great for volunteers to share God’s love. Flood’s Prison Group seeks to be the physical representation of God’s love in a dark place. In this ministry of presence, we bring encouragement and hope to inmates at Donovan Prison simply by showing up. We provide Sunday services, Bible studies, prayer nights, and 12-Step groups for the inmates. No skills required, just a heart for the Lord and for service. Training is provided. To find out more about this ministry, email Aaron at: [email protected].

6. Ingroup and Outgroup Bias, w/ Abby Dyer Join Abby and Scott as they discuss "innies" and "outies", or rather, ingroups and outgroups. The phrase, "Birds of a feather flock together" is a cliché for a reason. People tend to congregate and group up with people with similar preferences and prejudices. Ingroup bias (or ingroup favoritism) refers to the tendency to favor one’s own group, its members, its characteristics, and its preferences. Outgroup bias includes negative categorizations, feelings, or ideas about people who are not part of our ingroup. Though bias is common in our world, it's actually unnatural in the Kingdom of God as Jesus embodies. Even a cursory reading of the New Testament displays a radical trajectory that goes against the grain of the ingroup/outgroup dualism. And yet, as we consider our relationships and spheres of influence, they are most likely predominantly ingroup. Which means our groups most likely reflect this bias in some ways. This isn’t a guilt trip, but it is a Gospel trip. I.e., this is an area we need to follow Jesus in as he builds his Church. Recommended Resources:  Preferences Quiz: Scot McKnight's "Images of Jesus" quiz from his book on interpreting the Bible, "The Blue Parakeet". This quiz is meant to highlight our own preferences and prejudices that we project onto Jesus. Message: Persistent Poverty, by Matt Soerens of World Relief Books: The Third Option: Hope for a Racially Divided Nation, by Miles McPherson; The Color of Compromise, by Jemar Tisby; Divided by Faith, by Christian Smith

5. Loving Via Listening Part 2 w/ Mindi O'Hara On this episode, we continue our discussion on the art of listening and it's importance of leading healthy groups. Mindi shares some practical tips on how to listen well, the difference between coffee and counseling, and the dangers of cell phones (especially on dates). Scott and Mindi tag team the Extraversion-Introversion dynamic and conclude with a listening assessment from Peter Scazzero's book and website: EmotionallyHealthy.org Recommended Resources: Google: “Speaker-Listener Technique” Book: "How to Ask Great Questions," by Karen Lee-Thorp Assessment: https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/great-leaders-great-listeners/?v=7516fd43adaa Website: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/listening-quiz.htm

4. Loving Via Listening Part 1 w/ Mindi O'Hara Groups co-pastor Mindi O'Hara joins this episode to discuss the art of listening, which is essential to one-another-ness. As David Augsburger wrote, “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” And yet, few people experience being truly listened to. If listening is so vital to our humanity, then why is it so difficult? One myth of small groups is that a leader's role is to dispense information and have the right answers. But Jesus rarely gave direct answers, and frequently asked incisive questions. When he did speak truth, the primary response called for was listening marked by engagement: "whoever has ears to hear, let them hear." Indeed, listening and loving are almost indistinguishable, but in many ways, so are listening and leadership. Recommended Resources: How to Ask Great Questions, by Karen Lee-Thorp; Google “Speaker-Listener Technique”

3. The Courage to Retreat w/ Linsey Wildey This week, spiritual director Linsey Wildey joins the podcast to discuss what she has learned about group life in her two plus decades of ministry. We also talk about the spiritual practice of retreat—what it is, why it's integral, and what keeps us from retreating. You can find out more about spiritual direction and Linsey's ministry at: http://www.LinseyWildey.com And, sign up for the October 12th Leaders Day Retreat—a day designed to refresh and refill you as you lead our Groups and Teams! http://www.DIVEintoFLOOD.com/LeadersRetreat Recommended Resource: "Invitation to Retreat: The Gift and Necessity of Time Away with God," by Ruth Haley Barton.

1. One Another Intro Welcome to One Another, the podcast for Church Group Leaders, where we discuss what it means to gather together in smaller groups to be transformed by the presence of Christ. We'll bring you Bible discussion highlights, spiritual practices, practical leadership tools, and ways your group can be the hands of feet of Jesus in our community. This week, we are double clicking on what the phrase "one another" means in the New Testament, and how its used. This phrase in English is only one word in Greek, allélón, which becomes the vehicle for all of the ways we are to practice a life of love in community. For example, we are to welcome one another, and also to admonish one another. We are to submit to one another, and also bear each other's burdens—and in so doing "fulfill the law of Christ"... wow! This is vital to our life in Christ because as Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “The church is the presence of Christ in the same way that Christ is the presence of God.” So, "Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, and not giving up meeting together, but encouraging one another… (Hebrews 10:24).”

2. Why Can't We Be Friends w/ Andy Kelly On this episode pastor Andy Kelly discusses how community has formed him, and the heart behind the series, "Why Can't We Be Friends." Difficult people are all around us. We work with them, live with them, and are related to them. Oftentimes, others would say we are them. We want to love well, but sometimes that can feel nearly impossible. Throughout the Gospels, we see Jesus encountering and engaging with all kinds of difficult people, and loving each of them perfectly. This series will look at the pivotal relationships in Jesus’ life, and what we can learn from Jesus about how to love one another, even if (or when) it is difficult.