Wassup???

Yeah, it has been a minute. I have a little bit of writer’s block. Less block, and more of just not wanting to write for my website. I have been writing some things, but just snippets.

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Today, March 30, is International Bipolar Day. It is to bring awareness to the disorder, and the people who have it. The date, March 30, was picked in honor of Vincent Van Goth. It is thought that he also had bipolar disorder.

The theme this year is #bipolarstrong

Different types of Bipolar Disorder

· Bipolar I (severe mania, less depression)

· Bipolar II (hypomania - not mania - and severe depression)

· Cyclothymia (chronic, mild mood swings)

· Rapid Cycling (4 or more episodes of mania, hypomania, or depression within a twelve-month period. Mania (and hypomania, depression) should be present for two minimum.

· Mixed Features or mixed states (experiencing both depression and mania/hypomania and the same time. This is like having or feeling high energy surges, but very teary eyed, and sad at the same time.)

I am, and have been, in a mixed episode for about 3 months now. It was a mistake how it happened. I am med compliant. I take them every day at the prescribed time. Buuuuutt one of my antipsychotics got pushed to the back of the med cabinet. I forgot all about it (out of sight, and all that good stuff), and consequently, got thrown into this episode.

Mixed states are called dysphoric mania or high-energy misery. I like the second one better. High-energy misery evokes the feeling of a mixed state. Oftentimes, features of mixed states include dysphoric mania, agitation, rage, irritability, racing thoughts, impulsivity (hello credit cards.) Also included is a high risk of suicide.

It is the combination of moods which become so dangerous in a mixed state. Racing thoughts with hopelessness is a sure-fire way to sui. The duration, as with all bipolar diagnoses, must be every day for at least a week, or nearly every day. The severity will be higher too.

Mixed in with mixed episodes, are the psychotic features: hallucinations, both auditory and visual, and delusions, are strong with the force (little Star Wars shit thrown in.) Causes or triggers include (my big one) loss of good sleep hygiene, missing medication, or taking antidepressants. Can’t take antidepressants. I know, for me, I took the drug Pamelor (nortriptyline) and was manic within 3 days. Whew, that was a mess, and super scary.

So, now I am back on the meds, and working on my sleep schedule. There is no way I can go to bed before 11pm. Usually I will shut all electronics (laptop, phone), then an episode of Gilmore Girls, and take my meds are 12:15. I am in bed by 1 AM. The problem is that I cannot get quality sleep. I do need to have a sleep study. I will prolly need a cpap or some other assistance in breathing while sleeping.

Happy International Bipolar Day!! #bipolarstrong!!

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(This article was written on March 30, 2026 on my old beehiiv site.)

I was in a manic episode from March 2025, then dropped into a mixed episode. Then, back into a strictly manic episode. I am finally at baseline and improving every day.

8/8/2026

OnyxRose9 -Presence Not Permission is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.