Episode 046 of Living in Response is me un-retreating after retreating due to overwhelm. It’s also a 2-in-1 type of thing because I recorded a short post from that state of overwhelm and wasn’t going to post it, but then realized the emotional bits I’m not overly proud of deserve a say too.

Thanks for joining the journey - I don’t fully know where I’m going but I’m sharing about the struggles, the triumphs, the lessons learned, and the raw experience of it along the way <3

Topics Covered in This Episode:

Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ The Pattern Comes BackLess than two days after grounding into presence, I caught myself diving into another research spiral. I reflect on how quickly I can go from “surrendering the future” to accidentally sprinting back into it.

2️⃣ The Episode I Didn’t PostI recorded a 25-minute follow-up while in the thick of emotional self-awareness—but chose not to post it. Then I spiraled about whether I was being “authentic” by hiding the messiness (so I included it here as the second half of the episode).

3️⃣ Overthinking & Emotional OverloadI walk through a very real Thursday where I spiraled into tears at my desk, talked myself through the overwhelm, took a bath, used breathwork and cannabis to self-regulate, and finally came back to center.

4️⃣ Meditation as MedicineReturning to the body saved me. Meditation, breath, lavender lotion, salty baths—everything pointed me back to the moment. The lesson? The answer isn’t “out there.” It’s right here.

5️⃣ Craving Support, Asking for HelpFrom leaning on my partner to asking ChatGPT for brutal honesty, I reflect on what it means to stop retreating when overwhelmed and instead let myself be seen, helped, and held.

6️⃣ Reflecting on My Teaching PathAs I contemplate becoming a meditation teacher, I consider what’s still unfinished. I realize I don’t need more credentials to get started—I need to trust the version of me that already knows.

7️⃣ Brutal Honesty, Beautiful InsightI share a powerful reflection from ChatGPT about how over-preparing, self-doubt, and humility sometimes blur together in a way that keeps me small. It’s tender—and true.

8️⃣ Humor Softens the JourneyEven through overwhelm and money stress, I try to keep humor close. I reflect on the power of laughter, even in the middle of a spiritual spiral. Because sometimes, the only choice is laugh… or cry (or both).

9️⃣ Money, Mistakes & AccountabilityI open up about asking my partner for help with finances—not for permission or to share responsibility, but for reflection and accountability. I talk about learning from non-refundable purchases without shame.

🔟 Facing What’s Right in Front of MeI admit that while I’m often looking to the future, many of my lessons are already here—right in my home, in my body, with my cat, in my finances. The path isn’t always a new course; sometimes it’s scooping the litter box.

🌀 The Bottom Line: Come Back to NowThis episode is about catching myself in the act—again—and choosing presence, again. I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to return. This is the work. This is the path. This is the practice.

Mentions & Resources

not affiliated, just sharing what’s alive for me

💖 Be Here Now by Ram Dass – Still anchoring me through all of it🧘 Meditation & Breathwork – My go-to medicine🛁 Epsom Salt Baths – When emotions need a container💬 ChatGPT Reflections – Surprisingly brutal, surprisingly helpful🗣️ Real Talk with My Partner – Accountability over shame🎤 This Podcast – Where the mess gets a mic

❤️ Core Message @ me ❤️Sometimes it’s not about transcending the spiral—it’s about seeing it, naming it, and softening into presence again. You’re not broken for circling back. You’re human. And you’re doing beautifully.

I am surrounded by endless support from all the realms and for that I am truly grateful.

Mystically,

Belle

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mysticallybelle.substack.com