Podcast Notes for Operation: Thriving Marriage

Episode 78: Commitment is More Than Not Getting Divorced

Commitment in marriage is often misunderstood. Many couples believe it simply means not getting divorced, but staying married isn’t enough to create a thriving relationship. True commitment requires more than avoiding separation—it’s about intentionally nurturing your marriage every day. A thriving marriage requires constant care, attention, and prioritization. Without this, couples may find themselves in a relationship that feels like a burden rather than a joy.

When commitment is misunderstood, it often leads to dissatisfaction and unfulfilled expectations. Couples who don’t prioritize their marriage may look for fulfillment outside the relationship, not necessarily through affairs but by escaping into work, hobbies, nonsexual relationships, or even vices like alcohol. While these escapes might seem harmless, they undermine the emotional and spiritual connection that a marriage needs to flourish. Over time, this shallow understanding of commitment leads to dissatisfaction, stunted spiritual growth, and a marriage that falls short of God’s intended design.

True commitment in marriage goes beyond maintaining a legal relationship or living under the same roof. It means actively pursuing safety, intimacy, and growth within the relationship. The Bible provides the ultimate example of this type of commitment through God’s relentless pursuit of us, even when we fall short. This is the model for marriage: a relentless, loving pursuit of your spouse. Commitment means doing your part regardless of your spouse’s actions, prioritizing the relationship above everything else, even things that feel rewarding or important, like work, hobbies, or even church activities.

A mediocre marriage isn’t God’s plan for you. Instead, pursue a relationship that is joyful, fulfilling, and spiritually enriching. Don’t settle for “meh,” and never give up on the commitment you’ve made, even if your spouse struggles. God’s example reminds us of the power of perseverance and grace in relationships.

Commitment is not just about avoiding divorce—it’s about loving, pursuing, and prioritizing your spouse daily. The Bible shows us that true commitment mirrors God’s relentless love for us, emphasizing grace, sacrifice, and a deep connection. Let’s reject the mindset of simply “staying together” and instead strive for a thriving, joy-filled marriage that reflects God’s design.

If this episode inspired you, subscribe to Operation: Thriving Marriage and share it with someone who needs encouragement. Together, we can build marriages that honor God and bring joy to our lives.

Podcast Notes for Operation: Thriving Marriage

Episode 76: Things That Hurt Men

Introduction

In marriage, safety should be foundational—just as it is in the military. While service members are trained to recognize and defend against dangers, the same principle applies to relationships. Marriage should be the safest human connection, but achieving this requires understanding and addressing the risks that threaten that safety.

This episode focuses on the dangers men often face silently in marriage. We’ll uncover some common insecurities and challenges that men rarely communicate about until it’s too late.

Key Takeaways:

•Marriage should be the safest human relationship you experience.

•Understanding potential dangers to relational safety is vital for both partners.

•Husbands and wives must work together to create an environment of openness and trust.

The Problem

Men often struggle to communicate about relationships and emotions, leaving risks and insecurities unspoken. This lack of communication can prevent wives from understanding what needs to be defended against, leading to a sense of disconnection and a lack of safety in marriage.

The Solution

In this episode, we’ll explore:

1.Common struggles and insecurities that men face in marriage.

2.Practical ways to start conversations that build stronger connections.

3.Why wives shouldn’t try to “diagnose” their husbands but instead create a safe space for dialogue.

Encouragement for Husbands:

It’s time to take a risk and be vulnerable. Ignoring these struggles won’t make them disappear. Honest conversations with your wife will lead to the love and safety you both desire.

Encouragement for Wives:

Your role is to listen without judgment or trying to fix things. Support your husband by creating an environment where he feels safe to open up.

Common Struggles for Men

1.Fear of Failure

•Men are often taught that failure is unacceptable, tying their identity and worth to success.

•This fear drives many men to become workaholics, sacrificing relationships and well-being.

2.Emotional Suppression

•Men are conditioned not to express their emotions, leading to distance, anxiety, depression, and even health issues like high blood pressure.

•While younger generations are improving in emotional openness, many men still struggle with vulnerability.

3.Trouble with Intimacy

•Men often equate their worth in romance with sexual performance, creating pressure in the bedroom.

•Women, on the other hand, typically require emotional connection for intimacy, which can be difficult when men struggle with vulnerability in other areas.

Overcoming These Struggles

•For Husbands:

•Take the risk to be honest with your wife about your fears and emotions. Vulnerability is key to a thriving marriage.

•For Wives:

•Accept your husband where he is. Be patient and supportive as he learns to open up. Listen with empathy, just as you would want him to listen to you.

Scriptural Insight:

James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” This wisdom is crucial for both husbands and wives as they navigate these challenges together.

Conclusion

Marriage thrives when it becomes a safe haven for both partners. For men, opening up about fears and struggles is essential to building that safety. For wives, listening with love and without judgment fosters the trust needed for deep emotional connection.

Together, let’s create marriages that reflect the safety, support, and love that God desires for us.

Subscribe to Operation: Thriving Marriage for more insights, and don’t forget to share this episode with someone who could benefit from it. Let’s thrive together!

Episode 75: New Love Languages 

Welcome to Operation: Thriving Marriage! In this episode, we’re diving into the concept of love languages—one of the most helpful tools for building strong, loving relationships. While Dr. Gary Chapman’s original five love languages have impacted countless marriages, new research shows they might not cover everyone’s unique ways of expressing and receiving love. We’re exploring the two new love languages introduced by eHarmony—Shared Experiences and Emotional Security—and how they can deepen your connection with your spouse.

Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages revolutionized how couples communicate love. His framework includes:

1.Words of Affirmation

2.Quality Time

3.Receiving Gifts

4.Acts of Service

5.Physical Touch

These categories have helped millions of people understand themselves and their partners better. But what happens if you don’t fully resonate with any of these?

The Problem: A Missing Connection

Many couples feel frustrated when they can’t identify with one of the five love languages.

•Some struggle to communicate their love language to their spouse.

•Others feel unsure how to express love because their spouse can’t articulate what they need.

•Love languages may even feel like a moving target over time.

So, what’s the solution?

Expanding Love Languages: Two New Additions

eHarmony’s research revealed that nearly half of respondents feel the five love languages aren’t enough. They introduced two new categories to reflect modern relationships better:

1. Shared Experiences

•What It Means: Shared Experiences go beyond spending quality time. This love language is about creating adventures and memorable moments together.

•Signs This Might Be Your Love Language:

•You love planning trips, activities, or weekends with your spouse.

•You seek out new experiences to share together.

•Staying in for date night feels less fulfilling than going out for something exciting.

•Your most cherished memories are the adventures you’ve had together.

•You’re drawn to adventurous, open-minded people.

2. Emotional Security

•What It Means: Emotional Security focuses on feeling safe, seen, and cared for in a relationship.

•Signs This Might Be Your Love Language:

•You enjoy deep, meaningful conversations.

•You often ask questions to understand your spouse’s emotions.

•Friends turn to you because they feel emotionally safe.

•You value vulnerability and feel connected when your partner shares their feelings.

What if You Can’t Identify a Love Language?

It’s okay if you don’t fit neatly into one category! The key is to communicate openly about what makes you feel loved. Instead of focusing on labels, ask yourself:

•When have I felt especially loved?

•What was happening? Where were you, and who were you with?

•What were others doing to make you feel loved?

Reflecting on these moments—even those involving family and friends—can help you better articulate your needs to your spouse.

Love Languages Can Change

Recent studies show that love languages aren’t static:

•26% of people have changed how they express love in the past year.

•25% have changed how they prefer to receive love.

As life evolves, so do our needs. Regularly check in with your spouse to see how their love language might have shifted.

Conclusion: Love Beyond Labels

Love languages are tools, not rules. What matters most is understanding how to best communicate love in your marriage. God designed us to experience and express love—not just in our relationships with Him, but also in our earthly connections. In marriage, this love is most deeply realized.

Whether it’s through shared experiences, emotional security, or another love language, spend your life discovering new ways to love your spouse more fully. After all, the greatest joy in marriage is striving to outdo each other in expressing love.

Thank you for tuning into Operation: Thriving Marriage! Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review. Let’s keep thriving together!

**Episode 74: Combining Accounts; Yes or No? | Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast**

In this episode, Bryon and Jen explore a question often asked during premarital coaching and live events but rarely discussed openly in marriage circles: *Should we combine our bank accounts?* While questions about sex and parenting frequently arise, financial issues don’t come up as often. Why is that? Bryon and Jen delve into why this topic is essential and how it can shape the future health of a marriage.

- **Combine Everything:** Some people believe full financial unity is crucial and may feel guilt if they don't do so.

These diverse viewpoints reflect the broader reality that financial conflict is a significant cause of stress in marriages. Deciding how to approach finances can have lasting implications for a couple’s relationship.

1. **Don’t Let Money Become an Idol**  

2. **Marriage Means Becoming One**  

**When Separate Accounts Might Make Sense**  

One approach to avoid, however, is a strict 50-50 split of expenses and tasks. In marriage, scorekeeping can lead to resentment and undermine the partnership. This isn't a roommate arrangement—it’s a unified journey.

Financial disagreements are a frequent cause of tension in marriage, often due to differing views on account management. While there are times when separate accounts might be appropriate, research and experience indicate that couples who combine finances generally enjoy healthier marriages. By approaching finances as a team, couples can cultivate transparency, trust, and a stronger bond.

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Join Bryon and Jen in today’s episode for an in-depth conversation on navigating finances in marriage, setting yourself up for long-term success, and fostering peace in every area of your relationship.

Episode 73: Being Your Spouse’s Peace - Operation: Thriving Marriage

Introduction

What Does Peace Really Mean?

Jesus reminds us in John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives." This peace isn't something we create for each other. Rather, it comes from God. While you can’t be your spouse’s source of peace, you can create a relationship that fosters peace by being the safest person in their life—someone they can trust without fear or judgment.

How to Create Safety in Your Marriage

2. **Give Each Other Space:**

3. **Create Shared Experiences:** 

4. **Focus on Your Own Shalom:**

Conclusion

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**Maximize peace in your marriage** by applying these principles. Subscribe to *Operation: Thriving Marriage* for more insights on building a Christ-centered relationship.

**Podcast Episode Notes for "Operation: Thriving Marriage"**  

**Introduction**  

**The Problem: Almost Everyone Has an Ex**  

**The Solution: Can You Stay Friends With an Ex?**  

**Co-Parenting With an Ex**  

**Conclusion**  

Keywords: Friends with exes, marriage advice, Christian marriage, staying friends with an ex, co-parenting with ex, biblical view on ex-relationships, maintaining marriage, forsaking all others, step-parenting, marriage and exes.

**Introduction**

Welcome to another episode of *Operation: Thriving Marriage*. Today, we're diving into one of the most challenging and divisive topics in Christian marriage—submission. Bryon and Jen explore why submission stirs such strong reactions and what it really means from a biblical perspective.

**Why Submission is a Major Issue**

Bryon asks Jen why she thinks submission is such a contentious topic in Christian marriages. Jen explains that there are two primary reasons for this:

1. **Historical Abuses Against Women**: The concept of submission is often rejected as outdated and harmful because of past abuses that have subjugated women.

**The Problems with Misunderstanding Submission**

When people dismiss biblical submission as harmful, they often draw false conclusions about Jesus and Christianity, missing the beauty and truth of God's teachings. Misunderstanding biblical submission can result in:

1. **Unbiblical Restrictions**: Preventing women from achieving their full potential in Christ.

**Understanding Biblical Submission (Ephesians 5)**

To clarify what biblical submission really means, Bryon and Jen turn to one of the most commonly discussed passages: Ephesians 5:15-28. They emphasize that:

1. **Continuity of Thought**: Many Bibles incorrectly separate verse 21 ("submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ") from verse 22 ("Wives, submit to your husbands"), but these verses are part of the same continuous thought. Verse 22 and beyond, often referred to as the household code, provide practical applications of the preceding teachings within the home.

2. **Submission vs. Subservience**: Submission is often overemphasized in verse 22, leading to misunderstandings. Paul’s teachings in this passage do not suggest that women are inferior or that submission equates to subservience. Instead, biblical submission is about mutual respect and love, modeled after the relationship between Christ and the Church.

3. **Submission Does Not Define Roles**: Submission does not dictate that women must be homemakers or refrain from working outside the home. It is also not something that can be forced; Christ doesn’t force the Church to submit, and the Church submits out of love, not fear.

4. **Headship as Responsibility, Not Privilege**: Headship is often misinterpreted as a position of privilege, but Paul presents it as a position of responsibility. Husbands are called to serve their families as Christ served the Church, even to the point of self-sacrifice.

**Conclusion**

In conclusion, Bryon and Jen encourage listeners not to look for a prescribed way to live out submission and headship in their marriage because the Bible doesn’t offer a one-size-fits-all approach. Instead, they urge couples to seek understanding and guidance from Scripture and to work together to apply biblical teachings in their unique circumstances. When submission and headship are understood correctly, they become a way to glorify Christ rather than a burden to bear.

If you have questions or need further guidance on this topic, we encourage you to seek godly counsel from your local church community. Remember, living out biblical principles in your marriage isn’t about following cultural norms; it’s about following Christ.

Thank you for listening to *Operation: Thriving Marriage*. Don’t forget to subscribe, share this episode, and leave us a review. See you next time!

**Episode 70: Sex After Kids**

In this episode of *Operation: Thriving Marriage*, we tackle the challenge of keeping intimacy alive after having children. Sex is essential for a strong marriage, fostering connection, happiness, and intimacy. However, once kids enter the picture, maintaining a healthy sex life can feel nearly impossible. Privacy disappears, interruptions are constant, and bedtime routines become a battle. Yet, a thriving sex life is crucial for a thriving marriage, and we’re here to help.

Tune in as we share practical strategies to protect your intimacy. Learn how to plan sex dates, enforce bedtime rules, and prioritize your relationship, even in the midst of parenting. Don’t let kids be the reason your connection suffers—discover how to keep the romance alive and ensure a strong, lasting marriage.

In this episode of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast we answer another listener question. In this episode Deanna asked how to deal with the dreaded roommate phase. She says she feels more a roommate than a wife. This is a difficult but common experience for couples especially after 3 - 5 years of marriage. It’s uncomfortable in the moment, but as you build your communication skills you will find new ways to connect and build intimacy that will make your marriage stronger than it was before. This episode provides insight and advice on how to do exactly that.

In Episode 69 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we focus on how friendships impact the financial health of a marriage. Jen shares personal stories about how her friends influence her relationship and finances, reflecting Jimmy Evans' insight from XO Marriage that our friends shape our future. We delve into Biblical teachings that highlight the importance of healthy, God-designed relationships, emphasizing that financial decisions are crucial within these dynamics.

We address the challenge of friends who negatively affect our finances, especially in today’s social media-driven world. Friends often showcase their extravagant lifestyles online, leading to feelings of inadequacy and financial strain. We discuss the pressure to match their spending on dinners, activities, and vacations, which can cause tension and stress in marriages.

To navigate these challenges, we offer practical solutions. Your financial decisions as a couple should reflect your values, goals, and the example you wish to set. We emphasize the importance of contentment and aligning financial goals with Scripture. Learn to celebrate your friends' successes without falling into discontentment and make wise choices about the people who influence your financial habits.

In conclusion, as Christians, we are called to be different through how we live and manage our finances. Let your financial decisions glorify God and reflect His kingdom. Tune in for insightful discussions on managing friendships and finances in your marriage.

**Keywords: Financial Health in Marriage, Marriage and Finances, Social Media Influence, Biblical Financial Guidance, Christian Financial Management, Contentment in Marriage, Marriage Advice Podcast**