Topics

* Why they are necessary

* How they help families stay organized

* Four different types

* How to make them most effective

You can get the full show notes by subscribing to our newsletter at http://www.organizedfamily.co/. Not only will you get the show notes, but you will also get access to tools that can help you organized trips, have more meaningful conversations at the dinner table and some sample chore charts you can use in your home.

In this episode, we talk about the importance of a will and estate planning.

You can get the full show notes by subscribing to our newsletter at http://www.organizedfamily.co/. Not only will you get the show notes, but you will also get access to tools that can help you organized trips, have more meaningful conversations at the dinner table and some sample chore charts you can use in your home.

In this episode, we discuss how to manage your back to school preparations.

You can get the full show notes by subscribing to our newsletter at http://www.organizedfamily.co/. Not only will you get the show notes, but you will also get access to tools that can help you organized trips, have more meaningful conversations at the dinner table and some sample chore charts you can use in your home.

Topics

* How to communicate

* Actions to express

* Things to avoid

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Topics

* How to communicate

* Actions to express

* Things to avoid

To get the full show notes, subscribe to our newsletter.

In this episode, we talk about how to express love to your family through giving gifts.

Topics:

* How to communicate

* Actions to take

* Things to avoid

To get more detailed notes, click here.

In this episode we talk about how to express love to your family though touch.

Topics:

* How to communicate

* Actions to take

* Things to avoid

To get more detailed notes, click here.

Topics

* Introduction of each love language

* How to discover

* How understanding this improves relationships

Introduction

Gary Chapman wrote a book titled The 5 Love Languages which was a New York Times bestseller. In his book he talks about 5 different ways that people feel loved.

1. Words of Affirmation:

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love is even better. Insults and yelling at these people really hurt.

2. Quality Time:

If you spend quality time with them they feel loved. Look them in the eye and be very present when you are with them. Missing an appointment with them or being distracted when you are with them hurts a lot.

3. Receiving Gifts

This person thrives when receiving gifts, especially thoughtful gifts. They realize the sacrifice and effort that goes into perfect gifts are also part of the gift. Things that hurt someone with this love language would be to forget to give them a gift for their birthday or anniversary, or give them a gift that was hasty and thoughtless. Don’t mistake this love language for materialism. They do appreciate the thought and effort behind the gift just as much as the gift itself.

4. Acts of Service

Vacuuming floors can express love to someone who performs this chore on a regular basis. Not following through on a promise to help would be hurtful as well as providing the service grumbling and complaining as you do so.

5. Physical Touch

This encompasses a wide range like hugs, high fives, rubbing their back, holding hands, etc. Kids with this love language appreciate high fives or knuckles as well as just being touched on the head or shoulders as you walk by. A spouse would love a kiss or a hug when you get home from work. Physical abuse or spanking would be very damaging to people with this love language.

Discovering your love language

*

You can take a test that can be found on the internet. There are several variations when you search for “5 Love Languages Tests”. They have tests for couples, teenagers, children, coworkers, etc. where they change the phrases to fit the situations of the ones being tested.

*

Observing. How do they express love the most? We often express love the mostin our own love language. Yellow child loves to write love notes to family members and after taking the children’s quiz, Mitchells discovered her love language was words of affirmation. Two of their other children tested with a dominate love language for physical touch, and that made sense, because they were the kids who love to hold mom’s hand or sit on her lap or right next to her all the time.

Taking the test ranks the love languages from most dominate to least dominate, and some might have one or two pretty closely ranked love languages that mean a lot to them.

Though most of your effort can go towards loving someone in their dominate love language, try to express love in all 5 languages.

Understanding these love languages helps improve relationships

This helps us express our love in a way that means the most to the individual receiving it.

Scenario: Husband is working overtime and gone a lot in order to earn the money to buy his wife nice things that he thinks she deserves. Wife receives it as he doesn’t love her because he is never with her. The problem is his love language may be gifts, but hers is quality time, and though he is loving her as he would like to be loved, he is not speaking her love language.

It’s easy to express love in our own love language,

38: Dinner Conversations

Topics

* What are they?

* Why do we have them?

* Rules

* Examples of ideas to spark dinner conversations

Background

Years ago Amy was thanking her parents for all that they taught her about values, how to be a good person, and so much more. Her parents told her that what they did for her won’t be enough for her kids today. More needs to be done to teach them and reinforce and prepare them for today’s world. Amy realized they could make better use of their time together at dinner every day, having better quality conversations. She compiled a list of questions to pick each night during dinner to spark conversations with the kids. Amy put them into categories like friends, values, drugs, etc. so they could cover just about any topic the kids deal with today.

If this is something you want to implement with your family, you can either type up the questions, cut them into strips of paper and put them in a jar to pull out each day and discuss, or you could put them on a note card, in categories in a little box and pull them out that way. Mitchell use the questions glued onto note cards, so they can write the responses from the kids on the note card and refer to them again later. They also let their kids take turns choosing the card from a category they want to talk about.

Dave listened to a podcast recently and learned about something called the Ungame. A lady named Rhea Zakich developed nodules on her vocal chords, so her doctor recommended she not talk for a few months to give them time to heal. During this time, she took a notebook around with her and wrote down questions she wanted to ask her family, and she realized how poorly her family communicated. So they started spending time answering the questions she had written in her notebook when they were together. This really improved their family relationships.

What are dinner conversations?

Dinner conversations can be started by asking questions that cover a wide variety of topics that families can discuss while sitting around the dinner table.

Why have dinner conversations?

* To get to know your family members better

* To teach values to your kids

* To discuss situations that children may one day find themselves in, so they have a plan now of how to act later when they are really in that situation.

Rules

* Provide a safe environment where all answers are accepted and not mocked.

* Only one person talks at a time.

* Everyone is part of the same conversation.

* Add whatever rules you feel your family needs to keep it a positive and engaging tradition for everyone.

Example Conversation Starters:

The Mitchell’s list of dinner conversations can be found at www.organizedfamily.co in exchange for your email address.

Body Image and Gender Roles:

* Do you believe men and women are equally smart?

* Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? What is an eating disorder?

* If you could look like anyone else, who would you look like?

Drug and Alcohol Use:

* What do your friends do at parties? Have you been to a party where you were offered a drink? How did you react? If you haven’t been to a party like that, what would you do if you were?

* What would you do if you were in a car with a driver who had been drinking?

Emotions:

* What do you do to cheer yourself up when you feel down?

* What hurts your feelings? How do you act when your feelings are hurt?

Entertainment:

* Should kids be allowed to watch whatever movies they want?

* How much TV should kids watch a day?

Topics

One way to save money is to Own Less Stuff.

* De-junk your home regularly and donate it or sell it.

* If you don’t need it, don’t buy it.

* Before buying something make sure you will have a home for it when you take it home.

* Focus on experiences rather than things.

De-junk your home

Once a year, the Mitchells go through their home and pull out the stuff they don’t need or want any more. They either donate it to a local thrift store or hold a yard sale. They do this regularly and are always surprised how much they still get rid of every year.

Dave’s been thinning his t-shirt selection and realized he had about 50 t-shirts and only really wears 10-15 regularly, so he got rid of most of those.

Another tip for trying to thin your clothing selection is to turn all the clothes hanging on hangers around in your closet, so they hang backwards on the rod. Then as you wear that item of clothing and put it back in the closet and hang it up, you put the hanger on the right way. After a year, wearing your clothes through every season, you can see at a glance that the hangers that are still turned backwards are the clothes you could probably get rid of because you haven’t worn them in a year.

On a side note, you could also clean off the junk from your computers once a year.

Questions to ask when buying Stuff

* Do I need this or just want this?

* Will I use it constantly?

* Could I just borrow this instead?

* Do I have a home for it?

* What experience would be a better investment than Stuff?

Mitchells talk about their family tradition of playing board games or card games weekly as a family. That time together creates experiences and memories that don’t clutter the house.

Final Thoughts

Evaluate the items in your home. If you don’t use them regularly, consider getting rid of it. If you have several of the same item, consider getting rid of a few.

Start De-junking a little area at a time, but keep moving throughout the house. Eventually, you’ll find that you are happier with less stuff.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo suggests that you keep only the few things that bring you joy.

Getting Things Done by David Allen says your brain and your home need to be rid of clutter to feel freer, happier and more relaxed.

This week’s photo is titled “Playroom” and is by Elizabeth. You can find it on flickr