Oula Connected from the Vault

This week, Bernice and Kali discuss our human tendency to rationalize grief. The truth is, grief doesn't follow the rules. It can not be compared or put on a timeline or diminished and whatever you are feeling right now, and especially during the holiday season, deserves your attention. They talk about their own experiences with loss and grief and even their own shame about their grief. Have you ever felt like you shouldn't be so sad about something because someone has it worse? Yes this thought process can sometimes be of assistance with cultivating gratitude, but it can also stop you from fully feeling what is coming up. We hope this podcast gives you permission to be sad or disappointed or longing during the holidays.

In this episode, Bernice and Kali refer to their new song of the week, "She'd Say" by Andy Grammer, about what his mother who has passed would say to his daughter. This song prompted them to reflect on their own knowledge of their lineage and how to tap into ancestral wisdom. They wrestle with cultural appropriation and their longing for connection to the wisdom that elders hold. Their ancestors migrated to the United States, and like so many others, lost their ancestral wisdom. Did they give it up, was it taken from them, where is it and how do we find it?

Today, Bernice and Kali talk about self-sabotage, after being prompted by the new song of the week, Flames by R3HAB & ZAYN. They share different times in their lives when they have either self-sabotaged or almost self-sabotaged. They explore why we self-sabotage and what the fear is that lies under this need to destruct. It oftentimes comes down to a desire to control outcome or triggers feelings of shame or unworthiness. We have to identify where the desire for this behavior is coming from and what are the outcomes if we choose to self-sabotage.

This week, Kali and Bernice respond to a listener's message about feeling like an imposter. They explore why we doubt ourselves and how to believe in ourselves. Imposter Syndrome is common and can either make us want to shrink or over-inflate to compensate for our feelings of inadequacy. They talk about where they feel inadequate and imposters in their own lives and roles and hopefully give some tips for how to manage your own feelings of being an imposter.

Do you have enough joy in your life? This week, Bernice and Kali share their epiphany that celebrating is the best way to elevate. They apply it to OULA, their personal lives, the work they are doing and the work they have yet to do. With our puritanical background of the importance of work ethic and focus on doing rather than being, we can get lost in how to find joy. When celebrating doesn't have to be earned, we can experience gratitude and joy for the simple pleasures of life. Because isn't that what it's all about?

Today, Bernice and Kali dive into the sources of motivation for humans and for themselves. They talk about modern society's obsession with instant gratification and our lack of patience, which is why it is so hard for us to stay curious about what motivates us. When we get so addicted to the outcome (as proven by Skinner and Behavioral Psychology), we forget to deeply connect to our motivation. Why do we do the things that we do? And do they give us satisfaction or are they just fulfilling our want for power, recognition and other ailments of the ego.

Article referenced by Mark Manson: https://markmanson.net/how-to-be-patient

Enneagram Test: https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test

In this week's podcast, Bernice and Kali talk about their trip to Tulum, what they learned about humanity and the importance of doing self work in a group setting. So many of us struggle with vulnerability and upholding the image that everything is fine! But in group work we learn that many of our struggles are shared and that we are not alone. With social media, especially, we feel inadequate to our peers and to ourselves and through personal work we in the group we get to realize that there is usually always a fear of being unloved or unaccepted that these fears affect us all and drive our actions and reactions. Take a listen and find a group! Or.... sign up for one of our workshops at www.oulafitness.com

This week, Bernice and Kali talk about something that came up in the last podcast- why they avoid conflict. They both explore their reasons, which inextricably are connected to their fears, and their tendency to avoid when things get hard. They also note their differences in how they handle conflict and which conflicts are more intimidating. They talk about the importance of logic and reason when dealing with conflict and how to engage without becoming overly emotional. How do YOU do conflict?

There are a lot of voices going on in this podcast! With a strong focus on sexuality (not appropriate for kids!), we eventually get to our topic: 5 Voices- How to Communicate Effectively with Everyone You Lead by Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram. Kali and Bernice go over the 5 different communication profiles that are explored in this book. They then reflect on their own styles, the styles of their partners and their workplace. Learn your communication style here: https://5voices.com/assessment/

Have you hit emotional puberty? Because our emotional voices are cracking! Bernice and Kali talk about a couple of situations in which their reactions were on the, one would say, immature side:) They question how to feel their feelings, validate their emotional experiences, but not become overwhelmed and reactive. They talk about the importance of justice, and conclude that it's not always theirs to serve, even though they think it will feel good if they do. Are you in emotional puberty, too? Take a listen and see where you are on the maturity scale!