I can probably last another twenty minutes out here in the cold I guess we'll go on to random bits I was thinking after rebounding I was thinking how do we celebrate our body cavity in the field of gravity and when we sit we compress our organs and and move them out of the proper orientation so it sort of changes our energy that way to and how rebounding exercises every cell in one's body and I think it actually helps us contain ecstasy there's a lightness to it and there's a celebration to it I was thinking to the experience of map consciousness or trans consciousness going into one of those other states it's sort of like trying to use ones opposite hand than one strong hand it's almost like I'm right handed so going around all day using my left hand I'd really have to pay attention and it would get frustrating and it's a little bit more difficult because it's something that I'm not used to but by going into those states and then coming back one can actually get better at it just like people can get better at using their left hand if they consciously use it so just because the first time is a complete disaster and ends in a total nosedive doesn't mean that doesn't mean that that's how it's going to be I was also thinking about how our standard of living actually keeps us in a prison we have this sort of cozy standard of living so we make our little cozy prisons for ourselves and then we're in isolation and then we feel lonely and then we think well I'm in this prison with all this stuff why don't I feel happy but we're not actually we don't live together the way we're designed to live together so our good standard of living is more like a good standard of dying a slow death I was thinking too that maybe when I get more into my embodied manic self I'll be called to invite people to be more childlike because if people are more childlike in general that's going to make everyone happier and there would be less instances of crisis there's one thing I want to work on which is bringing emotional CPR here to help people who are in distress that's very important it's important to have that safety it's important to not be pathologized unless completely necessary when one is distressed and then the other thing is just being more childlike in general will decrease the overall resonance of distress because people are not taking themselves so seriously etc so I think that is a different level to work on it I think is important to have a safety and then it's important to go for thriving and this would be a way for me to be unconditionally loving towards the ones that would choose to pathologize me anyone in society might choose to pathologize me if they see me in distress they think wow I better call the police or something for example versus being equipped themselves to help me and I'm not saying I'm not blaming anyone for that at this point that's where the distress help comes in but then also being able to meet with so-called normal people in order to be playful and be childlike that brings us together that unites us that is a space that is a relationship beyond oh this is the normal person and this is the person that has a mental illness those common dimensions of humanity we all have and it's because we're not existing in those common dimensions that we have this in action of thought pile up and stress us out and then now we need normal people that not be childlike because they have to be professionals so we both want to be in that domain it's like the people who get diagnosed with something can't pretend anymore and the ones that are professionals can pretend that they don't want to be that way and since we don't know how to just be ourselves and be childlike we end up being distressed and then we end up being pathologized and when I was on my trampoline today I was listening to my pumping playlist and I was thinking this is how this music moves me and then I was thinking about how most of us have an ego voice saying things and that's what moves us or that's what actually constricts us and contracts us and keeps us consistent and locked into this narrow frame that we just want to burst out of its not very good music to dance to I also had an insight about dopamine and I don't want to talk about it that much longer because I've talked about it a lot and when I say dopamine I'm not trying to pretend that I know everything about physiology or neuro chemistry or anything like that it's just sort of representing the fact that the ego is like this chemical pleasure reaction and I was thinking about how a lot of people get stuck in very unfortunate patterns were say they're staying an abusive relationship and I was thinking about how for some people pain is pleasure some people like to be like slapped or something and that turns them on for example and then I was thinking about how even if we have a negative voice in her head it's giving us dopamine it's giving us some sort of gratification of maybe knowing or something like that so a person who goes back to an abusive partner over and over is still getting some kind of pleasure from it but it's pain but basically my insight was pain is pleasure pleasure and pain are the same thing a certain touch out a certain pressure is pleasurable and is a bit further as pain so it's it's more like the the amount of it in a way so I was sensing that both is related to dopamine or something but pleasure is pain it's the same thing so even if our ego voice is painful it's still pleasurable because if we're judging somebody we're getting some kind of like pleasure out of it but then we're judging ourselves which feels painful but it's still that same reflex it's still that dopamine pleasure so if it's tied to dopamine it could have underlying pleasure or it could just be that pleasure and pain are the same thing the two sides of one coin so we need to decouple from pleasure and pain because pain is often pleasurable and that's I guess where the victim mentality comes in as well we're getting some kind of pleasure out of our own pain and it seems like we've been programmed to have this ego algorithm of making a very limited band of information salient so to me our ego algorithm is just programming and then when we break away from that we have a different algorithm that's always there but we're not sensing and so this ego algorithm blocks that sensitivity but we have this other algorithm and then when we get connected with that it's almost like now we haven't been using our left hand or entire life like we had er our left arm strap to our body and all of a sudden they release our arm and we're expected to use it it would not really move for a long time it would take a long time to actually get that to work so in the same way we're not using our entire sensitivity our entire algorithm our algorithm of sensitivity has been hijacked by the ego algorithm and then when that breaks that blocker breaks the ego blocker breaks we haven't used that entire spectrum of sensitivity doesn't make it wrong and it seems like we're behaving strange but it's just because now all of a sudden we have this entire other sensory processor and it makes us behave completely different because now we're not behaving based on our ego algorithm I think the ego algorithm is just an addiction we're addicted to ourselves and our own thoughts and our own judgements and our own perceptions which we probably got from somewhere else somebody else's voice being translated into our own voice and then we take it to be our own we take ownership of what it is that we allow to be impressed upon our attention because we're not paying attention to the fact that we are that which is attentive not that which one is attending to and I think when we're really learning and engaged we're not emoting because emoting is remembering and we remember we're addicted to our own memories so when we're remembering we're having the whole dopamine unless experience it's like saying right now is meaningless so I'm going to have dopamine and it continues the meaningless experience because we can't continue to derive meaning from our memories we can temporarily to sort of lull us through something that's not the greatest but not all the time and I think this whole thing that's happening with me where I'm going on a certain path and I'm having an anxiety reaction is like the applied kinesiology of my whole body saying that's not my dream and I have bash the ego and dopamine a lot but I feel it can also be used it needs to be used to participate somewhat in society but it needs to be used in order to move one towards one's dreams and I wrote a little bit here about something the last bits of information is that much of awareness is diverted to emotions which are representations of remembrances of the path that have already happened that thus require no processing as they've been regurgitating we are like psychological camels doing the same thing over and over and expecting something different chewing on the same memories over and over and expecting something different and so if a lot of our attention is on past memories it's old processing so we're not processing anything hence we're not aware and that amount of RAM if it's devoted to memory processing it's old it's already past so we're not actually taking a new stuff it's just again clogging up the mind screen I was also thinking it would be cool to make my area this whole coast the safest place to experience trans consciousness because there's always talk about well this is safe for gay people or transgender people rainbow flag well what about for trans consciousness people as well people who see holistically people who see from the perspective of Gaia a lot of the time they're not thinking about their own personal ego this makes them act differently feel differently participate differently people with disgaea consciousness or pathologized and then they're given this diagnosis which is like oh this is your personal problem when the problem was they were noticing from the perspective of Gaia and that is overwhelming I think we can all sense that when I think about it it's probably the sensor that indigenous people have they're just really sensitive to Gaia and and the land and the trees and everything and they would have to be that sensitive gives them a real respect for nature and also sees that they're a part of that they can't just destroy it all they're destroying themselves and we've conditioned that out of us I got something in the mail yesterday about most kids never walk in the forest and they're collecting donations for the program to get kids to walk in the forest so they appreciate the force and things and i sent a tiny bit of money i don't have very much at the moment but I support that because I love walking in the forest and it's so important to be connected to nature and people are given this personal ego diagnosis problem to distract them from what they were sensing and what they wanted to act on to just turn people into go create a comfy little recovery prison for yourself and sit there and watch TV for the rest of your life I think the voice here or community might be my best bet to connect with people who don't want to be pathologized so hearing voices which is a typical symptom of pathology and they're saying no it's not a pathology I just hear voices well I don't have a pathology I just kind of see nature and what it means and how it relates and extrapolates and all those traits that I talked about from the highly sensitive person TED talk and I was singing to a lot of what I'm talking about I'm like trying to move away from mental illness and I'm thinking maybe I'm not moving away from mental illness I'm just more so moving toward embody mania and stuff that Krishnamurti talks about that would be a way to frame it in terms of moving toward instead of moving away from I could quit my job and say well I can't work in this or I could say well I'm going to live my dreams and I wonder what the nutrition requirements are for bodies that aren't perpetually in stress I wonder how that changes the gut bacteria and gut flora I think rebounding starts to create some epigenetic changes to hold ecstasy so does laughter getting back to these manic traits gone around on this huge tangent of ego stuff and started talking about that but I'm feel like I'm getting ready to do the whole embodied mania thing and Krishnamurti talks about how thought is a material process and I was thinking about how when we think the brain cells move and when the brain cells move in terms of thinking we got molecules of emotion related to the dopamine reflex and that's part of the material process that we're getting those molecules of emotion through thinking which are going into our bodies which are making us addicted to that which are making us addicted to our own thinking our own thoughts our own voice when we're thinking our nervous system is moving but we're not really moving with what is actual it's moving it's a movement of the past so nervous system is moving as the past but we're in the present moment so no wonder we're always afraid if we're always in the past when we're in the present and I think the new consciousness algorithm is transforming base matter into light

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