🎙️ The Purge: A 1970s Reckoning in the Holdeman Church

In this powerful and deeply researched episode, host Caleb sits down with historian Dennis Goossen to unpack one of the most dramatic and traumatic chapters in the history of the Church of God in Christ, Mennonite—commonly known as the Holdeman Church.

📜 What was “The Purge”? During the 1970s, the Holdeman Church launched a sweeping campaign of member interviews and disciplinary action, known internally as “panel work.” Ministers interrogated every member of every congregation, leading to mass excommunications, family divisions, and long-lasting emotional scars.

🔍 Inside the Episode:

• The cultural and theological tensions that led to the purge
• How the panel interviews unfolded and what questions were asked
• Firsthand accounts from those who lived through it—both those who stayed and those who were cast out
• The infamous Greeley, Colorado case and its lasting legacy
• The emotional toll on both members and ministers
• How the church eventually brought the purge to an end—and what changed (or didn’t)

💔 A Story of Faith, Fear, and Fallout This episode explores not just the historical facts, but the human cost of religious control and the resilience of those who found new paths forward. Whether you're familiar with the Holdeman Church or hearing about this for the first time, this is a story that resonates far beyond one denomination.

🎧 Tune in for a sobering, insightful, and empathetic look at a community in crisis—and the lessons it leaves behind.

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In this episode, Amanda reconnects with her cousin Jared Smith after more than a decade apart. Growing up together in Mississippi after Amanda's family moved from Arizona, Jared was Amanda’s first white cousin among a sea of Mexican cousins—an early sign that his path might look different from others. The two shared many childhood memories, but after drifting apart for 13–15 years, Amanda is eager to hear how Jared’s life has unfolded.

Jared shares openly about his deep roots in the Holdeman Mennonite church, describing himself as the "poster child" for the faith. Coming from a family of ministers, he was seen as someone destined to continue in the tradition. But as he puts it, he eventually "broke the mold."

In a conversation that’s both reflective and full of life, Jared walks us through his journey of leaving the church, which he began around 2018. It wasn’t a clean break at first—he stayed connected for a few more years before finally relocating to Arizona and severing ties completely. It was one of the hardest things he’s ever done, but also one of the best.

He speaks with emotion about the mental and emotional toll of leaving and how difficult it was to even begin to understand himself outside the church. But today, Jared says his life is full and beautiful. He has a 15-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old son, and he’s built a life filled with personal growth, business success, and genuine well-being. “Not what we were told when we were leaving,” he notes, but undeniably good.

Whether you're familiar with the Holdeman world or completely new to it, Jared's story offers a powerful look at what it means to step away from a high-control religious community and discover a vibrant, fulfilling life on the other side.

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This episode of Our People: Holdeman Mennonite Stories features a conversation with Janice Selby, a therapist, author, podcaster, and YouTuber specializing in religious trauma. Hosted by Amanda Esau and Wayla, the discussion explores Janice’s personal journey growing up in a Pentecostal household in Kelowna, British Columbia, and later encountering the Holdeman Mennonites in adulthood.

Janice shares how her early religious experiences, which included speaking in tongues and anointing with oil, shaped her understanding of faith and obedience. However, as she began questioning her beliefs, she found herself on a path of deconstruction that ultimately led her to work in religious trauma recovery. A pivotal part of her journey was her time spent among the Holdeman Mennonites, where she gained firsthand insight into the church’s strict control over members’ lives. She discusses the psychological impact of leaving such a high-demand religious community, the pressure to conform, and the deep emotional toll of shunning and isolation.

With warmth and candor, Janice reflects on the struggles of breaking free from religious indoctrination and the long road to healing. She shares her professional insights on the challenges of religious trauma, the guilt and fear that often linger, and the importance of rebuilding a sense of self outside of rigid belief systems. Whether you have personal experience with the Holdemans or are simply interested in the broader topic of religious trauma, this episode offers a compelling, compassionate, and deeply insightful perspective.

Follow us on Facebook:⁠⁠⁠https://rb.gy/cj55td⁠⁠⁠Subscribe on Spotify:⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/1KwYkbtbIswUN3z6JSrqz5?si=0913b1c334724490⁠⁠⁠Subscribe on YouTube:⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@OurPeoplePodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠Subscribe on Apple Podcasts:⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/our-people-holdeman-mennonite-stories/id1740613045⁠⁠⁠Are you or is someone you know interested in sharing a story on the podcast? Reach out to [email protected] or message us on Facebook. We would love to hear from you.Support Us On Patreon:⁠⁠⁠https://patreon.com/OurPeoplePodcast⁠⁠

In this heartfelt episode of Our People: Holdeman Mennonite Stories, Amanda and Waylon welcome Justin Hunt to share his remarkable journey through life, faith, and self-discovery. Born in 1990 in St. Mary’s, Ontario, Justin opens up about his early life as the youngest of five children, navigating the challenges of his parents’ separation and the pivotal decision of his mother to join the Holdeman Mennonite Church.

Justin reflects on the sacrifices his mother made to raise five children as a single parent during the 1990s, working tirelessly to provide food, shelter, and stability. He acknowledges the significant support their family received from the church community, which offered a lifeline during their most challenging years. Despite the stability the church provided, Justin began to question aspects of its teachings and practices as he grew older.

As Justin recounts his later years, he delves into the struggles of reconciling his own beliefs with the expectations of the Holdeman Church. He describes pivotal moments that led him to reexamine his faith, including how he started to see the church’s practices as limiting his personal growth and understanding of the world. Justin shares the emotional and spiritual challenges he faced in stepping away from the Holdeman community and how that decision impacted his relationships, identity, and worldview.

Through candid and vulnerable storytelling, Justin discusses the difficult but ultimately rewarding process of forging a life outside the confines of the church. He reflects on the lessons he’s carried with him and how his journey has shaped the person he is today. From his early days in a tightly knit community to finding his voice and place in a wider world, Justin’s story is one of courage, resilience, and self-discovery.

This episode offers a profound look at the intersections of faith, family, and personal growth. Whether you are familiar with the Holdeman Mennonite community or simply curious about stories of transformation and resilience, Justin’s journey will inspire and resonate with listeners.

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In this heartfelt episode of Our People: Holdeman Mennonite Stories, hosts Waylon and Carlie welcome guest Cam Isaac for an enlightening and deeply personal discussion. Cam, who previously delivered a widely resonated TED Talk, revisits some of the key lessons from his journey and expands on the life experiences that led to his transformative insights.

The episode delves into Cam’s evolving relationship with faith, authority, and community. He reflects on his upbringing, the challenges of navigating rigid structures, and the profound importance of humility and apology in parenting—a concept that challenges traditional norms of parental authority. The discussion also explores the value of collective fellowship over hierarchical leadership, emphasizing authentic connection and mutual support in spiritual practices.

Cam shares his emotional battle with stage-four lymphoma, highlighting the role of mindset, emotional awareness, and intuition in his recovery journey. He underscores the importance of listening to one’s body, processing emotions, and breaking generational cycles of trauma. These insights resonate as Cam talks about finding peace within himself, which he describes as the ultimate gift he treasures after years of struggle.

The conversation touches on themes of love for the Holdeman Mennonite community, even amidst the complexities of leaving and navigating life outside of it. Cam's message is one of hope and encouragement for anyone walking similar paths, emphasizing that connection and mutual support are integral to the human experience.

The episode concludes with a poignant reminder that life is about “walking each other home,” as the hosts and Cam express gratitude, love, and mutual respect for one another. This conversation is a moving testament to resilience, the power of shared stories, and the enduring impact of compassion and understanding.

In this episode, Weylin continues his exploration of the theory of spiral dynamics, a psychological model for religious growth.

In this episode, Amanda and Weylin hear from Roberta, who was abducted from her mother by Hilltop Mission, a children's home that was then operated by Church of God in Christ Mennonite. Following her kidnapping, she details years of abuse including sexual assaults and regular beatings that left major emotional scars.

In this episode of Our People: Holdeman Mennonite Stories, Waylon and Amanda welcome Ray, who takes us on a journey through his life as a member of the Church of God in Christ Mennonite. Ray begins by introducing himself as someone currently living in Muskogee, Oklahoma, but his story starts in the small, tight-knit congregation of Crooked Creek in northern Alberta, Canada. At just four years old, Ray’s family moved to Kansas, where he grew up in the Fredonia congregation, a community that profoundly shaped his worldview and sense of belonging.

Ray shares vivid anecdotes from his upbringing, including the challenges of transitioning from one congregation to another at a young age and the deep familial roots that connected him to the church. His father was an outsider who joined the Holdeman faith, while his mother came from a well-established Holdeman family in Halstead, Kansas. These contrasting backgrounds provided Ray with a unique perspective on faith, tradition, and the sense of community within the church.

One of the most impactful chapters of Ray’s life was his time in the Holdeman voluntary service units, an alternative to military service for conscientious objectors. He recounts how this experience gave him the opportunity to step outside the insular Holdeman world and connect with others in meaningful ways while still adhering to the church’s commitment to nonviolence. Ray reflects on the camaraderie, challenges, and moments of personal growth he experienced during his time in voluntary service, offering a rare glimpse into how this tradition shaped his understanding of work, service, and faith. His stories from this period reveal both the joys and the challenges of maintaining the Holdeman values in a broader societal context.

Throughout the conversation, Ray reflects on the distinct practices and beliefs that defined his early life. He discusses the church's emphasis on unity, the simplicity of lifestyle, and the powerful role of family in shaping personal and spiritual identity. He also touches on the sacrifices and decisions his parents made in their faith journey and how those choices impacted his own understanding of what it means to grow up within a high-control religious group.

Ray doesn’t shy away from discussing the challenges of Holdeman life. He talks about the cultural expectations placed on individuals and families and the way those expectations influenced his upbringing. His stories offer a nuanced perspective on the joys and struggles of belonging to such a close-knit faith community.

This episode is a heartfelt exploration of roots, resilience, and faith as Ray offers a window into his life’s journey. Whether you grew up in the Holdeman church or are curious about its culture and traditions, this conversation is full of relatable moments and deep reflections on the enduring impact of faith, family, and service.

In this episode of "Our People: Holdeman Mennonite Stories," we had the pleasure of sitting down with Wes Friesen from the Barron, Wisconsin congregation of Church of God in Christ Mennonite. Wes takes us on a journey through his life, sharing intimate and heartfelt stories about his upbringing, experiences within the church, and his eventual path out of the Holdeman community.

In this heartfelt episode of Our People: Holdeman Mennonite Stories, we sit down with Rosina Friesen, who offers a candid and inspiring account of her life’s journey. Born in 1950 in Crooked Creek, Alberta, Rosina grew up as the third of nine children in a bustling, hardworking family. Now living in Peace River, Alberta, she reflects on her early years in a traditional, close-knit community, shaped by the teachings of the Church of God in Christ Mennonite.

Rosina’s story takes us through her career as a licensed practical nurse, a path she pursued with determination and compassion. She speaks about the joys and challenges of working in healthcare, especially as she balanced her professional aspirations with the church's strict gender roles and expectations. Her nursing career became a place where she could channel her innate drive to help others, but it also highlighted the tensions she felt between her evolving personal values and the constraints of her faith.

As Rosina began questioning the church’s teachings, particularly its emphasis on conformity and control, she faced an inner battle that ultimately led to her decision to leave. She reflects on the courage it took to walk away from the only community she had ever known, and the profound personal growth she experienced in doing so. Leaving the church was not just about stepping into a new chapter but about rebuilding her sense of identity and autonomy. While it came with heartbreak—especially in navigating relationships with loved ones still in the church—it also brought new opportunities for self-discovery.

One of the most striking anecdotes Rosina shares is how, later in life, she took up running as a way to challenge herself and embrace her independence. She humorously recounts the struggles and triumphs of starting to run as an elderly woman, defying expectations and finding joy in surprising new ways. This anecdote reflects a recurring theme in her story: the resilience to embrace change, the courage to try something new, and the determination to live life on her own terms.

Rosina’s journey is a powerful reminder that it’s never too late to reinvent yourself, seek freedom, and carve out a life that reflects who you truly are. With warmth, humility, and a spark of humor, she invites listeners to reflect on their own paths and the strength it takes to walk toward authenticity.