Out Late With David

Summary  

Brian Janes, a successful real estate broker, came out as gay at age 49 after 26 years of marriage. He loved being married and had a strong connection with his wife, but deep down, he had a sexual desire that didn't match up with her. After years of therapy and self-help, his wife eventually told him she wanted a divorce. Brian knew he was gay from a young age but didn't know how to embrace it. He suppressed his true self and lived in fear of being found out. After his divorce, he made the decision to come out and started a podcast for men coming out later in life.  

Keywords:  comingout, marriage, divorce, self-discovery, suppression, fear, loneliness, podcast, outlate, gay, alwaysgay  

Takeaways

Suppressing your true self can lead to frustration and strain in relationships.
Coming out later in life can be a difficult and lonely process.
Embracing your true self can lead to personal growth and a more fulfilling life.
Sharing your story and being vulnerable can help others going through similar experiences.  

Titles

The Journey of Coming Out Later in Life
Embracing Your True Self and Finding Personal Growth  

Sound Bites
"Don't Let Your Wonder Turn Into Closure"
"Here I Am, a Proud Gay Man"
"You're Not Alone, We're All Out Here"  

Chapters (audio)

00:00 Introduction: Brian James' Journey
01:15 The Love and Connection of Marriage
03:11 The Strain and Separation in Divorce
04:09 Suppressing Identity and Fear of Coming Out
08:27 Embracing Authenticity and Self-Discovery
14:13 Coming Out to Ex-Wife and Children
18:12 Starting the Podcast: Coming Inside Out
23:09 Loneliness and Struggles After Coming Out
28:14 Advice for Married Men Struggling with Acceptance
30:31 Conclusion: Forgiving and Loving Yourself  


Chapters (video)

00:00 Introduction and Background
03:04 Suppressing True Self in a Marriage
07:50 The Decision to Come Out
10:43 The Power of Wonder and Curiosity
13:36 Coming Out to Ex-Wife and Children
17:23 Exploring the New World
19:17 Regrets and Self-Kindness
21:2 0Loneliness and Self-Discovery
24:19 Starting the Podcast
27:37 Advice for Married Men Struggling with Acceptance
29:54 Summary and Closing  

Song Lyric Reflection: Ben Platt's "Older." 

• Older lyrics:  https://www.google.com/search?q=ben+platt+older+lyrics&oq=ben+platt+older+lyrics&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIKCAEQABiABBiiBDIKCAIQABiABBiiBNIBCDQ2NzdqMGo3qAIIsAIB&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
• Older on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_sADbvPmzE  

Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com  

YouTube Edition:    https://youtu.be/n3Iuqhu2K5M 

YouTube Channel:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg   Certified

Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com  

Contact me:  mailto:[email protected]

Summary  

Ron Bunnell shares his journey of coming out as gay later in life and the impact it had on his marriage. Despite initial fears, Ron's wife, Barb, showed love and support, and they were able to rebuild their relationship. Ron emphasizes the importance of being authentic and true to oneself, even if it means facing challenges. He also highlights the significance of finding support from others in similar situations. Ron's story serves as an inspiration for those navigating mixed orientation marriages and coming out later in life.  

Keywords coming out, late in life, marriage, support, authenticity  

Takeaways

• Coming out later in life can be a challenging journey, but it is worth pursuing authenticity and being true to oneself.
• Support from loved ones, like Ron's wife Barb, can make a significant difference in navigating the complexities of a mixed orientation marriage.
• Finding a support group or community of individuals in similar situations can provide valuable guidance and understanding.
• Ron's story highlights the importance of love, acceptance, and open-mindedness in relationships and families.

Sound Bites

• "I literally thought my life would end as I knew it"
• "She wanted me to text her updates on what's going on"
• "I have young friends who don't even have a coming out story, I'm just myself"

Chapters
00:00 - Introduction: David Cotton's Out Late Podcast
01:13- Ron's Decision to Come Out to His Wife
03:11- Barb's Surprising Reaction and the Rebuilding of Their Relationship
08:27- Challenges and Complications in Ron's Journey 13:43- Ron's Childhood and Early Signs of His Sexual Orientation
17:53- The Social and Cultural Context of Ron's Coming Out Journey
19:19- The Impact of Ron's Sexual Orientation on His Marriage
22:00- Finding Support and Meeting Scott
25:14- The Kidney Donation and Its Impact on Ron and Barb's Relationship
28:36- Barb's Lasting Support and Ron's Advice for Others
33:02- Closing Remarks: Ron's Inspiring Journey  

Book Recommendation:  Over the Cliff: Gay Husbands in Straight Marriages – Bonnie Kaye and Doug Dittmer - https://a.co/d/cMEgHNO  

Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com  

YouTube Edition:  https://youtu.be/ep8EEuvEn1U 

YouTube Channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg  

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com  

Contact me:  mailto:[email protected]

Summary

David's guest, Brian, first came out to his wife over 20 years ago but chose to stay married for the sake of his family.   It took ten years for him to decide it was time to live a different kind of life. Today, at age 59 he can finally say he’s “found his tribe.” 

Takeaways

• The struggle of coming out after being married for 20 years
• The impact of coming out on family, work, and community
• Finding a supportive LGBTQ+ community and a sense of belonging
• The relief of embracing authenticity and self-discovery

Chapters

00:00  The Struggle of Coming Out After 20 Years of Marriage
05:57  Finding Support and Belonging in the LGBTQ+ Community
11:41  Embracing Authenticity and Self-Discovery After Coming Out

Book Recommendation: Gay Men and The New Way Forward, by Raymond L. Rigoglioso - https://a.co/d/7uByFA9

Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com  

YouTube Edition:    https://youtu.be/X5L6lz_TX64

YouTube Channel:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg  

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com  

Contact me:  mailto:[email protected]    

© 2024 David Cotton Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved.The "Out Late With David" podcast and its content are the property of David Cotton Coaching, LLC. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from David Cotton Coaching, LLC is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to "Out Late With David" and David Cotton Coaching, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Summary

In this episode, David Cotton interviews Kristin Kalbli, the host of Our Voices podcast and an LGBT ally. Kristin shares her experience as a straight spouse and her mission to help others in similar situations. They discuss the signs that Kristin missed in her marriage, the impact of her husband's coming out on their relationship, and the importance of honesty and communication in the coming out process. Kristin asks David about his own coming out to his spouse. They also talk about the creation of a guide for coming out to straight partners and spouses, and the need for support and understanding for both parties involved.

Takeaways

• The coming out process can have a significant impact on straight spouses, who may feel betrayed, confused, and humiliated.
• Honesty and open communication are crucial in the coming out process, both for the LGBT spouse and the straight spouse.
• Straight spouses may have questions and need time to process the news, and it's important for the LGBT spouse to be patient and understanding.
• Creating a guide for coming out to straight partners and spouses can help avoid unnecessary pain and damage in the relationship.
• Support and empathy are essential for both parties involved in a mixed orientation marriage.

Sound Bites

• "The hardest thing that took me the longest to forgive was not that he was gay, not that he was in the closet, but that he didn't let me go so that I could find a loving relationship with a man who was interested in me, loved me, desired me, wanted to have a robust sexual relationship with me."
• "If you're in a position to honor what your spouse would like, whether that's answering their questions or giving them no contact for a while, I think following their lead on that is wise."
• "Pride month can be really difficult for straight spouses. And that's not an indication of bigotry. Many straight spouses have LGBT kids and are fierce allies and defenders of their kids, right? But pride month can be really painful because then you ask yourself the question, well, if he's living his true self now, then I was a part of a lie."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background
01:09 Kristin's Experience as a Straight Spouse
09:49 Resources for Straight Spouses
14:11 The Coming Out Process and Its Impact
28:46 Preparing to Come Out to a Straight Spouse
31:31 Supporting the Straight Spouse
35:42 Honesty and Accountability
39:34 Conclusion

Information About Kristin Kalbli and OurPath

• Out Path Out Voice:  https://ourpath.org/our-voices/
• Guide to coming out as lesbian, gay or bisexual to your straight partner or spouse - by OurPath:  https://emfjjpdexyu.exactdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/OP-GuideToComingOutLGB-r1.pdf

Book Recommendation

• The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, by Amity Pierce Buxton - https://a.co/d/129LQiC  

Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com  

YouTube Edition:  https://youtu.be/vv20ZumingY  

YouTube Channel:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg  

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com  

Contact David:  mailto:[email protected]

© 2024 David Cotton Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved.The "Out Late With David" podcast and its content are the property of David Cotton Coaching, LLC. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from David Cotton Coaching, LLC is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to "Out Late With David" and David Cotton Coaching, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Summary  

Charles Vollmer, a successful California chef, shares his journey of coming out later in life and the challenges he faced. After being outed by his wife, he left his possessions behind and started a new life in San Miguel, Mexico. He is rebuilding his career as a culinary teacher and started sharing his story on social media. Charles discusses the unique challenges faced by men who come out later in life, the impact on their families, and the need for support and understanding. He emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself and finding a community of like-minded individuals.  

Keywords:  coming out, late in life, challenges, rebuilding, support, community  

Takeaways

• Coming out later in life can be a challenging and traumatic experience, but it can also lead to personal growth and happiness.
• The impact on family and relationships can be significant, and rebuilding trust and understanding takes time.
• Finding a supportive community and seeking professional help can be crucial in navigating the complexities of coming out later in life.
• Being true to oneself and embracing authenticity is essential for personal fulfillment and living a fulfilling life.

  Titles

• The Importance of Support and Understanding
• Rebuilding After Coming Out: Finding a New Path

  Sound Bites

• "Divorcing, giving up my San Francisco Bay home of 30 years and everything in it, donating 99% of my clothing and personal belongings and selling my car. I left for Europe to begin my life over at 61."

Chapters 

• 00:00  Introduction: Charles Vollmer's Journey
• 10:38  Starting Over: Rebuilding After Coming Out
• 25:00  Reflections and Regrets: Lessons Learned
• 30:59  Advice for Others: Taking Your Time and Finding Support  

About Charles Vollmar

• Epicurean Exchange Culinary Travel:   www.epexculinarytravel.com
• Blog:  www.epicureanglobalexchange.com
• Facebook, Threads, Instagram: All @ CharlesVollmar

Book Recommendation: Gay Men and The New Way Forward, by Raymond L. Rigoglioso - https://a.co/d/1AROMMu  

Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com  

YouTube Edition:  https://youtu.be/SLJXxU-wUaw 

YouTube Channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg  

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com  

Contact me:  mailto:[email protected]

© 2024 David Cotton Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved.The "Out Late With David" podcast and its content are the property of David Cotton Coaching, LLC. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from David Cotton Coaching, LLC is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to "Out Late With David" and David Cotton Coaching, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Dan Bolen - at age 70 he came out as gay, was kicked out of his church and ended his second marriage

Summary

Dan Bolen shares his journey of self-discovery and acceptance as a gay man after living a life of denial and fear. He discusses the challenges he faced in a restrictive religious community and the fear of losing his family and friends. Dan's story highlights the importance of being honest with oneself and embracing authenticity. He emphasizes the power of finding a supportive community and having a voice. Dan's memoir and podcast serve as a source of inspiration and empowerment for others on a similar journey.

Takeaways

• Be honest with yourself and define who you are.
• Don't look for someone outside of you to define who you are.
• Finding a supportive community is crucial for self-acceptance.
• Having a voice and embracing authenticity are empowering.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background
01:02 Realizing Difference and Fear of Rejection
03:17 Burying and Denying One's True Self
04:13 Marriage and Denial of Sexuality
05:38 Disfellowshiped and Shunned by the Church
07:30 Accepting Bisexuality as a Coping Mechanism
08:55 Accepting and Embracing Authentic Self 1
0:07 Coming Out and the Lowest Point
11:02 First Experience with a Man and Validation
12:29 Divorce and Finding a New Community
15:17 Defining Self and Having a Voice
24:21 Being Honest with Yourself
27:32 Advice for Those Questioning Their Sexuality
29:06 Reflection and Impact

Dan Bolen's Memoir: The Courage to be Courageous: https://a.co/d/6x7yl0r

Dan Bolen's Website: https://danbolen.com/

Book Recommendation: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. https://a.co/d/ah7pXuT

Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/Axp2j_lgVMM

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

Contact me: mailto:[email protected]

© 2024 David Cotton Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved.The "Out Late With David" podcast and its content are the property of David Cotton Coaching, LLC. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from David Cotton Coaching, LLC is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to "Out Late With David" and David Cotton Coaching, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Summary

In this episode David interviews Larry Best, a retired trial lawyer who came out 20 years into his marriage, now living a full life with his partner and husband of 20 years. Their conversation explores the coming out journey of Larry, who shares his unique story of coming out to his business partner and wife. Larry's decision to come out was driven by a combination of personal factors, including the need to be true to himself and the impact it was having on his mental health. The reactions from his business partner and wife varied, with his business partner making a joke and his wife experiencing a range of emotions. Larry's decision to get married was influenced by societal expectations and the belief that he could suppress his attraction to men. However, he eventually realized that he had been living a lie and needed to come out. The process of telling his wife and children was challenging, with mixed reactions from each family member. Larry and his wife initially tried to maintain a co-parenting relationship, but over time, their relationship deteriorated. Larry also faced challenges in his professional life, with some clients distancing themselves after learning about his sexual orientation. However, he eventually transitioned to a successful career as a plaintiff lawyer. Overall, Larry's story highlights the complexities and emotional impact of coming out and navigating relationships and careers. In this conversation, Larry shares his experience of coming out and how it changed his perception of the world. He discusses the importance of joining LGBTQ political and social organizations to connect with the community. Larry also talks about how he found his partner and offers advice for men who are at the beginning of the coming out process. He emphasizes the need for support and understanding for spouses and family members during this time.

Takeaways

• Coming out is a deeply personal and complex journey, with each individual facing unique challenges and reactions from loved ones.
• The decision to get married while suppressing one's true sexual orientation can lead to internal conflict and a sense of living a lie.
• The process of coming out can have a significant emotional impact on spouses and children, with reactions ranging from relief to anger and despair.
• Supporting loved ones through the coming out process requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to be present and listen.
• Coming out can have professional implications, with potential challenges in maintaining client relationships and navigating workplace dynamics. Coming out can change one's perception of the world and the people in it.
• Joining LGBTQ political and social organizations can provide a social network and help in meeting like-minded individuals.
• Finding a partner after coming out can take time and patience.
• Support and understanding for spouses and family members are crucial during the coming out process.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Setting the Stage
00:20 Unusual Coming Out Story
02:27 Reactions from Business Partner and Wife
03:31 Emotional Impact on Wife
05:45 Supporting Wife Emotionally
06:12 The Decision to Get Married
08:04 Realization of Being Gay
11:22 Fear of Coming Out
18:26 Divorce and Financial Settlement
24:45 Telling the Children
29:44 Reflections on the Coming Out Process
33:34 Impact on Business and Career
41:15 Changing Perception
44:10 Connecting with the LGBTQ Community
45:53 Finding a Partner
51:06 Advice for Men Coming Out
57:09 Supporting Spouses and Family
58:35 Understanding the Wife's Perspective
59:04 Closing Remarks

Larry Best's online memoir: https://medium.com/@laurencebest

Book Recommendation: Fashionably Late: Gay, Bi, and Trans Men Who Came Out Later in Life, edited by Vinnie Kinsella. https://a.co/d/dh3N2yM

Gay Fathers Worldwide: https://gayfathersworldwide.wordpress.com/

Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/uLCzcLsxCUo

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

Contact me: [email protected]

© 2024 David Cotton Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved.The "Out Late With David" podcast and its content are the property of David Cotton Coaching, LLC. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from David Cotton Coaching, LLC is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to "Out Late With David" and David Cotton Coaching, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Summary

In this episode David interviews Rick Clemons, well-known as the host of the popular podcast “Life (UN)Closeted” as well as “40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk.” He is a sought-after public speaker and a successful life coach. He is also the author of the book “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay: the late bloomers guide to coming out." Rick shares his journey of coming out and helping men come out of the closet. He discusses the challenges of living a dual life and the fear of disappointing loved ones. Rick emphasizes the importance of authenticity and unapologetically being oneself. He also addresses common threads among closeted men and the need to overcome limiting fears. Rick shares his plans for a new book and podcast, focusing on living an unapologetic life. The key takeaway is the power of embracing one's true identity and living authentically.

Takeaways

• Embrace your true identity and live authentically.
• Overcome limiting fears and show the world who you really are.
• Living an unapologetic life is empowering and liberating.
• Common threads among closeted men include lack of sexual interest, depletion of intimacy in relationships, and co-dependency.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction
00:40 Rick's Life's Work
01:34 Rick's Story: Coming Out
03:00 The Influence of Religious Upbringing
04:27 Living a Dual Life
05:54 The Shift to Authenticity
07:22 The Moment of Falling in Love
09:14 Transactional Sex vs. Intimacy
09:43 Coming Out to Spouse
11:40 Co-Parenting and Balancing Relationships
15:38 Common Threads in Closeted Men
18:57 The Biggest Lie Closeted Men Tell Themselves
20:22 Honesty and Authenticity in Conversations
21:09 Living an Unapologetic Life 23:53 Future Plans: New Book and Podcast
25:48 Message for Men Coming Out Later in Life
27:18 Conclusion

Rick Clemons: https://rickclemons.com/

Book Recommendation: Frankly My Dear, I’m Gay: A Late Bloomers Guide to Coming Out - https://a.co/d/aD2vgKD

Podcast website: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/yL6RVDjZugs

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

© 2024 David Cotton Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved.The "Out Late With David" podcast and its content are the property of David Cotton Coaching, LLC. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from David Cotton Coaching, LLC is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to "Out Late With David" and David Cotton Coaching, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Shaun Williams - founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide and Bent Couch Counselling

Summary
In this episode, David Cotton interviews licensed counselor Shaun Williams; he previously had successful career in construction when he came out as gay after 25 years of marriage. After coming out he changed his career to help others finding their true selves. Shaun shares his experiences growing up in the 80s, discovering his sexuality at a young age, and the weight of keeping his secret. He discusses the impact on his family and the challenges he faced in coming out. Shaun also talks about the creation of Gay Fathers Worldwide, a support group he formed for men who have come out later in life. He emphasizes the importance of finding a safe space and community for support and understanding.

Takeaways

• Coming out later in life can be a lonely and isolating experience, but finding a safe space and community of others who have had similar experiences can provide support and reassurance.
• The weight of keeping a secret about one's sexuality can have a significant impact on mental health and well-being.
• The process of coming out can be challenging and may involve difficult conversations with family members and loved ones.
• Creating a support group or community for individuals who have come out later in life can provide a valuable resource for connection, understanding, and shared experiences.

Chapters
00:00 Introduction
00:48 Growing Up in the 80s
02:16 Discovering His Sexuality
03:16 Getting Married
04:15 The Weight of the Secret
05:12 Dealing with Guilt and Shame
06:11 Living a Lie
07:11 Finding Purpose in Helping Others
09:06 Impact on Family
11:30 Inspiration from Daughters
12:56 Coming Out and Seeking Help
13:53 The Process of Coming Out
15:19 Creating Gay Fathers Worldwide
19:11 Regrets and Lessons Learned
23:20 Acceptance in the Gay Community
26:27 Late-Life Coming Out Experience
28:25 Creation of Gay Fathers Worldwide
29:21 Common Experiences of Children
31:48 New Life and Career
36:41 Importance of Community
37:37 Conclusion

Bent Couch Counselling: https://www.bentcouch.com.au/

Gay Fathers Worldwide: https://gayfathersworldwide.wordpress.com/

Podcast website: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/C7PJTAcmGT8

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

Contact me: [email protected]

© 2024 David Cotton Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved.The "Out Late With David" podcast and its content are the property of David Cotton Coaching, LLC. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from David Cotton Coaching, LLC is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to "Out Late With David" and David Cotton Coaching, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

William Brown is an author, a licensed professional counselor, and a man who knows firsthand what it’s like to come out later in life. At age forty he told his wife of 18 years, and his children… that he is gay. What he’s learned since—helped him create the definitive “how to” book for coming out later in life.

Book Recommendation: Coming True: Seeking Truth in Self, Later In Life, by today's guest, William Brown. https://a.co/d/6cEM5Jj

Video version of this episode: https://youtu.be/5y_GJsqzcXg

Podcast website and for more resources about coming out LGBTQ+: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

Contact me: [email protected]

© 2024 David Cotton Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved.The "Out Late With David" podcast and its content are the property of David Cotton Coaching, LLC. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from David Cotton Coaching, LLC is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to "Out Late With David" and David Cotton Coaching, LLC with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.