Has Colin forgotten how to do the intro? Where did Jeeves go when he stopped being your internet butler? Does anyone on The Bachelor have boundaries? Why does Matt have to be the principal at Bachelor High? Does Victoria completely lack a theory of mind for other human beings? Are there worse things in life than being called a ho? Is Raleigh in the back-country of North Carolina? How much did they spend on manure in this episode? 

Season 25 Episode 5 of The Bachelor has inspired our longest episode yet. You're welcome.