This episode is a week late! Rachel and Gabby's trainwreck begins with episode 1.

Is this podcast really the best way for Colin to get time away from his infant son? Has this show finally dispensed with any pretense of rules or principles? Is there a single person here who isn't cravenly trying to be on TV? Are all the guys going to go for Gabby? Which of the women has worse taste in men? Why do so many of the men think Rachel and Gabby want to hear jokes about their mutual ex? Does Hayden sell timeshares or what? How many charges does Alec have pending? Who will be first to break the fourth wall? 

SORRY for the late ep. we will try to BE BETTER

How can the women tell all while saying so little? Is Susie going to start a foundation to help other victims of Clayton's vast insensitivity? 

A special doubl episode week!

Who will have the scariest dad? Who will have the lousiest hometown? Who is getting led on? What kind of wild animal will Clayton be bitten by? Is high ropes REALLY that scary? Are Michelle and Colin as good at Bachelor predictions as they think they are? Is Rachel's laryngitis strategic? Is Serene's brother Barack Obama's secret son? 

Hometowns is actually taking place in people's home towns, so episode 8 of Clayton's season of The Bachelor is instantly ten times better.

Are they allowed to have two rose ceremonies in one episode? Where was Clayton's lie detection ability in the Shanae episodes? Will Mara's gambit for more screen time pay off on Women Tell All? Is the Pretty Woman date a harbinger of success for Susie? Can we please have Gabby as the next bachelorette instead of Susie? How many times can they say "hometowns" in one episode? Which girl is going to have the most unamused dad? Has there ever been a less appropriate date than fake televised therapy? Why are we pretending that Clayton is paying for Susie's new clothes? Why have we never seen footage of Sarah's alleged villainy? Will Sarah finally hire an acting coach? Will we ever see justice for Genevieve?

Episode 7 of Clayton's season of The Bachelor is one of the best ever.

... Then comes Sarah in a baby carriage? Does Shanae have a future as a shrimp spokeswoman? How do you pronounce "Clayton"? Is Clayton always walking out of scenes to check the script? Is there nothing for these women to talk about other than how hard it is to "open up"? Why do we spend so much time hearing Mara spiralling through desperation and despair? What footage did we miss of Serene mastering knightly combat? Is Rachel an amazing kisser? How much horse anus does a girl need to eat to get some love from Clayton? Why can't Clayton see that no one except Mara is old enough to get married?

Episode 6 of Clayton's season of The Bachelor is full of sword fights AND word fights!

Does Shanae have a genius-level villain IQ? Where is Houston anyway? Have the women run out of good sob stories for their one-on-ones? Is trophy-toss going to be added to the next Olympics? Is Genevieve going home in a barrel? Why would anyone ever believe Shanae's apology? Why didn't Clayton take the girls to Medieval Times in Toronto? Is there such a thing as gluten-free beaver tails? 

Sorry this one's a week late! Episode 5 of Clayton's season of The Bachelor was so good it took Colin a long time to recover. 

Is this Shanae's season? Does Clayton love football more than he likes women? Is there a producer watching Clayton bathe? Should the Bachelor get three instant replays? Is Colin nailing a South African accent? Who are these random schlubs cooking barbecue for Clayton and Rachel? Is Sierra a pot-stirrer or an earnest busybody? Is it safe to have sex in the ocean? Is there a world where Clayton is actually INTO Shanae?  

check out our analysis of episode 4 of Clayton's season... (Shanae's season?), Colin's accent work, and the continuing fallout of Shrimp-Gate

Shrimp... Is there really anything else on the menu?

Episode 3 of Clayton's season is all about the tastiest fruits of the sea. God help us all. 

Who will be the blondest craziest villain of Clayton's season? Why is Hilary Duff hosting a child actor party? Is Cassidy going to make friends, or is she going to be America's Next Top Model? Is Cassidy a tragic hero with the fatal flaw of hubris? What kind of cocktails to they serve at "Shoes" and "Big Daddy's Antiques"? Is Elizabeth safe in the same house as Shanae? Do we need a grade school PSA about bullying people with ADHD? Is Shanae more crazy or more evil? Is one girl's friend-with-benefits another girl's boyfriend? 

Episode 2 of Clayton's season .... a season for villains! 

Is this the first season of The Bachelor to segue into a new season of Sister Wives? Is Clayton's dad hosting the show? Did Salley audition to be on the show the same day her engagement fell through? Why was there a rose laying around in Clayton's hotel room? Has there ever been a Bachelor easier to manipulate than Clayton? Who writes these girls' intro bits? Who will be crowned craziest of the crazies? What will Washington eventually name their football team? Will Claire ever meet her dream mean man? Who ate those leftover chicken wings?

Clayton's season of The Bachelor is off to a bugnuts crazy start with Episode 1 and Michelle and Colin are ready to talk smack.