My Sister Made Me Watch This

Another double entry covering episodes 5 & 6 of Gabby and Rachel's season!

What was the point of Logan's entire arc here? Why did Rachel's downward spiral end so suddenly? Was it all the cheese? What's the best way to fire someone? Does Jesse practice his lines before heart-to-hearts? Is smacking someone in the face with a fish as fun as it looks? Should horses exist? Does Gabby actually want a relationship with any of these guys? Is Tino disintegrating in a puddle of bruised ego? Is our society on the brink of a mental breakdown? 

YES 

Double episode covering episode 3 & 4 of Gabby and Rachel's season

Is this the least likeable crop of men in Bachelorette history? Is Rachel going to be able to pull up out of this emotional tailspin? Do the producers get more diabolical every season? Is Zach's acting going to get any better? Has there ever been anyone on this show less articulate than Tino? Have they given up on all the men having sob stories to tell on one-on-ones? Why is there a baby diaper fetish cosplay date? Is there anything to like about Tino other than his height? Is it weird to make out inside of a cathedral? Is it possible to have a podcast while raising young children? 

Rachel and Gabby's journey to chaos and competition enters episode 2 with literally dozens of men. 

Is this season just about mess, not about the "journey"? Is the speedo competition really the only way you can check out the men's bodies? Is it possible to fall in love with and marry a man who answers to "Meatball"? How much talent is required before you can call it a "pageant"? How much can a brother and sister talk about men's bulges before it gets uncomfortable? Is juggling really that impressive? Is there a bigger red flag for a man than referring to women as "females"? Is a safety pin an acceptable earring for a 33-year-old man with a child?

This episode is a week late! Rachel and Gabby's trainwreck begins with episode 1.

Is this podcast really the best way for Colin to get time away from his infant son? Has this show finally dispensed with any pretense of rules or principles? Is there a single person here who isn't cravenly trying to be on TV? Are all the guys going to go for Gabby? Which of the women has worse taste in men? Why do so many of the men think Rachel and Gabby want to hear jokes about their mutual ex? Does Hayden sell timeshares or what? How many charges does Alec have pending? Who will be first to break the fourth wall? 

SORRY for the late ep. we will try to BE BETTER

How can the women tell all while saying so little? Is Susie going to start a foundation to help other victims of Clayton's vast insensitivity? 

A special doubl episode week!

Who will have the scariest dad? Who will have the lousiest hometown? Who is getting led on? What kind of wild animal will Clayton be bitten by? Is high ropes REALLY that scary? Are Michelle and Colin as good at Bachelor predictions as they think they are? Is Rachel's laryngitis strategic? Is Serene's brother Barack Obama's secret son? 

Hometowns is actually taking place in people's home towns, so episode 8 of Clayton's season of The Bachelor is instantly ten times better.

Are they allowed to have two rose ceremonies in one episode? Where was Clayton's lie detection ability in the Shanae episodes? Will Mara's gambit for more screen time pay off on Women Tell All? Is the Pretty Woman date a harbinger of success for Susie? Can we please have Gabby as the next bachelorette instead of Susie? How many times can they say "hometowns" in one episode? Which girl is going to have the most unamused dad? Has there ever been a less appropriate date than fake televised therapy? Why are we pretending that Clayton is paying for Susie's new clothes? Why have we never seen footage of Sarah's alleged villainy? Will Sarah finally hire an acting coach? Will we ever see justice for Genevieve?

Episode 7 of Clayton's season of The Bachelor is one of the best ever.

... Then comes Sarah in a baby carriage? Does Shanae have a future as a shrimp spokeswoman? How do you pronounce "Clayton"? Is Clayton always walking out of scenes to check the script? Is there nothing for these women to talk about other than how hard it is to "open up"? Why do we spend so much time hearing Mara spiralling through desperation and despair? What footage did we miss of Serene mastering knightly combat? Is Rachel an amazing kisser? How much horse anus does a girl need to eat to get some love from Clayton? Why can't Clayton see that no one except Mara is old enough to get married?

Episode 6 of Clayton's season of The Bachelor is full of sword fights AND word fights!

Does Shanae have a genius-level villain IQ? Where is Houston anyway? Have the women run out of good sob stories for their one-on-ones? Is trophy-toss going to be added to the next Olympics? Is Genevieve going home in a barrel? Why would anyone ever believe Shanae's apology? Why didn't Clayton take the girls to Medieval Times in Toronto? Is there such a thing as gluten-free beaver tails? 

Sorry this one's a week late! Episode 5 of Clayton's season of The Bachelor was so good it took Colin a long time to recover. 

Is this Shanae's season? Does Clayton love football more than he likes women? Is there a producer watching Clayton bathe? Should the Bachelor get three instant replays? Is Colin nailing a South African accent? Who are these random schlubs cooking barbecue for Clayton and Rachel? Is Sierra a pot-stirrer or an earnest busybody? Is it safe to have sex in the ocean? Is there a world where Clayton is actually INTO Shanae?  

check out our analysis of episode 4 of Clayton's season... (Shanae's season?), Colin's accent work, and the continuing fallout of Shrimp-Gate