Is Katie the most severe bachelorette yet? Did Blake read a book about vibrators? Is this season just going to be a series of denunciations? Is Tre the latest contestant to fail astronaut training? Are the lunatics running the asylum? How do 90% of these guys not realize they're going home? Which Jim Carrey movie does this episode most resemble? Is Greg the secret villain? Are the new hosts tipping the scales and feeding Katie's paranoia? Is there a feminist message in here somewhere? How much of Colin's singing can Michelle tolerate? How much Hunter screen time can Michelle tolerate? Has Blake taken whatever potion Steve Urkel took to become Stefan Urkell? Is the true Bachelor-verse superpower not caring if you look like an idiot? Did anyone think it was possible to do a whole episode about how Thomas is being punished for saying what all the men are secretly thinking? 

Katie's season has arrived at episode 4! What happened to fun Katie? Ugh.

Was Karl's exit the most unceremonious ever? Was Katie going to the prom with Salazar Slytherin? How many of these grown men are going to get sent to the principal's office by Katie? How badly would Conor B. fail astronaut training? Are the men going to form a forensic unit to decipher the date cards? Is Thomas really as full of it as he seems? Is Colin's antipathy toward Aaron reflective of a deep personal trauma? Is Thomas's true transgression that he is being honest about why they're all really there? Why is Michael a dad while Hunter is just a guy with kids? Does a dead wife beat a dead dad? 

Which crab will the other crabs pull back down into the bucket this week? 

It's episode 3 of Katie's season of The Bachelorette and the producers are pulling the strings. 

Is Karl a lousy enough villain to make us miss Victoria? Is the first group date the most humiliating ever? How do you make a living as a motivational speaker? Is Cosmopolitan a peer-reviewed journal? What is "erogenous doggy"? Is Katie the RA? Is Conor a ventriloquist but the puppet is offscreen? Is there anything sinister (or anything at all) going on behind Greg's glazed eyes? Will Michelle and Colin permanently fall out over the Aaron versus Cody dustup? Is "not here for the right reasons" the new equivalent of "witch" or "Communist"? How many five-year-olds can we find who are better liars than Karl? Is Colin's dislike of Aaron rooted in early trauma? 

Katie's season of The Bachelorette heats up with hometown feuds on Episode 2!

Is there any hope of Michelle and Colin remembering the names of any of Katie's beaus? Was there ever a man so little mourned as Chris Harrison? Who oversaw Katie's jean jacket fitting? Is Greg a glassy-eyed psycho or a harmless family man? Is Cat-guy Connor going to sink his claws in for the long run? Is it ever okay to photoshop a love interest into a photo with you? Who started the trend of men wearing flood pants and no socks with a suit? Does the real estate business exclusively attract corny douches? IS IT FOOTBALL OR FUTBALL? Will Colin be forced to watch Bridgerton? Who will be the biggest villain, Aaron or Christian? 

It's Episode 1 of Katie's season of The Bachelorette and no one is memorable!

Is Michelle skilled enough at sleuthing online to spoil the season for herself? What are the production interns who wrote the cast bios majoring in (hopefully not English)? How long has the sabre-toothed tiger been extinct? How many real estate investors does one season need? How much reassurance would Colin need in order to swim with sharks? How biased are Michelle and Colin in favour of the Canadian contestants? How many of the contestants are actually three kids in a trenchcoat? What is surgical skin? Do zippers need salesmen? Is there an annual quota of one Brandon and one Brendan? How many of men have a faovurite flower? Is there an imminent global shortage of soap? Are there any tolerable people out there who compare themselves to Jay-z or Beyonce? 

Michelle and Colin are losing their minds with excitement for Katie's season! Fill out your Bachelorette brackets and tune in this week.

Even on the final Plathville miniseries episode, will Colin spend five minutes talking about Kenny from Tayshia's season? Will Lydia ever meet her handsome prince? Who is the better social scientist between Michelle and Colin? How much did Ethan tip his massage therapist? Is there an acceptable way to jerk it in church? Did Kim see Olivia strangle a kitten or something? What is a "California liberal lifestyle"? Is the Plath household a totalitarian regime? Is this the end of the Plath family as we know it?  

Is Colin experiencing Stockholm syndrome with the Plaths? Is Max an actor hired by the producers to date Moriah? Does Kim Plath allow Hallmark movies? Are the Plaths complete isolationists? Why did God destroy Sodom and Gomorrah? Is Colin's Ethan impression getting better or worse? How many presidents can Colin name in order? Is it appropriate to show your midriff in a courtroom? 

Are Colin and Michelle just gonna talk about the Colton Underwood reveal and other Bachelor-verse news for the whole episode? Is Colin going to quit Twitter again? Does Matt James listen to his brother's music when he's romancing ladies? Are Micah and Moriah just living the movie Big? Is Barry Plath a perfect cipher? Where is the #FreeLydia gofundme? Does Ethan think that the navel is often involved in sex? What are the Plaths really afraid of out in the world? What is Lydia going to do when she has highlighted every passage in her bible? Is regional covid "mask culture" a thing? How does agriculture work? How much does Michelle know about municipal property standards? And the big question of the week: Does Joe Exotic still have an extra hole in his penis?  

This week's extremely vulgar episode is still about Welcome to Plathville (mostly?) covering Episode 3 & 4, broken up by tangents you could drive a truck through. Use headphones or send the kids to bed before listening. 

Enjoy this week's DOUBLE DROP to make up for the month we've been away

Is there no limit to how many blond people Kim Plath can gestate and birth? Does Micah also resemble a Ken doll under his bathing suit? Where is the line between "modeling" and "being photographed"? What is the line between "photograph" and "gay porn"? Does Michelle still play "Orphaned Teenagers" make-believe games with our other sister? What is the point of being an adult if you can't eat ice cream for dinner? Where is Kim really getting "screenshots" of Micah? Does Lydia have a boyfriend? (Are his initials "J.C."?) Are life skills overrated? 

Michelle made Colin jump in at Season 2 of Welcome to Plathville while we all wait for The Bachelorette to film, so here's the run-down on Episodes 1 & 2.

Is this the episode where Michelle and Colin figure out how to heal society's cultural divides? Is The Bachelor finally getting diversity and inclusion right? Why is watching Matt James's dark night of the soul such bad TV? Is anyone ever going to explain to the bachelor what marriage is? Is Matt's idea of "taking some time" just bro-ing out with the Diamond Guy? Are Katie's and Michelle's seasons going to be as amazing as Colin thinks? Will Michelle and Colin ever be able to convince listeners to watch Bachelor in Paradise Canada? Is Michelle going to sneak across the border for a back-alley vaccination?

Matt James's season ends not with a bang, but with a whimper; but after the final rose, hope blooms... (pretty good right?)

#JusticeForMichelle!

***

Spam us! [email protected]

Twitter mob us! @mysistermademe_pod @colinlovesbirds

Post ironic comments on our pictures! @mysistermademewatchthis

Check out Matt's brother's soundcloud! https://soundcloud.com/johnthescorpio