Who is Clare Crawley and why has she been on four of these programs? Who is Dale and why are we in love with him? How many times can we say La Quinta? How much fun did the crew of The Bachelor have filming roadrunners? How many of these "contestants" are paid extras?

What is Victoria talking about? Is there lost footage of Marylynn being unreasonable? Was Matt and Bri's quad flip a stunt or a near-death experience? Do fancy resorts have woodland hot tubs? What is Victoria talking about? Will Colin be able to remember what season we're on ever? Are the bags under Victoria's eyes a bigger medical emergency than Sarah's fainting spell? Do Katie and Anna have access to the mental health resources they desperately need? What is Victoria talking about? 

Season 25 (Matt James), episode 2 of The Bachelor is full of the crazy we've come to love!

Is Matt ready for the tsunami of crazy about to land on him? Are they going to give Victoria have a moustache to twist? Is "queen" an occupation? Is there any reason not to just walk around in bra and underwear? Has Matt James ever had a carb? How hard would it be to drink alcohol after an all-nighter? Has Anna ever had emotion that didn't show on her face?

Season 25 (or is it 26?) episode 1 of The Bachelor is sure to bemuse and maybe inspire?

When the men tell all, why they always talk like they got something to say (but nothing comes out when they move their lips—just a bunch of gibberish)? Does Colin choose episode titles completely arbitrarily? Did we need another dosef of Yosef? Did Bennett-bot 4000 time his crying binges? Are Blake and the Reiki lady gonna hook up? Did this week REALLY need two episodes?