Overcoming Disappointment

We all want things we can't have, including both things we think are good for us and things we know aren't. How do we limit the disappointment we experience, and how does identity in Christ help when we are disappointed?

Show Notes:

Today we're talking about how knowing who you are in Christ can help in overcoming disappointment. Disappointment is part of being human. I'm sure you can think of many examples from both recent and distant memory when you were disappointed. Before we look at how to combat disappointment, let's explore where it comes from.

Disappointment happens when something we think is going to happen doesn't. We can call this a blocked goal. The level that we're committed to this thing happening affects just how disappointed we are. If I was debating going out to dinner after work but then realized my bank account says that's a bad idea, my level of disappointment is going to be lower than if I had already decided that's what I wanted to do. On the other hand, if I've been planning all year to take a trip with my friends, and it ends up falling through, I'm going to be far more disappointed.

Because disappointment has to do with our expectations, a good way to avoid a lot of disappointment in the first place is to make your expectations known. If I am planning to go to the store with my friend after work without actually asking her to go, I'm setting myself up for disappointment. If you get married and expect that the woman is going to do the cooking and the man is going to do the clean-up but you haven't expressed that, you're probably in for some disappointment.

Another way to experience less disappointment is to expect less. Like I mentioned earlier, there are levels of expectation. For explanation's sake, we'll call them would enjoy, wish, want, and expect. Something you know you'd enjoy but aren't really even wishing for is going to bring you far less disappointment if it doesn't happen than something you fully expect will happen. The more things we can leave in the would enjoy, wish, and want categories, the less disappointed we will be.

I don't mean that you try to convince yourself that you have no desires, no goals, no aspirations in life. Fulfilled goals and desires are often what brings us enjoyment in life, so if we don't have any, we are neither disappointed or happy. The point is really contentment. With contentment, we look at what we already have and remind ourselves of the fulfilled goals and desires that brought us here, reliving those joys instead of seeking out new ones. Often the reason we lose contentment is that lies about our needs sneak into our minds. Being content means resetting our expectations, speaking truth to those lies ("I don't really need that because I have this"), and taking a closer look at what we already have and how it satisfies our needs and desires.

So what does any of this have to do with identity? Good question. Even despite all of this, there are always going to be times when we want something we don't get. In my experience, the deepest cutting disappointment comes when you think you are on the right track of following God's will, seeking after the goals and aspirations He has given you, and a giant boulder falls in your path. This has the potential to shake the core of your identity.

Now whether it's something as earth-shattering as that or just the fact that you had planned on taking a hot bath while the kids were at your mom's but now she's sick and can't take them, the lies and truths are very similar. Here are three basic lies that persistent disappointment is based in:

• God is not as powerful as I thought, and He can't make happen the desires He gave me.
• God doesn't love me as much as He's supposed to, otherwise He wouldn't have let this happen to me.
• I am a failure, and however hard I try, nothing will ever go right.

So many lies boil down to disbelieving either God's power or His love. I think we have a predisposition toward one other the other. I know mine is to forget His love but believe His power. The third lie here just forgets God altogether, leaving our situation and success fully on our shoulders. So what are some truth statements to combat these lies?

• Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." If we are believers, we are called according to His purpose, and this promise of good applies to us. What is good, you might ask? Our ultimate good comes when we completely trust God and rely on Him for every physical, emotional, and spiritual need we have, all while fulfilling His specific role for us on this earth. In order to get there, we have to lose trust in any other earthly thing, which is why the verse does not promise that God makes everything easy or fun for us, only good.
• Colossians 1:16 "For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him." The same power that created everything that exists is working in your life to bring about your best good and His glory. If it happened, it wasn't because it was an accident or outside His control.
• Ephesians 2:4-10 "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." God loves us so much that He not only took the penalty for our sins upon Himself, He also seated us with Himself in Heaven and plans to spend the rest of eternity showing us His grace and kindness. Not only that, while we are still on earth, He has designed a specific set of tasks for us to do on His behalf of the earth. That's incredible love.

The next time you are disappointed, hit the reset button. Evaluate whether the thing you were expecting or hoping for is something God wants for you or if it's really a desire for something sinful. If it seems like something God would want for you and you can't understand why He would withhold it from you, remind yourself that He knows you, loves you, has a plan for you, and has a good reason for not letting you have or do that thing. It'll all work out for your good in the end, and you'll be happier in Him because of it.

Thanks for joining me today. If you ever want to let me know what you think of the podcast or have suggestions, you can write to me using the contact page on my website or via facebook at facebook.com/storiesbyHR.