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Overcoming Twins’ Early Birth, NICU, Food Allergies and more with Peter Esbrandt – Podcast 292
Episode 292 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes
Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Peter Esbrandt, father of four-year-old identical twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:
Connect with Peter via email.
Podcast Transcript
This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.
Joe
Today we continue our father of twins interview series with a father of twins as we talk about his journey as a dad from the pregnancy to now having almost four year old identical twin girls, including the surprises that came along the way during the pregnancy that resulted in early delivery of those twins, what surprised him the most after birth, dealing with late bloomers when twins hit milestones a little later than expected. We discussed even the great question of traveling with young children: what wins out? Twins getting a nap on a regular schedule? Or you having fun on your vacation? We talked about that and much more today on the show.
Intro
Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.
Joe
Hey everybody, this is Joe Rawlinson, welcome to the show. I’m glad that you’re here. Before we jump into the interview with one of our fellow fathers of twins. I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my store twintshirtcompany.com where you can find dozens of t-shirts designed specifically for us as fathers of twins. We have shirts for moms of twins and for the grandparents for twins. And for the twins themselves. These make great gifts and are fun to wear. Head on over to twintshirtcompany.com. Today I’d like to welcome to the show, father of twins, Peter Esbrandt, father of identical twin girls who are turning four. We start out our conversation discussing when he and his wife decided to start trying to have children.
Peter
We tried off and on six, seven months. Almost got frustrating to be honest with you. And then we were both getting up there and age. And I told her I said a I think it was around November. I said hey, we’re gonna try one more time. Until my birthday we’ll see what happens. So it was quickly after that we found out she was pregnant. She started spotting at eight weeks so there was a scare. Went to have an emergency ultrasound and then that’s when they found out there was two in there. So it just kind of completely threw us for a loop. You know, she freaked out, didn’t know what to do. I mean, what do you do, but so from there, you know, typical, we were seeing our normal or normal doctor followed by an ultrasound specialist because they were I don’t want to get it wrong but shared the same placenta but they had different sex. So they were sharing the same food source and different sex so they were afraid of the twin the twin transfusions went to a specialist everything was working smoothly. The wife’s a different animal when it comes to pain. So I don’t know the exact dates but it was around. So they were technically due the end of September, I think around the 30th of September, around Fourth of July. Even a little bit before that. She was telling me I think I’m having contractions. And I blew it off like hey, you’re pregnant, you know, like normal pains live with it. So when we went to the ultrasound specialist, he made she made mention to him. So they hooked her up to a machine and he’s like, Well you actually are having contractions. So she got admitted to the hospital over the Fourth of July weekend. I didn’t think she was going to get out of there. Luckily, that same doctor come to visit and we kind of pleaded with him and he’s like, Hey, if she goes home and she stays in a bed like I’ll let her go home and I’m like, please just let her go home. You know, like I didn’t want to balance all of it. So she went home.
Joe
This is still two months before the estimated delivery, right?
Peter
Two and a Half correct. So she went back home and then I mean any twin, pregnant mom, she got big, you know and she kept swelling. And I kind of had an idea what was going on because we would see the ultrasound specialist and he would always report back to the doctor and he called the doctor on the last visit and he’s like her blood pressure is high. And I’m comfortable. Like whenever you’re ready to pull the trigger. Let’s go so I knew I think things were gonna happen sooner than later. And I think that was on a I think it was on a Friday. We were supposed to see him we were scheduled to see her normal doctor on Monday. So her blood pressure was high. He asked when we were going to see the normal doctor. She told them Hey, Monday, he goes well, how about we see her today? So we went to the doctor. She checked the blood pressure. She happened the doctor happened to have triplets so she knew the deal. And she said hey where are we having a baby today? Know when you come back on Monday or we haven’t babies probably. And she basically advised like hey, just get a blood pressure machine from Amazon. Monitor it I happen to be the on call doctor this weekend. If something happens we’ll go so we ordered it on Amazon. We got it on that Saturday. I could just tell I mean her feet were swollen. I think I even told her Saturday like after lunch. I’m like, Hey, you should probably cut some meals out like I don’t know, you know, just in case something happens and sure enough, she checked her blood pressure skyrocketed. Doctor told her go to the hospital. And you know the rest is history C section later that evening. And that was I guess 34 just shot 35 weeks.
Joe
So was she was your wife on bedrest do though. She was
Peter
yeah, she was bedridden. Probably from that Fourth of July weekend forward.
Joe
Okay, so how that impact her work or, or how you were taking care of herself.
Peter
It was she was working with the school district. So lucky for her like it happened to fall in the summertime. And she was off for the summer. I mean, it obviously affects like our shared chores and tasks now become one you know the cooking the cleaning on top of the working on top of the worrying about or when you’re at work because she’s at home in bed like you know, obviously she’s gonna push herself a little further if you’re not there to help her because she has nobody else. We are lucky for that. She was off for the summer when she still she’s a stay at home mom to this day.
Joe
So were you able to get everything ready, or were the twins early enough that kind of caught you by surprise.
Peter
No, I’m a super planter. So we had pregame the baby showers and all of that the baby showers were earlier than normal. But I mean it wasn’t because I expected it to go south it was more like it’s Texas in the summertime and I’m like it’s gonna be hot, you know? So let’s try to have it like the smaller you are, the less further along in the pregnancy probably the more enjoyable it’ll be for you. You know, because it’s just a summer in Texas and taught
Joe
as a fellow Texan, I understand. Absolutely. So tell us about the delivery. You said it was a C section. What are your memories of the moment
Peter
it was hectic, you know like they’re delivering kids. The NICU is already there with their their little beds and all this on standby and you’re out of the norm pregnancy right like boom, here’s the kid Let me hold it over the blanket so mommy can see it gets handed to a NICU nurse they put it in a box and it drives away. You know, and then same thing with the second one. And you know, the care and the wife. She really didn’t know what was going on, you know and I can remember like her asking, Hey, why aren’t they crying? And I’m like, well, they’re gone. Like they’ve left the room. So kind of an just different unexpected you know, you expect the Happy Birth everybody’s holding the baby. It’s a glorious moment. Well, this one they took off and they take me into the room where they’re at and they’re strapping him up to all the cords and all of this and far enough along in the process. I mean, one was four thing four pounds, 12 ounces. The other was five five. You know walk like a duck talks like a duck looks like a duck like a little small, but they look like a baby. You know, they’re not like hand sized or anything. And, you know, the doctor asked me, Do you have any questions? And I said, Hey, like, are they gonna come home with us? We had to me I mean, I’m ignorant. It looks like a baby. And he’s like, No, they’re not coming home. So it was just kind of a very unorthodox thing.
Joe
So what did they tell you? Like why would they not be able to come home?
Peter
I guess based on their age and stuff they knew, I guess if I if I rewind back, the wife did receive some steroid shots. When she went to the hospital in July to help with the growth but I didn’t know. At that point. I don’t know how the doctor would already have made an assumption of such because it was early along in the process. So I didn’t really have a clear explanation. In the beginning. They wheeled him off to the NICU. The wife got back to the room. She was on. Again medical ignorance and maybe mercury or something to help with everything. So she formally like she couldn’t go down and see them for several hours. Like a very long time. I went down and saw them. Just so happen. They were doing their rounds. And the nurse practitioner. You know, I guess they come up. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the NICU, but they come up every day twice a day and basically give the plan to the day. Hey, let’s move the breathing machine down a little bit. Let’s do this and this and see how it works. Well, she’s given all this stuff and it’s foreign to me. And she asked me again she’s like, Do you have any questions? And I said, Well, are they going to die? Like, that’s my question. She’s like, No, they’re gonna be okay. And I was like, Well, I at this point, like, all that other stuff kind of scares me if they’re not going to die, like, do whatever you got to do. And the funny part is that nurse practitioner to this day, still sends the girls Christmas and birthday gifts, like, I mean, it was a really good bond we made with one another.
Joe
That’s great. How long were you girls in the NICU?
Peter
34 days.
Joe
And were you you’re wanting to take turns being with them? How do you juggle that with work and stuff like that?
Peter
So I have a lot of flexibility with work. And they were understanding so I did a lot of work from the hospital. So every day I would load the wife up, we would drive to the hospital. We would see them. If I had to leave and go do something. I would just go handle it and then I’d come back to the hospital and get her. So we spent we missed one day out of the 34 there because it was the day before they were being released. But we suffered a lot of flooding. And I just didn’t want to risk going through the water and stuff like that. So we missed one out of 34 days.
Joe
So those those newborn months are probably kind of a blur in the past. What do you remember being challenging once you brought them home?
Peter
So the their breathing was always an issue. They’re breathing. And then one was actually slated to not be in the NICU that long. And they were talking about a release and it was kind of exciting and then they found blood in her stool, so they chalked it up to a milk allergy. So we went completely backwards. She went from level to I guess it was to back to the most severe level. They didn’t let her eat for seven days. They just pumped her with fluids and then they would give her very small doses. Which I guess to make sure she didn’t have a milk allergy to this day. I’m not sure if she did or didn’t. But we spent all the early months of newborns on the very hypoallergenic formula the Ella care due to the milk allergy but the breathing thing you know when we had to feed them, we had to feed them. Not normally but like I don’t know what you would call it like on their side with the bottle more like at a 90 degree angle in their mouth to help with breathing. Well in the NICU. They’re hooked up with two machines and you’re paranoid and you can watch the oxygen levels as they eat, you know drop and then you take the bottle out it rises back up. And then I just remember that was happening one day, and then the next day they’re going home and you’re like well I don’t have this machine as a crutch like, what am I going to do? I can’t see their oxygen levels. It’s scary, you know, but it was okay. I mean we were just freaked out in the beginning. The NICU was it was a blessing in disguise if I have to be honest, like do I ever want a child to go through that? No, but 34 days of learning to how to be twin parents was a blessing in disguise. You know, it wasn’t two days later go home with these two and conquer. Like, you had a lot of nurses who had a lot of experience with these young kids that had ideas and you could pluck certain ideas and kind of make it your own. But um, when we first got home we had a little couch that had two recliners and we had Bobby’s and an ottoman, and we were scared. We were just so scared that I remember we would put them on the Bobby’s at night and I would like sleep on a recliner and she was sleep long ways. I’m just waiting for him to feed again. And we did that for a little while and then it moved to the bassinet next to the bed. And then finally to the bed, but I was rough. I’m not gonna lie. I mean, it was rough.
Joe
So did you have any more challenges with the breathing? After you brought it home? You just kind of worried worried that that could be a problem.
Peter
I was just worried because when you’re hooked up to a machine you see it in live time when we got them home, I mean, they’re slow. And they didn’t start walking till they’re almost two years old. They were Googles and gaggles until after three years old as far as talking size wise, they grew quickly. I mean, it was very quickly that if you looked at them they didn’t look like premature kids. They were size wise, weight wise, they look like kids, it was just all the behind stuff you know, and do they both have the milk allergy or just one of the one that went back to that milk allergy but out of an abundance of caution they put the other one on the milk allergy so that Ella care is very expensive, and it goes by very quickly when you have
Joe
to have a meeting it so are they are they still allergic to milk or have you moved past that?
Peter
I don’t give like we don’t give them whole milk but we don’t restrict like they eat cheese. They eat normal stuff and we haven’t had a an issue
Joe
here. Some of our kids have food allergies. Or twins don’t but are boys too, was always too challenging to navigate. So you mentioned that it took a little while to hit some of these milestones like walking and talking. From your perspective. Were you were you thinking there’s something there’s something wrong or there’s still tracking as you would hope they would be?
Peter
You always think something’s wrong, you know? Like, especially when the pregnancy doesn’t come out as planned. Like in your mind, it’s all wrong. You know? So yeah, as it took longer you don’t compare yourself to other kids but you got other kids born at the same time and like they’re moving around and they’re talking and it’s hard not to in a way right although every kid grows differently. You’re just like, I hope everything’s okay. You know, like, I want it to be okay. Yeah, I mean, certain milestones like when they got close to two it was really wearing on me more than the wife like, weren’t they walking yet, you know, are the three years old? Like, they’re not really talking? Well, this is kind of bothering me like, We attempted speech therapy early on, and it was during the COVID time. So basically, I was running around or the wife would be running around with a laptop while the speech therapist was on the other side. You know, saying hey, blow a bubble and say bubble, and I’m like, Well, this is a waste of our time. You know, like she’s not here to interact. But I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s working itself out.
Joe
Are they both on the same boat or did one kind of hit milestones before the other?
Peter
They are really close to one another. Really close like one of them started walking. The other one was shortly behind. Right now the one behind on walking is probably a more verbal speaker now more clearly than the other one but she’s coming along as well.
Joe
Are your girls to the shared bedroom at this point?
Peter
Yes. We’ve had a lot of downfalls but I will give them their two things. They’ve been in a bedroom by themselves for a very long time with no issues and they pretty much everything and when I mean everything, I can feed them fried oysters to I mean, the sky’s the limit with them. So, for the downfalls, we have pluses I mean, they’re really good sleepers in their in their bedroom in which they share and they’re really good eaters.
Joe
Oh point did you move away from cribs into maybe big girl beds?
Peter
I’ve been in a big girl bed so we had the crib that you could take the front off of and make it a day bed. And I’m more of a quick transition or than the wife is so I kind of pushed it along but they’ve been in big girl beds, I would say six seven months already.
Joe
You know those convertible cribs is kind of an evolution right so like overnight, they moved to something brand new. You mentioned that your wife is a stay at home mom, was that always the plan coming into delivery of twins. Or was that kind of decided later on?
Peter
Given the twins, yes, I mean, because when you daycare is expensive. Luckily, I mean, we were far enough along in our marriage that we were more established financially to allow them it’s like it could have been a lot worse if we were 21 With this I could see a bit of a bigger issue. But yeah, I mean, once we found out daycare for two I was like, wow, what’s the point of view working? You know, like stay home once they go to school, will redress the situation. But yeah, if it would have been a singular she would have probably continued to work.
Joe
Here your situation is very common. Yeah. Once you add up the price, no point at all. Exactly. Because you’re just be cashing your check and paying it to somebody else and there’s nothing left over. Have you had to do any any more speech therapy post? pandemic?
Peter
No, no more speech therapy. I mean, their vocabulary is pretty good. It’s just weird. It’s one of those awkward stages now where shows one on one will speak to me and I pick it up perfectly clear. And then other times I’m like, what gibberish are you saying, you know, like, it’s like, if I don’t process it from the immediate, like, first few seconds they start talking, I’m loss. But typical twin mom, you know, she can be in the kitchen. Like, Hey, she told you she wants to go outside and I’m like, okay, how’d you get that? But good for you?
Joe
Do you find that you understand what they’re saying? But people outside your household do not
Peter
in the beginning? Yes. But like our little thing is we’ll go get frozen yogurt on the weekends. It’s kind of our thing and the lady that works at the yogurt shop. She’s very shy. The girls are shy that she’s trying to get them to say hi to her, but they’ll tell her the toppings they want on the yogurt. And she understands them. You know, she’ll they’ll say strawberries and she’ll put strawberries so I’m like, Okay, well, at least other people are understanding you too.
Joe
You know, our girls had some speech challenges to it. They did some speech therapy for a little bit. And it got to a point where my wife and I we can understand what they’re saying all the time. But then, like the grandparents were like, What are they? What are they saying? We don’t we don’t get it, but they’ve grown out of that. So it’s all good now? No, no, you don’t think they’re always talking always making noise
Peter
somewhere? Yeah, you want them to be quiet almost any other
Joe
surprises that you hit? When he’s first four years with them? A
Peter
lot of things I never thought I would think about, you know, like, we take them to the playground and I go, wow, who creates playgrounds? These are incredibly unsafe, you know, like, especially with the fact that you know, they’re kind of later on the walking and like, You want my kid to climb up this rope six feet in the air with the stuff like that. I never really thought like the wife’s the wife’s family has always never really been in play my parents a little more so but just like, I’m sure you know, the grandparent hurdles like 30 years ago, we did this 30 years ago, I did this and I’m like, Mom, we’re just doing the best we can. Yeah, like, give us a break. Here.
Joe
Did you Did your parents did your parents are the animals come on their babies were little
Peter
rarely. My parents are more like, in and out. You know, they’ll come on a Sunday for an hour. And that’s it. I mean, we’ve never had a baby a night of a babysitter. We’ve never had a night out. We’ve learned to adapt with it. I’ve accepted that’s how it’s going to be and we run with it. When we had the kids, I wouldn’t say we kept the situation a secret of the birth but like everything was evolving so quickly that I didn’t include them originally because I knew there was going to be a ton of questions that I didn’t have answers for. And I was overwhelmed as we got to the hospital too. So I didn’t want to start making the phone calls like hey, maybe she’s gonna have a baby. Maybe not, you know, because I was gonna get swarmed with questions I didn’t have answers to especially even when they got sent to the NICU. So once the wife got back to the room, the kids were in the NICU. I made the first round. I called and I made the phone calls and I said, Hey, the kids are here. They’re in the NICU. You’re well like, I knew the visiting hours. I knew that they could come see them. I had answered for them. You’re welcome to come you can come see the kids. In the NICU. But I just like I wanted to share the moment with the wife in peace that that made sense because I knew they were gonna ask a ton of questions that I had no answers for,
Joe
and stuff and stuff. Yeah, you don’t even know what’s happening. But everybody else wants all the information. You’re like, I gotta figure this out first, and then I’ll let you know.
Peter
So when I felt good enough, I was like, Okay, I’ll make the phone calls like, because I knew they were gonna say well, can I come see him now and when I was in the NICU, hey, when can grandparents come? What time is it cut off? You know, I just had to get all my questions answered before I can make phone calls through how much time did you get off work after the birth? I think I took two weeks off. I took two weeks off. So the city has now implemented a 12 week off program, which is really nice, except I didn’t get benefit of it. But I mean, it’s a free 12 weeks. You have to use it through the first year of their life. So you can take two or three weeks at a time or a week here there. When I did it. You had to burn your own time. I think I took two, two weeks off. And then I might have went back for a week and I might have taken another week off. But only a couple of weeks.
Joe
It’s about average. So that’s what I did too. I was able to break it apart, like one week in the beginning then one week later, but
Peter
it’s kind of hard. It’s all milestones, you know, at some point, like, I’m here to help and I don’t mind helping, but like, I’ve got to go back to work at some point. So Mommy’s gonna have to figure out how to do it on our own. Like it’s unfortunate, but you got to figure it out.
Joe
Yeah. And moms are awesome. I mean, they figure it out, right? Like, here we are. She has more patients than I do. I’ll give her that. So what’s the most frequent question that people ask you about your twins? Well, you
Peter
get the obvious Hey, are those twins? Are they identical or fraternal? Oh, my cousin’s brother sister. has twins, you know, and I’m like, Yeah, you know, I think we get a lot. If I talk to somebody who’s comfortable enough. The question is not artificial, for lack of better terms, but what is it like in vitro or was it a natural thing? You know, like, I think, I guess they’re more common in people. Who are trying to have kids then it just being a natural deal. Do they run in your family? All of this and, I mean, it could be my ignorance, but I think identical twins are just a phenomenon regardless random That’s right. Yeah. Regardless of if twins run in your family
Joe
here we’ve got identical girls, as well. And I have no family history of that. It’s just roll the dice and boom, we’ve got twins. So
Peter
I tell you, they do get us some perks. When it comes to we check our first vacation. In January, we went on a so I stood in my head I’m like, Hey, we got to rip the band aid off do we fly to Disneyland? And then I’m like, my head starts spinning. I’m like, the flight if they freak out on the fly, like there’s no escape passengers around me to our time change. I’m swirling. So we decided on a cruise. I said, You know what, if, if it goes south on a cruise, we can go to the bedroom like well just take them to the room like we’re not disturbing people. The crews worked out great, but I mean them being cute and little like we get quite a bit of you know, benefits. I remember getting off the boat the last day the lines long and we’re trying to find somewhere to just hang out until it’s time to go. So we’re going up the stairs, you’re coming the two girls were carrying all the luggage. Literally, it’s the entrance of the line that we’re passing to get off the boat and one of the employees are like, do you have everything you need? And I’m like, and they’re like, Okay, you can get right here. You know, and like the girls cuteness got us the third spot off the boat, you know, they have their benefits or your girls still taking naps. Yes, they do nap. I think our benefit in the whole start of this is we’ve had a pretty strict schedule that we hold to this day with a little deviation. I mean, like, you know, the doctor said in the beginning breakfast, snack, lunch, snack dinner, and we stayed pretty true to that. And I don’t know if that equates to their phenomenal eating skills, or they’re just really good eaters. Same thing with naps. There was a time that they would go back and forth. Sometimes on the weekend when Daddy’s home, they’ll fight it. We can also be out and about for the day and like skip it on purpose, and it doesn’t necessarily affect them. But then, you know, the next day we put them down they sleep like a rock for two hours. So I don’t really know if I could scratch it away completely or not, but yes, as of now they still nap pretty frequently.
Joe
So going back to the vacation. How did you handle naps on vacation? That’s always a challenge for traveling families.
Peter
So I pre planned it. I mean, we took a seven day cruise so you had you know you’re on the water a couple days so naps were no big deal and then you’re at a spot you’re at a spot you’re out of spot back to back days. So I plan my excursions accordingly. Like the first day we took a beach day. I knew naps were going to be out of the question. Well, the second day, I made it a point to not look anything. Like if we were going to get off the boat and walk around we could but I wanted to afford them opportunity for a nap. And then the third day, we booked something to where we were just going to play it by ear on the nap game. Yeah, so I tried to plan it accordingly. And like I said, they were they were studs during the whole beach day in the sun and then the next day they took their nap and I just I don’t know how multiple days would lie. But yeah, it is a struggle. I we went on that vacation. I told the wife I said look, if you want to try to truly enjoy yourself, we have to have no expectations here. You know, like you want to expect to do everything as a loving family. Like that’s great, but it’s unlikely. You know, like she likes the shows at the end of the night. I don’t mind them. But it’s like we can take the girls that if they start acting up, like just accept the fact you can stay and enjoy the show. I’ll take them to the read to put them down for the night, you know, or vice versa. And I mean, it worked out really good. There was times it would be me and one of the girls in her and the other or vice versa. And I mean we made the best of it.
Joe
That’s great. Yeah, I mean, traveling was really young kids. So you have to be flexible, and just roll with whatever happens and planning around trying to keep them on the same schedule around at home is almost impossible. And that has its own consequences like tired cranky kids or or whatever. So
Peter
it’s always a fear you know like and I guess looking back now like one day have a little bit of an odd schedule doesn’t kill anything but it’s always like, Well what if they don’t go to bed? You know, or what if they do this? Is it gonna change everything? You know, it always runs through your head. I mean twins without a schedule is It’s tough. It’s really tough.
Joe
Keeping them in sync and on the same schedule is what allows you to be saying, keep things going. So through this journey of twins and fatherhood, how have you been able to maintain your relationship with your wife during kind of ups and downs of this whole journey?
Peter
It doesn’t make a marriage stronger. I’ll give you that. Like, she’s a she’s a really good person. Like I I’m involved with my job and a lot of extracurricular stuff. So sometimes it requires me to travel. A lot of the travel is some kind of more mandatory than others but majority of it’s voluntary. Deal. And I mean, I won’t say that she doesn’t have a reserves about it. But, you know, I could go home today and say, Hey, I gotta go to California for a week and she’d be like, okay, shot me and so she’s a very supportive person, but I mean, there’s days they get under my skin really, really bad, right and she can tolerate a more but because they’re under my skin, it causes me to be a different type of person towards her. And then maybe the next day or two days later, they’re under her skin. And so like the husband and wife fight the consequences of the twins just rubbing you the wrong way for that day. So you have that on top. Of your normal bickers of marriage, you know, and it just, it adds more to the pot, but I don’t know you just take each day One day at a time.
Joe
I mean, if you if you see it for what it is, the twins are always gonna push your buttons one way or the other. They may not necessarily be the mischievous on purpose or they have no ill intent. They’re just kids, you know, doing the kid thing. I struggle with that every day. Right? I’ve got all teenagers now and it’s the same. Yeah, sometimes I think you did that on purpose. I think he did that on purpose to make me upset. So here we are.
Peter
People say they say Hang in there, it’ll get better. And I’m like, Well, I don’t know if I’m convinced that’s the thing. I just think the problems change throughout time, some of which are more tolerable to people than others. You know, they may go through a stage where, you know, one of them wants to watch a certain thing on TV, which I don’t care but it may drive the wife nuts, you know, or vice versa and it’s a struggle. But it’s a it’s a beautiful struggle, I guess. I don’t know how to describe it. Did you have twins before? Was that twins? Your first thing that happened? My twins
Joe
are number three and four. So we had we had two really young boys when our girls were born. So they weren’t really close in age, which has made them chaos kind of moving seasons, because they all kind of hit milestones around the same time. And so that’s been a blessing and a curse, you know? But now they’re all really close in age and now the challenge is just their interests are diverging and getting them to different places at different at the same time. We do all that stuff. It’s fun. It is an amazing, beautiful journey ahead. It has its challenges, that’s for sure. But you learn to adapt and grow. And then there’s a new challenge next week and you figure that one out and you just keep on chugging along. It’s great.
Peter
That’s all it is. That’s one after another though and I mean, some of which I probably blow out of proportion more than they should be but I’m learning I mean, I know no better. I didn’t have one or two before three or four. So I don’t know anything you know.
Joe
We’re all learning right? Every every kid is unique. Even identical twins are different from each other. And you just got to kind of figure stuff out as you go along. So, uh, Peter, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Oh, they
Peter
can reach out to my email address. You know, I’ll
Joe
link that up in the show notes so people can connect to them. Any questions for you? Peter, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.
Peter
Yeah, you too, sir. Thanks for having me.
Joe
I hope enjoyed that discussion with Peter about his adventures as a father of twins, some of the things that he’s learned along the way how they’ve adapted to the surprises, from pregnancy to babies, to toddlers, up to now. If you want to connect with Peter, I’ve linked up his contact information in the show notes over at twindadpodcast.com. Just look for this episode.
If you would like to share your story like Peter did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email [email protected] or on social media, Twitter, Instagram @twindadjoe and I would love to hear from you.
Again today’s show is brought to you by my store that sells T shirts designed specifically for parents with twins: twintshirtcompany.com I invite you to go over there and pick up a shirt for yourself and for your favorite twins and family members. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.
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The post Overcoming Twins’ Early Birth, NICU, Food Allergies and more with Peter Esbrandt – Podcast 292 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.
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By Joe Rawlinson, twin pregnancy and raising twins expert
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Episode 292 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes
Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Peter Esbrandt, father of four-year-old identical twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:
Connect with Peter via email.
Podcast Transcript
This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.
Joe
Today we continue our father of twins interview series with a father of twins as we talk about his journey as a dad from the pregnancy to now having almost four year old identical twin girls, including the surprises that came along the way during the pregnancy that resulted in early delivery of those twins, what surprised him the most after birth, dealing with late bloomers when twins hit milestones a little later than expected. We discussed even the great question of traveling with young children: what wins out? Twins getting a nap on a regular schedule? Or you having fun on your vacation? We talked about that and much more today on the show.
Intro
Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.
Joe
Hey everybody, this is Joe Rawlinson, welcome to the show. I’m glad that you’re here. Before we jump into the interview with one of our fellow fathers of twins. I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my store twintshirtcompany.com where you can find dozens of t-shirts designed specifically for us as fathers of twins. We have shirts for moms of twins and for the grandparents for twins. And for the twins themselves. These make great gifts and are fun to wear. Head on over to twintshirtcompany.com. Today I’d like to welcome to the show, father of twins, Peter Esbrandt, father of identical twin girls who are turning four. We start out our conversation discussing when he and his wife decided to start trying to have children.
Peter
We tried off and on six, seven months. Almost got frustrating to be honest with you. And then we were both getting up there and age. And I told her I said a I think it was around November. I said hey, we’re gonna try one more time. Until my birthday we’ll see what happens. So it was quickly after that we found out she was pregnant. She started spotting at eight weeks so there was a scare. Went to have an emergency ultrasound and then that’s when they found out there was two in there. So it just kind of completely threw us for a loop. You know, she freaked out, didn’t know what to do. I mean, what do you do, but so from there, you know, typical, we were seeing our normal or normal doctor followed by an ultrasound specialist because they were I don’t want to get it wrong but shared the same placenta but they had different sex. So they were sharing the same food source and different sex so they were afraid of the twin the twin transfusions went to a specialist everything was working smoothly. The wife’s a different animal when it comes to pain. So I don’t know the exact dates but it was around. So they were technically due the end of September, I think around the 30th of September, around Fourth of July. Even a little bit before that. She was telling me I think I’m having contractions. And I blew it off like hey, you’re pregnant, you know, like normal pains live with it. So when we went to the ultrasound specialist, he made she made mention to him. So they hooked her up to a machine and he’s like, Well you actually are having contractions. So she got admitted to the hospital over the Fourth of July weekend. I didn’t think she was going to get out of there. Luckily, that same doctor come to visit and we kind of pleaded with him and he’s like, Hey, if she goes home and she stays in a bed like I’ll let her go home and I’m like, please just let her go home. You know, like I didn’t want to balance all of it. So she went home.
Joe
This is still two months before the estimated delivery, right?
Peter
Two and a Half correct. So she went back home and then I mean any twin, pregnant mom, she got big, you know and she kept swelling. And I kind of had an idea what was going on because we would see the ultrasound specialist and he would always report back to the doctor and he called the doctor on the last visit and he’s like her blood pressure is high. And I’m comfortable. Like whenever you’re ready to pull the trigger. Let’s go so I knew I think things were gonna happen sooner than later. And I think that was on a I think it was on a Friday. We were supposed to see him we were scheduled to see her normal doctor on Monday. So her blood pressure was high. He asked when we were going to see the normal doctor. She told them Hey, Monday, he goes well, how about we see her today? So we went to the doctor. She checked the blood pressure. She happened the doctor happened to have triplets so she knew the deal. And she said hey where are we having a baby today? Know when you come back on Monday or we haven’t babies probably. And she basically advised like hey, just get a blood pressure machine from Amazon. Monitor it I happen to be the on call doctor this weekend. If something happens we’ll go so we ordered it on Amazon. We got it on that Saturday. I could just tell I mean her feet were swollen. I think I even told her Saturday like after lunch. I’m like, Hey, you should probably cut some meals out like I don’t know, you know, just in case something happens and sure enough, she checked her blood pressure skyrocketed. Doctor told her go to the hospital. And you know the rest is history C section later that evening. And that was I guess 34 just shot 35 weeks.
Joe
So was she was your wife on bedrest do though. She was
Peter
yeah, she was bedridden. Probably from that Fourth of July weekend forward.
Joe
Okay, so how that impact her work or, or how you were taking care of herself.
Peter
It was she was working with the school district. So lucky for her like it happened to fall in the summertime. And she was off for the summer. I mean, it obviously affects like our shared chores and tasks now become one you know the cooking the cleaning on top of the working on top of the worrying about or when you’re at work because she’s at home in bed like you know, obviously she’s gonna push herself a little further if you’re not there to help her because she has nobody else. We are lucky for that. She was off for the summer when she still she’s a stay at home mom to this day.
Joe
So were you able to get everything ready, or were the twins early enough that kind of caught you by surprise.
Peter
No, I’m a super planter. So we had pregame the baby showers and all of that the baby showers were earlier than normal. But I mean it wasn’t because I expected it to go south it was more like it’s Texas in the summertime and I’m like it’s gonna be hot, you know? So let’s try to have it like the smaller you are, the less further along in the pregnancy probably the more enjoyable it’ll be for you. You know, because it’s just a summer in Texas and taught
Joe
as a fellow Texan, I understand. Absolutely. So tell us about the delivery. You said it was a C section. What are your memories of the moment
Peter
it was hectic, you know like they’re delivering kids. The NICU is already there with their their little beds and all this on standby and you’re out of the norm pregnancy right like boom, here’s the kid Let me hold it over the blanket so mommy can see it gets handed to a NICU nurse they put it in a box and it drives away. You know, and then same thing with the second one. And you know, the care and the wife. She really didn’t know what was going on, you know and I can remember like her asking, Hey, why aren’t they crying? And I’m like, well, they’re gone. Like they’ve left the room. So kind of an just different unexpected you know, you expect the Happy Birth everybody’s holding the baby. It’s a glorious moment. Well, this one they took off and they take me into the room where they’re at and they’re strapping him up to all the cords and all of this and far enough along in the process. I mean, one was four thing four pounds, 12 ounces. The other was five five. You know walk like a duck talks like a duck looks like a duck like a little small, but they look like a baby. You know, they’re not like hand sized or anything. And, you know, the doctor asked me, Do you have any questions? And I said, Hey, like, are they gonna come home with us? We had to me I mean, I’m ignorant. It looks like a baby. And he’s like, No, they’re not coming home. So it was just kind of a very unorthodox thing.
Joe
So what did they tell you? Like why would they not be able to come home?
Peter
I guess based on their age and stuff they knew, I guess if I if I rewind back, the wife did receive some steroid shots. When she went to the hospital in July to help with the growth but I didn’t know. At that point. I don’t know how the doctor would already have made an assumption of such because it was early along in the process. So I didn’t really have a clear explanation. In the beginning. They wheeled him off to the NICU. The wife got back to the room. She was on. Again medical ignorance and maybe mercury or something to help with everything. So she formally like she couldn’t go down and see them for several hours. Like a very long time. I went down and saw them. Just so happen. They were doing their rounds. And the nurse practitioner. You know, I guess they come up. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the NICU, but they come up every day twice a day and basically give the plan to the day. Hey, let’s move the breathing machine down a little bit. Let’s do this and this and see how it works. Well, she’s given all this stuff and it’s foreign to me. And she asked me again she’s like, Do you have any questions? And I said, Well, are they going to die? Like, that’s my question. She’s like, No, they’re gonna be okay. And I was like, Well, I at this point, like, all that other stuff kind of scares me if they’re not going to die, like, do whatever you got to do. And the funny part is that nurse practitioner to this day, still sends the girls Christmas and birthday gifts, like, I mean, it was a really good bond we made with one another.
Joe
That’s great. How long were you girls in the NICU?
Peter
34 days.
Joe
And were you you’re wanting to take turns being with them? How do you juggle that with work and stuff like that?
Peter
So I have a lot of flexibility with work. And they were understanding so I did a lot of work from the hospital. So every day I would load the wife up, we would drive to the hospital. We would see them. If I had to leave and go do something. I would just go handle it and then I’d come back to the hospital and get her. So we spent we missed one day out of the 34 there because it was the day before they were being released. But we suffered a lot of flooding. And I just didn’t want to risk going through the water and stuff like that. So we missed one out of 34 days.
Joe
So those those newborn months are probably kind of a blur in the past. What do you remember being challenging once you brought them home?
Peter
So the their breathing was always an issue. They’re breathing. And then one was actually slated to not be in the NICU that long. And they were talking about a release and it was kind of exciting and then they found blood in her stool, so they chalked it up to a milk allergy. So we went completely backwards. She went from level to I guess it was to back to the most severe level. They didn’t let her eat for seven days. They just pumped her with fluids and then they would give her very small doses. Which I guess to make sure she didn’t have a milk allergy to this day. I’m not sure if she did or didn’t. But we spent all the early months of newborns on the very hypoallergenic formula the Ella care due to the milk allergy but the breathing thing you know when we had to feed them, we had to feed them. Not normally but like I don’t know what you would call it like on their side with the bottle more like at a 90 degree angle in their mouth to help with breathing. Well in the NICU. They’re hooked up with two machines and you’re paranoid and you can watch the oxygen levels as they eat, you know drop and then you take the bottle out it rises back up. And then I just remember that was happening one day, and then the next day they’re going home and you’re like well I don’t have this machine as a crutch like, what am I going to do? I can’t see their oxygen levels. It’s scary, you know, but it was okay. I mean we were just freaked out in the beginning. The NICU was it was a blessing in disguise if I have to be honest, like do I ever want a child to go through that? No, but 34 days of learning to how to be twin parents was a blessing in disguise. You know, it wasn’t two days later go home with these two and conquer. Like, you had a lot of nurses who had a lot of experience with these young kids that had ideas and you could pluck certain ideas and kind of make it your own. But um, when we first got home we had a little couch that had two recliners and we had Bobby’s and an ottoman, and we were scared. We were just so scared that I remember we would put them on the Bobby’s at night and I would like sleep on a recliner and she was sleep long ways. I’m just waiting for him to feed again. And we did that for a little while and then it moved to the bassinet next to the bed. And then finally to the bed, but I was rough. I’m not gonna lie. I mean, it was rough.
Joe
So did you have any more challenges with the breathing? After you brought it home? You just kind of worried worried that that could be a problem.
Peter
I was just worried because when you’re hooked up to a machine you see it in live time when we got them home, I mean, they’re slow. And they didn’t start walking till they’re almost two years old. They were Googles and gaggles until after three years old as far as talking size wise, they grew quickly. I mean, it was very quickly that if you looked at them they didn’t look like premature kids. They were size wise, weight wise, they look like kids, it was just all the behind stuff you know, and do they both have the milk allergy or just one of the one that went back to that milk allergy but out of an abundance of caution they put the other one on the milk allergy so that Ella care is very expensive, and it goes by very quickly when you have
Joe
to have a meeting it so are they are they still allergic to milk or have you moved past that?
Peter
I don’t give like we don’t give them whole milk but we don’t restrict like they eat cheese. They eat normal stuff and we haven’t had a an issue
Joe
here. Some of our kids have food allergies. Or twins don’t but are boys too, was always too challenging to navigate. So you mentioned that it took a little while to hit some of these milestones like walking and talking. From your perspective. Were you were you thinking there’s something there’s something wrong or there’s still tracking as you would hope they would be?
Peter
You always think something’s wrong, you know? Like, especially when the pregnancy doesn’t come out as planned. Like in your mind, it’s all wrong. You know? So yeah, as it took longer you don’t compare yourself to other kids but you got other kids born at the same time and like they’re moving around and they’re talking and it’s hard not to in a way right although every kid grows differently. You’re just like, I hope everything’s okay. You know, like, I want it to be okay. Yeah, I mean, certain milestones like when they got close to two it was really wearing on me more than the wife like, weren’t they walking yet, you know, are the three years old? Like, they’re not really talking? Well, this is kind of bothering me like, We attempted speech therapy early on, and it was during the COVID time. So basically, I was running around or the wife would be running around with a laptop while the speech therapist was on the other side. You know, saying hey, blow a bubble and say bubble, and I’m like, Well, this is a waste of our time. You know, like she’s not here to interact. But I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s working itself out.
Joe
Are they both on the same boat or did one kind of hit milestones before the other?
Peter
They are really close to one another. Really close like one of them started walking. The other one was shortly behind. Right now the one behind on walking is probably a more verbal speaker now more clearly than the other one but she’s coming along as well.
Joe
Are your girls to the shared bedroom at this point?
Peter
Yes. We’ve had a lot of downfalls but I will give them their two things. They’ve been in a bedroom by themselves for a very long time with no issues and they pretty much everything and when I mean everything, I can feed them fried oysters to I mean, the sky’s the limit with them. So, for the downfalls, we have pluses I mean, they’re really good sleepers in their in their bedroom in which they share and they’re really good eaters.
Joe
Oh point did you move away from cribs into maybe big girl beds?
Peter
I’ve been in a big girl bed so we had the crib that you could take the front off of and make it a day bed. And I’m more of a quick transition or than the wife is so I kind of pushed it along but they’ve been in big girl beds, I would say six seven months already.
Joe
You know those convertible cribs is kind of an evolution right so like overnight, they moved to something brand new. You mentioned that your wife is a stay at home mom, was that always the plan coming into delivery of twins. Or was that kind of decided later on?
Peter
Given the twins, yes, I mean, because when you daycare is expensive. Luckily, I mean, we were far enough along in our marriage that we were more established financially to allow them it’s like it could have been a lot worse if we were 21 With this I could see a bit of a bigger issue. But yeah, I mean, once we found out daycare for two I was like, wow, what’s the point of view working? You know, like stay home once they go to school, will redress the situation. But yeah, if it would have been a singular she would have probably continued to work.
Joe
Here your situation is very common. Yeah. Once you add up the price, no point at all. Exactly. Because you’re just be cashing your check and paying it to somebody else and there’s nothing left over. Have you had to do any any more speech therapy post? pandemic?
Peter
No, no more speech therapy. I mean, their vocabulary is pretty good. It’s just weird. It’s one of those awkward stages now where shows one on one will speak to me and I pick it up perfectly clear. And then other times I’m like, what gibberish are you saying, you know, like, it’s like, if I don’t process it from the immediate, like, first few seconds they start talking, I’m loss. But typical twin mom, you know, she can be in the kitchen. Like, Hey, she told you she wants to go outside and I’m like, okay, how’d you get that? But good for you?
Joe
Do you find that you understand what they’re saying? But people outside your household do not
Peter
in the beginning? Yes. But like our little thing is we’ll go get frozen yogurt on the weekends. It’s kind of our thing and the lady that works at the yogurt shop. She’s very shy. The girls are shy that she’s trying to get them to say hi to her, but they’ll tell her the toppings they want on the yogurt. And she understands them. You know, she’ll they’ll say strawberries and she’ll put strawberries so I’m like, Okay, well, at least other people are understanding you too.
Joe
You know, our girls had some speech challenges to it. They did some speech therapy for a little bit. And it got to a point where my wife and I we can understand what they’re saying all the time. But then, like the grandparents were like, What are they? What are they saying? We don’t we don’t get it, but they’ve grown out of that. So it’s all good now? No, no, you don’t think they’re always talking always making noise
Peter
somewhere? Yeah, you want them to be quiet almost any other
Joe
surprises that you hit? When he’s first four years with them? A
Peter
lot of things I never thought I would think about, you know, like, we take them to the playground and I go, wow, who creates playgrounds? These are incredibly unsafe, you know, like, especially with the fact that you know, they’re kind of later on the walking and like, You want my kid to climb up this rope six feet in the air with the stuff like that. I never really thought like the wife’s the wife’s family has always never really been in play my parents a little more so but just like, I’m sure you know, the grandparent hurdles like 30 years ago, we did this 30 years ago, I did this and I’m like, Mom, we’re just doing the best we can. Yeah, like, give us a break. Here.
Joe
Did you Did your parents did your parents are the animals come on their babies were little
Peter
rarely. My parents are more like, in and out. You know, they’ll come on a Sunday for an hour. And that’s it. I mean, we’ve never had a baby a night of a babysitter. We’ve never had a night out. We’ve learned to adapt with it. I’ve accepted that’s how it’s going to be and we run with it. When we had the kids, I wouldn’t say we kept the situation a secret of the birth but like everything was evolving so quickly that I didn’t include them originally because I knew there was going to be a ton of questions that I didn’t have answers for. And I was overwhelmed as we got to the hospital too. So I didn’t want to start making the phone calls like hey, maybe she’s gonna have a baby. Maybe not, you know, because I was gonna get swarmed with questions I didn’t have answers to especially even when they got sent to the NICU. So once the wife got back to the room, the kids were in the NICU. I made the first round. I called and I made the phone calls and I said, Hey, the kids are here. They’re in the NICU. You’re well like, I knew the visiting hours. I knew that they could come see them. I had answered for them. You’re welcome to come you can come see the kids. In the NICU. But I just like I wanted to share the moment with the wife in peace that that made sense because I knew they were gonna ask a ton of questions that I had no answers for,
Joe
and stuff and stuff. Yeah, you don’t even know what’s happening. But everybody else wants all the information. You’re like, I gotta figure this out first, and then I’ll let you know.
Peter
So when I felt good enough, I was like, Okay, I’ll make the phone calls like, because I knew they were gonna say well, can I come see him now and when I was in the NICU, hey, when can grandparents come? What time is it cut off? You know, I just had to get all my questions answered before I can make phone calls through how much time did you get off work after the birth? I think I took two weeks off. I took two weeks off. So the city has now implemented a 12 week off program, which is really nice, except I didn’t get benefit of it. But I mean, it’s a free 12 weeks. You have to use it through the first year of their life. So you can take two or three weeks at a time or a week here there. When I did it. You had to burn your own time. I think I took two, two weeks off. And then I might have went back for a week and I might have taken another week off. But only a couple of weeks.
Joe
It’s about average. So that’s what I did too. I was able to break it apart, like one week in the beginning then one week later, but
Peter
it’s kind of hard. It’s all milestones, you know, at some point, like, I’m here to help and I don’t mind helping, but like, I’ve got to go back to work at some point. So Mommy’s gonna have to figure out how to do it on our own. Like it’s unfortunate, but you got to figure it out.
Joe
Yeah. And moms are awesome. I mean, they figure it out, right? Like, here we are. She has more patients than I do. I’ll give her that. So what’s the most frequent question that people ask you about your twins? Well, you
Peter
get the obvious Hey, are those twins? Are they identical or fraternal? Oh, my cousin’s brother sister. has twins, you know, and I’m like, Yeah, you know, I think we get a lot. If I talk to somebody who’s comfortable enough. The question is not artificial, for lack of better terms, but what is it like in vitro or was it a natural thing? You know, like, I think, I guess they’re more common in people. Who are trying to have kids then it just being a natural deal. Do they run in your family? All of this and, I mean, it could be my ignorance, but I think identical twins are just a phenomenon regardless random That’s right. Yeah. Regardless of if twins run in your family
Joe
here we’ve got identical girls, as well. And I have no family history of that. It’s just roll the dice and boom, we’ve got twins. So
Peter
I tell you, they do get us some perks. When it comes to we check our first vacation. In January, we went on a so I stood in my head I’m like, Hey, we got to rip the band aid off do we fly to Disneyland? And then I’m like, my head starts spinning. I’m like, the flight if they freak out on the fly, like there’s no escape passengers around me to our time change. I’m swirling. So we decided on a cruise. I said, You know what, if, if it goes south on a cruise, we can go to the bedroom like well just take them to the room like we’re not disturbing people. The crews worked out great, but I mean them being cute and little like we get quite a bit of you know, benefits. I remember getting off the boat the last day the lines long and we’re trying to find somewhere to just hang out until it’s time to go. So we’re going up the stairs, you’re coming the two girls were carrying all the luggage. Literally, it’s the entrance of the line that we’re passing to get off the boat and one of the employees are like, do you have everything you need? And I’m like, and they’re like, Okay, you can get right here. You know, and like the girls cuteness got us the third spot off the boat, you know, they have their benefits or your girls still taking naps. Yes, they do nap. I think our benefit in the whole start of this is we’ve had a pretty strict schedule that we hold to this day with a little deviation. I mean, like, you know, the doctor said in the beginning breakfast, snack, lunch, snack dinner, and we stayed pretty true to that. And I don’t know if that equates to their phenomenal eating skills, or they’re just really good eaters. Same thing with naps. There was a time that they would go back and forth. Sometimes on the weekend when Daddy’s home, they’ll fight it. We can also be out and about for the day and like skip it on purpose, and it doesn’t necessarily affect them. But then, you know, the next day we put them down they sleep like a rock for two hours. So I don’t really know if I could scratch it away completely or not, but yes, as of now they still nap pretty frequently.
Joe
So going back to the vacation. How did you handle naps on vacation? That’s always a challenge for traveling families.
Peter
So I pre planned it. I mean, we took a seven day cruise so you had you know you’re on the water a couple days so naps were no big deal and then you’re at a spot you’re at a spot you’re out of spot back to back days. So I plan my excursions accordingly. Like the first day we took a beach day. I knew naps were going to be out of the question. Well, the second day, I made it a point to not look anything. Like if we were going to get off the boat and walk around we could but I wanted to afford them opportunity for a nap. And then the third day, we booked something to where we were just going to play it by ear on the nap game. Yeah, so I tried to plan it accordingly. And like I said, they were they were studs during the whole beach day in the sun and then the next day they took their nap and I just I don’t know how multiple days would lie. But yeah, it is a struggle. I we went on that vacation. I told the wife I said look, if you want to try to truly enjoy yourself, we have to have no expectations here. You know, like you want to expect to do everything as a loving family. Like that’s great, but it’s unlikely. You know, like she likes the shows at the end of the night. I don’t mind them. But it’s like we can take the girls that if they start acting up, like just accept the fact you can stay and enjoy the show. I’ll take them to the read to put them down for the night, you know, or vice versa. And I mean, it worked out really good. There was times it would be me and one of the girls in her and the other or vice versa. And I mean we made the best of it.
Joe
That’s great. Yeah, I mean, traveling was really young kids. So you have to be flexible, and just roll with whatever happens and planning around trying to keep them on the same schedule around at home is almost impossible. And that has its own consequences like tired cranky kids or or whatever. So
Peter
it’s always a fear you know like and I guess looking back now like one day have a little bit of an odd schedule doesn’t kill anything but it’s always like, Well what if they don’t go to bed? You know, or what if they do this? Is it gonna change everything? You know, it always runs through your head. I mean twins without a schedule is It’s tough. It’s really tough.
Joe
Keeping them in sync and on the same schedule is what allows you to be saying, keep things going. So through this journey of twins and fatherhood, how have you been able to maintain your relationship with your wife during kind of ups and downs of this whole journey?
Peter
It doesn’t make a marriage stronger. I’ll give you that. Like, she’s a she’s a really good person. Like I I’m involved with my job and a lot of extracurricular stuff. So sometimes it requires me to travel. A lot of the travel is some kind of more mandatory than others but majority of it’s voluntary. Deal. And I mean, I won’t say that she doesn’t have a reserves about it. But, you know, I could go home today and say, Hey, I gotta go to California for a week and she’d be like, okay, shot me and so she’s a very supportive person, but I mean, there’s days they get under my skin really, really bad, right and she can tolerate a more but because they’re under my skin, it causes me to be a different type of person towards her. And then maybe the next day or two days later, they’re under her skin. And so like the husband and wife fight the consequences of the twins just rubbing you the wrong way for that day. So you have that on top. Of your normal bickers of marriage, you know, and it just, it adds more to the pot, but I don’t know you just take each day One day at a time.
Joe
I mean, if you if you see it for what it is, the twins are always gonna push your buttons one way or the other. They may not necessarily be the mischievous on purpose or they have no ill intent. They’re just kids, you know, doing the kid thing. I struggle with that every day. Right? I’ve got all teenagers now and it’s the same. Yeah, sometimes I think you did that on purpose. I think he did that on purpose to make me upset. So here we are.
Peter
People say they say Hang in there, it’ll get better. And I’m like, Well, I don’t know if I’m convinced that’s the thing. I just think the problems change throughout time, some of which are more tolerable to people than others. You know, they may go through a stage where, you know, one of them wants to watch a certain thing on TV, which I don’t care but it may drive the wife nuts, you know, or vice versa and it’s a struggle. But it’s a it’s a beautiful struggle, I guess. I don’t know how to describe it. Did you have twins before? Was that twins? Your first thing that happened? My twins
Joe
are number three and four. So we had we had two really young boys when our girls were born. So they weren’t really close in age, which has made them chaos kind of moving seasons, because they all kind of hit milestones around the same time. And so that’s been a blessing and a curse, you know? But now they’re all really close in age and now the challenge is just their interests are diverging and getting them to different places at different at the same time. We do all that stuff. It’s fun. It is an amazing, beautiful journey ahead. It has its challenges, that’s for sure. But you learn to adapt and grow. And then there’s a new challenge next week and you figure that one out and you just keep on chugging along. It’s great.
Peter
That’s all it is. That’s one after another though and I mean, some of which I probably blow out of proportion more than they should be but I’m learning I mean, I know no better. I didn’t have one or two before three or four. So I don’t know anything you know.
Joe
We’re all learning right? Every every kid is unique. Even identical twins are different from each other. And you just got to kind of figure stuff out as you go along. So, uh, Peter, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Oh, they
Peter
can reach out to my email address. You know, I’ll
Joe
link that up in the show notes so people can connect to them. Any questions for you? Peter, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.
Peter
Yeah, you too, sir. Thanks for having me.
Joe
I hope enjoyed that discussion with Peter about his adventures as a father of twins, some of the things that he’s learned along the way how they’ve adapted to the surprises, from pregnancy to babies, to toddlers, up to now. If you want to connect with Peter, I’ve linked up his contact information in the show notes over at twindadpodcast.com. Just look for this episode.
If you would like to share your story like Peter did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email [email protected] or on social media, Twitter, Instagram @twindadjoe and I would love to hear from you.
Again today’s show is brought to you by my store that sells T shirts designed specifically for parents with twins: twintshirtcompany.com I invite you to go over there and pick up a shirt for yourself and for your favorite twins and family members. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.
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The post Overcoming Twins’ Early Birth, NICU, Food Allergies and more with Peter Esbrandt – Podcast 292 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.