Dad's Guide to Twins

Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Aaron Ameen, father of identical boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

Connect with Aaron on his website aaronameen.com or email him [email protected].

This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe: Tell us a little bit about your family right now. How old are your twins and what’s the family dynamic right now?

Aaron: We have three young children – three-year-old daughters who just turned three about two weeks ago at the time of this recording, and then our twin boys. They’re identical boys who will turn one in about three weeks. So three right under the age three – pretty busy household here.

Joe: That’s crazy. I mean, I always tell people if you can make it through that first year with twins, you can do anything – especially if you have a toddler in the mix. That’s extra crazy. So what is something kind of exciting about this age with your boys?

Aaron: So far, we’ve really enjoyed and been very lucky that the kids all get along. At first, we were worried about our daughter maybe getting jealous or there being some competing dynamics, but there’s been a really warm environment among our kids. The boys love their sister. There’s nothing she can do wrong in their eyes. She loves to kind of rough house with them and we’re always worried that she’s going to hurt them, but everything that she does to them, they just end up laughing and smiling. They’re really interactive. They love to babble and talk to each other and now they’re starting to kind of babble towards us. Not sure if they’re quite saying anything or if they know what they’re saying yet, but the developmental pace at which they’re developing at this kind of 11 month to 12 month mark is pretty incredible. Not two months ago, they weren’t even crawling and now they’re pretty close to walking.

Joe: Do they kind of hit their milestones about the same time, or is one kind of ahead of the other?

Aaron: There’s been some variation. With crawling, one of them made it about probably three weeks ahead of the other one. But now for the most part throughout this first year, they’ve hit milestones around the same time – teeth coming in, and they really are identical. We can tell them apart, but there’s still times that we mix them up a bit. Certainly any family members that don’t see them often or friends, they can’t tell them apart at all. Even at the daycare, it’s a game we play every morning where the teacher guesses which one is which, and they’re still working on getting it right.

Joe: Do you have some kind of system that you have in place to help other people tell them apart?

Aaron: We try and point out some of the distinguishing features to us. One of them has more curly hair, the shape of their face is a little bit different, they have a different smile, but we don’t label them or anything. One thing we don’t do though – I know a lot of people dress their twins in identical clothes – we do at a minimum put them in different outfits so that you only have to figure out which one is who one time per day because then you’ll be able to tell by the outfit.

Joe: I was so afraid of mixing up our girls because we have identical girls. Like you, they look really close, very similar. I was afraid to dress them the same. Eventually, like you’ve discovered, you notice the subtle physical differences or their mannerisms and such. But other people, they still mix them up. So I’m like, okay, we’ll make it easier for everybody else. We’ll dress them in different colors and stuff like that to help out.

Aaron: If they have to come back and keep asking you all the time, then it’s harder for everyone. So might as well make it easy.

Joe: So your daughter is interacting with them – has she always been positive towards them or did you see any jealousy early on with your daughter?

Aaron: We’ve been really astonished. She has not really shown any aggression or anything like that towards them. There’ve been a couple moments where I think she, when she saw each of us holding one – like when mom had one and I had one, and then she was on the ground – we’ve seen a couple glances over of her feeling a little left out. She’ll go and play with their toys. When we used pacifiers, she would go put the pacifier in her mouth. A couple of those things indicated that she felt a little bit left out, but it was more of a statement than her crying or hitting them.

For the most part, that dynamic – we’re really lucky that it’s turned into her wanting to help. From very early on, she wanted to help change their diapers and bring them bottles. We tried to just find ways to engage with her so that she felt like she was part of the team, which she is. That was one thing we had read and heard from a number of different sources – if you can make them feel like they’re being helpful and include them, then it really goes a long way to prevent that jealousy from creeping in.

She loves playing with them. She always asks about them. At daycare, she’s always bragging about them, like “Have you seen my brothers?” It probably won’t always be smooth like that, but we’ll take what we got.

Joe: You mentioned daycare for your kiddos. Are they all in the same place?

Aaron: We ended up relocating when we found out we were going to have twins. We were in Washington state before that, which is where I grew up. When we found out we were pregnant, we thought it was going to be another singleton. We had in our plan that we were going to have two kids. In our financial roadmap, that was how things played out and we were just stretching on the edge of affordability in Washington.

Then we found out it was going to be twins and not only twins, but it was this kind of high-risk pregnancy. We were in a smaller city in central Washington and we didn’t have access to the type of specialists that we needed to see. We actually ended up spending a bunch of time in Houston, which is where we live now and where my dad lives.

When we got down here, we started comparing the cost of daycare and availability of childcare in that small city in Washington versus what it is here. Basically, it was going to cost upwards of about $7,000 a month if we wanted to have three kids in daycare in Washington, and it’s only about $3,000 a month here. Availability was another big factor – the waitlists were over a year long in Washington. Here in Houston, there’s availability. There’s daycares every – within five miles of where I’m sitting right now, there’s 10 daycare centers and most of them had availability.

To answer your actual question though, when we moved here, my wife was still pregnant and our daughter was just under two years old. We started her in one daycare that only accepted 18 months and older. When the twins were born, we had them home for the first eight or nine months. Then we had to put them in a separate daycare right down the road from where our daughter is because hers didn’t accept until 18 months. Now our daily routine is we drop her off and then it’s probably half a mile away, we drop the boys off on the way home. Same thing on pickup – we go to those two and they’re basically right next to each other.

Joe: Moving across the country while pregnant with twins – that’s not something I recommend everybody do, but you survived. You made it work. Obviously it was in the best interests of your family to make that move. I’m in Texas too, so I give you a thumbs up for that move. Were there any complications with the pregnancy that overshadowed this whole transition for your family?

Aaron: We are very fortunate that there were no major complications throughout. Most of the major complications were logistical, to be honest. We had to drive two and a half hours every other week. Between 10 and 14 weeks is the highest risk of this twin-to-twin transfusion that can happen. We had MoDi twins – they shared one placenta but had two amniotic sacs. They monitored to make sure that one’s not stealing nutrients from the other, which can cause serious complications and require intervention.

The frequency of appointments was high, our stress was high, it was a new situation for us. It was pretty disruptive. She was still working, we still had our daughter who was one, and I was still working full time. We also have a real estate portfolio across a few different states, so we at times were traveling and dealing with stuff with that. We just had a really busy schedule and a lot of commitments where it became difficult and stressful to manage, constantly driving into the city and all that.

We never had any major medical complications, but we started weighing all these different factors of what we wanted our life to look like and how the pregnancy was progressing. It led us to make that really pretty gargantuan decision. We had it in our plan that we were gonna live in Washington for the next 20 years and enjoy raising our family there. I have family that lives in Washington, so it was a really difficult decision to leave one part of my family and go near another. Most of the complication was emotional and logistical, more than physical.

I want to take a second to pay homage to the resources that you provided. I really did find the course that you put together and consumed a lot of the stuff that you put out. I think it’s important to have someone speaking to what the father’s experience and perspective is in this journey. There are certain things where my wife was going through a lot physically, emotionally, with hormones changing and juggling all those things I mentioned. I was trying to reconcile how I could be the most supportive partner and father.

Part of that was weighing all these situations – if we’re gonna make all this big upheaval and change in our lives, really feeling the conviction that it was the right thing for our family and not just something we were doing hastily and completely out of emotion. I remember specifically, there was something about how one of the first reactions people have when they have twins is “We got to get rid of the car, we got to get a new car.” Whether it’s practical or not, your emotions just start to rush to everything that you need to change to meet your new circumstance. In some ways, we changed more than we kept the same. But those signals that you put out, listening to some about their stories on this podcast – they helped bring me back down to earth that other people have gone through similar things and ultimately people will decide what’s best for their family. That made me feel a bit better as I was making these big decisions.

Joe: I’m grateful that the website and the podcast and everything has been helpful for you. I love having dads like you on the podcast to share exactly what you’re talking about, so other dads that are coming up behind us on this pathway know they’re not alone. The crazy stuff we experience – it’s normal. We have to overcome a bunch of these challenges, sometimes make big decisions for our families. We figure out a way to make it work. Where in the beginning, you’re feeling totally overwhelmed, like there’s just too much to process, but breaking it down, working with your partner on those decisions ultimately gets you someplace where you’re in a better spot for your family.

Aaron: Absolutely.

Joe: You mentioned the pregnancy was pretty healthy, but because it’s a twin pregnancy it requires those frequent visits to the doctor. That’s a good reminder for listeners that even if everything’s going smoothly, you still have to have those frequent checkups, and based on where you live, that could be an extra logistical burden to get there. I interviewed a dad a few podcasts ago where they just took an RV camper and set up shop near the hospital because they were making so many trips during the pregnancy. So it does require some creativity to make it work. Was there something that you found really helpful in supporting your wife through the pregnancy, something that resonated with her?

Aaron: Stability is what I think she was seeking throughout – not only stability in the moment but just some sort of idea of what the future might look like. I know that sounds ironic because in the middle of the pregnancy, we basically uprooted our entire life and relocated, which is the opposite of stability. But I think it was really working together to craft a vision for what we wanted our life to look like in the coming decade, not just the coming 12 months.

We wanted to figure out where we could really plant roots and feel like we have the resources we need, whether it’s family or daycare – daycare was a huge variable for us. That induced a lot of anxiety when we were in Washington because we couldn’t even get on a wait list that was going to be available soon enough. We were going to end up in a pretty bad financial situation if one of us had to take a whole full year off of work.

She already made a major sacrifice when we had our first kid taking time off. So the career break was getting longer and longer and the ability to solve for the childcare was getting harder and harder. I think as big of a decision as it was to move, being able to co-create that vision and then actually put it into place – there were a ton of moving pieces getting from one place across the country while she was six months pregnant.

Once we landed here, just starting to re-piece our life together so that the final two-three months of the pregnancy, we could see where we were headed. It was no longer this ambiguous question mark. We knew where the daycares were, we had a house, we had started to settle in and build a life. In a moment where certainty was our number one priority, that was probably the best way I was able to support her – just trying to take care of as much of the details as possible. The final two to three months of her pregnancy, we were able to just focus on enjoying some time with our daughter before the twins were born, focusing on health and settling into our new life.

Joe: Did you both have to quit your jobs? What was that situation with moving across the country?

Aaron: We were fortunate that I was already working remotely. The company I work for is based out of Washington, but they’re licensed to operate in Texas. The nature of my work – I’m a management consultant – so I work on contracts for different companies based on who needs the work, and pretty much every company that our consulting firm works with accepts remote work. I was able to work that out with my employer. They had no issues, understood and were supportive of the move, and especially given the circumstances, they wanted us to be happy and healthy.

My wife was doing part-time contract work – she still is – for a nonprofit. Similarly, that was a good arrangement. It was like 10 to 15 hours a week. She could do it whenever she had time, even at midnight or Sunday afternoon if she needed to. So that was completely asynchronous remote work.

Our employment situation did not have to change even though we moved across the country. I know that’s kind of rare, although in today’s world, remote work is more possible. We were lucky in that regard. I took a week off to facilitate the move, but other than that, the biggest adjustment was being on a different time zone, so my work hours shifted a little bit. There was a lot of continuity in our employment – I didn’t have to learn a new job or get a new job and all that stuff. So at least that part was stable.

Joe: Let’s talk about how the delivery went for your boys. Was it planned – did you know when it was going to happen, or did it catch you off guard?

Aaron: We scheduled it. The frequency of the visits starting at 32 weeks went to once a week, then to twice a week starting at 34, and then we scheduled at 36. We were able to stick to the schedule. They were trying to keep them in as long as possible, but not too long – really trying to find the perfect spot. They were growing well, and right around 36 weeks is when they said this would be the best time to schedule.

We went in around 11 p.m., they induced her, and we delivered both babies around 10 a.m. Regardless of preference, they always do this type of twin delivery in a surgery room. The goal was to have a natural birth, but they have everyone on call and prepared to do a c-section if needed.

My wife was dozing off a little bit after the contractions had started. She looked at me and said, “I’m going to call the nurse, I feel something.” The nurses came in, gave her one quick look, and said “You’re ready, let’s go.” She went from sleeping to being in the surgery room in about 10 minutes. From entering the surgery room to both babies being born was less than 30 minutes.

She was able to do it naturally and with only a few pushes on each one. I went with the first one into the other room, and by the time I came back, the second one was already almost out. She was very grateful that it was able to be a natural birth and that part went very smooth.

One of the babies required oxygen support for about 30 minutes afterwards, which feels scary in the moment. They were born around 36 weeks, so it wasn’t too early. They didn’t need to go to the NICU or anything, but they were heavily observed. We were in the hospital for about three days.

Our daughter didn’t meet them until day two because we wanted to let my wife rest and have me get a little rest, and make sure the boys were okay. They stayed in our room right from the beginning, only leaving for a couple of tests. We spent those first three days together in the hospital. Things went pretty smooth – they passed all their various tests and we were able to go home on day three.

Joe: That’s great. I love hearing stories where things go according to plan. You’re hoping for natural birth – that’s exactly what happened. It was pretty smooth. Often people get scared with twins that something like what you had is impossible, but it does happen.

Aaron: Well, it makes me reflect that there were times where we got really anxious – we just assumed something bad was going to happen, and that doesn’t really do you any good. It’s pretty hard to control your emotions when you’re going through a pregnancy like that. When she was afraid or anxious, or when I was afraid or anxious, you don’t want to suppress those feelings. You want to let them breathe and have a safe space to talk about it between yourselves.

But when stuff does go well, you start to kick yourself – we spent so much time worrying when whatever’s going to happen is going to happen, and the worrying only affects your mental health. It doesn’t do any good, but sometimes it’s easier said than done to just try not to worry.

That was one reflection I had afterward – we did all this rearranging and moving around because this was a high-risk thing, and there was so much stress around the monitoring, but some of that stress was a little bit self-induced in hindsight. I would share for other people going through this: unless you’ve been given a direct reason to worry about something, don’t bring it upon yourself if you don’t have to.

JOE: Having already had one child, you have a perspective of how twins may be different. What kind of surprised you the most when you brought the twins home? What was the different experience than what you had had the first time with just one baby?

AARON: Let’s see a few things:

1. I assumed that each baby would wake the other up constantly and I thought they’d wake their sister up too. I thought sleep would be completely shattered for a year, but it was not quite as bad as we thought. The twins could sleep right next to each other with one screaming bloody murder and the other one could be completely passed out next to them. That still kind of happens. It’s pretty rare that they wake each other up. That was a good surprise.

2. We assumed there would be some spillover and the last thing you want is for both of them to be waking up and screaming at the same time when you only have one person up to deal with them. There is this fear of having to handle both kids at the same time and have them both freaking out. But while that does happen, it does not happen even close to as much as I thought it might.

3. The jealousy thing we already talked about – I was pleasantly surprised that our daughter adapted really well. She wants to help probably 50% of the time. She actually helps and 50% of the time she does something where she thinks she’s helping, but she’s not. Creating that dynamic early on solved a big problem.

4. Loading into and out of cars still to this day is not easy. We had to get used to lifting in and leaning in. I literally tore my rotator cuff from lifting one of the seats the wrong way and had about two months where I couldn’t use my right arm to lift their seats anymore. That was probably four or five months in. Usually when you get injured it’s from something like a sport or exercise, not lifting a baby. You find yourself reaching and reacting in certain ways, and sometimes you don’t realize how you’re straining.

But other than that, at a high level, nothing was as bad as I thought it might be.

JOE: How did you and your wife stretch out time off of work to take care of the babies?

AARON: The state of Washington allows you to take 12 paid weeks. You pay into it a small amount from your paychecks. As long as you’ve lived in Washington for I believe 12 months, you can draw from that benefit. You can take that 12 weeks and spread it across the first year of their life.

With my daughter, I took four weeks off up front – before I had kids, that felt like a long time. I don’t usually take breaks that long. But in hindsight, that flew by. I had two sets of parents come and visit. By the time they were done visiting and I had gone back to work, my wife went from having a ton of support to no support more or less overnight. That felt like a big mistake in hindsight. I used about three weeks towards her first birthday, but that means I left five weeks on the table that I didn’t use. Why not use a benefit that’s a once in a lifetime thing that’s already paid for?

I was determined not to make that mistake again. Even though we relocated from Washington to Texas during the pregnancy, I was still eligible through the state for that benefit. This time around, I took a full 12 weeks off right up front, which was really nice. That 12 weeks gave us enough time to get a hint of what everyday life would look like without constant family visiting. We wanted to get a real sense of what our sleep schedule would be like, how we would try and fit in things like exercising and cooking – just all those little things that become that much harder when you have young kids.

Then, like I mentioned before, I work from home. So the transition back into work was not that abrupt either, because I was still around. There was no commute eating up my time. I could still see the kids on my lunch breaks, which is something that I really appreciate.

JOE: Working from home, how do you keep boundaries between work time and family time when you can hear them across the house?

AARON: It’s a miracle that nobody’s run into this room while we’re recording this right now. It’s definitely an ongoing challenge to set those boundaries. My work hours are pretty flexible due to the nature of my role. I have meetings and deliverables. It’s not an activity-driven job, it’s an outcome-driven job.

I actually rearrange my schedule a little bit at times where I would do my core work with my meetings – the stuff that required collaboration – during the middle chunk of the day. Then I would spend the evening with the family. Bedtime is one of my favorite parts of the night – it’s nice close time with the family, reading stories to my daughter, cuddling with the kids. Then I would boot up again in the evening and wrap up whatever else I might not have finished during the day.

Because I have a nine-to-five job plus our real estate stuff, I’ve always had to be very intentional with my time. I budget about 30 to 60 minutes a day to work on the real estate stuff. I think I just work backwards from what I know needs to be done, and I put my non-negotiable family time at the top of that. If I know bedtime and dinnertime is most important to me, I make sure I never miss that. Even if I’ve got a busy work day, I’d rather come back and finish stuff in the evening after everyone’s in bed than miss dinner or bedtime.

So I think it was kind of just solving backwards from those components and rearranging things to fit. Especially now almost a year in, we’ve worked things out pretty well and we have good boundaries. But it definitely took a while to get there.

**Joe:** You have the flexibility to juggle all the hats you wear – as a husband, father, full-time employee, and entrepreneur. I’m glad you found a good rhythm to make that work and be successful. Did you ever discuss with your wife about one of you staying home with the kids instead of using daycare?

**Aaron:** We definitely had that on the table as an option. We have real estate investments that produce decent income, though not a salary’s worth. We discussed ramping that up since it doesn’t require 40 hours a week – it’s about finding the right investments and managing them, which can be done in a few hours weekly.

My wife stayed home with our daughter for almost a year without babysitters before gradually returning to part-time work to balance our finances. But with three kids, the mental tax of taking care of them for 18 hours a day, plus the financial pressure, made us realize something important: while we could save money on daycare, we show up better for our kids when we have breaks. When we’re with them, we have full energy versus burning ourselves out day after day.

Some people have the composure for full-time childcare, and I have utmost respect for that. But I know I couldn’t do it seven days a week without eroding my sanity and probably becoming less patient with them. I’d rather have four really quality hours per day – a couple hours in the morning and evening – than 18 hours where one or both of us feels strung out.

**Joe:** Those are great things to remember and consider. Sometimes new twin parents look at the price tag of daycare and that’s as deep as that conversation goes. They’re just thinking about the dollars and not the impact on the mom or dad staying home with twins or more.

When our two boys and girls were born, my wife was already a stay-at-home mom. We just doubled her stress and workload. After my leave, I went back to work in cubicle land, going to meetings all day – it was pretty easy relative to what my wife was doing at home juggling four little kids. There’s a lot to consider in making that decision. It’s not something you can just decide on one factor – it’s a multifaceted problem.

**Joe:** As your twins are approaching the one-year mark and moving out of the phase where they need everything done for them, have there been any milestones that made things easier in taking care of them?

**Aaron:** While I wouldn’t say they’re self-sufficient, they’re becoming more independent. They can hold their own bottles now, which has been really helpful. Before, we had to either hold it for them or prop it on something while sitting next to them. They can eat crackers and teething foods, and we give them solid foods as well. We try to expose them to different types of foods we’re eating, as long as they’re not too spicy or complex.

They sit at the table in their Skooki high chairs, eat with their hands, and even play with wipes. They’re able to keep themselves busy and do things themselves that we previously had to do for them. We still have to clean up after them, change them, and put them to sleep, but they entertain themselves – and each other – much more now.

They have their own little language and play with toys together. Daycare tells us that even with six or seven kids and hundreds of toys available, our twins will end up in the center of the room fighting over one tiny block. They’ll sit there and have their little conversation and negotiate over this one toy. Two or three months ago, we couldn’t sit in a room with them without constantly picking something up or giving them something. Now we can have brief periods, maybe 10 minutes at a time, where we can actually let them do their thing.

**Joe:** The unspoken rule of twins is they will always want what the other twin has. Parents wonder if they should buy two of everything, but it doesn’t matter because they’ll still want the same physical piece that the other twin wants.

**Joe:** What does a day in the life look like for you right now with the twins? How are they sleeping, napping, and eating?

**Aaron:** On a normal healthy day, they sleep through the night. We work in shifts – my wife takes the first four or five hours (11 PM to 4 AM) with the monitor on her side. She’ll only go in if they cry loud enough or long enough. Then she passes the monitor to me in the morning.

Usually one twin wakes up first around 4:30 or 5 AM. I’ll bring them downstairs while it’s still dark and quiet, put them in the swing, maybe give them some milk. Often I’ll catch another hour of sleep on the couch while waiting for the other twin to wake up. It’s pretty predictable – one gets up first, the other follows about an hour later, and our daughter wakes up within that 90-minute window.

I spend about two to two and a half hours with them in the morning, playing or having breakfast. Mom gets up, and we all drive to daycare together. They’re in daycare Monday through Friday while we both work. We pick them up in late afternoon, have dinner together, and do bedtime together. When weather permits, we go for walks. We treat that evening block as sacred family time.

The boys predictably go to bed around 7 PM and sleep until 4:30 or 5 AM. Even when they wake up in the morning, they usually go back to sleep. However, the challenge comes with illness – because they’re all in daycare, we’ve had a revolving door of sickness. Recently, one twin was home three out of five days one week, then the other was out two days the next week. This requires one or both of us to take time off work, and when they’re sick, they don’t sleep as well.

With three kids, the odds are against us for maintaining any momentum at work during these periods. While this has been an extraordinary stretch of illness, it shows the practical challenge of having multiple young children – if one gets sick every three weeks on an offset schedule, you’ll have stretches where you’re frequently taking care of them during the day. We’re still working on a system to handle these situations when both of us are working.

**Aaron**: I think when everybody gets sick, it completely overthrows any patterns. Any system you have in place is just really tough. That’s one of the hardest things about being a parent – when your kids start to get sick, and then if you or your wife gets sick too, you’re completely drained and it’s just miserable. I hope they’re building strong immune systems through all these experiences. But there’s always something going around, that’s for sure.

**Joe**: Aaron, you have an interesting business with real estate and you also have a business helping people understand real estate with a podcast. Tell us a little bit about how you teach people about real estate and what’s been successful for you there?

**Aaron**: My wife and I started investing in rental properties back in 2019. We did it as a supplement to our jobs, before we had our daughter or the twins. It started as an experiment where my parents had been real estate investors, so I had some exposure growing up. They did the same model we’re doing – they worked full-time corporate jobs while raising kids and building their rental portfolio.

There was some imitation on my side – I saw how this was something they did to accelerate their retirement timeline and build wealth for their family’s future. We started in 2019 as an experiment and really fell in love with the process.

I’m very entrepreneurial by nature, even though I’ve had a W-2 nine-to-five job my whole adult life. I’ve always liked building something where you can own the upside. When you work a salary job, you get your paycheck and maybe stock options, but if your company invents something new and makes a billion dollars in extra profit, you usually don’t get a piece of that.

**Aaron**: There’s creative stuff you can do when you know you’re going to have kids – you can buy properties and put them in trusts for funding your kids’ college. Real estate is a really family-friendly business, especially if you start young. It can build an amazing foundation where time does the majority of the work for you. You buy something once, learn how to operate it, hold it for a long period, and it has an outsized impact on your family.

We bought property when living in Las Vegas, then moved to Washington and kept that property. We bought a couple more in Washington, then bought a few in Iowa. We learned how to buy and operate rental properties from across the country, so it didn’t matter where we lived. It depends on building the right team – finding the right managers, agents, and people who can help you on the ground in each market.

This made it much easier when we found out we were having twins, since we weren’t tied down to the real estate in each area. The extra income helped give us flexibility when our daughter and twins were born, buying us time to figure out our next steps.

**Aaron**: Because of the impact on our family and the skills we built, I decided to start a coaching program to help others do the same thing. If somebody invests in the stock market but wants to diversify and build investments they have more control over, I can help. I enjoy learning and writing about it – when you’re passionate about something, you enjoy sharing what you’ve learned with others. I put together a course and work with people one-on-one to help them learn how to set up systems in different markets and invest in real estate.

**Joe**: That’s a great story. I’m a big fan of working the day job and then doing your side hustle and growing that side hustle until it’s the full-time thing. Let’s experiment on the side and see what catches on and then go from there. So congratulations on your success with that.

**Joe**: Aaron, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you to learn more about what you were just talking about, what’s the best way to reach out?

**Aaron**: You can find anything about me at my website, which is just my full name, AaronAmeen.com (A-A-R-O-N A-M-E-E-N.com). You can also find me on any social media there. I love connecting with people and having conversations. Joe had a major impact on me, listening to this podcast and creating a forum for other dads going through the twin experience, both during pregnancy and post-birth. I would be happy to be a resource or sounding board for anyone who wants to chat. You can reach out through my website or email me at [email protected]. I would love to hear from you whether you want to talk about parenting, real estate, or whatever else might be on your mind after listening to this episode.

**Joe**: Fantastic. Aaron, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.

**Aaron**: Thanks for having me.

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The post Moving Across the Country During Twin Pregnancy with Aaron Ameen – Podcast 318 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

I just saw a list of new innovative baby products. Let’s talk about whether those products would be a good match for your twins.

The Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA), an organization representing companies that make products for babies, toddlers, and children, has released their 2024 Innovation Awards list. Let me highlight some notable winners.

The Parents Pick award went to the HALO Easy Transition Sleep Sack. This product is perfect for swaddling babies while keeping their arms free and legs in a spacious pouch. It allows babies to roll over safely, move, and self-soothe without being completely restricted. For twin parents, you’ll need one for each baby.

The Editor’s Pick was awarded to the Graco Read With Me 4-in-1 Convertible Bookshelf Crib with Drawer. This innovative crib features bookshelves on the short side and can transform into different configurations as your child grows: from crib to daybed to toddler bed. However, twin parents should note that each baby needs their own sleep surface, and the bookshelf feature might be impractical if cribs need to be placed side by side.

The Tried and True award went to the Safety 1st Grow and Go All-in-One Convertible Car Seat. This car seat adapts from 5 to 100 pounds and can be used in both rear-facing and forward-facing positions. It features easy adjustment of the headrest and harness without rethreading or reinstallation.

In the Play/Entertainment category, the Skip Hop Discoverosity 3-in-1 Sensory Table won top honors. This 24-piece set includes tools like wooden tongs, rollers, animal scoops, and rakes for digging, sorting, and sculpting. While it works well for floor play with twins, the table configuration only comes with one seat.

The Safety category winner was the Munchkin Mini Thermometer, featuring no-touch infrared technology. It displays color-coded readings: green for normal temperature, red for elevated, and blue for too cold. Its compact size makes it perfect for diaper bags or nightstands.

The On the Go category recognized the Tula Printed Mesh Explore Carrier. This adjustable carrier allows babies to face toward or away from the parent. While it’s designed for one child, parents of twins might consider buying two for tandem wearing, similar to Baby Bjorn carriers.

The Boppy Travel Bassinet won in the Nursery category. It’s lightweight and compact, making it ideal for travel. Twin parents would need two units for safe sleep arrangements while visiting family or on vacation.

The Diono Connect 3RXT 2-in-1 High-Back Booster won the Child Restraint Systems category. At less than 17 inches wide, these seats are notable for fitting three across in most car back seats – a crucial feature for growing families.

In the Technology category, the Cybex e-Gazelle S Stroller stands out with its 20+ configurations and ability to carry two children up to 50 pounds each. It features stadium seating and an electric assist for uphill climbs.

Finally, the Environmentally Friendly category winner was the Dekor Eko Diaper Pail. This hands-free system helps contain odors and uses post-consumer recycled materials for both the unit and refills, making it an eco-conscious choice for managing twin diaper disposal.

The post 2024 JPMA Innovation Awards Winners (Are They Twin Friendly?) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

If your twins look alike, can they share a passport?

The simple answer is no, twins can not share a passport. Each person needs their own passport document.

We’ll dive into more details below but remember to follow the laws of your country in regards to passports.

For our family here in the United States, we first got passport cards for our children (including our twins) because we knew we had a road trip to Canada on the calendar and didn’t have other international plans on the horizon. Plus passport cards were cheaper and since we had to renew more often with younger children we went with that option.

Fast forward to getting passport books for our children, everyone in the household got a passport.

Sure, our identical twin girls look the same to most people. However, you can’t walk up to border control, show one passport and then hand it off the other twins.

The only possible way I see sharing a passport working would be if one of your twins was traveling without her twin. Then there would be no way to tell one twin from the other. Unless fingerprints are involved. Even identical twins don’t have identical fingerprints.

Sharing passports seems more like something you’d see in a movie than is actually practical in real life.

Bottom line: don’t share passports. It can only lead to trouble. Here’s why…

Passports are legal documents that verify an individual’s identity. Even though your twins may look identical, they are distinct individuals in the eyes of the law. Each twin has their own unique identity, complete with a separate birth certificate and social security number. Consequently, each twin requires their own passport.

Using the same passport for twins could pose significant security risks. It could lead to confusion at border control, cause delays in travel, and potentially result in legal issues. Immigration officials are trained to match passport photos with the individuals presenting them, and having two people using one passport would raise immediate red flags.

The process for obtaining passports for twins is essentially the same as for any individual child. You’ll need to submit separate applications for each twin, along with their individual birth certificates, proof of citizenship, and passport photos. Be prepared to pay separate fees for each application.

In some countries, there may be slight variations in the process for twins. For instance, in the United States, if you’re applying for passports for twins under 16, both parents or guardians must be present at the passport acceptance facility, unless one parent has sole custody or provides a notarized consent form.

The cost of obtaining passports for twins is simply double the cost of a single passport. However, keep in mind that expedited processing, if needed, will also double in cost. It’s wise to budget accordingly and apply well in advance to avoid rush fees.

Apply for passports well before your planned travel date. Standard processing times can take several weeks, and unexpected delays can occur. It’s better to have the passports in hand months before your trip rather than anxiously waiting as your travel date approaches.

Keep essential documents like birth certificates and proof of citizenship readily available. Make copies of all important documents and store them separately from the originals. This can be a lifesaver if documents are lost or stolen during travel.

Clearly label all of your twins’ belongings, including passports, to avoid mix-ups. Consider using different colored passport holders or luggage tags to easily distinguish between your twins’ items.

While twins cannot share a passport, the process of obtaining individual passports for them is straightforward. The key is to plan ahead, stay organized, and be prepared for the unique challenges of traveling with twins.

Remember, each twin’s passport is not just a travel document, but a symbol of their individual identity. By understanding and following passport regulations, you’re setting the stage for smooth, enjoyable international adventures with your twins.

For more information on passport regulations and travel tips for twins, consult your country’s passport agency (here’s the U.S. passport information) or visit reputable travel websites specializing in family travel. Happy and safe travels with your twins!

The post Can Twins Share a Passport? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Twins typically weigh less than singletons, averaging around 5.5 pounds each compared to 7 pounds for singletons. This is due to factors like shared resources and space in the womb. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), twins are more likely to experience growth restriction, which can lead to lower birth weights.

The birth weight of twins generally ranges between 4 to 6 pounds. However, variations can occur, with some twins being born with extremely low or higher birth weights. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicates that over 50% of twins are born with low birth weight, defined as less than 5.5 pounds.

Twins often grow at a slower rate compared to singletons, particularly in the third trimester, as resources become limited. According to the CDC, this phenomenon is known as intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR), which is more common in multiple pregnancies.

Factors such as maternal health, gender of the babies, and maternal age play significant roles in determining birth weight. ACOG notes that adequate prenatal care, maternal nutrition, and avoiding stress can positively influence birth weight.

The types of twins you’re expecting can also impact birth weight.

Cesarean sections are common in twin deliveries, which can influence birth weight records due to the timing of delivery. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) states that planned cesarean sections are often recommended for twins to prevent complications that could arise from vaginal deliveries.

Twins are often delivered earlier than singletons, with viability starting around 24 weeks. However, ACOG suggests that the ideal delivery time is between 36 and 37 weeks to balance maturity and the risks associated with prolonged pregnancy.

Low birth weight in twins is associated with several health risks, including respiratory distress syndrome, feeding difficulties, and developmental delays. The World Health Organization (WHO) emphasizes the importance of managing these risks through specialized neonatal care.

Twins, especially those with low birth weight, may require NICU care. The WHO recommends long-term monitoring to ensure they reach developmental milestones similar to their singleton counterparts.

Expectant mothers of twins should focus on prenatal care, a balanced diet, and stress management to reduce the risks of low birth weight. ACOG highlights that regular check-ups and proper nutrition are crucial in achieving healthy birth weights.

The post Twin Birth Weight: An In-Depth Look appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

One common question that arises about twin pregnancies is that of the process of water breaking. Since there are two babies, can it happen twice?

Let’s explore the intricacies of water breaking in twin pregnancies, addressing the possibility of it happening twice and the what that means for you.

Before we start, let’s make sure you know about some key vocabulary associated with pregnancies:

The short answer is: it depends. The possibility of water breaking twice in a twin pregnancy is directly related to the type of twin pregnancy and the number of amniotic sacs present.

In diamniotic twin pregnancies, each twin has its own separate amniotic sac. This means that water breaking can indeed occur twice, once for each sac as each twin prepares for birth. The time frame between each water break can vary significantly, from minutes to hours or even days in some cases.

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), approximately 70-80% of twin pregnancies are diamniotic. In these cases, the rupture of membranes (water breaking) can occur independently for each fetus.

Our identical twin girls were diamniotic twins which meant they each had their own amniotic sac. We never saw a double water break since they were born via c-section before that could happen.

In contrast, monoamniotic twins share a single amniotic sac. In these cases, water breaking will likely happen only once, as there is only one sac to rupture. Monoamniotic twin pregnancies are more rare, and come with increased risks such as umbilical cord entanglement, twin to twin transfusion syndrome, and preterm birth.

It’s important to note that in diamniotic pregnancies, both sacs may rupture simultaneously, giving the impression of a single water breaking event.

Additionally, twin pregnancies have a higher risk of early labor and preterm birth compared to singleton pregnancies.

If water breaking occurs, especially before 37 weeks of pregnancy, it’s crucial to seek immediate medical attention. Preterm premature rupture of membranes (PPROM) can lead to complications for both the mother and babies.

Water breaking, particularly if it occurs prematurely, can lead to several risks:

The Mayo Clinic emphasizes the importance of prompt medical care in cases of preterm labor to manage these risks effectively.

The delivery method for twin pregnancies depends on various factors, including the type of twin pregnancy (diamniotic or monoamniotic), the position of the babies, and other health considerations. While vaginal delivery is possible for many twin pregnancies, cesarean section may be necessary in some cases. It’s essential to discuss delivery plans with your healthcare provider throughout your pregnancy.

Whether a woman’s water can break twice with twins primarily depends on the type of twin pregnancy. In diamniotic twin pregnancies, which are most common, it is indeed possible for water to break twice. However, in the more rare monoamniotic twin pregnancies, water breaking will likely occur only once.

Understanding the nuances of water breaking in twin pregnancies can help expectant parents be better prepared for what to expect. However, every pregnancy is unique, and it’s crucial to maintain open communication with your healthcare provider throughout your twin pregnancy journey. They can provide personalized advice and care based on your specific situation.

Remember, if you experience any signs of water breaking, especially before 37 weeks of pregnancy, seek medical attention immediately. With proper care and monitoring, many of the potential risks associated with preterm labor and birth can be effectively managed, leading to the best possible outcomes for both mother and your twins.

The post Water Breaking in Twin Pregnancies: Can It Happen Twice? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

As a father of identical twins, one of the biggest hurdles you’ll face each school year is helping teachers distinguish between your twins. It’s crucial for both the twins’ individual development and the teacher’s ability to provide personalized attention.

It isn’t uncommon for teachers to have trouble telling your twins apart – even we as parents sometimes do a double-take! But in a classroom setting, clear identification is vital. It helps prevent mix-ups in grading, ensures each child gets the right feedback, and allows the teacher to build individual relationships with each twin.

Here are some things you can try to help teachers tell your twins apart:

Assign each twin a color. One may be your “blue boy” and the other your “green guy.” Every morning, one twin puts on a blue shirt while the other sports a green one. To keep things interesting, use different shades and patterns within each color family.

Look at watches, earrings, wristbands, and other accessories to differentiate your twins from each other. For example, if your twins love superheroes, one can wear a Batman watch, while the other has a Spider-Man one. These accessories are not only easy identifiers but also conversation starters that help teachers remember which twin is which.

One of our girls has her ears pierced, the other doesn’t. This helps tell them apart unless they both have their hair down over their ears!

We’ve found that contrasting clothing styles work well too. Do one of your twins prefers button-up shirts, while the other loves graphic tees? This difference in style reflects their personalities and makes it easier for teachers to remember who’s who.

We’ve had fun experimenting with different hairstyles. When our girls were young, one always had bangs and her sister didn’t. It was a small difference that made a big impact in telling them apart.

Footwear can become another identifier for your twins. Try different styles, brands, colors, etc and this will give teachers an easy visual cue to who is who.

At the start of each school year, provide teachers with a written list of distinguishing features. For example, unique birthmarks, scars,  moles, hair parts, etc.

Linking names to personality traits helps. For example, you may have a “Jolly Joe” and a “Silent Seth” which reflect their energy levels and demeanors. This technique can been a hit with teachers but be sure not to give them nicknames that could be demeaning.

Check in with teachers regularly, especially in the first few weeks of school. This allows you to tweak strategies if needed and ensures the teacher feels supported.

In conclusion, helping teachers distinguish between twins requires a bit of creativity and consistent effort. But with these strategies in place, we’ve found that teachers quickly learn to tell our girls apart, allowing them to provide the individualized attention that every child deserves.

Remember, the goal is not just to tell them apart physically, but to celebrate and nurture their unique personalities and strengths.

The post How to Help Teachers Tell Your Twins Apart appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Raising infant twins undoubtedly presents unique challenges, but it also offers countless rewarding experiences that are both heartwarming and enriching.

As an expectant father of twins, it’s important to focus on the positive aspects and the unique joys that come with raising two babies at once.

Here are some of the best things about raising infant twins, supported by my experiences and insights of other twin parents:

Shared Milestones: One of the most exciting aspects of raising twins is witnessing their milestones together. From their first smiles to their first steps, seeing both of your children reach these developmental stages simultaneously can be incredibly heartwarming. The joy of celebrating these moments is doubled, creating twice the memories to cherish.

Mutual Learning: Twins often learn from each other. When one twin masters a new skill, the other is usually not far behind, inspired by their sibling’s achievements. This mutual learning can expedite their development and make milestone moments even more special.

Built-In Playmate: Twins have a built-in playmate from birth, fostering a unique and powerful bond. This companionship means they always have someone to play with, share secrets, and grow alongside. The sight of your twins interacting, laughing, and comforting each other is truly magical.

Empathy and Social Skills: Growing up with a twin helps children develop empathy and social skills from an early age. They learn to share, cooperate, and navigate social interactions with their sibling, which can positively impact their relationships with others as they grow.

Two Unique Personalities: Each twin has their own personality, quirks, and ways of expressing love. Experiencing the unique traits and growth of two distinct individuals is a joy. Watching how their different personalities complement and contrast with each other adds a fascinating dynamic to parenting.

Endless Cuddles and Affection: Having two babies means you receive double the cuddles, kisses, and affection. The bond you form with each twin is special and unique, and the love they give in return is boundless.

Comfort in Each Other’s Presence: Twins often find comfort in each other’s presence, especially during challenging times such as doctor visits or new environments. This built-in support system helps them feel secure and confident, knowing their sibling is always by their side.

Teamwork from Day One: Twins often learn the value of teamwork early on. Whether it’s working together to build a tower of blocks or collaborating on a creative project, the sense of teamwork developed between twins can be incredibly strong and enduring.

Shared Experiences: As a parent of twins, you become part of a unique community. Connecting with other twin parents can provide invaluable support, advice, and camaraderie. Sharing stories and tips with those who understand the unique journey of raising twins can be both reassuring and enriching.

Efficient Parenting Skills: Raising twins can sharpen your parenting skills quickly. The need to manage two infants simultaneously teaches you to be more organized, efficient, and resourceful. These skills not only benefit your parenting but can also translate into other areas of your life.

While raising infant twins can be demanding, the positives far outweigh the challenges. From double the milestones and unique bonds to shared experiences and personal growth, the journey of parenting twins is filled with countless rewards. Embrace the joy, love, and fulfillment that come with raising two wonderful individuals who will share a lifelong bond.

Remember, each moment, no matter how small, is twice as precious when shared with your twins. Enjoy the adventure and cherish every step along the way.

The post The Joys of Raising Infant Twins: A Positive Perspective appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Here is a question from Justin. He says he has 20-month-old boy/girl twins, and he says the biggest issue right now is biting. “Do you have any advice on how to keep them from biting each other? That would be great.”

Biting is a challenge with any kid, of course. But particularly twins because they’re usually playing together, or spending time together and it’s much easier for them to want to reach out and bite each other.

When our twins would bite each other, we would:

This worked okay for us as long as we were consistent in our enforcement.

Of course your twins are going to start to look for the limits of your discipline, and they’ll start to challenge that. But if you are consistent in the actions that you take as a parent to counteract their bad behavior they’ll start to seek attention in other ways.

Try to identify why your twins are biting in the first place.

Are they teething? Do they want attention? Is it triggered by something that’s happening in your home or the actions of others?

Then try to address the root cause instead of just the symptom of biting.

When your child is biting the other child, you definitely have to stop their behavior, because it’s not acceptable and can clearly cause distress for the other child.

Encourage your twins to use their words to express what they want, if they want to share, need some help, or if someone is doing something that doesn’t make them happy.

With very young twins, they may not have words because they can’t talk yet. We taught our kids basic baby signs so they could express themselves a little bit. And that helped us communicate with them much earlier than we would have otherwise.

Teach them some basic baby signs so they can express when they want something, when they want more of something, or when they’re done with something. It’s going to help mitigate frustrations that they have in communicating and deter biting as well.

Once the biting incident has stopped and during a calmer time, you can help prepare your twins to avoid trouble next time.

Use role-playing to demonstrate how to handle conflicts without biting. This can help twins practice appropriate reactions in a controlled environment.

Use puppets to act out scenarios where one puppet bites and the other responds appropriately. This can be a fun and engaging way to teach lessons to your young twins.

Create a calm-down area where each twin can go to relax when they feel overwhelmed. This space can include calming items like stuffed animals, books, or sensory toys.

Instead of time-outs, some parents use time-ins where they stay with the child in the calm-down space to help them process their emotions.

Regularly talk to your twins about their feelings and the impact of their actions on others. Helping them understand how biting hurts their sibling can build empathy.

Use emotion charts to help your twins identify and communicate their feelings. This visual tool can be particularly helpful for young children.

Ensure your twins have plenty of physical activities to release their energy. Activities like outdoor play, dancing, or sports can reduce frustration and aggression.

If biting is related to teething, provide appropriate teething toys to satisfy their need to bite.

Maintain a consistent daily routine to provide your twins with a sense of security and predictability. This can reduce stress and biting incidents.

Incorporate regular breaks and quiet times throughout the day to prevent overstimulation, which can lead to biting.

Model calm and controlled behavior during conflicts. Show your twins how to handle disagreements peacefully. They are always watching how you interact with your partner, other children, and friends.

You can create a supportive and effective plan to address this challenging issue in your home.

Remember, every child is different, and it may take time to find the right combination of techniques that work for your family.

Keep observing, adjusting, and most importantly, stay positive and supportive towards your twins as they learn and grow.

Picture by Donnie Ray Jones

The post How to Stop Twins From Biting Each Other appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Your twins are invited to a friend’s birthday party. Of course they should bring a birthday gift. But the question is: should they bring two gifts (one from each twin) or one gift (a joint gift from both)?

Whether to bring one gift or two to a birthday party when you have twins can be nuanced and subjective. Based on the advice from other twin parents, here are several perspectives and unique ideas to consider:

Giving one gift allows for several benefits:

When each twin gives a gift to the birthday child, it gives:

It is possible to have a combined yet distinct gift option for your twins to give their friend.

When in doubt, reach out to the birthday child’s parents or other families that are attending to ask for guidance.

The older your twins are, the more likely they will have strong opinions on what to do.

Let’s keep it real. In addition to your twins’ needs and those of the birthday child, you can only do what is practical for your family right now.

Whether to bring one gift or two to a birthday party when you have twins depends on various factors including practicality, the twins’ feelings, and the preferences of the host family. Balancing these considerations with a thoughtful approach can ensure the gift-giving experience is positive for everyone involved.

With each new birthday party, you can adjust your strategy after seeing what works and doesn’t with your twins.

Enjoy the party!

The post When the twins are invited to a birthday party, should they bring two gifts or one? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Kris Lloyd, father of non-identical girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

Connect with Kris on Instagram.

This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe: Today I would like to welcome to the show, Father of Twins, Kris Lloyd. Welcome to the show, Kris.

Kris: Hi.

Joe: Kris, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age?

Kris: They are turning nine months old tomorrow and I’m finding that this is the age now where they’re starting to, you know, not so much just stay still now. One of my twins, Carly, she’s started crawling yesterday properly. My other twin, Casey, is now starting to try and crawl as well. They’re sort of more involved with everything now. They’re not just, you know, food, sleep. They’re not just basically just drinking their milk, going to sleep, and playing. They’re so involved now, and they’re becoming a real personality now and finding, “Yeah, that’s the best bit that’s happening right now is that I’m starting to realize they’re becoming a person. They’re in a weird way that may sound, they’re starting to have their own little personalities. The way that you’re starting to realize what they like and what they don’t like, what gets them happy, what makes them excited.

Joe: They’re very similar reactions. Like you mentioned likes and dislikes, are they similar or are they very different?

Kris: Similar with the likes and dislikes as in they both love weetabix and snacks and crisps like baby flavored crisps. They have the same dislikes, but as people, they are very different ones, very, like, Casey’s very much wants to be involved with everything, wants to play with everything, wants to get involved. Whereas Carly, my other twins, she’s very much, will sit back and, you know, sort of watch what’s going on and learn and then progress.

Joe: Are your twins identical or non identical?

Kris: Non identical. They’re DC, DA, I think the term is DC, DA twins. They’re non identical. And as they are getting a bit older now, I’m starting to realize big differences with them. They are very similar if you were to look at them and don’t see them every day. I feel like you would say, “Oh, they’re pretty similar.” But as a dad, I can tell them. That’s right. We spend so much time with our kids. We start to notice a lot of the differences really early.

Joe: What’s a typical daily schedule like for your nine-month-olds as far as sleeping, eating, stuff like that?

Kris: They’ve always been good at sleeping. They’ve always pretty much from about, I’d say about 12 weeks, they’ve always slept right through the night. We’ll give or take, you know, at the odd feed here and there, but not often. But now they tend to sleep from about half, six, seven o’clock at night until about, again, they normally wake up about four, half, four, have a bone, so you give them a dummy. I think, what is it you call them? America pacifiers.

Joe: Pacifier, yep.

Kris: Yep, you give them that and they will go doze back off then go back to sleep for about half six, until about half six, seven in the morning. So they sleep really well.

And I find that with twins, my partner finds this more, as she tells me, with twins, if you have a routine, it works a lot better for them and for you. They just seem to, they know if you go say five minutes past when they should be asleep, you know, because they kick off, they start crying get an upset so it’s they’re really really good really good like they they sleep until about half six seven o’clock most mornings they’ll go get up we’ll feed them a bottle we will then take them downstairs play they’ll have like you know a few slices of toast cut up and then they will go down for a sleep about half past half past nine ish roughly until about half past ten then quarter to 11. And then again, they wake up then play, have dinner, have another bottle near towards half one, half one issues when they’ll then go back down for another nap until about give or take three o’clock. And then again, wake up, play. And then they go, have a bath or a shower. And then they’re in bed then for six, half six and rinse and repeat the same routine.

Joe: Are they in your room with you?

Kris: No, they, from just before six months old, we’ve had them in a different room. First of all, they were together in our room for the first six months, but then, ’cause they outgrew the, the, the cot that they were in, we then had to separate them. And the only way we could separate them was putting them in their own cots. And the only place with enough room for that was in the, was in their room. So we obviously at that point separated them, pop them in their own cots.

Joe: You mentioned the importance of schedule and routine. Did you do something intentionally to help get that started in the early weeks and months with the twins?

Kris: It’s not so much me. I like to say as the father I’ve been, I only had three weeks off from work when they were born. Obviously my partner in the UK, the gentleman 10 forget three weeks off work paid and then the partner gets roughly eight, nine months off. So, but my partner is a, she works in childcare. She works in a nursery as a manager. So she knows the importance, you know, she works with children basically very all the time. So she knows routine is very important. So from the start, she was very, very, you know, she knew what she was doing. So she, we set the routine straight away and trying to keep them on routines. And as obviously they get older, have less sleep and have more feeds and then less feeds and then onto solid food so you know she’s honestly she’s brilliant with the routine but I feel like if you don’t have a routine it may be a bit sporadic with the two with two as well especially twins. Absolutely we learned early on as well just like you that if they were on a schedule things went a lot more easily for us than if we just let things happen randomly so it’s good that you had a good routine for them.

Joe: So does that mean that your partner’s back to work already or is she still home with the twins?

Kris: Yeah, she’s back to work now. She went back two weeks ago. She went back, so we’re paying, sorry, not paying. So the, we put them in nursery for on a Monday, oh sorry, yeah, a Monday and a Friday. We put them into nursery and then half day on the Wednesday ’cause my partner has a half day Wednesday, So she’s able to have them and then her mother looks after them on the Tuesday and the Thursday But over in the UK, I don’t know what it’s like in America I’ve never have never looked but it cost a lot of money to have people have people look after your children in childcare It’s costed it costs more Per month to have the my twins in childcare for two and a half days a week than it does for the house per month It’s it’s a lot of money

Joe: Yeah, that’s very common here. The pricing is ridiculous, especially when not just you, but other twin parents compares it to the taking care of the whole house for the month, it can get out of control.

Kris: That’s the thing. So the only way that I find, not the only way, but as a working-class family, we haven’t got millions in the bank, we haven’t had money passed down towards me and my partner. We work for what we have. So we found that we both have to work to be able to afford the childcare, to be able to afford the house. So I personally, I’m a truck driver, like a lorry driver. So I’m doing 60, 65, 70

hours a week away from home. I stay away from home Monday through to Friday. And I feel like, you know, that’s what I have to do to be able to earn the money to make sure my kids can have what they need when they grow up. when they grow up and you know, always have that support financially. And then my partner obviously is having to work as well to cover all the other costs. So it’s expensive, but it’s worth every second of it. I mean, yeah.

Joe: Are you able to come home at night from work? Are you traveling all across the. All across the United Kingdom, all over the country of Great Britain.

Kris: So no, I’m I tend to be away. I leave the house Monday morning and then I don’t come home till Friday afternoon.

Joe: Are you able to stay connected with your twins in any way?

Kris: FaceTime, it tends to be when my partner was off work, she’d FaceTime me throughout the day, but now she’s back in work. Obviously we FaceTime first thing in the morning when the kids wake up, so I can say good morning. And then we pretty much, I don’t see them then until when they come back from nursery or my partner comes home from work, and then I’ll speak to them then, and then they pretty much just go to bed. So at the moment I’m watching them grow up through a phone more than in person, but that’s just, as I feel like we have to do to make sure that they have a comfortable life and a comfortable upbringing.

Joe: Yeah, it does require some sacrifice from both parents. And sometimes that’s what it takes to make everything work with the family. How was the conversation with your partner’s about watching the twins was that always kind of the plan?

Kris: Yeah it was not always kind of the plan but her mother is absolutely fantastic she’s a very much a child-friendly person as in the whole the whole of my partner’s family is they are you know anything they can do they’ll do it to help and it was originally she was offering to have them all week so we never had to put them into nursery but we felt like if we put them into a nursery they will learn you They’ll be with other kids that are slightly older than them, slightly younger than them, and they will learn more skills and they will have social abilities. They will obviously, if there’s a kid that’s two months older than them, the kid might be crawling. And then in nursery, they will watch the other children, what they do, and then start either doing it themselves or looking into how to do it. And also with nursery, there is so much variety for what to do with the kids. There’s only so many times at home you can put them in walkers in bouncers or play with toys or read books. So I think with nursery it was sort of a we were pretty adamant they were going to go.

Joe: It sounds like a good balance where you have some time out of the home, some time with family and still able to manage all that. Let’s go back to when you found out that you would be having the twins. What was the situation like at that point? What was your reaction?

Kris: Well, we found out we were pregnant and then a few weeks later, I think that was around eight, nine weeks, it was very early on. A few weeks later, my partner had, we had some scares, some troubles. So we went to the hospital and I won’t lie, we expected the worst, expected to loss the baby and they did the scan for us to check to see if we had lost the baby and they turned around and said to us, “Right, don’t worry, your baby’s fine.” And the other one. And when we heard that, you felt panicking a bit. It’s a bit of a shock when you find out you’re having twins because it’s already daunting to know you’re having a child and then when you find out out you’re having too, you think, oh, it’s going to be double the cost, double the commitment. You know, you start to think the worst as in you won’t, are you going to be okay? But honestly, it’s once you get over that initial shock, honestly, it’s the best thing in the world. It is. It is. There’s a lot of shock and a lot of stress to try to figure everything out. But in the end, it’s a great joy to be a dad and to be a father of twins, for sure.

Joe: Could, how did the pregnancy go? Were there any complications or challenges there?

Kris: No, trouble three, the whole pregnancy. We seem to have been very lucky with the whole, the pregnancy and obviously up to nine months now we’ve had no

issues. It’s been, we’re one of the very lucky ones. The only problems we had, which I don’t know if it’s more, I think it’s more of a British thing is we, the hospitals are that busy. They don’t, it’s hard for them to get you in, you know to be able to have the regular scans and to be able to set a plan because they over here were meant to have a plan. I say over here in America you have the same you have a plan where you say right at 34 weeks you’re gonna have this scan 35 weeks this we want you to deliver around 37 weeks if that you know we want you to deliver to deliver the baby this way or that way or cesarean or natural or yeah but we we sort of didn’t have that because we were just being thrown pillar to post because it was twins and doctors were saying you know go to this doctor come to this doctor and yeah that was the only problem we really had as in as the pregnancy we had like say other than the scare at the very start we had no problems at all it was very smooth sailing so do you feel like you didn’t get enough uh scans enough attention because because of the twins it wasn’t you know it wasn’t a lot it was so much the attention but it’s we had a few scans but in the end i had to ring up the hospital and say look my partner needs a plan we need to know what we’re going to do that’s 37 weeks because that’s when obviously you’re meant to give birth to twins we need because it got to 35 and a half 36 weeks we still didn’t know whether we were going to go for a natural birth whether we’re going to have of the Caesarean, we didn’t know. And we’d had no advice on it. And we just, in the end, you had to ring up the hospital and then we’re still going through the means now of writing a formal complaint over it due to, well, if we didn’t have the fantastic support of our family and friends, we would probably be, probably been a lot scarier than what it was.

Joe: Yeah, I know. Having a plan, at least you kind of know to work towards and what to expect. So when it’s you’re trying to get everything lined up there for the birth of the twins, how far into the pregnancy did the twins make it? Did they make it to 37 weeks?

Kris: Yeah, 37 weeks to the dot. They arrived. Well, sorry, 36 weeks and six days the waters broke. We went into a hospital to have the waters broke anyway because my partner hadn’t started showing any signs of giving birth yet. So we went into the hospital to have the waters broke via medicine. And as we got to hospital to do that, naturally her waters broke. So it was about– it took just shy of a day. And in the end, we had to go for an emergency cesarean because there was– we had a few– not complications, but the babies just weren’t coming when they should have. and you only have a set amount of time from when you’re 10 centimeters. I can’t remember what the saying is now. It was a blur. It was a bitty day when you’re pretty much ready to give birth and the babies aren’t coming, especially with twins. It can stress the second twin out. So in the end, for the safest option, they said, right, we’ll just have a, uh, we’ll just do an emergency cesarean, which is quite scary in itself. Obviously my partner gets put under. She’s asleep. And then I wasn’t allowed in the room because it’s an operation. I’m not allowed to be in the room. So I had to be kicked out of the room. And when the first thing you have kids see when they, you know, when they open their eyes to the real world is just doctors in blue suits. They don’t see their mum or their dad. And I found that personally quite scary. And, you know, I can’t put the words to it. I found that quite, uh, worrying in a way because I wanted, you know, you want your kids, the first thing they see when they open their eyes to the world is one of their parents at least. But we, like I said, the doctors were fantastic at the time, the surgeons that helped. And as soon as the kids were born, they were cleaned up and brought straight to me in the waiting room. So and then about an hour later, my partner come around after the operation and we went over to her with the twins.

Joe: Wow, yeah, that is a crazy where you’re not allowed to see the birth. Is that because of the emergency nature of the operation or is every C-section like that?

Kris: You’ve got your

natural birth. You’ve then got your plantarian, which is, they plan it so they know 37 weeks at two o’clock they’re gonna cut you open, take the kids, take the kids out from the procedure. But an emergency one, it’s just a case of the panic operation. So it needs to be a sterile area. The surgeons need the room to operate because they need to be able to see if anything’s going on. And if something does go wrong, I think the last thing a surgeon probably wants is, you know, dad screaming down the road saying, you know, sort this out. They need to concentrate. So I think it’s more for safety than anything else, but, uh, which I understand, but as you can imagine, it’s, uh, it’s not, it’s not the best thing in the world when you get kicked out.

Joe: Yeah, that’s hard because yeah, you want to be there to support your partner. You want to be there to welcome the babies and to be separated. And then you’re just kind of sitting, waiting and waiting and waiting. You don’t know if everything has gone well with the operation, if everything hasn’t gone well. And next minute the door swings open and in comes a cart with you. You’re two beautiful baby daughters. Well, in my case, anyway, obviously twins come in male, female, female.

Kris: Yeah. But, you know, but yeah, my two, my two beautiful girls came through and yeah, it was a very emotional.

Joe: Was everyone able to recover and come home quickly from the hospital or did the girls, obviously the whole, the whole pregnancy was brilliant. She recovered. I think they say minimum you need to be in hospital is three days to three days, just so they can check that either twins are feeding and be that there’s no problems with my partner where she’s at the operation and you know, she’s back to full strength and the kids are at full strength. And by the time they’ve registered the children as born and done all the tests their eyes that he hears you two days anyway to do them all and test. So we came home just halfway through the second day and haven’t looked back since. It’s been well obviously other than yesterday I had to go to hospital but yeah no no it was it was all fine.

Joe: What did you have success with as far as feeding goes? Was was mom able to breastfeed or was Formula feeding, bottle feeding, what worked for you?

Kris: We went with formula feeding because it’s twins. We thought with a single baby, breastfeeding is easy. My partner did want to breastfeed if it was a single, but because it was twins, we just thought it’d be too much of a demand, A, on her body, and B, it might just weaken her recovery because all the nutrients she’s producing for the breast milk of nutrients she could be using to heal herself and get herself better and after the operation. So we just thought it’s the fafest and probably the best option for us is to go on to on to a formula.

Joe: Yeah, formula also gives us as dads a chance to participate in the feeding more than if mom was just exclusively breastfeeding. That’s one thing that I enjoyed when we were able to bottle feed our girls was I could actually participate more than if it was just my wife feeding them.

Kris: Yeah, you can help out if it’s been a long day, like you say, you can as the dad can feed and then give your partner time to go and have a cup of a cup of tea or, you know, just relax for two minutes. But like you say, if it is breastfeeding, it is pretty much, you know, only the mother can do it unless you pump breast pump into bottles. But again, that’s more effort.

Joe: So what do you remember about those early days with the infants at home? What were some of the challenges or things that were working at that time?

Kris: I found I remember more than anything how well I expected, you know, 24 hours a day to hear screaming, crying. The first couple of days, all the kids pretty much do is sleep, wake up for when they’re hungry. So you give them a ball and sleep again. I found it amazing how many times they actually feed when they’re just been born, how many times they actually feed, they have little and often. So every two to three hours they were having, I’m sure it was only one and a half, two ounces. But it was very quiet, I was expecting screaming, crying, but it was, I think because they were with each other as well, in a way they were sort of soothing each other. So it was, yeah, no, It was all right. You obviously hear all the horror stories, don’t you? Of

the first couple of days, babies don’t feed, they don’t scream. But like I say, we’ve been incredibly lucky and our girls fed when they showed, they slept when they showed. And yeah, I can’t I can’t give you any horror stories, I’m afraid for.

Joe: No, it’s good. It’s good to hear that not every pair of twins is a crazy situation. It’s wonderful to hear stories like yourself where pregnancy goes pretty well, delivery goes relatively smoothly, even though you did have an emergency there, but then babies come home and things go pretty normal. That’s very, that’s kind of good to share because otherwise people may get overwhelmed with all the potential horrible things that can happen, but that’s not always the case.

Kris: Yeah, I find that there’s a lot, you see a lot on social media of twin groups and it’s all scary this and my twins won’t do this and my twins won’t feed, my twins won’t sleep. And I sit there and I go, is it really, Is it really that bad and I’ve been incredibly lucky or is it just people are being having unlucky moments with their twins? But I know, honestly, I can’t complain. And the way that my my twins are, it’s a massive credit to their mother, like I say, because I was only home the first three weeks of the birth after the birth for it. So the way that they sleep, the routines they’re in, the progress they’ve made, I can only give credit to their mother. she’s been absolutely brilliant and an incredible partner as well to be around. Not only is it a difficult period for her and a difficult period for the kids, but it’s also a difficult period as the father. And honestly the support she’s given them children, the support she gives me, I can’t thank her enough. She’s brilliant.

Joe: That’s wonderful. Sounds like you have a wonderful partner. You mentioned you had also some great support from friends and family. How were they able to help maybe during the pregnancy or with the infants?

Kris: With the pregnancy, friends and family, again, the friends were more last minute support for myself and my partner, ’cause you do have, through any pregnancy, whether it’s single or twins, you have your days where you feel upset or you’re just not 100% there ’cause you’re worried about what if something happens in the future. So I found that friends were great for me anyway there. They would always calm me down and say, you know, it’s going to be fine. You’re going to be great. Don’t worry. And with family, it was always, especially my partner’s family, it was always anything she needed. She got it. If she, you know, all my feet are hurt, in next minute, her sister turns up with a foot bath or next minute, you know, her mother turns up with some cream to help her feet. And it’s just, it’s a big team effort. It’s a massive family. In a way, you know, they welcomed me in, to welcome the twins in straight away. And it’s just, yeah, they are brilliant. The whole family are absolutely fantastic.

Joe: That’s wonderful. That’s wonderful to have such a great support network. How was the transition from, you said you had about three weeks off of work and then you had to go back on the road again, driving. How was that transition, leaving mom at home with the kids? And how did that work out?

Kris: Well, luckily just before she fell pregnant, I took a different job where I was home at night. I was still trucking, but I was only locally. So I was home every night. But the transitional period in the day was difficult because you’re used to seeing your kids and being there. And it just stops. You have to go out and work. But I found that I have to put myself in the mindset of, I’m doing this for my kids. So, and then it does, you know, in a way it’s not as bad when you go to work, then you don’t overthink things because you’re doing this to be able to provide. Um, it’s only recently with the nursery costs that I’ve had to start working away, um, full time going away again because the nursery costs are that much. And, um, with my partner going back to work, we didn’t really have much of a choice.

Joe: So when you were home at night, would you and your partner get up in the night to take care of them? Or did you take turns or work for you?

Kris: Yeah, it was more at the start, it was me and my partner. We’d get up, I’d feed one, she’d feed the other at the very start and as we

‘ve got a bit, as I’ve gone back to work and we’ve got a bit older, sorry, the kids have got a bit older, she’s more done the night feeds. So I can get some sleep because the last thing anyone needs to be behind the wheel of a 44 ton truck and be tired, dozing it off asleep, it’s not safe, is it? So this is what I mean by, when I say she’s been absolutely fantastic, she understands that. So she’s been very supportive and she’ll look after the twins at night and just let me get some sleep. She can sleep in the day when they’re asleep.

Joe: Has there been any kind of baby gear or supplies have made life a little bit easier at your home?

Kris: What we found is, I don’t know if every family is like this, but we don’t put our children in front of the television if we can help it. We try and keep them away from TV, especially the first, obviously the first couple of months, they’re not interested anyway. But when they start to look around, I’ve seen a lot of people say, “Oh, my child wouldn’t sleep tonight. She wouldn’t go to bed early, but you know, we watch TV for four hours And you know, we don’t as a family. We don’t agree with that. We want to spend time with them So but now we’re at the age where they are nine months. I feel like at the end of the night, you know when mum’s tired I’m tired We can put the tv on for half an hour say watch one child’s episode of not learning numbers or something like my miss rachel and It just gives you that little break. So in my opinion, if I was to give any advice, I’d say keep the TV away from them until you absolutely need that little break for half an hour. Um, again, with twins, it’s just a case of you buy. I found that we bought two of everything to walkers, to jumpers, to, you know, to everything, but they won’t want to do it at the same time. So I found that the second one hardly got used much because they, you know, with the walker, they now obviously with the walkers, they’re both in them because they’re walking, but more with the jumpers, they don’t jump a roof. They’re called the only one of them wants to go in at a time. And then the other one that isn’t in it wants to be in the exact one that they’re twin sisters in. So you just found the other one just sit there. Yeah, you could have two of everything, but they always want the same exact. They always want the same thing. Exactly. Yeah. So, I mean, that was useful. We’ve got a Tommy sippy prep machine, which was it does the bottles for you You know, you put eight ounces eight scoops of powder in it for the formula and it it makes the bottle for you. We found that was Brilliant, especially for the night feeds because you don’t have to go downstairs boil the kettle let it cool down You know and then wait for them to wake up whereas as soon as we knew that they were hungry they cry, press the button, make the bottles straight away instantly and they’re the perfect temperature. So definitely 100% I’d recommend a Tommy Tippie or some sort of prep machine, just especially for the night feeds because it does help out a lot. Other than that, as we’re finding out now, lots of baby gates because now they’re on the move, they are everywhere.

Joe: Yeah, as far as childproofing the house and making it safe, what does kind of surprise you that you needed to do?

Kris: It’s pretty much everything. Every floor has to be covered with something soft. We’ve got a laminated floor downstairs. So it’s not solid, but it’s not soft. So obviously, we’ve got rugs and we’ve just bought a big massive play map for there because they’ve got their own room in the back of the house called a play room, full of their toys, their walkers, everything. You have to cover everything. any, not even just sharp, any sort of, anything that sticks out has to be covered. Everything that could be pulled off has to be pushed out the way so they can’t reach it. It is, you have to turn your house into a bouncy castle basically.

Joe: That’s true. They seem to discover places and things that you did not know were in your house.

Kris: Things I didn’t even know existed. Like I can’t, if I, when we feed them their tea, they have little cups of water afterwards to help, you know, put, um, to give them a drink. They’ll find them cups of water anywhere in the house,

and they will grab hold of them and they will take the lids off and they’ll find a way to get the whole crew all over the floor.

Joe: Yeah. The fun never stops with, uh, the kids, especially once they start crawling, which is the stage of life that you’re in right now. So good luck. Cause it’s super mobile.

Kris: That’s it now. Now, well now they’re super mobile. Like you say, they’re, They’re everywhere now. They seem to have newfound confidence now. They’re trying to climb on everything, climb onto the sofa. They’re trying to climb up the TV stand. And it’s a full-time job watching them now.

Joe: That it is. Well, Chris, as we wrap up the show today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

Kris: My partner has an Instagram for the twins. It’s called the Lloyd twins. that’s T-H-E-L-L-O-Y-D twins. And you’ll see the profile picture on it. It’s me, my partner and the two Gorgeous Girls. That’s probably the best way. She posts on there daily, two, three, four times a day, pictures of them, pictures of us, what we’re getting up to. And I feel like, you know, it’d be nice for people to see day-to-day life as twins. It’s not all doom and gloom because we don’t have that. As I say, it’s all on there. It’s always good things. If you ever need, anyone ever needs to message us about any questions about anything that I’ve said, or you’re direct to my partner who, like I say, controls most of it. So it would be, yeah, more than welcome to help, more than happy to help.

Joe: Excellent, thank you for sharing that. Chris, we really were grateful for your time today. Thank you for coming on the show.

Kris: Not a problem at all. Thank you for having me.

Joe: I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Chris about his adventures as a father of twins. If you wanna connect with Chris, I’ll link up to his Instagram in the show notes for this episode. You can go to the archive of all episodes, including this one, directly by going to twindadpodcast.com. Once again, that’s twindadpodcast.com. If you would like to share your story like Chris did today on the show, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me on Instagram or X. My handle is @twindadjo. Also, I’m on Facebook.com/dadsguidetowins or you can email me directly, [email protected], and I would love to hear from you. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It’s called “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins, “How to Thrive as a Father of Twins.” You can get this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. And if you found this episode enjoyable, would you do me a favor and share it with another dad that you know that may be expecting or raising twins? I would really appreciate it. Thanks so much, and I’ll see you next time.

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The post Working to Afford Twins, Emergency C-Section, and Getting Babies on a Schedule with Kris Lloyd – Podcast 309 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.