Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Stephen Dause, father of twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

Connect with Stephen via his twin dad posts on Reddit here.

This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe Rawlinson (Host): Yes, your twin pregnancy and delivery may have some crazy surprises. Today on the podcast we’re talking with a twin dad who shares his experience of how their delivery did not quite go according to plan. Now there was a huge surprise after their twin girls were born in the operating room, how they overcame that challenge and more today on the podcast.

Welcome to the dad’s guide to twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the dad’s guide to twins, Joe Rawlinson.

Hey everybody. Welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. I’m glad that you’re with me today. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetowins.com where you’ll find all previous podcast episodes and tons of resources to help you along your twin parenting journey.

Today’s episode is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It is called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins, How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. This book will guide you through those first several years with your twins to help you overcome the common challenges that you’ll be facing. You can get a copy of this book for yourself at RaisingTwinsBook.com.

Today we are continuing our Father of Twins interview series with the Father of Twin Girls who are happy and healthy now, but there were some hiccups and some surprises that were a little bit scary in the pregnancy and during delivery that we’re going to talk about today on the episode. Today I’d like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Stephen Dause. Welcome to the show, Stephen.

Stephen Dause (Guest): Thank you.

Joe Rawlinson: Stephen, how old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age?

Stephen Dause: They are four and a half months. Something exciting about this age that just happened, started happening maybe a couple weeks ago was I noticed they started talking and babbling and cooing to each other just with, and sometimes when they’re both lying down, they’ll look at each other and start talking, especially if we hold them to each other’s face and they just smile and laugh. It’s really something special because that’s something that parents of multiples get to experience, I guess, that singletons don’t exactly in the same way. So it’s pretty neat.

Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, that’s one of the joys we have as dads of twins. We can watch that happen between our twins. Let’s rewind a little bit back in time to when you found out that you’d be having twins? What was your family situation like at that time?

Stephen Dause: Well, so when we found out, we had recently helped our 24-year-old adopted son move out. He was 16 when we adopted him eight years ago, and we slowly helped him mature and become independent, and we had just sort of become empty-nesters, so to speak. And then we found out we were pregnant, and started the process of welcoming, or so we thought, at least one biological kid into the family.

Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, that’s quite a transition there between an adult and having babies right on the heels of that. What was the experience like from your perspective with the twin pregnancy? How did that progress?

Stephen Dause: It was pretty challenging. My first reaction was just anxiety over not being able to get enough sleep, especially because I have some health conditions that already make that difficult for me. And then it quickly turned into anxiety over making sure my wife was healthy and that the twins were healthy and growing properly. She was quite nauseous, especially early on, but throughout the pregnancy, we had to take her to the hospital twice and I guess around week 14 or 15. Thankfully, all she needed was fluids, but she just couldn’t keep anything down, so they were able to give her an IV.

As we move further along, we started ultrasounds to monitor for TTTS, twin to twin transfusion syndrome as well as TAPS. A lot of monitoring things got very hard for her very quickly. I started taking over various things that she couldn’t do anymore or was very difficult for her to do. She also has a kidney disease which made her pregnancy high risk to start in addition to the high risk of the twin pregnancy itself. So we had a lot to watch out for, but thankfully her kidneys performed just fine throughout the pregnancy. But it was definitely, we were on pins and needles kind of throughout, just waiting for something to break bad.

Joe Rawlinson: Yeah. So for listeners, TAPS is twin anemia polycythemia sequence, which is a mouthful. That’s just why they use the acronym for that. So how did TAPS and TTTS, twin to twin transfusion syndrome even come up on your radar during the pregnancy?

Stephen Dause: We planned to continue seeing our normal obstetrician, but I did decide to consult with an MFM at around 18 weeks, Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist, and they thought it was fine to continue seeing our OB, but they did definitely recommend, they monitor for TTTS, which our OB knew about, but our OB didn’t know about TAPS. They were happy to try to monitor for it, but the ultrasound technicians actually weren’t really qualified to do it at the normal OB place. So we ended up transferring care eventually entirely to the MFM. And yeah, we at one time or another, they saw some potentially suspicious readings, then they would take a reading the next week and it would be fine. So neither of those actually became… The girls didn’t get diagnosed with either of those, but we were definitely watching for it closely.

Joe Rawlinson: So were you with the MFM all the way up to delivery?

Stephen Dause: Yes.

Joe Rawlinson: Even when it came to delivery, that same doctor was there?

Stephen Dause: It wasn’t one particular doctor. There was actually about seven of them at the hospital where we were and we would see, sometimes it would be the same doctor, but we didn’t really know who we were going to see. As it happened, our favorite one of them was on rotation at the hospital, which is separate from the clinic the week that we ended up delivering so that was great. We have a great relationship with her. But I guess that was the primary downside actually of seeing the MFM clinic is that it was a lot of different doctors. It could be a little bit of challenging because you never know who’s actually going to be there when the babies are ready to be born.

Joe Rawlinson: I guess if you were able to meet with all of them in one form or another, then at least you were familiar with them at the time. Well, so despite the extra monitoring and some of the extra stress week to week, it seemed like the pregnancy did go pretty smoothly leading up to delivery.

Stephen Dause: Yes. The only thing was around 34 weeks, she developed pre-gestational hypertension, which then led to delivery at 35 weeks.

Joe Rawlinson: Tell us a little bit about that. How did that? That just came up on a weekly visit test and then what?

Stephen Dause: Yeah. It was a little funny. The last ultrasound we did, they said, “Well, it took them a long time to find the girls’ middle cerebral arteries.” Two of the MFM specialists were in there, both operating the ultrasound machine. And then they said, “Okay, your girls look fine, but your blood pressure is really high. We want you to go to the hospital right now.” And that was Friday, and my wife ended up staying there until delivery on Tuesday. Her symptoms were not too bad. She developed a headache, some lightheadedness, but it was slowly getting worse. They basically told us, “We want to stop this before it gets any worse, and you go off a cliff and really start to feel bad and develop actual preeclampsia or even worse, eclampsia, and it’s not going to help that much for the babies to last another day or two, and you’re not going to make it to another week. We’re going to deliver you ASAP, basically.”

Joe Rawlinson: How did you take that news?

Stephen Dause: We were at 34 weeks when she went to the hospital, so we were prepared as well as we could be. And we talked to the doctors Friday, and then there were some doctors that visited us over the weekend. So it was a slow transition to realizing, “Oh, okay, this could happen soon. Oh, this is really likely. Okay, that’s going to happen.” And at that point, since we were already in the hospital, we knew she wasn’t going to leave before the babies were delivered and we trusted them enough to say, “Okay, it’s time to deliver. Let’s go.”

Joe Rawlinson: So when it came time for the delivery, tell us about that experience. Was it going into it? Was it what you were hoping for or planning for, or did you have some surprises?

Stephen Dause: Up until delivery was pretty normal. They, of course, got my wife prepped and took her back there and eventually called me back to watch the delivery itself. And I sat back there and couldn’t see anything. They made sure I sat down just so I couldn’t see anything because they didn’t want me to pass out, which was fine.

Joe Rawlinson: This was for a C-section, right?

Stephen Dause: Yeah. My wife wanted to do a C-section from the beginning, and they were on board with that so they didn’t try to induce or anything like that. We just told them that we wanted to do a C-section and they worked us into the schedule. I was in the OR watching just the doctors top of their heads really. It was really quiet, I guess I couldn’t really hear them talking to each other. Eventually, they brought out Baby A and said, “Here she is.” They actually said her name. They said both names of the girls because we told them who was who, so that was really special.

Then, after both were delivered, I remember they told me that I could go over and look at one of them. I just briefly interacted with Baby A, and they told me that they were having some trouble breathing, but at least for baby A, she was doing okay with a CPAP. So then I went back to tell my wife that. But before I could tell her that, a nurse came over and said, “Hey, here’s what’s happening, Mrs. Dause. Basically, we’re trying everything we can to get your uterus to contract, but it’s not, and you’re bleeding pretty badly, and so we’ve got some more things we can try, but we might have to do a hysterectomy.”

Stephen Dause: That was when I looked down at the floor and noticed that there was an awful lot of blood, and that was rather disconcerting. Things progressed, they gave her some medication to put in her mouth. She looked over at me and said, “Stephen, are they jumping on me?” And I said, “No, they’re working hard back there, but I am pretty sure they’re not jumping on you, dear.” Although it feels like that. So she was not in pain, but just kind of confused and groggy from the drugs she was given, obviously. And it was, they were doing more than they would have had to at that point for just a normal C-section wrap-up.

Joe Rawlinson: Had she had any interactions with the babies at this point?

Stephen Dause: She saw them when they were delivered, just, you know, like five seconds here they are. But other than that, no, which was hard. So, yeah, and I’d really only seen one. Around the time this was happening, they explained to me that both babies needed to go to the NICU because they needed to receive more care in helping them breathe. They were still both having trouble breathing. I just have a very clear memory in my mind. That was sort of the peak freak out moment when my daughters are leaving. I can’t really do anything to help them right now. And I’m just standing, sitting here helpless as my wife is being operated on.

Pretty shortly after that, my wife is actually much better at telling this part of the story, but she sort of called out to the doctor’s name and said like, “Look, I wasn’t planning on having any more kids. I know you’ve tried your best, but I need to be there for my girls, so please do whatever you can to save my life and do it as quickly as possible.” And so the doctor basically said, “Got it? Understood. We’re going to transition our work to just doing that emergency hysterectomy.”

Stephen Dause: They explained that a couple more doctors who are oncologists, but also, specializing in hysterectomies generally, were going to come in to do the surgery and they said it’s not that we can’t do it, but they are the best at it. So we thought, “Great, let’s get them in here.” The anesthesiologist asked my wife whether she wanted to go under and just be knocked out fully because once the baby is delivered, there’s no risk anymore to them obviously from general anesthesia.

My wife actually asked me and I said, “Well, I don’t know, do what you want.” And she said, “I think I want to be knocked out.” And I said, “I think I would want to be knocked out too.” Another memory I have from around that time is when asking, she asked the anesthesiologist, “Is this an emergency?” And the anesthesiologist sort of looked at her warmly and said, “I’m not going to lie to you, dear. Yes, this is an emergency.” At that point, as they started to put her under, I was asked, I was taken out because there’s no real need for me to be there anymore.

Joe Rawlinson: Do they tell you what to expect? Like how long it was going to take or?

Stephen Dause: No, I had no idea. And I didn’t really ask either. I guess partly because the nurse sort of took me out to the recovery room, said, “Here you are. Let us know if you want to go see your daughters and I need to go now.” So I said, “Okay.” Yes, I definitely want to see my daughters. I just waited until the NICU team said that I could come down, and that was about 15 minutes.

Joe Rawlinson: So you were just sitting alone with your thoughts for 15 minutes after all this craziness?

Stephen Dause: Yes. It was not a good experience. It’s embarrassing, but I asked ChatGPT what the odds of surviving an emergency hysterectomy are, which it said something like there’s a 1 to 8% chance of death even though if you’re in an advanced hospital the odds are probably lower. I was like, “Well, I’m pretty sure I’m in an advanced hospital, so I’ll just hope and pray that she does all right.”

In addition to that, I was texting my family with an update, but I didn’t really know what to tell them exactly because the girls were doing okay, they were in the NICU, and so obviously that was good, but I didn’t know how much my wife wanted to share. As it turns out, she wasn’t very private about this at all, but I didn’t know that at the time. So I also kind of felt alone in processing what was happening because I wasn’t fully sharing what was happening with anyone.

Joe Rawlinson: I totally overwhelming experience because that’s not what you were expecting just minutes earlier.

Stephen Dause: Right. I knew abstractly that it was a possibility that this could happen because we signed or she signed the paperwork and I looked at it and it did mention a hysterectomy as something that you have to agree to beforehand. But I never really considered it or considered what to do, what to tell people if something like that did happen. I wish that I had at least thought about it, discussed it just very briefly beforehand to have a kind of loose plan in mind and be a little more emotionally prepared for it.

Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, I mean that paperwork, when you read all the details, it’s kind of scary, overwhelming as well, right? And you’re like, all these things could possibly happen. And you’re like, well, I still want to have these babies, we still need to have these babies, so…

Stephen Dause: Right. And it’s not like I’m not gonna sign the paper and go through with this, right? And I guess I wasn’t scared by the paper at the time because no one really told us like, no one really talked to us about this possibility. They might have just skimmed over it, but I didn’t, you know, I signed medical paperwork for all kinds of things and, you know, none of the bad scenarios had really happened to me during surgery before. So I just kind of put it out of my mind.

Joe Rawlinson: So then the NICU staff came and got you and take you up to see your girls. So what was that moment like when you were able to see them again?

Stephen Dause: That was very special and just kind of, I mean, I’m a pretty laid back guy, but there’s a picture of me holding one of them with just the biggest grin on my face. And I was just so happy to be with them. They, by the time I got down there, they both were doing very well. The NICU staff was very happy. They said, really, baby A only needed help breathing with a CPAP and oxygen for a little bit. And she’s already off that and on room air and we’re pretty sure baby B can be in another few minutes. I don’t remember exactly when, but it might have been while I was there, they actually were able to take the breathing tube out and she was on room air.

That was very relieving and just very special. Not how I would have liked to greet them and hold them because obviously I would have liked to do that with my wife. But at the same time, it was great that things had gone well. And the doctors actually had one or two questions for me about how to care for them. So I was glad that I had asked to go down there. I was feeling very grateful and happy and also just kind of taking charge of, you know, from, as a parent of making sure that they were being cared for and answering any questions that the doctors had for me.

Joe Rawlinson: And how long do you got news about your wife’s status?

Stephen Dause: It’s hard to say. It might have been 15 or 30 minutes I was down there. And so on the way up, I got a call from a number I thought was probably the hospital. And I was a little nervous taking that call because I didn’t know what news they would have. But the nurse led with, “Hey, weird question, but do you want to keep the placenta, we don’t have any paperwork on that.” And so I thought, “Well, if something bad happens, you probably wouldn’t be asking me about this.” And so I answered it. We didn’t want to keep it. And she told me that my wife was out of surgery and was recovering and I could see her soon. So that was just a huge, I breathed a huge sigh of relief there. And after that, I didn’t feel like I had to wait very long until they actually brought her back.

Joe Rawlinson: So when were all of you reunited, mom, you and the girls all together?

Stephen Dause: That would not be until the next morning at about 4 a.m. The NICU wanted to monitor the girls for about 12 hours after they were on room air just as a precaution. So yeah, it took until then, but the nurse walked in and said, “Special delivery,” and I don’t remember if I was even asleep. I don’t think I was, but it was a groggy early morning reunion.

Joe Rawlinson: How did recovery go for your wife?

Stephen Dause: Difficult. It was kind of, it felt especially difficult for us because the pregnancy had been so hard and she was looking forward to what even other twin moms had said was the initial relief of just getting the babies out of your body. But even though that happened for her, she felt so bad from the additional loss of a major organ and all of the work that they had to do to cut it out of her that she felt very bad, especially in the first couple weeks afterwards.

It turns out they probably cut a major nerve and so she was feeling real sharp nerve pain. On top of all of this, because of her kidneys, she couldn’t take a lot of the narcotics that they normally give you. She was limited in terms of, well, actually, I misspoke. She was limited for narcotics because a lot of them make her nauseous, and she was limited in terms of NSAIDs because of her kidneys. She had very few options for pain treatment, and it was very rough. It made everything harder for her. Because of that, I was doing almost all of the twin care that required getting up and moving around, really, in addition to the nurses while we were in the hospital. But in short, recovery was very, very hard.

Joe Rawlinson: She was just in the hospital for a few days, and then most of the recovery was back home?

Stephen Dause: Yes, that’s right. We delivered on Tuesday and we went home on Sunday. So it was a couple extra days due to the additional complications of delivery after C-section. But thankfully, the girls got their sort of seal of approval of being ready to discharge at the same time, roughly that my wife did, so we were all able to go home together. Although when we got home, we arrived to a house without power. So that was another fun twist to the story.

Joe Rawlinson: The one unexpected thing after the other. Was that just a temporary thing or was it a longer term issue?

Stephen Dause: We were at the house for a couple hours and had no sign of it coming back on anytime soon. And this was in February. And the girls, we were told to keep the girls warm. And we also had some milk that needed to, some donated breast milk that needed to be kept frozen. Although, and I don’t, I think it was actually above freezing outside so we couldn’t just put it outside. So thankfully we have some wonderful friends who have a generator and we drove over to their house and spent our first night out of the hospital at a friend’s house. But power was back on the next day and things quickly returned to relative normal after that.

Joe Rawlinson: Thank goodness for good friends.

Stephen Dause: Definitely.

Joe Rawlinson: Okay, so you said things got back to normal. So this was like a new normal because now you’ve got the twins, mom’s recovering. What was your routine like there if mom was needing to get extra rest to recover?

Stephen Dause: We just took it in two or three hour chunks at a time. I think for the first while, it’s blurry a bit even now, but for the first while, I would, I’m trying to remember if I brought the girls to her bedside or if she got up and fed them with me. I think she pretty much from the start was at least able to move from the bed to our recliner and we would each feed one baby. And for the first few weeks, we basically would take one baby to feed. And I was doing all of the diaper changes for maybe a week or so, a week or two out of the hospital. Just kind of in survival mode.

And thankfully, we had a great supporting group of family and friends who came over to help. It was difficult, but at the same time, the girls were actually still premature, so they were very sleepy. So essentially, they would just sleep, wake up, eat, and go back to sleep. So that was at least one blessing. We weren’t really dealing with any colic or anything like that at that point.

Joe Rawlinson: Were the babies… Was she trying to breastfeed them, or were you doing formula? What was working for everybody?

Stephen Dause: Yes. So she was trying to pump, and at first that was difficult in terms of the amount of production. Thankfully, so we had hired a doula. The doula wasn’t able to be there because on the day we delivered, there was a snowstorm, which other than her not being there didn’t affect us because we were already at the hospital, thank goodness. But the doula came in clutch afterwards because she had some women who had extra breast milk that she donated to us and we used that supply in combination with a bit of formula and then anything that my wife was able to pump for the first few weeks until her production ramped up and was able to meet the girl’s needs, which thankfully it’s still able to do today.

Joe Rawlinson: Now, did you have some time off work and have to rush back to work? What was the time off situation?

Stephen Dause: I work at a small company and we didn’t really have a policy in place for paternal or maternal leave. So I advocated for one for myself and was able to get eight weeks of paid leave, which in America is a huge blessing and something not every new father or mother gets. So that was probably one of the biggest things that helped us survive without a whole lot of extra stress that that would have brought. I split it up. I took the first five weeks off and then worked half time for another six weeks to kind of stretch out that time a bit more.

Joe Rawlinson: Oh, perfect. Yeah, that sounds like a great arrangement. So once you went back full time, was your wife still on leave or is she back to work?

Stephen Dause: She is a teacher, so she, you know, we delivered in February, which was earlier, of course, than we initially planned back when we didn’t realize we were going to have twins and be delivering earlier. But she took the rest of the year off and is going to start back in August. So she’s still got a couple months of being home with the girls.

Joe Rawlinson: What are your plans for child care once school starts again?

Stephen Dause: We thought we had one daycare lined up, but now we’re having second thoughts about that one, and aren’t really on any other waitlists. So my wife is interviewing nannies this week and next week. So my wife’s actually going to be working part-time, so we’ll only need a part-time nanny, which will make it more affordable. But yeah, we’re probably just going to hire a nanny for the first year, and then after that my wife will probably be full-time the next school year and we’ll get a daycare.

Joe Rawlinson: Sometimes you have to be creative in finding how to make sure the kids are taken care of, make sure they’re making it to work. If it’s a daycare, if it’s a nanny, if it’s some combination of those things, you got to do what you’re going to do.

Stephen Dause: Yes. Getting on a daycare’s wait list is priority number one, honestly, when you find out you’re pregnant because it can take quite a while.

Joe Rawlinson: Absolutely. They have to have two spots

Stephen Dause: Yes.

Joe Rawlinson: Extra, extra waitlist.

Joe Rawlinson: So now that the girls are about four and a half months old, what’s the typical schedule like a daily routine?

Stephen Dause: I wake up at 8 AM and take care of the girls from 8 AM to 9 AM, just to give my wife a chance to get some, get at least a catnap in if she’s had to be up with them during the later portion of the night. Then I go to work from 9 to 5:30. I come back. We both take care of the girls until bedtime, although we are intentional about each of us getting at least like half an hour to either take a nap or just do something other than be with the girls or work. And then we both put them to bed at around 7:30 or 8.

And then from that time on, they’re sleeping pretty well. They usually wake up around 3 or 4. But actually here recently, they’ve been sleeping through the night until about seven or so. At which point I would wake up with them if they’re up at seven. On the other hand, we were just told by the doctor that one baby isn’t getting enough weight, so we’re going to have to wake them up at least once during the night to feed anyway, which is unfortunate, but that’s kind of the gist of the day of the schedule.

Joe Rawlinson: Yeah, just when you think you get them sleeping, something will change that, either doctor’s orders or they’ll start changing their own schedule.

Stephen Dause: Right.

Joe Rawlinson: So, Stephen, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?

Stephen Dause: So, I’m on Reddit. I post and comment occasionally on the parents of multiples sub-Reddit. My username is just trying to make it 16. And so, you can DM me there or take a look at the different posts I’ve written. I made one kind of summary of my experience of caring for my wife at about 34 weeks pregnant, and then I’ve made three after delivery as well. So yeah, that’s how you can find me.

Joe Rawlinson: I’ll link those in the show notes for listeners if they want to go check out those more details. Well, Stephen, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Some of the crazy surprises, ups and downs. It’s great to hear that everybody’s come out on the other side of that healthy and well.

Stephen Dause: Yes, there were a lot of ups and downs, but I’m very grateful that we made it out okay. And thank you for the interview and for all the resources you put out there for us, Twin Dads. It’s good to have something specific in addition to the general twin advice, so I appreciate it.

Joe Rawlinson: You’re welcome. Thank you so much.

Joe Rawlinson: I hope you enjoyed the conversation with Stephen about his experience so far as a father of twins. I’m always grateful for dads like Stephen, come on the show and share their experience with the rest of us so that all of us can learn from each other’s experiences. So once again, thanks Stephen for sharing your story today on the podcast.

Listeners if you would like to share your story like Stephen did today. I would love to hear from you. You can drop me an email [email protected] or reach out to me on Instagram or X I am @twindadjoe and I would love to hear from you.

If you’re in those early months with twins or still expecting twins I invite you to pick up a copy of my book Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can pick up a copy for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. Once again, that’s raisingtwinsbook.com. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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The post Emergency Hysterectomy After Twins Birth with Stephen Dause – Podcast 327 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Hey Dads, it’s completely normal to need support during the twin pregnancy. Yes, support for you.

During a twin pregnancy, the physical and emotional spotlight is naturally on your partner, but your role, your mental health, and your emotional well-being matter deeply.

Here are some ideas on how to maintain your mental and emotional footing during this intense time:

Your feelings are valid, including excitement, anxiety, and being overwhelmed.

These are all normal responses to impending parenthood, especially with twins.

You’re going through a major life transition too. Your identity and responsibilities are changing significantly.

Doubt doesn’t mean you’re unfit to be a twin dad. It means you care. Good dads worry; great dads learn to manage that worry instead of letting it run the show.

Connect with other twin dads who have been through what you are experiencing.

Look for local twin parent groups or online forums specifically for fathers of multiples.

Maintain friendships by scheduling regular time with friends who can provide perspective and emotional support.

Consider therapy if you feel you need an extra hand. A few sessions with a therapist can provide valuable coping strategies for this unique stress you’re experiencing.

Share your feelings with your partner. Try saying “I’m excited about the twins but also feeling [fill in the blank with your emotions like being nervous or overwhelmed]”

Be specific about your needs when talking with your partner. For example, “I could use some time to process” is better than bottling up emotions.

Remember your partner isn’t a mind reader. They may not realize what you’re experiencing unless you share.

Open, frank, and honest communication with your partner will help the twin parenting journey go a lot smoother.

Maintain your physical health. During the twin pregnancy, you actually have more time than you will once the twins are born.

Keep up with regular exercise, adequate sleep, and proper nutrition. These will directly impact your mental wellbeing.

It’s easy to lose yourself in pregnancy prep. Try to keep at least one regular activity that grounds you.

Continue hobbies while you can. Keep participating in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Keep in mind that some of these might need a pause once the twins arrive.

Set boundaries since it’s okay to decline additional responsibilities when feeling overwhelmed.

Educate yourself about twin development and care as that can reduce anxiety.

Research is helpful but obsessively reading about premature birth risks, twin complications, or sleep deprivation stories can send your anxiety into overdrive. Stick to trusted sources, and give yourself permission to unplug.

Get involved in twin preparations. Setting up the nursery or researching gear gives you purpose and something within your control.

Creating a registry, budgeting, reading parenting books will help. But leave space for flexibility, mistakes, and unknowns. Twins bring chaos. You’ll adapt. You don’t have to be 100% “ready”.

Learn practical baby care skills. This will give you confidence in your abilities and will reduce anxiety about the future.

You’re not just a supporting character. You’re an equal parent preparing for a life-changing experience.

Taking care of your mental health now sets the foundation for being the father your twins will need to be.

Listen to twin dad Steven Driver’s experience of overcoming a traumatic birth experience of his twins.

The post Maintaining Dad’s Mental Health During a Twin Pregnancy appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

When I found out we were having twins, one of my first thoughts after the initial shock wore off was: “Where are we going to put all their stuff?”

Our modest three-bedroom home suddenly felt tiny. But after some creative planning and real-world experience, I discovered you don’t need two of everything or a mansion to raise happy, healthy twins.

Here’s how to prepare your home without drowning in baby gear.

The Twin Registry Audit

Before you register for or purchase anything, ask these three questions:

I saved hundreds of dollars and valuable square footage by realizing we didn’t need two baby bathtubs, two high chairs, or two play mats. One large play mat worked perfectly for both babies.

The Grow-With-Them Mindset

Invest in items that adapt as your twins grow:

Vertical Storage is Your Best Friend

Wall space is often underutilized. Consider:

For example, IKEA Kallax shelves and fabric bins color-coded by category—green for clothes, blue for blankets, yellow for toys. This system makes it easy to find what you need quickly.

Just remember your baby-proofing for when the twins become mobile.

Smarter Furniture Choices

When you set up your twin nursery, see if you can position the cribs in an L-shape in the corner, which opens up floor space for playing while keeping the cribs accessible from three sides.

Create Zones Instead of Taking Over

Rather than letting twin baby gear dominate your living space:

Multi-Purpose Solutions

Streamlined Feeding Station

Create a dedicated “twin feeding zone” in one corner of your kitchen with everything needed for bottle prep, which can save countless steps during those early sleep-deprived months.

Clever High Chair Solutions

We opted for booster seats rather than standalone units with large footprints.

Bathing Without the Bulk

Smart Organization

The Rolling Command Center

I’ve even heard of making a rolling cart with three tiers:

This cart can be moved from room to room, ensuring supplies were always at hand without cluttering every space.

The Shared Closet System

For the twins’ clothes:

The Gear Rotation Method

Not all baby equipment needs to be out at once:

We borrowed a hospital grade breast pump until formula bottle feeding became our primary method, saving both money and storage space.

Remember that babies need much less than marketing would have you believe.

Your twins won’t care if their nursery isn’t Instagram perfect. They just need you, safety, comfort, and love.

The key is creating systems that work for your family’s specific needs and home layout. Stay flexible and don’t be afraid to rearrange as you discover what works best.

The post How to Prep Your Home for Twins Without Cluttering Everything appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Fathers expecting twins often have specific concerns that tend to be exaggerated or misguided.

You just don’t know what you’re getting yourself into and that leads to some irrational fears.

I know, I’ve been there.

Here are some of the most common fears that you don’t need to stress out about:

Raising twins can be challenging but it is totally worth it. If you’re worried about some of these issues, hang in there. You can do this!

The post Common Overblown Fears of Expectant Twin Fathers appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

As a father of twins who’s done countless grocery runs, I’m going to share what actually works when you need to brave the supermarket alone with your infant twins. This isn’t theoretical advice—these are battle-tested strategies that have saved my sanity during that challenging first year (and beyond) with twins.

Are you overwhelmed by the stress of hauling the twins to the store? Hit the easy button and get your groceries delivered or do a curbside pickup run. Many large grocery chains offer curbside pickup or you can use your favorite delivery app to get stuff delivered directly to your doorstep.

There is no shame in letting others do the work for you. Just keep in mind that you will pay slightly higher prices for groceries purchased with these more convenient methods.

That said, if you’re ready to get out of the house and do a grocery store adventure with the twins, you can do this. Let’s go:

Shop during your twins’ most content period—typically after a feeding and nap. This reduces several of the problems that can happen when you’re out.

Try shopping during early mornings (7-9 AM) as they tend to be less crowded with shorter checkout lines.

Always avoid the dinner rush (4-6 PM) at all costs as the grocery store is a zoo and crazy busy.

A trip to the grocery store still needs the basics you’d take whenever you leave the house with the twins:

You can’t just expect to leisurely stroll down the aisles and look at all the options. You need to be prepared.

Create a detailed shopping list organized by store layout so you know the route you’ll be taking.

Use a grocery app that remembers your regular items and can show you where they are located.

Keep the trip focused—this isn’t the time for browsing. Get in and get out!

Once you’re at the store, you’ll need to figure out how to transport your twins AND the groceries. Here are some options:

Then for the second child pick what works best:

Always make sure your car seats are secure and won’t fall off the cart.

Park close to cart return areas, not necessarily the entrance since you’ll know you have to return the cart.

Set up your transport system at the car before taking babies out of the car.

Have your shopping list immediately accessible on paper or your phone.

Shop efficiently—this isn’t the time for comparison shopping.

Use one hand for pushing/steering the cart and keep the other free for grabbing items off shelves.

Place heavy items under the cart, not with the babies.

When one starts crying, keep moving—motion helps.

Sing or talk to them constantly, even if you feel ridiculous.

If both melt down simultaneously, find a quiet corner to address needs before continuing.

Ignore the judgmental glances from others. Focus on taking care of your kids.

Choose self-checkout for small trips and a quicker exit.

For staffed lanes, look for cashiers who make eye contact and smile at babies. You have an ally here.

Have payment ready so you can quickly finish up the transaction.

Ask for help to your vehicle if available (many stores offer this). Let the grocery store employee help load up your vehicle while you tend to the babies.

If you’re still solo, put the babies back in the car first and secure them. Turn on the air conditioning. Then load up the groceries.

Return the cart to a return area close to your car, never leaving babies unattended.

Once you’re home, take the babies inside first, placing them in safe spots (swings, bouncers, etc.).

Bring groceries in next, focusing on refrigerated items

Unpack essentials immediately, leave the rest until babies are settled.

Remember that each successful trip builds your confidence. What seems impossible now will become routine within months. Start with smaller trips and work your way up.

The greatest victory isn’t perfectly executing your shopping trip—it’s having the courage to try it alone. Other shoppers are generally understanding when they see a dad with twins. Don’t hesitate to accept help when offered, and remember that a few difficult moments in the grocery store don’t define your parenting.

You’ve got this, Dad!

The post Successfully Grocery Shopping Alone with Infant Twins appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

As a father of twins, you’ve probably heard it all: “Shouldn’t they be walking by now?” or “My son was talking in full sentences at this age!” These well-meaning comments from friends and family comparing your twins to singleton milestones can be frustrating and sometimes even worrying. Let me share some perspective and practical advice on how to handle these situations with confidence.

Our twin girls had two notable developmental milestones that caused many people to comment.

First, our girls never crawled in the traditional sense – on their hands and knees. One of them figured out how to scoot across the floor while sitting by extending her legs out and then pulling herself forward. We called this the “bum scoot” and once one girl started, her sister mimicked that behavior and they never looked back. They went straight from their “bum scoot” to standing and walking.

Second, our girls had some speech issues until they were early elementary school age. My wife and I could understand our girls. The girls could understand each other. However, other people, including close family and friends struggled to understand what our girls were saying. This feedback ultimately led us to take our girls to speech therapy where they quickly improved their speech skills and have been good communicators ever since.

Twins often follow their own developmental timeline, and for good reason. Multiple factors influence their development patterns:

When Uncle Bob mentions how his grandson was walking at 10 months, try responding with: “Twin development is actually fascinating – they often focus on different skills first. Lucas is becoming quite the climber while Emma is working on her vocabulary. Their pediatrician is happy with their progress on their twin-adjusted timeline.”

Keep some facts handy about twin development to share when these conversations arise. Knowledge is empowering and helps redirect well-intentioned but misguided concerns.

Instead of getting defensive, highlight what each of your twins is excelling at: “While they might not be walking yet, have you noticed how Ben can stack blocks with amazing precision? And Sarah’s ability to communicate what she wants without words is impressive!”

Connect with other twin parents who understand your reality. When my twins were missing some of the typical singleton milestones, it was the parents in my twins group who reassured me this was normal and temporary.

Rather than comparing to standard milestone charts, keep a journal of each twin’s individual journey. Note when they master new skills relative to their own previous abilities. This perspective shift can be remarkably freeing.

While managing unwanted comparisons is important, sometimes concerns raised by others deserve attention:

In these cases, consult with your pediatrician. Early intervention, when needed, can make a significant difference.

Your twins are developing unique skills that singletons often don’t acquire as early:

Your twins aren’t behind—they’re just taking their own path. When well-meaning comparisons come your way, take a deep breath, share a bit of twin wisdom if you’re up for it, and remember that you have front-row seats to an amazing, unique developmental journey.

Trust your instincts, celebrate each triumph on your twins’ timeline, and remember—those singleton milestones were never meant for the twin experience anyway.

The post How to deal with family and friends that compare your twins to singletons appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

As a father of twins who has weathered countless “double emergencies,” I’m here to tell you that yes, you will survive those moments when both babies need you desperately at the exact same time.

Whether it’s one spitting up while the other has a diaper explosion, or both wailing for different urgent reasons, these situations are inevitable with twins.

Here’s my battle-tested approach to handling these high-stress moments.

It sounds simple, but it’s crucial. When both twins are in crisis mode, your stress level skyrockets. Take a 3-second deep breath. This micro-pause helps you think more clearly and approach the situation with a calmer mindset. Remember: neither baby will suffer permanent damage if you take a moment to collect yourself.

Quickly assess which situation is more urgent:

For example, in the spit-up vs. diaper blowout scenario, the spit-up usually needs immediate attention if it’s affecting breathing, while the diaper situation, though messy, can wait an extra minute.

Keep designated safe spots in key areas of your home where you can place one baby while tending to the other:

Even if they’re crying, knowing they’re safe allows you to focus on the more urgent need.

Let’s imagine that you’ve got one twin spitting up and the other with a diaper blowout. Here’s what you could do:

1. Place the blowout baby on a waterproof changing pad in a safe area

Having strategic supplies positioned throughout your home will save you countless times:

In true emergencies, get creative:

It is OK to improvise. Just keep your babies’ safety your number one priority.

If someone else is home or nearby:

Once both situations are under control:

Every twin dad has been through these double emergencies. What feels impossible now will become just another Tuesday in a few months. Your ability to handle these situations will improve dramatically with experience.

The fact that you’re reading this article means you care deeply about being there for both of your babies. That commitment is what matters most—not whether you handled a particular situation perfectly.

Trust me when I say: you’ve got this. And when you don’t feel like you’ve got this, just do the next right thing for whichever baby needs it most urgently, then move to the next.

Before you know it, you’ll be the one giving advice to new twin dads.

The post How to handle competing twin needs when they’re both urgent appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

The urge to compare twins is one of the most natural yet challenging aspects of parenting multiples.

Each of your twins is a unique individual so let’s discuss some practical ideas to avoid comparisons and celebrate each child’s unique journey.

Parents of twins often feel guilty about comparing their children, but it’s important to recognize that this tendency is both natural and common. Our brains are wired to notice patterns and differences, and having two children of the same age makes comparisons almost inevitable. The key isn’t to eliminate comparative thoughts entirely (that’s unrealistic) but to manage them constructively.

Frequent comparisons can have lasting impacts on your twins’ development:

Instead of comparing developments, try these mental shifts to reframe your thinking:

Words shape thoughts and behavior. Practice these communication habits to change your language patterns:

Create separate records for each child to document your twins’ individual journeys:

Others will inevitably compare your twins. Here’s how to handle it:

Sometimes, parents need additional support to manage comparison concerns. Here’s where you can get some help:

Breaking free from the habit of comparing twins is a journey that requires patience, mindfulness, and practice. Remember that occasional comparisons don’t make you a bad parent—they make you human. The goal is not perfection but progress in seeing and celebrating each child’s unique path.

As your twins grow, you’ll find that their differences become as beautiful as their similarities. By consciously working to minimize comparisons, you help create an environment where each child can develop confidently and independently, secure in their own identity while maintaining their special twin bond.

The post Avoiding Twin Comparisons (how twin parents can encourage individuality) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

What do you do when one of your twins wants all the attention and gets upset when anyone is showing affection to their twin?

We found this particularly troublesome with toddler twins.

For toddler twins, you’ll need to adapt your strategies to match their developmental stage. Toddlers are still learning to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, and understand social dynamics like sharing attention. Here’s how you could help your young twins:

Simplify language to match their understanding. Observe their behavior (e.g., whining, hitting, clinging) as these are primary ways toddlers express emotions. At this age, toddlers might not have the words to express their feelings fully, so helping them label their emotions can be helpful. For example, you can say, “I see you’re feeling sad because [brother/sister] is getting a hug. You want a hug too, don’t you?”

Name the emotion for them, such as “mad” or “sad,” so they start to learn how to recognize their feelings. Offer hugs, gentle pats, and soothing words like “I know you’re feeling frustrated” or “It’s okay to feel sad.” You can then model how to express these feelings with words instead of actions like crying or pushing.

At this stage, your toddler twins are just learning how to share and take turns. So, model the behavior you want to see by taking turns giving affection. For example, give one twin a hug, then give the other twin a hug right after. This helps them understand that attention can be shared.

You can even count or narrate the process to make it clear, like, “First it’s your turn for a cuddle, and then it’s [brother’s/sister’s] turn!” Toddlers respond well to simple routines and clear cues (thus the success of a bedtime routine).

When a toddler gets upset because their sibling is receiving attention, you may need to reassure them and immediately redirect their attention to something else. For example, you could say, “I’ll give you a hug after we play with this toy together.”

Distraction works well with toddlers, so redirecting them to an engaging activity can help break the cycle of jealousy or frustration. For example, “Let’s look at this picture!”

Praise the toddlers immediately when they exhibit positive behavior, like waiting their turn for affection or showing interest in their twin’s happiness. Keep the praise simple: “Wow, you’re being so patient! Great job waiting your turn!”

Toddlers thrive on immediate feedback, so acknowledging even small moments of patience can encourage them to repeat those behaviors.

With toddlers, you’ll want to create more opportunities for one-on-one time for each child. Toddlers are still very dependent on individual attention to feel secure. Even brief moments of individualized attention can make a big difference.

Short, separate sessions with each child can help them feel loved without feeling like they’re in competition. For example, one could have a quiet story time while the other plays, then switch. Even short periods of dedicated attention, like reading a book or playing peek-a-boo with each child individually, can make a big difference.

Encourage independent play by providing age-appropriate toys and activities that allow them to explore their own interests.

Use clear, simple rules for behavior, such as, “We don’t grab. We ask for a turn” or “We share the love” when you see one twin getting upset. Toddlers understand short, simple rules more easily than complex explanations.

Be consistent in how you respond—always gently remind the upset twin that they will get affection too, but that everyone needs to take turns. If they persist with unwanted behavior (like pushing), calmly but firmly guide them to use their words or gestures instead.

Since toddlers love physical affection, you can often combine affection for both twins at once. For instance, give both of them a hug or sit them on your lap together. This can reduce feelings of competition and help them understand that both can receive love simultaneously.

Parallel play is also helpful at this age, where you engage in activities side by side (like coloring or playing with blocks) and show affection intermittently as they play.

Encourage your toddlers to interact positively with each other. When one twin shows affection toward the other, like giving a hug or sharing a toy, immediately reinforce that behavior with praise: “Wow, that was so nice of you to share!”

Model positive interactions by engaging them in joint activities where they can both experience the joy of cooperation, like building a tower together or playing peekaboo. Praise them for working as a team.

Toddlers feel more secure when they have routines, so try to incorporate regular moments of affection throughout the day. For example, make it a habit to have a morning cuddle or nighttime ritual with both twins. This gives them a sense of predictability, reducing anxiety about “competition” for attention.

You might say, “We always have a cuddle before nap time, and we share lots of love!” Routine creates structure that helps toddlers feel confident.

Stay calm and composed, even if one twin gets upset or acts out. Toddlers are learning how to regulate their emotions, and they take cues from you. If you remain patient, it models how to manage emotions in a calm way.

If they’re still struggling with sharing attention, it may just take more time. Consistent gentle guidance is key at this stage.

Sometimes toddlers can get upset when there’s too much going on at once. Ensure that both twins feel like they have space and time to process affection. Take breaks and give them moments of quiet time if they seem overwhelmed.

By being consistent with your twins, you’re laying the groundwork for healthier sibling interactions and emotional regulation. The focus at this age is to provide lots of reassurance, gentle redirection, and consistent boundaries, while also giving them the individual attention they need to feel secure.

The post How do you deal with one twin wanting all the attention? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Aaron Ameen, father of identical boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

Connect with Aaron on his website aaronameen.com or email him [email protected].

This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe: Tell us a little bit about your family right now. How old are your twins and what’s the family dynamic right now?

Aaron: We have three young children – three-year-old daughters who just turned three about two weeks ago at the time of this recording, and then our twin boys. They’re identical boys who will turn one in about three weeks. So three right under the age three – pretty busy household here.

Joe: That’s crazy. I mean, I always tell people if you can make it through that first year with twins, you can do anything – especially if you have a toddler in the mix. That’s extra crazy. So what is something kind of exciting about this age with your boys?

Aaron: So far, we’ve really enjoyed and been very lucky that the kids all get along. At first, we were worried about our daughter maybe getting jealous or there being some competing dynamics, but there’s been a really warm environment among our kids. The boys love their sister. There’s nothing she can do wrong in their eyes. She loves to kind of rough house with them and we’re always worried that she’s going to hurt them, but everything that she does to them, they just end up laughing and smiling. They’re really interactive. They love to babble and talk to each other and now they’re starting to kind of babble towards us. Not sure if they’re quite saying anything or if they know what they’re saying yet, but the developmental pace at which they’re developing at this kind of 11 month to 12 month mark is pretty incredible. Not two months ago, they weren’t even crawling and now they’re pretty close to walking.

Joe: Do they kind of hit their milestones about the same time, or is one kind of ahead of the other?

Aaron: There’s been some variation. With crawling, one of them made it about probably three weeks ahead of the other one. But now for the most part throughout this first year, they’ve hit milestones around the same time – teeth coming in, and they really are identical. We can tell them apart, but there’s still times that we mix them up a bit. Certainly any family members that don’t see them often or friends, they can’t tell them apart at all. Even at the daycare, it’s a game we play every morning where the teacher guesses which one is which, and they’re still working on getting it right.

Joe: Do you have some kind of system that you have in place to help other people tell them apart?

Aaron: We try and point out some of the distinguishing features to us. One of them has more curly hair, the shape of their face is a little bit different, they have a different smile, but we don’t label them or anything. One thing we don’t do though – I know a lot of people dress their twins in identical clothes – we do at a minimum put them in different outfits so that you only have to figure out which one is who one time per day because then you’ll be able to tell by the outfit.

Joe: I was so afraid of mixing up our girls because we have identical girls. Like you, they look really close, very similar. I was afraid to dress them the same. Eventually, like you’ve discovered, you notice the subtle physical differences or their mannerisms and such. But other people, they still mix them up. So I’m like, okay, we’ll make it easier for everybody else. We’ll dress them in different colors and stuff like that to help out.

Aaron: If they have to come back and keep asking you all the time, then it’s harder for everyone. So might as well make it easy.

Joe: So your daughter is interacting with them – has she always been positive towards them or did you see any jealousy early on with your daughter?

Aaron: We’ve been really astonished. She has not really shown any aggression or anything like that towards them. There’ve been a couple moments where I think she, when she saw each of us holding one – like when mom had one and I had one, and then she was on the ground – we’ve seen a couple glances over of her feeling a little left out. She’ll go and play with their toys. When we used pacifiers, she would go put the pacifier in her mouth. A couple of those things indicated that she felt a little bit left out, but it was more of a statement than her crying or hitting them.

For the most part, that dynamic – we’re really lucky that it’s turned into her wanting to help. From very early on, she wanted to help change their diapers and bring them bottles. We tried to just find ways to engage with her so that she felt like she was part of the team, which she is. That was one thing we had read and heard from a number of different sources – if you can make them feel like they’re being helpful and include them, then it really goes a long way to prevent that jealousy from creeping in.

She loves playing with them. She always asks about them. At daycare, she’s always bragging about them, like “Have you seen my brothers?” It probably won’t always be smooth like that, but we’ll take what we got.

Joe: You mentioned daycare for your kiddos. Are they all in the same place?

Aaron: We ended up relocating when we found out we were going to have twins. We were in Washington state before that, which is where I grew up. When we found out we were pregnant, we thought it was going to be another singleton. We had in our plan that we were going to have two kids. In our financial roadmap, that was how things played out and we were just stretching on the edge of affordability in Washington.

Then we found out it was going to be twins and not only twins, but it was this kind of high-risk pregnancy. We were in a smaller city in central Washington and we didn’t have access to the type of specialists that we needed to see. We actually ended up spending a bunch of time in Houston, which is where we live now and where my dad lives.

When we got down here, we started comparing the cost of daycare and availability of childcare in that small city in Washington versus what it is here. Basically, it was going to cost upwards of about $7,000 a month if we wanted to have three kids in daycare in Washington, and it’s only about $3,000 a month here. Availability was another big factor – the waitlists were over a year long in Washington. Here in Houston, there’s availability. There’s daycares every – within five miles of where I’m sitting right now, there’s 10 daycare centers and most of them had availability.

To answer your actual question though, when we moved here, my wife was still pregnant and our daughter was just under two years old. We started her in one daycare that only accepted 18 months and older. When the twins were born, we had them home for the first eight or nine months. Then we had to put them in a separate daycare right down the road from where our daughter is because hers didn’t accept until 18 months. Now our daily routine is we drop her off and then it’s probably half a mile away, we drop the boys off on the way home. Same thing on pickup – we go to those two and they’re basically right next to each other.

Joe: Moving across the country while pregnant with twins – that’s not something I recommend everybody do, but you survived. You made it work. Obviously it was in the best interests of your family to make that move. I’m in Texas too, so I give you a thumbs up for that move. Were there any complications with the pregnancy that overshadowed this whole transition for your family?

Aaron: We are very fortunate that there were no major complications throughout. Most of the major complications were logistical, to be honest. We had to drive two and a half hours every other week. Between 10 and 14 weeks is the highest risk of this twin-to-twin transfusion that can happen. We had MoDi twins – they shared one placenta but had two amniotic sacs. They monitored to make sure that one’s not stealing nutrients from the other, which can cause serious complications and require intervention.

The frequency of appointments was high, our stress was high, it was a new situation for us. It was pretty disruptive. She was still working, we still had our daughter who was one, and I was still working full time. We also have a real estate portfolio across a few different states, so we at times were traveling and dealing with stuff with that. We just had a really busy schedule and a lot of commitments where it became difficult and stressful to manage, constantly driving into the city and all that.

We never had any major medical complications, but we started weighing all these different factors of what we wanted our life to look like and how the pregnancy was progressing. It led us to make that really pretty gargantuan decision. We had it in our plan that we were gonna live in Washington for the next 20 years and enjoy raising our family there. I have family that lives in Washington, so it was a really difficult decision to leave one part of my family and go near another. Most of the complication was emotional and logistical, more than physical.

I want to take a second to pay homage to the resources that you provided. I really did find the course that you put together and consumed a lot of the stuff that you put out. I think it’s important to have someone speaking to what the father’s experience and perspective is in this journey. There are certain things where my wife was going through a lot physically, emotionally, with hormones changing and juggling all those things I mentioned. I was trying to reconcile how I could be the most supportive partner and father.

Part of that was weighing all these situations – if we’re gonna make all this big upheaval and change in our lives, really feeling the conviction that it was the right thing for our family and not just something we were doing hastily and completely out of emotion. I remember specifically, there was something about how one of the first reactions people have when they have twins is “We got to get rid of the car, we got to get a new car.” Whether it’s practical or not, your emotions just start to rush to everything that you need to change to meet your new circumstance. In some ways, we changed more than we kept the same. But those signals that you put out, listening to some about their stories on this podcast – they helped bring me back down to earth that other people have gone through similar things and ultimately people will decide what’s best for their family. That made me feel a bit better as I was making these big decisions.

Joe: I’m grateful that the website and the podcast and everything has been helpful for you. I love having dads like you on the podcast to share exactly what you’re talking about, so other dads that are coming up behind us on this pathway know they’re not alone. The crazy stuff we experience – it’s normal. We have to overcome a bunch of these challenges, sometimes make big decisions for our families. We figure out a way to make it work. Where in the beginning, you’re feeling totally overwhelmed, like there’s just too much to process, but breaking it down, working with your partner on those decisions ultimately gets you someplace where you’re in a better spot for your family.

Aaron: Absolutely.

Joe: You mentioned the pregnancy was pretty healthy, but because it’s a twin pregnancy it requires those frequent visits to the doctor. That’s a good reminder for listeners that even if everything’s going smoothly, you still have to have those frequent checkups, and based on where you live, that could be an extra logistical burden to get there. I interviewed a dad a few podcasts ago where they just took an RV camper and set up shop near the hospital because they were making so many trips during the pregnancy. So it does require some creativity to make it work. Was there something that you found really helpful in supporting your wife through the pregnancy, something that resonated with her?

Aaron: Stability is what I think she was seeking throughout – not only stability in the moment but just some sort of idea of what the future might look like. I know that sounds ironic because in the middle of the pregnancy, we basically uprooted our entire life and relocated, which is the opposite of stability. But I think it was really working together to craft a vision for what we wanted our life to look like in the coming decade, not just the coming 12 months.

We wanted to figure out where we could really plant roots and feel like we have the resources we need, whether it’s family or daycare – daycare was a huge variable for us. That induced a lot of anxiety when we were in Washington because we couldn’t even get on a wait list that was going to be available soon enough. We were going to end up in a pretty bad financial situation if one of us had to take a whole full year off of work.

She already made a major sacrifice when we had our first kid taking time off. So the career break was getting longer and longer and the ability to solve for the childcare was getting harder and harder. I think as big of a decision as it was to move, being able to co-create that vision and then actually put it into place – there were a ton of moving pieces getting from one place across the country while she was six months pregnant.

Once we landed here, just starting to re-piece our life together so that the final two-three months of the pregnancy, we could see where we were headed. It was no longer this ambiguous question mark. We knew where the daycares were, we had a house, we had started to settle in and build a life. In a moment where certainty was our number one priority, that was probably the best way I was able to support her – just trying to take care of as much of the details as possible. The final two to three months of her pregnancy, we were able to just focus on enjoying some time with our daughter before the twins were born, focusing on health and settling into our new life.

Joe: Did you both have to quit your jobs? What was that situation with moving across the country?

Aaron: We were fortunate that I was already working remotely. The company I work for is based out of Washington, but they’re licensed to operate in Texas. The nature of my work – I’m a management consultant – so I work on contracts for different companies based on who needs the work, and pretty much every company that our consulting firm works with accepts remote work. I was able to work that out with my employer. They had no issues, understood and were supportive of the move, and especially given the circumstances, they wanted us to be happy and healthy.

My wife was doing part-time contract work – she still is – for a nonprofit. Similarly, that was a good arrangement. It was like 10 to 15 hours a week. She could do it whenever she had time, even at midnight or Sunday afternoon if she needed to. So that was completely asynchronous remote work.

Our employment situation did not have to change even though we moved across the country. I know that’s kind of rare, although in today’s world, remote work is more possible. We were lucky in that regard. I took a week off to facilitate the move, but other than that, the biggest adjustment was being on a different time zone, so my work hours shifted a little bit. There was a lot of continuity in our employment – I didn’t have to learn a new job or get a new job and all that stuff. So at least that part was stable.

Joe: Let’s talk about how the delivery went for your boys. Was it planned – did you know when it was going to happen, or did it catch you off guard?

Aaron: We scheduled it. The frequency of the visits starting at 32 weeks went to once a week, then to twice a week starting at 34, and then we scheduled at 36. We were able to stick to the schedule. They were trying to keep them in as long as possible, but not too long – really trying to find the perfect spot. They were growing well, and right around 36 weeks is when they said this would be the best time to schedule.

We went in around 11 p.m., they induced her, and we delivered both babies around 10 a.m. Regardless of preference, they always do this type of twin delivery in a surgery room. The goal was to have a natural birth, but they have everyone on call and prepared to do a c-section if needed.

My wife was dozing off a little bit after the contractions had started. She looked at me and said, “I’m going to call the nurse, I feel something.” The nurses came in, gave her one quick look, and said “You’re ready, let’s go.” She went from sleeping to being in the surgery room in about 10 minutes. From entering the surgery room to both babies being born was less than 30 minutes.

She was able to do it naturally and with only a few pushes on each one. I went with the first one into the other room, and by the time I came back, the second one was already almost out. She was very grateful that it was able to be a natural birth and that part went very smooth.

One of the babies required oxygen support for about 30 minutes afterwards, which feels scary in the moment. They were born around 36 weeks, so it wasn’t too early. They didn’t need to go to the NICU or anything, but they were heavily observed. We were in the hospital for about three days.

Our daughter didn’t meet them until day two because we wanted to let my wife rest and have me get a little rest, and make sure the boys were okay. They stayed in our room right from the beginning, only leaving for a couple of tests. We spent those first three days together in the hospital. Things went pretty smooth – they passed all their various tests and we were able to go home on day three.

Joe: That’s great. I love hearing stories where things go according to plan. You’re hoping for natural birth – that’s exactly what happened. It was pretty smooth. Often people get scared with twins that something like what you had is impossible, but it does happen.

Aaron: Well, it makes me reflect that there were times where we got really anxious – we just assumed something bad was going to happen, and that doesn’t really do you any good. It’s pretty hard to control your emotions when you’re going through a pregnancy like that. When she was afraid or anxious, or when I was afraid or anxious, you don’t want to suppress those feelings. You want to let them breathe and have a safe space to talk about it between yourselves.

But when stuff does go well, you start to kick yourself – we spent so much time worrying when whatever’s going to happen is going to happen, and the worrying only affects your mental health. It doesn’t do any good, but sometimes it’s easier said than done to just try not to worry.

That was one reflection I had afterward – we did all this rearranging and moving around because this was a high-risk thing, and there was so much stress around the monitoring, but some of that stress was a little bit self-induced in hindsight. I would share for other people going through this: unless you’ve been given a direct reason to worry about something, don’t bring it upon yourself if you don’t have to.

JOE: Having already had one child, you have a perspective of how twins may be different. What kind of surprised you the most when you brought the twins home? What was the different experience than what you had had the first time with just one baby?

AARON: Let’s see a few things:

1. I assumed that each baby would wake the other up constantly and I thought they’d wake their sister up too. I thought sleep would be completely shattered for a year, but it was not quite as bad as we thought. The twins could sleep right next to each other with one screaming bloody murder and the other one could be completely passed out next to them. That still kind of happens. It’s pretty rare that they wake each other up. That was a good surprise.

2. We assumed there would be some spillover and the last thing you want is for both of them to be waking up and screaming at the same time when you only have one person up to deal with them. There is this fear of having to handle both kids at the same time and have them both freaking out. But while that does happen, it does not happen even close to as much as I thought it might.

3. The jealousy thing we already talked about – I was pleasantly surprised that our daughter adapted really well. She wants to help probably 50% of the time. She actually helps and 50% of the time she does something where she thinks she’s helping, but she’s not. Creating that dynamic early on solved a big problem.

4. Loading into and out of cars still to this day is not easy. We had to get used to lifting in and leaning in. I literally tore my rotator cuff from lifting one of the seats the wrong way and had about two months where I couldn’t use my right arm to lift their seats anymore. That was probably four or five months in. Usually when you get injured it’s from something like a sport or exercise, not lifting a baby. You find yourself reaching and reacting in certain ways, and sometimes you don’t realize how you’re straining.

But other than that, at a high level, nothing was as bad as I thought it might be.

JOE: How did you and your wife stretch out time off of work to take care of the babies?

AARON: The state of Washington allows you to take 12 paid weeks. You pay into it a small amount from your paychecks. As long as you’ve lived in Washington for I believe 12 months, you can draw from that benefit. You can take that 12 weeks and spread it across the first year of their life.

With my daughter, I took four weeks off up front – before I had kids, that felt like a long time. I don’t usually take breaks that long. But in hindsight, that flew by. I had two sets of parents come and visit. By the time they were done visiting and I had gone back to work, my wife went from having a ton of support to no support more or less overnight. That felt like a big mistake in hindsight. I used about three weeks towards her first birthday, but that means I left five weeks on the table that I didn’t use. Why not use a benefit that’s a once in a lifetime thing that’s already paid for?

I was determined not to make that mistake again. Even though we relocated from Washington to Texas during the pregnancy, I was still eligible through the state for that benefit. This time around, I took a full 12 weeks off right up front, which was really nice. That 12 weeks gave us enough time to get a hint of what everyday life would look like without constant family visiting. We wanted to get a real sense of what our sleep schedule would be like, how we would try and fit in things like exercising and cooking – just all those little things that become that much harder when you have young kids.

Then, like I mentioned before, I work from home. So the transition back into work was not that abrupt either, because I was still around. There was no commute eating up my time. I could still see the kids on my lunch breaks, which is something that I really appreciate.

JOE: Working from home, how do you keep boundaries between work time and family time when you can hear them across the house?

AARON: It’s a miracle that nobody’s run into this room while we’re recording this right now. It’s definitely an ongoing challenge to set those boundaries. My work hours are pretty flexible due to the nature of my role. I have meetings and deliverables. It’s not an activity-driven job, it’s an outcome-driven job.

I actually rearrange my schedule a little bit at times where I would do my core work with my meetings – the stuff that required collaboration – during the middle chunk of the day. Then I would spend the evening with the family. Bedtime is one of my favorite parts of the night – it’s nice close time with the family, reading stories to my daughter, cuddling with the kids. Then I would boot up again in the evening and wrap up whatever else I might not have finished during the day.

Because I have a nine-to-five job plus our real estate stuff, I’ve always had to be very intentional with my time. I budget about 30 to 60 minutes a day to work on the real estate stuff. I think I just work backwards from what I know needs to be done, and I put my non-negotiable family time at the top of that. If I know bedtime and dinnertime is most important to me, I make sure I never miss that. Even if I’ve got a busy work day, I’d rather come back and finish stuff in the evening after everyone’s in bed than miss dinner or bedtime.

So I think it was kind of just solving backwards from those components and rearranging things to fit. Especially now almost a year in, we’ve worked things out pretty well and we have good boundaries. But it definitely took a while to get there.

**Joe:** You have the flexibility to juggle all the hats you wear – as a husband, father, full-time employee, and entrepreneur. I’m glad you found a good rhythm to make that work and be successful. Did you ever discuss with your wife about one of you staying home with the kids instead of using daycare?

**Aaron:** We definitely had that on the table as an option. We have real estate investments that produce decent income, though not a salary’s worth. We discussed ramping that up since it doesn’t require 40 hours a week – it’s about finding the right investments and managing them, which can be done in a few hours weekly.

My wife stayed home with our daughter for almost a year without babysitters before gradually returning to part-time work to balance our finances. But with three kids, the mental tax of taking care of them for 18 hours a day, plus the financial pressure, made us realize something important: while we could save money on daycare, we show up better for our kids when we have breaks. When we’re with them, we have full energy versus burning ourselves out day after day.

Some people have the composure for full-time childcare, and I have utmost respect for that. But I know I couldn’t do it seven days a week without eroding my sanity and probably becoming less patient with them. I’d rather have four really quality hours per day – a couple hours in the morning and evening – than 18 hours where one or both of us feels strung out.

**Joe:** Those are great things to remember and consider. Sometimes new twin parents look at the price tag of daycare and that’s as deep as that conversation goes. They’re just thinking about the dollars and not the impact on the mom or dad staying home with twins or more.

When our two boys and girls were born, my wife was already a stay-at-home mom. We just doubled her stress and workload. After my leave, I went back to work in cubicle land, going to meetings all day – it was pretty easy relative to what my wife was doing at home juggling four little kids. There’s a lot to consider in making that decision. It’s not something you can just decide on one factor – it’s a multifaceted problem.

**Joe:** As your twins are approaching the one-year mark and moving out of the phase where they need everything done for them, have there been any milestones that made things easier in taking care of them?

**Aaron:** While I wouldn’t say they’re self-sufficient, they’re becoming more independent. They can hold their own bottles now, which has been really helpful. Before, we had to either hold it for them or prop it on something while sitting next to them. They can eat crackers and teething foods, and we give them solid foods as well. We try to expose them to different types of foods we’re eating, as long as they’re not too spicy or complex.

They sit at the table in their Skooki high chairs, eat with their hands, and even play with wipes. They’re able to keep themselves busy and do things themselves that we previously had to do for them. We still have to clean up after them, change them, and put them to sleep, but they entertain themselves – and each other – much more now.

They have their own little language and play with toys together. Daycare tells us that even with six or seven kids and hundreds of toys available, our twins will end up in the center of the room fighting over one tiny block. They’ll sit there and have their little conversation and negotiate over this one toy. Two or three months ago, we couldn’t sit in a room with them without constantly picking something up or giving them something. Now we can have brief periods, maybe 10 minutes at a time, where we can actually let them do their thing.

**Joe:** The unspoken rule of twins is they will always want what the other twin has. Parents wonder if they should buy two of everything, but it doesn’t matter because they’ll still want the same physical piece that the other twin wants.

**Joe:** What does a day in the life look like for you right now with the twins? How are they sleeping, napping, and eating?

**Aaron:** On a normal healthy day, they sleep through the night. We work in shifts – my wife takes the first four or five hours (11 PM to 4 AM) with the monitor on her side. She’ll only go in if they cry loud enough or long enough. Then she passes the monitor to me in the morning.

Usually one twin wakes up first around 4:30 or 5 AM. I’ll bring them downstairs while it’s still dark and quiet, put them in the swing, maybe give them some milk. Often I’ll catch another hour of sleep on the couch while waiting for the other twin to wake up. It’s pretty predictable – one gets up first, the other follows about an hour later, and our daughter wakes up within that 90-minute window.

I spend about two to two and a half hours with them in the morning, playing or having breakfast. Mom gets up, and we all drive to daycare together. They’re in daycare Monday through Friday while we both work. We pick them up in late afternoon, have dinner together, and do bedtime together. When weather permits, we go for walks. We treat that evening block as sacred family time.

The boys predictably go to bed around 7 PM and sleep until 4:30 or 5 AM. Even when they wake up in the morning, they usually go back to sleep. However, the challenge comes with illness – because they’re all in daycare, we’ve had a revolving door of sickness. Recently, one twin was home three out of five days one week, then the other was out two days the next week. This requires one or both of us to take time off work, and when they’re sick, they don’t sleep as well.

With three kids, the odds are against us for maintaining any momentum at work during these periods. While this has been an extraordinary stretch of illness, it shows the practical challenge of having multiple young children – if one gets sick every three weeks on an offset schedule, you’ll have stretches where you’re frequently taking care of them during the day. We’re still working on a system to handle these situations when both of us are working.

**Aaron**: I think when everybody gets sick, it completely overthrows any patterns. Any system you have in place is just really tough. That’s one of the hardest things about being a parent – when your kids start to get sick, and then if you or your wife gets sick too, you’re completely drained and it’s just miserable. I hope they’re building strong immune systems through all these experiences. But there’s always something going around, that’s for sure.

**Joe**: Aaron, you have an interesting business with real estate and you also have a business helping people understand real estate with a podcast. Tell us a little bit about how you teach people about real estate and what’s been successful for you there?

**Aaron**: My wife and I started investing in rental properties back in 2019. We did it as a supplement to our jobs, before we had our daughter or the twins. It started as an experiment where my parents had been real estate investors, so I had some exposure growing up. They did the same model we’re doing – they worked full-time corporate jobs while raising kids and building their rental portfolio.

There was some imitation on my side – I saw how this was something they did to accelerate their retirement timeline and build wealth for their family’s future. We started in 2019 as an experiment and really fell in love with the process.

I’m very entrepreneurial by nature, even though I’ve had a W-2 nine-to-five job my whole adult life. I’ve always liked building something where you can own the upside. When you work a salary job, you get your paycheck and maybe stock options, but if your company invents something new and makes a billion dollars in extra profit, you usually don’t get a piece of that.

**Aaron**: There’s creative stuff you can do when you know you’re going to have kids – you can buy properties and put them in trusts for funding your kids’ college. Real estate is a really family-friendly business, especially if you start young. It can build an amazing foundation where time does the majority of the work for you. You buy something once, learn how to operate it, hold it for a long period, and it has an outsized impact on your family.

We bought property when living in Las Vegas, then moved to Washington and kept that property. We bought a couple more in Washington, then bought a few in Iowa. We learned how to buy and operate rental properties from across the country, so it didn’t matter where we lived. It depends on building the right team – finding the right managers, agents, and people who can help you on the ground in each market.

This made it much easier when we found out we were having twins, since we weren’t tied down to the real estate in each area. The extra income helped give us flexibility when our daughter and twins were born, buying us time to figure out our next steps.

**Aaron**: Because of the impact on our family and the skills we built, I decided to start a coaching program to help others do the same thing. If somebody invests in the stock market but wants to diversify and build investments they have more control over, I can help. I enjoy learning and writing about it – when you’re passionate about something, you enjoy sharing what you’ve learned with others. I put together a course and work with people one-on-one to help them learn how to set up systems in different markets and invest in real estate.

**Joe**: That’s a great story. I’m a big fan of working the day job and then doing your side hustle and growing that side hustle until it’s the full-time thing. Let’s experiment on the side and see what catches on and then go from there. So congratulations on your success with that.

**Joe**: Aaron, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you to learn more about what you were just talking about, what’s the best way to reach out?

**Aaron**: You can find anything about me at my website, which is just my full name, AaronAmeen.com (A-A-R-O-N A-M-E-E-N.com). You can also find me on any social media there. I love connecting with people and having conversations. Joe had a major impact on me, listening to this podcast and creating a forum for other dads going through the twin experience, both during pregnancy and post-birth. I would be happy to be a resource or sounding board for anyone who wants to chat. You can reach out through my website or email me at [email protected]. I would love to hear from you whether you want to talk about parenting, real estate, or whatever else might be on your mind after listening to this episode.

**Joe**: Fantastic. Aaron, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.

**Aaron**: Thanks for having me.

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