Okay, my Wi-Fi is off, my Bluetooth is off. Oh, my laptop is open, my Wi-Fi is on. I can give me a second to remedy that. Hello. Hello. I'm Atticus's tail says hello. What's going on? Oh, I wasn't planning on oh, my WiFi on my computers off. That is good. Uh, I keep all my devices uh, at minimum on off the grid as often as possible. Um, there there actually it's crazy how much of a difference this makes. I gotta pour myself some coffee. it is almost midnight, o'clock. Hello, um, what's up, we're missing talking episodes. Um, we're missing talking episodes from season 12. I can't find anything like past October, and I know it's on one of my hard drives, but all of my hard drives are full, um, I have like something like 10 terabytes altogether of stuff that needs to be like moved around and not all of it. Some of it's like really personal, like not personal, but like sensitive information that I can't necessarily utilize a cloud for. So I am it's taking me some time to organize some stuff. I I try to do between like eight and 12 hours of just organizing on any typical night after my uh exercise or whatever, or between I would say that exercise is definitely like the primary function of like my life. And that's like the priority right now, especially with the things that I've been going through. I think it's really important to keep my physical and mental health as um in in it's not gonna be at its peak, um, because of the noise pollution that I've been dealing with, and it's actually made me really sick over this extended period of two times. um, and I'm trying to um seek treatment for that, but it's a uh it's a long road, I have a long road ahead of me. We could just say that. Um, which is why I am giving you guys, um, some stuff that I've been working on that's not necessarily finished, and I'm actually really like, I'm embarrassed because I don't necessarily um I I actually have a hard rule of not releasing any music until it's absolutely finished. like even if it is a first draft, like it still has to be finished. um, but I actually and I gave you, I think, I think two tracks, which is actually four. um because this upcoming project, it's a concept album called a symposia. um and the concept for it is um a lot. I don't necessarily have to explain right now. Um, but all of the tracks so far on it are double tracks, and so it is typically I've always really loved albums that have that are like gapless. I don't think through my distributor, like I can never technically um, like put out an album that has no um technical stop or start between songs, like they would have to be cut a certain type of way that, like my distributor does it. There's always gonna be a gap between my music, but um all of the tracks are um double tracks, so they're all two tracks in one, um that are kind of along the same theme or idea and um like lead into the next track. I've always loved albums like that. uh, one of my favorite compilation albums, um like just to give you an example, just to throw it out there, is like, the Beatles love album, which is not actually a Beatles album. It's just a, um, it's a compilation of their um songs made for the Cirus Sole show that I think is still playing in Vegas. I don't know if it is it's been playing for like 10 years, and I still haven't seen it. um I really I really want to take mushrooms and go uh see that show. I've wanted to do that since it came out, but my favorite one of my favorite albums in the world is the love album, which is is basically a mash up of like their greatest hits, crafted by, um engineers and people who used to work with the Beatles and stuff for this uh Cir dis soet show um in Vegas that I hope I get to see I hope it's just one of those like long standing like like Siegfried and Roy. I just realized that they were in Vegas for like 40 years, like they were just there, they were just a stable, so hopefully that show is um kind of like that and one day I'll get the, uh one day I'll get the opportunity to see it. Like my my bucket list, like destination, like vacation at one point was to go see the Beatles love on like an EDC week. um that's still something that I want to do. I promise myself I wouldn't go to EDC unless I like ever got booked there. Um, and I think this year is like 30 years or something of EDC, and so they um they sold out in like five minutes. um so it's it's not it's not something I'd consider doing by myself anyway, unless I was gonna go with my best friend, and um and I was like I was talking to my best friend and I was like, oh, maybe I should check on, like the early bird tickets for ADC, and they were like, they was sold out, and was this celebrating 30 years, and I'm like, okay, well, I guess I should uh work on getting a booking agent, but my music is not my music is kind of turned into like a passion project. um, since everything that I've been going through over the last couple of years kind of just like took me off my path in that sort of way and DJing, I kind of wanna preserve it as like, I really love being a DJ. I really love producing music and because it's so consumer, there's a bunch of people in the industry that are not necessarily like music oriented or love oriented, and it's just like a whole different vibration from like the peace and the love and the unity respect of that. Like I like the scene for. I really want to check out, like as far as a festival goer is concerned, I really wanna check out some of these new festivals that are popping up that are doing like no cell phones. I kind of wanna check those out, cause I feel like the quality of of the experience has been preserved or will have been preserved in in certain spaces like that, um, but anyway, I'm uh I have been physically ill for like a few months now. um, and so the best that I can do for you guys my audience just because I'm not sure if I will get symposium out this year in which case it will come out next year. um, and then I think this track, I'm not sure, this track is definitely like a track that was in my mind. um implementing all of the like sound design stuff that I'm doing for symposium and is also a double track. um it's called Forget me nots. uh and then the second track is followed through. uh,get me nots/follow through. I think it's like an eight or nine. um minute track or whatever. It's not finished. Um, actually, the only finished track that you guys have heard, and even this even bitter butter and southwest of your scars is like a double track that is finished, that is on symposium, but it's still the version one, like it's not um I haven't done like any of the final mastering or any of the things that I do in the process of getting ready for a a release. I do have like a a like an implemented ritual structure of doing things like that, even for projects that seem like mindless, or, you know, things that are seem seemingly just like thrown together, like chasing dragons, was kind of like not necessarily even a concept until the three tracks were like sandwiched together, and I was like, oh, okay, like, this does tell a story and and they were all created in a certain way so that they'd go together. I think I fixed that. um, because, um, chasing dragons, the EP was for some reason, when chasing dragons got released to, like all the major platforms, it had chasing dragons was the first and the last track, and then dishes and the sink was just in the middle, which was weird. um so the third track on chasing dragons is actually immortalist and I got that all fixed. and I also got the regular like the normal version of the songightfall is out on the platforms now. Those were two er errors um that I needed to fix that I finally did. um but I'm slower to do music things now because like I said, my health is the priority. So it's like, yo, if it comes down to like getting a good meal in or like some good exercise or like right now I'm doing active recovery because I'm dumb. I went from like not really running anymore and only walking for an hour every day on the treadmill and doing like an hour between one and two hours on the pelotone, a day which is technically still three hours of work, um, but then I went back into heavy training the way that I preferred to do like I prefer to be at the gym between two and three hours every day. That is my ideal. That is where my body feels comfortable, um and flexible and like happy. Um, and if I can do that in the very beginning, like to start my day, cause I don't necessarily have 24 hour, like days anymore. um like what's technically the end of my day is oftentimes the very beginning of other people's days, and so I'm kind of just on on night, like, routine because it is like, I'm I'm basically just like protecting myself from the uh, you know, like my my nervous system can't take any further damage. Like, I do have really pronounced synesthesia and, um, I wasn't necessarily like planning to be exposed to extreme like noise pollution for an extended period of time without having the financial security or stability to escape from it, cause honestly, if I could have moved, I would have moved or if I could have just left, I would have just left, um, but I obviously wasn't in a situation that I could, and so I became very vulnerable um, to this type of attack, which I learned was actually very common. It's not something that is just like, oh, you know, um, this is just something that I'm going through. It's actually a very common for people of color to be, um vulnerable to this kind of disease that comes from um an implementation of using sound as a weapon. And I mean, like the irony is is that I was already kind of studying synesthetics and the way that, you know, as a culture or the way that in as as far as like mass consumerism is concerned, that's why people pay so much for a, you know, festiv for the festival experiences because sound can be a very much uh manipulated to be a physical thing. It's not, you know, it's not invisible. And so the fact that those same kind of um those that same kind of engineering can be implemented also in a negative way to have a negative effect. Like, you don't have to punch somebody in the face, like, you can just back up your exhaust, your engine exhaust, and, you know, fire at point blank to somebody that is, you know, caught off guard. and in that way, um sound can be used as a weapon, it uses the same dynamics, the same kind of dynamics as, you know, the reason why we go in the th you know, in flocks by the thousands and the millions to these festivals to feel the vibrations that that are on the opposite end of the same spectrum, the healing vibrations of, you know, certain things. and so I've been doing my best to try and, you know, maintain a certain level of health through, you know, using, um, you know, certain frequencies to block out. But when it's your physical person is in a space that's being manipulated to be on a certain frequency, um, uh, the exposure to this negative frequency that is unnatural to your body over a period of time. um, you begin to get very, very sick and that's what's happened to me. And so I'm trying my best to like keep my head above water and, you know, stay afloat. Um, but I didn't expect it especially after, you know, a period of like two or three years before that, where I was just like on the go all the time. Um, and, you know, not necessarily having like a a suitable foundational stability or a place to call home and then going straight into something else that was like more traumatic and more violent than, um then I expected, and so I've been trying to remedy that. um, the best that I can and because I'm putting my mental health and my physical health first, I'm not necessarily like, I it was weird. I was kind of in like a meditative space and I had, you know, like this this kind of spirit come over me that was like music, you know, music is gonna be there forever. like, as long as you're as long as you exist, you know, whether it's in like a physical realm or like an infinite realm or whatever, like as long as you exist, there's always gonna be music. and that was kind of like the sign that like, K, as much as I do like having a streak of, you know, like being an Ableton every day for several hours a day. um, the way that I am using these techniques that I'm applying in symposium and as seen on TV, which reminded up being a double album, because I actually have, um, like several, um, tracks that are like honestly on TV, I've been working on since, like, 2023., like, early 2023. Um, and so, the things that I've like collected, it's kind of interesting because my evolution as an artist or like my technique as a producer will be, um represented here in this project, which I hope comes out next year, but I can't say for sure, cause it's probably the it's definitely the biggest, most um important album I've ever worked on and I I put a lot of care and thought into those as seen on TV tracks because it does um like creatively, I guess, run alongside this series into the multiverse and all the series within the festival project, uh Ascension Death Wish, legends, um the legend of uh, the secret life and the sweet life of sunny Blue, just to name a few, there are I keep trying to make like a list of all of the shows within the festival project, but then I'm like, oh, like there are so many that it would it just falls apart. And so I mean like I'm getting a little bit more organized with the with the actual structure of, like, the television and movie, like, script part of the project. um, while I'm cleaning out my hard drives, but having to organize everything so that it's, you know, so that I can go to a certain hard drive and be like, okay, well, this is um, you know, this is this season to this season. I'm still archiving episodes from, you know, 2021 and and because a lot of those statistics can't be like once I delete an episode from the podcast, it goes away and all the all the statistical information about the number of downloads,, like all of its information, all of its metadata goes away. and that's very important for what I'm going through in my personal life right now in order to protect myself for those things to be taken down, but also for it to be archived in a way that I can reference as a creator like, okay, this is this day that this was published with this, that like, because it's it's a time travel concept that is multifaceted, and it is like based in this multiperceptory m multiperceptory multiimensional concept of technically technically infinite time and space, like it has to be organized in such a way that, like, all of the series and all of their all of the ways that they're connected to any particular parallels have to be, you know, they have to be organized and documented so that because I'm the more that I'm looking at it, the more it makes sense. I'll be like, oh, like, I thought this was just like nonsense or whatever, but when I'm putting it into like an organized space, um, and to me, that's like the god part about it is that like, oh, like, um like, I' I'll be looking at the writing and noticing how it takes like particular shapes or how the shapes will cut is sometimes like make pictures, like sometimes when you're looking at the clouds and you see, you know, shapes and the clouds. sometimes the riding for this project is like that, which is kind of incredible to me.c it's not something that I'm doing um, intentionally, it's kind of just something that's happening. I'm writing in a stream of consciousness that's also, you know, like artistic, creative in a way, that kind of has this, like, sense of divinity to it that I'm not necessarily, like, consciously doing. Um, so everything has to be organized in such a way that like it is gonna take time, um, and because it takes time and a lot of the other things that I did not foresee happening or also taking a lot of my time, like a lot of my my time and energy to document like how sick I've been getting a lot of time and energy has been focused on just like, doing the research on, you know, like crazy crazy shit that I never really took interest in, um, but could be applied here. um, could be applied to this situation and and kind of just finally being able to have a piece of mind to give myself the benefit of the doubt that, like, it wasn't in my head. like, I just had to be uh, I just had to be pushed to the point that I could understand, you know, that this um, sometimes very silent type of, um, you know, warfare is is like a documented not even necessarily historically, but like presently and present day. um, they're just I don't think haven't been enough survivors of this kind of thing, um, that it could be, um that it could be notably researched, like the amount of reports, but, you know, it's it's not it's not by choice, like it is taking up a lot of my time and I wish I was the kind of person that could just ignore it. Um, but I'm getting very physically ill. Um, so I can't, like, I can't ignore the fact that, like, you know, I'm running on zero pretty much all the time, and that my my patterns of speech have changed in my, you know, my thoughts have been intercepted and my, you know, like, because physical and mental health is such a priority to me, the fact that those things have been the primary uh, source of degradation has has affected me in such a way that it's not, I mean, like, it's less emotional than it is the logical answer to, you know, like if you have a cold, you take cold medicine or if you have the flu, you take, you know, it's it's like, well, remedying something that is a fi physical illness, you know. um, removing the cancer from the body, uh, you know, in such a way that it doesn't come back is kind of my main primary concern in this way. Um, so I am am especially because I can't but the talking episodes are actually more popular this season than any other season. and I can't find like six or seven of them, because I I don't know, I was just switching out all my, you know, uh my stuff so quickly and pulling things out of the cloud that it, you know, got saved under drive zip eight, seven six nine, you know, like. It's it's just a mess of of terabytes and tabyrites of creative work, um, and, you know, other things that I've had to dedicate my time to, which is not necessarily fair, but, you know what they say is life is not fair. Um, so, you know, life hasn't been fair, but I have, you know, been blessed in such a way that, like I I I've at least been able to um creatively channel some of the some of the energy and some of the time that I have left over that is technically mine. while in the sense that I've had a lot of my time and energy just stolen in siphoned, um, you know, I have been able to kind of forge a medium through fighting this that allowed me to, you know, start doing art along the lines of, um more more the way that I want my music to to think and feel. And so I'm I'm still just working from a little tiny MacBook air. um, so my, you know, um, my projects get like overwhelmed really quickly. I can't necessarily implement all of my um my plugins or all of the tools that I like to use at once, and so everything is kind of segment segmented in the way that I'm working. um and like, yeah, my projects get overloaded very quickly. um so the tracks that I'm giving you are not finished, but they're more um I would say like they're more, like colored, they're more like filled out. It's not necessarily abstract in the way that some of my stuff is like very like, you know, like drag and drop and cut and go, well, I do a lot of like, even in my even in my like my cut and dry stuff, I do a lot of sample manipulation. I very rarely will keep a sample in the way that it is without doing something to it, you know, like, I don't do dragon drop, um, unless I'm planning on just, like, you know, giving a beat to a rapper a artist for free. like, sometimes I'll just be like, okay, for the next 15 minutes, just do, like, something, you know, like a two or three minute, like dragon drop or whatever. But those those are not necessarily tracks that I A share here or B like plan on doing anything with because the world of sampling has gotten to the point where it's like, yo, you gotta have some creativity, like you can't just open up a sample pack and drag it and drop it into place, because then you have eight or nine songs that sound exactly the same. Eight or nine songs that are the same because basically you're just putting together a, you know, you're putting together stems from a track that was already created, you know, by somebody that's trying to sell you something, so um, you know, I I take a little bit more creative uh integrity in the stuff that I do mean seriously. Um, a lot of it lately hasn't been serious, but I I actually did want to take an hour to talk about this not this track in particular, just talk about why I'm doing this because it was something that it was like, oh, I feel like this project is a little bit more special or is a little bit more like technical than some of the other work that I've shared here on this podcast or work that I've put out before and so I kind of wanted to keep it to myself um, but then I've kind of had a couple, like, you know, like heart shattering experiences that make me realize, like, you don't know. like, you don't really know what's gonna happen and life is, um, sometimes very cruel and sometimes life is, you know, it just takes turns that are not necessarily. um you know, like you don't you don't ever know. And my mindset has not necessarily been that negative. It's like, oh, everything, you know, there's a there's a reason for everything, and blah, blah, blah, and I still do believe that, but like, you know, two years of constant, like, torture and stress to the point where I don't necessarily have a medium for support or, you know, um, like, I don't necessarily have the foundation of community. um, being in a place that is not my home and coming from a family that's very, very small and doesn't necessarily have, you know, well, like, I don't have what some people have, I don't have a large network of family and friends and the kind of family and friends that you create for yourself in the business are not necessarily, um, you know, like people can't necessarily be trusted to have your best interests. Um, especially especially if you are coming from like a a margin for success that, you know, is documented, like you've done well, you can't necessarily still believe that, like, everyone in your immediate circle has the best interest for you, because it is in human nature that everybody has, you know, themselves as the primary interest, and so um, me being like a a solidly um you know, like self sufficient. I won't say independent person. um, driving towards independence or whatever. um, but being a person that spends a lot of time in solitude and with enough respect, like enough self-respect to understand what my when my spiritual and my personal boundaries are being pushed even even in a person you know, professional setting. um like I took today for active recovery because I'm dumb and I went straight back into training as if I'd never really stopped. like it okay, like I'm on the Peloton seven days a week and I have a treadmill that I walk on in for an hour a day, you know, five to six days a week, but it's not the same as like being in the gym and lifting in stri strength training and and um active recovery um but I was like, okay, if I was running like a Madonna or whatever, you know, for this amount of time, then I should be able to do that. I should be able to do that. No, I didn't run a Madonna, but I ran like a 3K and then a little bit. and I like, my body was like, yeah, this is good, but then I had, like the rest of the day and I did not properly hydrate, and I got, like even more sick. and so I'm like, oh, fuck. Like, I really got like I really got a prioritize, like, my physical health, because if I keep letting myself get pushed, you know, like over the summer, before requisite when I was just like, oh, you know, like, I'm just gonna record. I'm gonna go to Manhattan 20 fucking days in a row and not take a day off and I'm also gonna train, you know, and I'm also gonna do this, like the like, I'm maximized my potential for burnout, which also left me per like, personally vulnerable. to the, like, professional sabotage and, like, weird, underhanded, like, underbelly shit that, like people in the DJ circuit are doing because it's so hard to actually break through., from the level of like consumer professionalism right now. So people are doing like a lot of nasty things to try to get that main stage spot and I wasn't like in my head, I'm still very much like a Disney kid, like, I'm still like, I don't necessarily well, I mean, like Disney to teach us like, there's always gonna be a villain, but like, a society kind of undoes that teaching and is like, but that's just in movies and that's just in your head, but there's no like to me, I there is just this weird misst up between real life and what is told that like, okay, like anything that exists that is like in a certain field of negativity is just in your head. but, like, evil is it like a documented source of the opposite of good. since the beginning of time, and I just don't understand in how in a society we can philosophically and psychologically embrace therapy, however, when it when it comes to, like, real lived experiences, when you're dealing with something that is not necessarily, uh, like a normal part of societal living, like that stuff only happens in movies. I'm like, but it does happen. Sometimes you just have to, you know, like being having I've I've never really been such a socially dependent creature. like, a lot of people have to have some kind of validation. That's why social media is like ruling our society right now. is because people have to have the validation or the likes of whatever they're doing is like cool with the rest of the group. and to me, that this is dangerous group think. like, if you're all thinking the same way, then there's something being missed. There's always something being missed, you know, if you're all on the same frequency or the same form of thought, you know. And so, I've always been like a big, you know, maybe it's just because I don't have any siblings. I've been like a big believer in embracing, um, independent thought, like, okay, if everybody else is thinking one way, then what is the opposite of what everybody else is thinking and not necessarily alluding to the fact that the opposite might be the right thing, but anything between whatever the group think and the opposite is, is also like valid, could be valid, you know, it's not necessarily the opposite of what everybody's thinking, but it's somewhere along the spectrum of maybe that or maybe the opposite, like it could be anything else in between. And so I think I'm the kind of person or the kind of thinker that's motivated by the the spectrum, you know, the spectrum, uh process, anything in between, like not necessarily that, not necessarily the opposite of that, but like what other possibilities, you know? um, could be validated or verified through thinking outside of the box or outside of a you know, being forced to the point of conformity that, like, everything sounds the same and everything looks the same and everything has like a way. That's not necessarily wrong. um, but also not necessarily the only way or right. um, so that I' of been uh what what did I get on that round about? I don't know. I've just been playing with like a lot of different concepts, like not necessarily trying to sound like anything. or anyone, and also not necessarily having the opportunity or environmental expression, like the space to be able to sound like myself. Like I still don't artistically or musically think that I sound like myself. um, and that they are elements of myself there, but it's something that's kind of, um, in its, you know, convex form of being this thing that is potential, but not necessarily fully realized or realizable yet. Like, I haven't had I haven't had peace and I haven't had like full p I haven't had peak health in a long time, or a safe environment in a very long time. and I think that the disallowance of comfort, not necessarily the safity of um of complatancy, you know, or or being comfortable to a point that it's it becomes dangerous, um, but just being able to kind of be in a life that is not necessarily like violent or terrible all the time. I think removing these barriers has not necessarily been a foreseeable reality for nearly a decade and while some artists technically thrive in what is, you know, what is this, you know, tragedy and darkness? It's there's only so much of a certain space that my creative ingenuity can take up and not void. And so, understanding that this time is kind of transitional in the sense that eventually it has to in no matter what direction break free from its current state of, you know, entrapment and its current state of imprisonment. um and so in my artistry and not will change, but I don't think I don't think it's necessarily going to be like fully realized until I have a a a point that I'm in an environment that I can breathe and be and think clearly without the force of control or being subjugated to, you know, a certain level of violence that's not necessarily always physical, but is certainly not, um, you know, without it's notable, um, impact on my physical health, my physical and mental health. So that being said, um, this track, um, this track is somewhere between symposium and, um, as seen on TV, I think I began writing it before the concept for symposium was fully formed. and, um, I think it was like the first of its little group of double tracks and I didn't necessarily mean, like, for the story, cause it, you know, ideally, like a song is like five minutes or less or whatever. um five minutes or less or whatever, but I've again, not been, uh, trying to conform to what is supposed to be this, or what is supposed to be that, and, um I don't know. I I began writing it in with the mindset and the technicality of symposium, but also as I listen back to it, um, I'm also using elements that have been implementing for the last few years into as seen on TV. And so there's some like to me, it's very beautiful. Again, what what is more important or more, you know, like wh what is more palatable for my audience is always differed like my favorite tr tracks are not your guys's favorite tracks from what I'm looking at for for the numbers, you know, my favorite episodes of me talking are not your favorite episodes for me talking. So, I mean, like they're exists here, this obvious, like, it's weird because a lot of artists can be applied to their fans and to their listeners. It's like the the listeners are being projective of like they see themselves in their favorite artists, or they see themselves reflected back through an artist that they, you know, like Taylor Swift, like, all her fans are Taylor Swift and like, most artists are that way that, you know, they're reflective of the people that they look like and have the same experience of and that's how, you know, um, that's how mass that's how mass media works. It's reflected, you know, through the medium of sorts, you know, um it as a as a concept that is shared amongst all all of those, you know, people. um, but I'm looking at my numbers and I'm realizing that, like, oh, there there's like a distinctly different flavor from the way that, like, my perception of what is my best work is and what my audience thinks is the best or, you know, the like I look a lot at the numbers not as they happen, but like over time, whereas I'll be in hiatus for a certain amount of months and then I'll come back. and see what the numbers are reflecting in in what is more, you know, palatable for my audience, like what my audience is is actually agreeing with more is like my better work and it's always not it's not necessarily again, it's not necessarily opposite. but it's not um, you know, it's not always what I expect to be. So this to me, I like um, but it doesn't necessarily like that you, whoever you are as an audience is gonna agree. Um This is actually the least completed track. um I feel like I'm showing you yeah, like I'm showing you my my uh it just it's naked cause it's very much not done. This is probably the most incomplete thing that I've ever, like, put out for anybody else to listen to. Um, but just being audit honest as like a person, not like as a entertainer, cause I don't necessarily see myself as that anymore after these couple years. Um, but being honest, like as a human being, as like a person, um, I've had some times that feel as though are, you know, an indication of not having a very prolonged experience in this sort of way. And I don't, like, I don't wanna put a trigger warning on anything. And I don't wanna, you know, like I I also don't want to insinuate things that are not there. Um, but a lot of the time, that is just to say that I don't feel safe, um, that I don't feel, um safe or secure, um, and that there's not necessarily a like sh it's just New York City. There's no level of like autho like a there is no necessary authority complex that has any sort of like, ability to protect you, you know, from uh certain experiences that are not necessarily um, you know, there's there's no level of protection from from, you know, there there are more heavily funded organizations that are like banks and investments or are more funded than the police. So when you're telling the police, like, hey, I'm being, you know, stalked or harassed and like, there's a pattern and like, here's the evidence and they won't even look at your evidence. Um, even though technically by the law, like it is, you know, documented uh, verifiable, like verifiable, like, no, there's none in my head. Like, I have like the videos, I have pictures, I have audio recordings of like this is happening to me, and they won't even look at it, um, not necessarily because they don't want to, but maybe because they've been trained to look in the other way. Um, and then, you know, just the cultural disadvantage of like, youre snitch. I'm like, I'm also within inches of my life sometimes. and nobody's helping me. Um, and it's not necessarily a mental condition. I think that more now than ever, I would be like readily willing to admit like, oh yeah, like, I should just take the meds, but I'm like, this is I'm not hallucinating this. I'm not gonna take some kind of fucking pill for some kind of medication for something that's like, I'm experiencing this, and not only am I experiencing this with like my eyes, my nose, my ears, like, I'm now videotaping 100% of my life everywhere I go. If I walk out the door, I'm recording, like, that's how many times I've been stalked or followed. Like, if I walk outside of my apartment, like I'm I'm videotaping it, because if I don't, if something happens, then it's literally their word against mine. and the police is, like, literal their whole thing is like, if we didn't see it, it didn't happen. Like, you can get you can get, like beaten within an inch of your life and the police can show up and you can tell them and they can see you like bleeding from the face or whatever, and be like, that guy did it, but the police will straight up tell you. the police will straight up tell you like if we didn't see it, it didn't happen, like we can write the report, but like we like they will not investigate. Period. They will not investigate. And so understanding that, like that opens the, you know, the possibility of like way, way more heinous crimes, you know, being able to be, um, played out without, you know, without any possibility of you having help for that, as, you know, is like dangerous to me, and a lot of the time I feel like I'm in danger, um, to me, and so, my priority is not sitting down in Ableton and and you know, getting these cues just right, like, especially with this this track. um, like it's so, so far from complete, but when I hear it, it still sounds it sounds decent enough that, like, I'll give it to you guys just in case, like like the least sometimes that I feel is gonna happen is that I just get hit by a bus. uh, which does happen almost any time I go outside. It's like, I will not get a bicycle. I won't because I'm like, that's like the easiest way to ensure that I will get hit by something. I'll get hit by something. um I will get hit by something, so I don't um I don't, you know. I'm just trying to, uh, get along and protect myself and away that, you know, maybe possibly enables me to, like, disappear. I don't necessarily need to be anybody. I stopped fighting for that main stage spot a long time ago, cause I I see that it's not about like it can't necessarily be about the love when it's about the money. and I have so, so much love. like for the music, um, and for what used to be the scene. I mean, the scene's always been kind of dirty. You pick up any book about DJ culture, about festival culture, you know, about music in the in the sense that it's been meant in the rave world has always had like a CD side to it. um because it was previously a counterculture, you know, that became mainstream and it still definitely has its like flavor, it definitely has its like, you know it's flavors to it, which, you know, is is a magnetism or like a draw, that's like, oh, there is this darkness that exists, but like, at the core of it is the frequency, you know? And I think that if there was ever going to be like a place for like a placeholder for success for me and the industry, it would be somewhere in the future when it can be a more decisive. No, what am I trying to say? Oh, I don't know. I think that money really fucks things up sometimes, and because of the amount of inequality in the world and the fact that the the world has become such a competitive space, um, that there're actually less places for opportunity for artists, even though it seems like there should be more. um I think until it's like about wellness, yeah, I think in until music can be until we can create like spaces where wellness is like at the center of these, you know, gatherings, then I don't think it's necessarily going to be like a safe place. Um for anybody, but let alone for me, because I'm very much like a fragile person when it comes down to, um, like per like the protection of my spirit and the protection of my aura, I don't necessarily want to be in a place of uh tragedy or a place of defense all the time. I I wanna go outside and and be in defense mode 100% of the time. I am right now, so um, like anything I I I kind of take it with a grain of salt in the way that like anything I say can and will be used against me. And so I don't say so much. I I don't say so much, and I want to be sure to take care of my art in a way that it doesn't is not, um, you know, so that it doesn't necessarily exist in a place of toxicity or that it's not coming from. Like, I won't sit down and Ableton if I feel a certain way. It's not just me being lazy. Like it's if I have like a certain vibration that's incurable, like it's not uh it doesn't make sense for me to, like, you know, sit down and work on a track. So this this track, uh, forget me nots and follow through. um, I think it is the first track and symposium. I don't know, because when I listen back to it, I also hear um when I listen back to it, I also hear as seen on TV, like a lot. um like a lot. And so it's kind of interesting to see those two kind of elements of my artistic personality combined, because I think the tracks that I've shared with you that are from symposium or different in the way that they're um made only one way, but this one is definitely implementing um techniques from two projects. Um, so the what are the two other ones? I think it's like talked to me about it. Is that oneosium? I think so. and bitter butter and southwest of your scars. Ah, those are all from this project, but then I I look at this one, which is technically the first of the bunch and it's so not done. that I'm like, don't put it out until it's done. and I'm like, well, and might not ever be done with the shit that's happening is kind of scary. Like, it's I might I may not ever be able to get back to a place where this is possible because of the things that are continually happening uh, to me. Um, I I don't know what the source of evil is. Like, I really don't, like I am very much a spiritual person and I do have like the tendency to believe that like no matter what God has my back so if I'm removed from one situation or existence into another, it is for the protection of that aura, for the protection of that frequency, for the protection of, you know, keeping my, you know, um my source intact, like there's, you know, certain elements or certain frequencies that can't exist in in other realms. I think that, uh, a toxic environment. Like my energ is not going to sustain an intoxic environment. It's just not. It's just not. It's not necessarily even a personal or emotional preference. It's more of like a oh, this doesn't go in there. Like this doesn't go there or I don't exist over there. Like, I don't, you know, it's not. I think I wish that I could be applied to like every space and time, but I think that there are certain drawbacks to being in energy that is applicable to anything and everything. I think that, you know, in the very rare circumstances that an energy like that exists, um it's very magnetizing, it's very, uh enigmatic and it's very charismatic in the way that, like, everybody wants it, everybody wants a piece, everybody wants to be around it, but also for that person, you know, where that energy exists, you know, for that vehicle, I think that it becomes like exhausting to the point that, you know, um, the human of of that, um, you know, the human of that energy is entirely vulnerable all the time. And so those people that are, um designated to do those kinds of jobs, having that high level of power and energy are also, uh, you know, in every sense of the word, um, like exhausted to some effect, um, and I'm exhausted, um, but I think that this last two years has been a case study for all of the like I mean, like she's just horrible things people are doing to each other to try to get ahead, you know, like to try to get a little bit of the pie just to get the tiniest crumbs or to get you know, people are stepping on heads out here. Like people are doing what it takes and they're justifying things that are technically morally, you know. so very morally, uh, corrupt and so so so bad to other people with the justification of like, that's just the way it is. Or you you gotta do what you gotta do and I'm like, yo, dude, but like again, my energy just does not exist in that space for that mindset you know where it's like you know, um because I also believe that like a certain level of justifying, you know, morally uh, you know, morally corrupt behavior eventually just makes it so that you can't get ahead. I I honestly chronically believe that, like if you're constantly fucking other people over just to get to the top, like your top is not going to be consistent with what is actually success and what is actually um freedom, you know, like, you are gonna owe back energy to a certain extent, you know, um, because you stole it in the first place, like, you can't you can't sustain on stolen energy. Like you cannot do it. Like you cannot exist in a place that that was taken from somebody else without something else in turn being taken from you. I honestly truly believed that with every like with every last breath, with every last word, I honestly believe that like that that good overpowers evil. Like, you can't sustain on something that you robbed from somebody, you can't sustain on something that you you know, that that you took, eventually, you know, karmically, um, it comes back too, and so, I don't think energy is any different. I think if you suck the life out of somebody, eventually something' gonna get sucked out of you and, uh, it's one of those things where it's like one step forward, two steps back for people who uh subsist on energy that way. I just I don't know. um, I try more and more to be conscious of my self to point where I realized that um the effect that I have on people could be, you know, long lasting. It's it's something that could be like a ripple effect, and so I'm very careful with my energy in the way that, you know, I if I dole it out, I expect I expect 39%. I don't know why that's the number. 39% to get it back. um, you know, on a certain way. And uh understanding my limits and my like just understanding my ability and my placement. understanding the, you know, the the love you make. yeah, all that. and the love that you make is equal to the love that you take. And so um also, I think that love in itself is probably the most valuable heat source and that it overpowers what is um technically needed in the society of, you know, for survival. I think that love overpowers, you know, whatever material, you know, the material sense of existence is. I think that love overpowers, whatever is morally corrupt, whatever is systematically corrupt. I think that love at the end of the day, like, really does put in its place. um what is supposed to be and what is not supposed to be. And so in because I think like living in this spirit with the understanding that like it took me a really long time. I think I having a a a victim's mentality of like, I must deserve this in some sort of way, but then understanding also like I didn't do anything wrong. Um Sometimes these things just happen and the understanding of why that is is not always attainable. Um, and so to wallow in it and to be like, why, why? You know, like, why? I mean, I think in a from a philosophical standpoint, I do a lot of this because it's like this doesn't necessarily make sense, but it has to it has to be an art artistic way for me to be like, well, it doesn't make sense, but like, you know, now I have ten pages about trying to figure, like, instead of actually just wallowing it and being like, what? Well, now I have ten pages of like this, you know, something that can be considered beautiful. you know, something that can be considered, uh, useful to somebody, maybe not now, but at some point in time, you know, because all of my work is is stored in like this digital time space, kind of like encrypted into history in itself being like a digital marker for, you know, something that very much did exist or did happen. I still believe I still live in the belief that like this, well, it's just like the overall knowing that this part, this faction of history is a very, you know, uh verifiable part of ancient history, you know, to a culture that exists like beyond our time. And so with that understanding that, like it's so crazy, because I do have this overriding kind of factor of, you know, God that's just kind of like, oh, these are ancient times. this is an ancient world and it's hard to like wrap your mind around it because youth, you know, you think of yourself in the present time of like being a, you know, a being of existence in the future. Oh, I watched the jet the Jetsons. Oh, that was so good. I watched uh the Jetsons. which I didn't know is also the Simpsons. and like every animated show that came out on it like a lot, actually. It's a good show. I got I think I gotta watch it again because I was like, oh, this is like ten different shows. It was like ten different shows. um but I watched like the pilot, I think episode of the Jetsons and I was tripping. I I was tripping. um it was just really good. Anyway, um I think what what was I saying? Oh, like this time being like a marker for actual actually being a primitive civilization. Whereas like not necessarily compared to what we know as the primitive civilizations, you know, of human time, like, you think of primitive civilizations of being like the ancient Egyptians or, you know, the Mayans or, uh, you know, the Greeks, uh loved them. I really I I almost even favored them over the Romans. almost, almost, almost, I don't know, I could talk about history and culture forever. cause I'm like, but the other Romans really, like their architecture, but the Greeks more culturally, like artistically, I think where what is the word for them? Uh, the Greeks? What is the word for them? I think there were definitely more, uh yeah, yeah, definitely more artistic philosophical than the Romans, but the Romans had like a lot, like a lot to do with modern society to the point where that's also uh admirable. I do like the Romans. They're just like shitty and violent. They're just shitty and violent anyway. um what was I saying? I don't know. I'm wrapping this up. cause I'm hungry. I don't know about a taco, though. This is technically the start of my day. at midnight o'clock. Um, at midnight o'clock. oh, that's what I was talking about. Markers for ancient civilizations. Oh, yeah, this this time is so so far beyond. But I think the the incredible thing about this time that we're living in now presently, um, is that it is so, like there's so much record of it that it does exist beyond our time for, you know, potentially millions of years and into hire and further civilizations. So I kind of live with that, like, understanding of like this this also and itself being like, a part of the ancient world as far as time is concerned, you know? like, in as much a stipulation of like any apocalyptic or societal, you know, destruction is made, like nothing really sees past, like nothing really sees past the fact that, like, they're so much historical information about our present time in the future that it is consistently creating to an adding to like the what am I trying to say? Oh, something about the multiviverse. Something about the cosmos or something. constantly expanding, because it is, but whatever, I actually just kind of made this as a real time episode to so that I could share this song and then um not really like I don't necessarily have anything for you, anything else for you in this season. um it's there. like, there are six or seven other episodes. There might even be some music. oh, all the freaky Fridays or whatever, mix tapes. Did I even post what up Wednesday? I did I did a freaky Friday on a Wednesday and it was arguably the best. of all the freaky Fridays. I don't know if I posted that already. um I don't know if I posted that already. but it's not. Also, like my podcasting distributor is kind of archaic. So it takes a lot of work just to go check on what's been posted or whatever. um So I'm I'm not going to make any promises and be like, oh, go check if that was posted. And if it is posted, I'll just maybe post it again, cause it's worth it. Um, what up Wednesdays? I did it twice, actually. um because it got difficult to do freaky Fridays. It's still kind of fucking difficult to do it. And, uh, I it pains me to realize, like, how physically affected. I've I have been. um cause it sucks, cause it's not just something that's in my head, it's like ow, like, my body hurts. like, I cannot, you know. I can't withstand a certain frequency or electronic exposure that is negative over this much time. Like, I'm just like broken down right now. Um at least I'm still capable, cause I didn't ever think. I was like, I don't think I'll ever run more than a mile again. Um, I probably should um take the proper steps to make sure that, though, uh, now that I'm running again, I take the proper steps, like, I forgot to stretch, and I forgot to drink water. Stupid. Well, I I just felt so good to run. I love those woodway treadmills so much, so much, it just felt so good that I didn't that I couldn't stop and then when I did, like my body is like, okay, like you're stupid. Like it felt really good, so I'm like, all right, like active recovery. I'm gonna do like two hours on the pelotone and then a walk. um, before I run again. and that's what I'm about to do right now. I love getting to the reunion parts of the bad girls club because as the most fighting and I burn the most calories during the reunions, I just finished to season. I just watched the season for the second time. and uh I have a reunion episode coming up, so I'm a I'm— I don't know. I'm pretty boring person to be quite honest, but here's the song. okay, I'm at an hour yet. Here's the song forgetmenot// and follow through. It's not finished. Like if I could give you a percentage on the— what are you doing? Yo, this dudes are weird all day. I'm sorry. Um. He's so funny. He's so funny. Earlier he like earlier he like sneezed. Earlier he sneezed. But like also farted and this scared himself so bad that I could not contain myself. Because he was like embarrassed. but like, also he sneezed and farted and probably could not. He was like, oh, my God. Like, oh my God. And then, uh, I laughed for like a good five minutes after that. He seemed genuinely embarrassed. I was like, yeah. yeah, that that is shocking that you can manage to do something like that. like being a cat, but, you know, oh, he did. It was good. That's why we have emotional support animals, because I needed that laugh. I don't think I' laughed so hard at anything in a very, very long time, so I'm glad I have my little kitty. my satterat, my Mr. Cat, mush matters anyway. uh, was I wrapping something up? I was.ive meods to follow through. this song that's about to come up, and then I'm maybe I'll maybe I'll if it's not out already. Well, if it is, here it is again, what up Wednesday? I'll go dig it out of the fucking archives. you guys couldn't have that. decent. Um, keep in mind that the CDJs at the radio station, where do Freaky Fridays are also very archaic? Um, I'm not complaining, though. I don't know. I don't know if I got to the episode where I was talking about that. Uh, or maybe I got I got fi I gotta figure it out. um I gotta figure out where these episodes are. There's like six or seven. Should I uh honorable mentions or dishonorable mensions? I feel like it borders on both. because I just figured out what apparently the six seven phenomenon is. And I'm actually worried about suburban children, like, having act like, why are they saying this? Because I looked up I looked up where it came from, it came from this rapper called scrilla dude. not gonna lie. One of my personal favorites, cause I love rap, that is terrible to a certain extent. um and it is, like it's not only it's not only like it's not lyrically terrible. He's actually really good um He's actually really good whatever he's saying. I know what he's saying, which is what's terrifying that, like, apparently suburban upper middle class and upper class children are saying this. six seven thing, because it came from this video by this rapper called Skrilla do doot. Yup. and well, it's culture music, like it's it's trap culture music, it's not necessarily drill, but it's done in the style of drill. um, talking about like the culture the culture the culture um that is not necessarily like great. cause he was talking I was like yo. what the fuck are children saying this for? Um, what the fuck are children exposed to this for? Because there was no, like parental block on it or anything like that. And the dude was talking about like, straight up murderer. He was like, yeah, m, like this though. And I was like, oh no, like I I actually kind of dig his music because it's it's like it's the music that was born of like the Young Thug and the low Wayne and themehesine and it's bad. It's really bad. Like it's really bad. like if your kids are saying six seven, like, the origin of that is not, I'm like,o, shout out sc a d do, because that is facts, but also like, like like kids should not necessarily like, everything he was saying and all of his songs, I was like, that's bad. That's bad that you said that. not that you shouldn't, actually. I feel like there, like art exists as a medium to be able to have this level of freedom of speech, and that's why it exists. But also like, if you understand which I think kids obviously don't if they're just like, oh, six, seven, I'm like, okay, like, but obviously, like, this is where that came from. Like, and this is where that came from, and the dude is talking about some stuff that I'm like what? Like, I'm not confused. I know what he's talking about. But like, children should not necessarily like, even if they don't know what he's talking about, this is not like, this is different from like, when I was like, 10 and it's getting hot in here. So take off all your clothes, like that came out or like to the window to the wall, like this is mild, those things are mild, compared to like, the shit that scrill a do dude. talks about. I'm like, oh, what? What? And apparently we little kids are seeing this and exposed to it, like, they don't necessarily know what it means, but he's like, yo, these are the lyrics to my songs. Listen. I'm like, oh, like. That's troubling. That that exists. That's troubling. truly troubling. I'm I'm not talking shit. I actually really like it, but like parental controls, like, my kids should not be exposed to this, like via the Internet. Like, you should not like, this should be something especially if you live in the subrooms like if you live in a house that has rooms, like if you live in a house that has rooms in an all. like the culture that this is referencing and you know what? The only thing that actually made me look it up was like so many people were saying it in the circuit of television that I watched that I was like, it was bothering me. It was bothering me like Labubu was, but Labubu was far less disturbing, far less. I was like, oh, no. this is not cool. This is not cool, David Letterman. This is not cool, because he was like,Yo, what's up six seven? I'm like, you're 106. I don't know why you're saying this. So I looked it up. So I looked it up, and I was like, oh no, like, okay, like we know it's a cultural fucking phenomenon, but like, do you know why? Do you know why? Like, do you know why? And do you know what this man is talking about? Do you know what this man is saying? Anyway. I'm not I'm actually not gonna say it. Like I'm not gonna say it because I think it it exempt exemplifies that's what I'm trying to say right yeah. I think it exemplifies and represents a part of the culture that is deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply wrong. um in the history of the United States of America. I think it's just bad news. It's just bad news. And it's bad news, like it exists, but the reason why it exists is terrible, like it shouldn't exist is it's terrible. It's bad. It's bad and it's bad that kids are saying this. It's bad anyway. it's really bad. Anyway, I got Peloton time, bad girls' club reunion, some coffee to reheat. Here's this song, um there's no anything else for a while. I gotta make sure that like my uh I got to make sure if I get taken out, it's by like a city bus. And, you know, not just because my insides are uh imploding. um and yeah, my insides are imploding. Uh, gotta take care of number one, which is me. So, that self serving thing I get, but, you know, I'm just not the kind to to step on heads or like, I'm not gonna make it, like, purposely harder for you to do something. Like, I do believe in free will to the point where if you're not hurting anybody else, it's not affecting anybody else's, like vibe, like, do what you want, like, as long as you're not objectively or subjectively hurting anybody. Like, just don't hurt anybody, but besides this, you know, take care of yourself, but it's not, you know. I mean, you're not causing any quantifiable harm. Go ahead and, you know? I, um, but that's it. That's that's it for me. Thank you for listening. Is that it? Yeah, forget me nots. It's not finished. I've got a lot to do. Like, I actually had this is a song that actually has like a list, like a handwritten list on a piece of paper of like do this and do that and do this and do that. But like here's what I have so far just in case, you know, the city buses be getting awful close to the curb sometimes. where I stand, I am yep, they do. anyway. um I said more stories to tell and stuff, but now it's not the time or the place. did I say my thing? Yeah, I say my. Dave you were listening. something, you're listening, see you next time. That's it, yeah. Yeah, I don't have anything else. Thank you for listening. See you next time, bye.
