At some point in this episode, we actually talk about music, but also...

Who wants to snort a microcose of Adderall off my butt? Leave me in The Matrix; give me a cheeseburger. Dragons are a key part of Josh’s mental health. Thankfully, rumor has it Peter Jackson’s new Beatles documentary heavily features dragons. Dan’s kid has no idea what a priest is. Which One are You, Bartles or Jaymes? The true lesson of Harry Potter is that you don’t need a huge dick to defeat evil.

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Story of the year, page avenue, in the wake of determination, the black swan, the constant, wolves, until the day I die, Pabst blue ribbon, liquid death, emo, emo nite, emo's not dead, pop-punk, punk, screamo, warped tour, vans warped tour, Kevin Lyman, the used, Atreyu, my chemical romance, Yellowcard, William Ryan key, bayside, Silverstein, Shane told, Saosin, every time I die, Anberlin, Glassjaw, he is legend, destroy rebuild until god shows, 105.7 the point, toby morse, lead singer syndrome, prs guitars, Ernie ball, music man

This week we listen to some Bang Bang demos, and also...

We believe that assisted suicide should be legal, but only if the instrument of death is a bow and arrow. Josh has a secret DJ side hustle, and a helmet that looks like Optimus Prime’s dick. Dan kicked off the writing process of Wolves with a Bang Bang demo and a pocket full of roofies. Imagine Kurt Cobain trying to run a Patreon account. Just think about that shit. Is Ryan hyper-aware, or just hyper? You want to know the secret to a happy, fulfilling life? Josh will tell you: Sea-Doos. This episode is dedicated to our two main dudes: Matt Amelung and Father Time.

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Story of the year, page avenue, in the wake of determination, the black swan, the constant, wolves, until the day I die, Pabst blue ribbon, liquid death, emo, emo nite, emo's not dead, pop-punk, punk, screamo, warped tour, vans warped tour, Kevin Lyman, the used, Atreyu, my chemical romance, Yellowcard, William Ryan key, bayside, Silverstein, Shane told, Saosin, every time I die, Anberlin, Glassjaw, he is legend, destroy rebuild until god shows, 105.7 the point, toby morse, lead singer syndrome, prs guitars, Ernie ball, music man

Ryan’s favorite activity on tour is buying a fast food meal and throwing it straight in the trash. Never make a Lost Prophets joke on stage at a wedding. Josh used to go to the casino to make rent money. We don’t fuck with low-yield fries. Story of the Year is now accepting applications for a blood boy. Are you addicted to Coal Chamber? Call 1-800-DANS-PLAYLIST. Coming soon: The Wills Grills and Bills BBQ/Finance Podcast.

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Story of the year, page avenue, in the wake of determination, the black swan, the constant, wolves, until the day I die, Pabst blue ribbon, liquid death, emo, emo nite, emo's not dead, pop-punk, punk, screamo, warped tour, vans warped tour, Kevin Lyman, the used, Atreyu, my chemical romance, Yellowcard, William Ryan key, bayside, Silverstein, Shane told, Saosin, every time I die, Anberlin, Glassjaw, he is legend, destroy rebuild until god shows, 105.7 the point, toby morse, lead singer syndrome, prs guitars, Ernie ball, music man

Technically, Ryan has been in a high-speed chase. Hey Guy Oseary, hit me on the big boy. There’s gonna be a lot of anxiety at the pearly gates. Zero pants; many boners. Actually, St. Louis is not the most dangerous city in the world. Got a ticket. Swallowed it. Josh has never played a political drum beat in his life. Now, at 40, I shut the fuck up all the time.

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Story of the year, page avenue, in the wake of determination, the black swan, the constant, wolves, until the day I die, Pabst blue ribbon, liquid death, emo, emo nite, emo's not dead, pop-punk, punk, screamo, warped tour, vans warped tour, Kevin Lyman, the used, Atreyu, my chemical romance, Yellowcard, William Ryan key, bayside, Silverstein, Shane told, Saosin, every time I die, Anberlin, Glassjaw, he is legend, destroy rebuild until god shows, 105.7 the point, toby morse, lead singer syndrome, prs guitars, Ernie ball, music man

Did Tom Cruise get Invisalign, or did they just move the rest of his face? The Zapruder Film: was it JFK assassination footage, a cryptozoology sighting, or Dan’s sex tape? You be the judge. Ryan has the palest penis. Dan’s ears smell like smegma. If you smoke a meatloaf, but don’t inhale, does it still count? Not everyone has the cheat code to get to Level 3 drunk. If it’s not Double Stuf, get the fuck out of here. Not a movie quote; just something he learned at the zoo. Everyone please tell Josh’s mom there isn’t a podcast this week.

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Story of the year, page avenue, in the wake of determination, the black swan, the constant, wolves, until the day I die, Pabst blue ribbon, liquid death, emo, emo nite, emo's not dead, pop-punk, punk, screamo, warped tour, vans warped tour, Kevin Lyman, the used, Atreyu, my chemical romance, Yellowcard, William Ryan key, bayside, Silverstein, Shane told, Saosin, every time I die, Anberlin, Glassjaw, he is legend, destroy rebuild until god shows, 105.7 the point, toby morse, lead singer syndrome, prs guitars, Ernie ball, music man

Dad, what if my wiener grew a wiener? What is the thinking man’s nu metal? The one dude with no kids is like “my wife and I watched Shrek last night.” Ryan has never put soap on his face. Never. In his entire life, never once. Dan wrote Until the Day I Die for Limp Bizkit. Regardless of which gross body part you wash first, bring it all to your face in the end.

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Story of the year, page avenue, in the wake of determination, the black swan, the constant, wolves, until the day I die, Pabst blue ribbon, liquid death, emo, emo nite, emo's not dead, pop-punk, punk, screamo, warped tour, vans warped tour, Kevin Lyman, the used, Atreyu, my chemical romance, Yellowcard, William Ryan key, bayside, Silverstein, Shane told, Saosin, every time I die, Anberlin, Glassjaw, he is legend, destroy rebuild until god shows, 105.7 the point, toby morse, lead singer syndrome, prs guitars, Ernie ball, music man

Dan has cummy pants, and everybody’s gonna eat that shit up. Nakatomi Tower. A bali bali valow. Jilted dicks. Lafferty, Daniel and Gilmore…Happy? Talk to Mike Cronin about why Discord is right for you. Dan’s fake lyrics are Chino’s actual lyrics. Thank you for calling the offices of Lil Dicky.

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Story of the year, page avenue, in the wake of determination, the black swan, the constant, wolves, until the day I die, Pabst blue ribbon, liquid death, emo, emo nite, emo's not dead, pop-punk, punk, screamo, warped tour, vans warped tour, Kevin Lyman, the used, Atreyu, my chemical romance, Yellowcard, William Ryan key, bayside, Silverstein, Shane told, Saosin, every time I die, Anberlin, Glassjaw, he is legend, destroy rebuild until god shows, 105.7 the point, toby morse, lead singer syndrome, prs guitars, Ernie ball, music man

There were no Story of the Year T-shirts in World War II. Anybody know a nurse? We need a hookup on a hangover IV. Just jacked it. Feeling pretty mellow right now. We turned down the biggest rock producer in the world in 2004. What should we name our whiskey? Next time somebody talks shit, we're gonna introduce you to our duelist.

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Story of the year, page avenue, in the wake of determination, the black swan, the constant, wolves, until the day I die, Pabst blue ribbon, liquid death, emo, emo nite, emo's not dead, pop-punk, punk, screamo, warped tour, vans warped tour, Kevin Lyman, the used, Atreyu, my chemical romance, Yellowcard, William Ryan key, bayside, Silverstein, Shane told, Saosin, every time I die, Anberlin, Glassjaw, he is legend, destroy rebuild until god shows, 105.7 the point, toby morse, lead singer syndrome, prs guitars, Ernie ball, music man

We like music.

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Story of the year, page avenue, in the wake of determination, the black swan, the constant, wolves, until the day I die, Pabst blue ribbon, liquid death, emo, emo nite, emo's not dead, pop-punk, punk, screamo, warped tour, vans warped tour, Kevin Lyman, the used, Atreyu, my chemical romance, Yellowcard, William Ryan key, bayside, Silverstein, Shane told, Saosin, every time I die, Anberlin, Glassjaw, he is legend, destroy rebuild until god shows, 105.7 the point, toby morse, lead singer syndrome, prs guitars, Ernie ball, music man

This week we listen to a very early and very different demo version of How Can We Go On, as well as a bit another unreleased song. Also...Dan knows Josh’s body. We suck at recording drunk...unless it’s a podcast. Randy! What? The Devil! Huh? The Devil is Everywhere! Pints of Pepsi. If you’re good at programming drums, Josh is gonna beat your ass. Have you ever been jilted in the studio? Which SOTY song had the working title “This Is a Quest, and There Are Dragons and Shit”?

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Story of the year, page avenue, in the wake of determination, the black swan, the constant, wolves, until the day I die, Pabst blue ribbon, liquid death, emo, emo nite, emo's not dead, pop-punk, punk, screamo, warped tour, vans warped tour, Kevin Lyman, the used, Atreyu, my chemical romance, Yellowcard, William Ryan key, bayside, Silverstein, Shane told, Saosin, every time I die, Anberlin, Glassjaw, he is legend, destroy rebuild until god shows, 105.7 the point, toby morse, lead singer syndrome, prs guitars, Ernie ball, music man