It's time for introspection! In a bid to prove how unqualified we really are, we both picked out a handful of pieces of literature that we ourselves wrote in our earlier years. Cameron picked some stories he wrote at the tender age of 7, while Jacob selected some poems from his more emotionally-fraught high school days. Take a dive into the inner machinations of our grade school minds while we remind ourselves that some things are better left buried.

Along the way, we'll learn how to dispose of 35 adopted brothers, how not to use onomatopoeia, and how to ruin your valentines day in spectacular fashion.

Oh boy, here we going fanfictioning again! This week we're looking at "The Spiderses" by Argembarger, a short satirically bad My Little Pony fanfiction that sets the standard for fanfiction everywhere. Join us for a full read of this touching story of change, heartbreak, and loss that is the literary equivalent of having a stroke!

Along the way, we'll learn about Cameron's fear of God's end-credit stats screen, the dangers of unprotected spider sex, and the best way to insert yourself into your own fanfiction!

Note: This episode contains mild sexual themes and as such is not recommended for kids. 

Alt-Right pickup-artist Roosh V. has a treat in store for us in the form of a letter from the Global Elite detailing a conspiracy against humanity that he definitely, totally, certainly, 100%, maybe, positively didn't write himself and present as real! We are quite literally tearing through to the end of "The Best of Roosh, Volume 2". After all, we have to finish it before the grand robot army of the Global Elite is finished!

Along the way, we'll discuss how the barbarians are here to solve our sterile existence, how feminism is actually the invention of some rich white men who wanted to dunk on Jesus, and how there's no incorrect way to rip it.

Note: Because of the nature of this book and author, this episode contains discussions of misogyny, racism, and rape. As such, this episode is not for kids. 

Congratulations to the man who listens to this podcast, for he is probably not petitioning for rape to be legal. Also, congratulations to women, because they deserve some for putting up with the antics of men like alt-right pickup-artist Roosh V, who's hot takes bring on the murder vibes in his second compilation of blog posts, "The Best of Roosh, Volume 2"!

Along the way, we'll discuss how the sight of female skin is a serious problem, the six stages of involuntary celibacy, and what an "empty penis pipeline" is. 

Note: Because of the nature of the book and author, this episode contains some sexually explicit language and serious discussions about rape and misogyny. As such, this episode is not for kids. 

As every pick-up artist will tell you, the best way to get laid is definitely to... take away the basic human rights of all women? Join us as Roosh V attempts to roll back a century of society progress in under one hour in a neanderthal's guide to women!

Disclaimer: This episode discusses potentially sensitive discussions of  misogyny and sexual themes. As such this podcast is  not recommended for kids.

Have you ever wanted to pick up women, but also hate women? Then we've (unfortunately) got the handbook for you! We had to bring in a friend to help us make sense of the shockingly crass and horribly misogynistic compilation of the supposed "best" of Roosh Valizadeh, a pick-up artist that we hope we never have to meet.

So you wanna speak like the English do, huh? Well lucky you, we have the perfect poorly-translated phrasebook for you! "English as She is Spoke" by Pedro Carolino is a 19th-Century marvel that is much-beloved for it's attempt to translate a French-Portuguese phrasebook to English by someone who doesn't speak English.

What do baby speedboats, weaponized ball problems, and edgy tattoos all have in common? Well... they probably are featured in this episode of "Sonic High School", a terrible Sonic the Hedgehog fan fiction that probably doesn't get invited to family reunions anymore. In this episode, we'll discuss the dubiously ethnic tradition of "Sex Thanking", how not to dispose of a body, and what the legal limits of boob size are. Also, Cameron improvises a song!

From a world-ending testicular illness to robots crashing a nativity play in the spring, the fanfiction "Sonic High School" by DarkDoomFireMaster continues to be a beautiful mess. In this episode of Page Burners, we'll discuss the edibility of Chao, how to use heavy explosives in your school play, and what Amy's "Special Attack" is.

The boys are back! We're keeping the momentum going from the gigglefest of last episode and continuing with "Sonic High School", an incredibly bad Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic by DarkDoomFireMaster. Along the way, Rouge will teach us where babies really come from, Shadow teaches us that high schoolers should be model citizens, and Tails teaches us all about how the science of Inestine's(sic) "Body Donation" works!