Baby, this week on Idiot of the Week, we are clutching our pearls, our purses, and our pancreas because the stupid is coming at us from every direction and none of it has pants on.

We kick things off in central Florida — of course we do — where some tourists decided the best way to honor their vacation memories was to STRAP A DEAD ALLIGATOR TO THE ROOF OF THEIR CAR like it was a Christmas tree. We said it before and we’ll say it again: Florida is not well, and neither are the people visiting it. We are talking about full‑on Weekend at Bernie’s: Swamp Edition.

Then we head to New York, where a Judge had to dismiss a $100,000 lawsuit because somebody claimed a taqueria’s hot sauce was too spicy. Too spicy. For one hundred thousand American dollars. Let us tell you something: if your tongue is filing legal paperwork, the problem is not the sauce.

Next up, we take a detour to North Carolina, where the Mayor is REFUSING to resign after allegedly showing up to a town hall pantsless. Pants. Less. And we’re supposed to just continue the meeting like this is a normal Tuesday. Sir, if your thighs are out, your term is over.

And finally — because the universe insists on testing us — we ask the question no one wanted answered: would you use cadaver fat for a boob job or a butt lift? Because apparently some people already said yes. We are talking about From Beyond the Grave: The Cosmetic Edition. We didn’t need this information, but now we can’t unknow it.

Strap in, pull up your pants, and grab your emotional support hot sauce. It’s gonna be a ride.

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