"Love is always about what you can give, not what you can get. That's the difference between lust and love. And that's why Jesus went to the cross." — Lauren Martino

In this episode, Danny and Chum sit down with Lauren Martino, disability advocate, overcomer, and someone whose story carries the kind of honesty most people keep locked away.

Lauren grew up in a home where the Bible was used as a tool for control rather than liberation, where God felt terrifying rather than loving, and where the absence of a father's affirmation left wounds that quietly shaped every relationship that followed. Losing her mum at thirteen, she found herself carrying repeated cycles of toxic relationships, spiritual manipulation, and eventually, five years of walking away from God entirely.

But this isn't a story that ends in bitterness. It's a story about what happens when the audible voice of God pursues her, twice, across a decade.

She also shares the vision God gave her to heal her inner child, a moment so tender and unexpected it will stop you mid-listen.

We talk about:

• How a fractured or absent father shapes boys and girls differently, and what fathers can do about it right now
• What spiritual narcissism looks like in a marriage or parent-child relationship, and how to tell the difference between a true leader and a manipulator
• Why "keeping the peace" in a family can actually be a form of harm by omission
• How the enemy uses familiar trauma to keep people cycling through the same broken patterns
• What it means to stop being your family's saviour, and why that's actually the most loving thing you can do
• The persistent widow, self-advocacy, and why having a voice is a spiritual discipline, not a rebellion
• What she would say to her father if he were listening right now
• The one message she wants every parent to take home

Lauren doesn't carry bitterness. She carries something rarer: the settled peace of someone who has been through the breaking and found the Father already there, not to judge, but to say I love you for who you are to me.

Whether you're a parent carrying guilt over the years you got wrong, an adult child still processing a painful upbringing, or someone trying to find God again after religion left a wound, this conversation is for you.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Chum and Millie sit down with Jimmy Jensen, Executive Pastor at City on a Hill Brisbane, to explore the intersection of secular youth development and biblical discipleship. Jimmy shares how "thriving" is often defined by the world as a self-centred achievement, whereas the Gospel calls us to a maturity rooted in Christ-like character.

We dive deep into the practicalities of parenting, from managing "shoe-putting-on" meltdowns to shifting from behavior modification to heart transformation. Jimmy challenges parents to look past the external outcomes and become "ambassadors" of God’s grace, modeling humility and repentance within the home.

Key Takeaways

• The "Nutrient-Rich" Community: Secular science and the Bible agree: young people thrive in intergenerational environments where they have role models, clear instructions, and space to contribute.
• Behavior vs. Heart: Effective discipline isn't just about stopping a bad habit; it's about helping a child understand the "why" (e.g., is it jealousy, insecurity, or a desire for attention?) and pointing them to Jesus.
• Redefining Success: Shift from academic or athletic "KPIs" to character-based values. Celebrate when a child shows compassion or humility as much as (or more than) a good grade.
• The Power of Parental Repentance: When we fail as parents, asking our kids for forgiveness doesn't undermine our authority, it models the Gospel and creates a safe space for them to be honest about their own sins.

Resources & Mentions

• Book: Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family by Paul David Tripp.
• Referenced Guest: Graham Stanton (previously discussed "Expressive Individualism").
• Scripture: 1 Peter (on elders being examples), Ephesians 4 (on maturity in Christ), and Colossians 3 (on the new self).

How do we make the moments count when we are constantly short on time? Colleen breaks down the practical shift from parenting toddlers to engaging teenagers, offering simple rhythms, like the 10-minute rule and no-phone dinners, to hit the "reset" button on family connection. In a culture engineered to fracture our focus, giving our children our undivided attention can feel like an impossible task. But what if the way we look at our kids is the first way they learn how God looks at them?

Today, Millie and Paul sit down with Bible teacher and author Colleen Searcy to discuss the profound theology of "full attention." Looking at the blessing in Numbers 6, “The Lord make his face shine upon you,” Colleen helps us bridge the gap between biblical truth and the chaotic reality of parenting. Whether you are navigating the micro-moments of toddlerhood, learning how to ask open-ended questions to your teenagers, or just trying to carve out five minutes of peace with your spouse, this episode offers incredible grace and highly practical steps for modeling God's presence in your home.

Key Takeaways:

• The Theology of the Face: How the Hebrew word panim (face/presence) in the Numbers 6 blessing teaches us to image God by physically turning our bodies and attention toward our children.
• Managing the "Micro-Moments": Practical rhythms for giving unhurried presence when you are short on time, including the "give me 10 minutes" rule.
• Shifting Seasons: How the practice of attention evolves from toddlers (building predictable routines like bedtime) to teenagers (creating flexible spaces for late-night or car-ride conversations).
• The Order of Attention: Why we must prioritise receiving from God first, so we don't place impossible expectations on our spouses, friends, or church communities to fill our souls.
• Rehearsing Truth: How to stop rehearsing our parenting failures and worries, and start rehearsing God’s Word and entrusting our children to Him through morning and evening prayer.
• The Power of Blessing: A simple, immediate step you can take today to speak character-based blessings over your children.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• Colleen's Websites: ColleenSearcy.com & MeetMeInTheBible.com
• Instagram: Follow Colleen at @colleen.searcy
• Book Recommendation: Every Moment Holy (A book of liturgies and prayers for daily life)
• App Recommendation: Dwell (Audio Bible app for listening to the Word on the go)

In many Asian cultures, success and academic excellence often dictate your worth. Deb and Gerald share how they are actively rewiring the "tiger parent" mindset to teach their children that their true identity is found in Christ, not their performance.

What happens when your cultural heritage collides with the Western world? In this episode, Millie and Paul sits down with Deb Ng and Gerald Liew from City on a Hill Ballarat to discuss the joys and tensions of raising a migrant family in Australia. From the early confusion of Australian idioms at the IGA checkout to the deep-seated pressure of the "Tiger Parent" trope, Deb and Gerald share how they are intentionally forging a "Third Way," a parenting strategy that filters every cultural value through the lens of the Gospel. Whether you are navigating your own heritage or looking to better support the migrant families in your community, this conversation offers a powerful reminder that our truest identity is found in Christ alone.

Key Takeaways:

• The Culture Shock of Small Talk: Deb and Gerald share their first vivid memories of arriving in Australia and the steep learning curve of "Aussie" friendliness.
• The "Third Way" of Parenting: Moving beyond the binary of "Heritage vs. Host Culture" to create a family rhythm centered on Kingdom values.
• Sifting Through the "Tiger Parent" Legacy: How to encourage excellence and "giving your best" without tying a child’s worth to their performance or academic success.
• The Honor-Shame Paradigm: Understanding how Asian cultural values can actually provide a unique and helpful lens for reading the Bible.
• Bridging the Grandparent Gap: Navigating language barriers and the physical distance of extended family while teaching children to honor their elders.
• The Role of the Church: How Western churches can move from being "inclusive" to truly "representative" of the diverse voices in their pews.

We can give our kids all the dating advice in the world, but the truth is, the most powerful force shaping their expectations for future romance is the marriage they see right at home.

In this episode, Chum and Millie sit down with Dave Chiswell, Youth Minister at City on a Hill Geelong, to discuss the daunting topic of dating. Moving away from a purely reactive approach, Dave introduces a "formation" framework, explaining why parents should start these conversations as early as primary school. The discussion covers everything from deconstructing romantic myths in media to the modern complexities of digital intimacy and AI companions, all while grounding the advice in the grace and kindness of the Gospel.

Key Points Covered

• Proactive vs. Reactive: Start talking about the theory of dating (what makes a good relationship) when your children’s friends start dating, rather than waiting until your own child has a partner.
• A Gospel Vision: Move beyond "walls and fences." Instead of just saying "don't," focus on the "better" way Jesus loves us, which provides a more compelling vision for relationships.
• The "Kindness" Test: A simple but profound filter for any potential partner: “Are they kind?” This encourages children to look for character and fruit of the Spirit rather than just surface-level attraction.
• The Digital "Friction" Problem: Digital communication (texting, social media) removes the "eyebrow, "the instant facial and tonal feedback we need to treat others like humans.
• The Rise of AI Companions: Why dating an AI bot is a growing temptation for a digital generation, and how parents can address the underlying loneliness without panicking.
• Information vs. Formation: AI is a tool for information (finding a date spot), but it should never be outsourced for formation (building character and handling conflict).
• Navigating Heartbreak & Sin: How to handle "crashing the car." Dave emphasizes the "Bank of Love," making consistent small deposits of time and trust so you can handle big emotional withdrawals when things go wrong.

Resources Mentioned

• Youth Ministry Futures: An organization co-founded by Dave Chiswell to train and encourage long-term youth ministers in Australia. ymfutures.com.au
• Parenting City Kids Episode: "My Child Saw Porn, Now What?" featuring Christian sexologist Patricia Weerakoon.
• Dave Chiswell’s previous episode: On the Teen Social Media Ban and its effects on connection.

Parenting teenagers is heavy lifting, and sometimes the most powerful spiritual decision you can make is letting a trusted youth leader help carry the burden.

Episode Summary

In this episode, Millie and Chum sit down with Zeek Whitehead, a Church and Community Relationship Specialist at World Vision and an experienced youth pastor, to tackle a question many parents face: How do we cultivate a genuine, lifelong love for the local church in our children? Zeek shares invaluable wisdom on the subtle ways parents unknowingly communicate their own priorities regarding church, from the stress of the Sunday morning scramble to letting attendance slide when life gets busy. He provides practical, grace-filled advice on how to transition kids from high-energy children's ministries into the main service, the vital role of "family worship" at home, and why youth leaders are essential allies during the rebellious teenage years. Finally, Zeek offers a thoughtful framework for how parents can navigate seasons of church disappointment without passing bitterness down to their kids, and how engaging in local missions can radically transform a teenager's faith.

Episode Highlights

• The Silent Messages We Send: How the "Sunday morning scramble" and inconsistent attendance speak louder to our kids than we realize.
• Fathers Leading the Charge: The profound impact a father's church attendance (or lack thereof) has on the entire family's faith trajectory.
• Graduating from Kids' Ministry: Practical steps for preparing children to transition into the main adult service and the lost art of simple family worship at home.
• Plucking Seeds, Not Trees: Why it’s crucial to establish healthy church habits (like standing for worship and opening Bibles) when kids are young, rather than waiting to fight the battle in their teen years.
• The Power of Youth Leaders: Why having a cool, young adult leader speak into your teenager's life can be the ultimate supplement to your parenting—especially when teens are resistant to mom and dad.
• Navigating Church Hurt: How parents can process church messiness, scandals, or splits maturely without letting their frustration build a wall between their children and the gospel.
• Faith Outside the Walls: How exposing teens to local missions and social justice (like feeding the homeless) helps bridge their love for Christ with a genuine love for others.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode

• Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor by D.A. Carson – A powerful look at navigating church hardship and leadership with grace.
• Concise Theology by J.I. Packer – A highly recommended, easy-to-read resource for parents looking to grow their theological understanding so they can answer their teens' tough questions.
• Family Worship Bible Guide by Joel R. Beeke – A practical guide for reading scripture and prompting discussion at the dinner table.

True biblical masculinity doesn't start with being a powerful father; it starts with learning how to be a beloved son.

In an era defined by cynicism and the constant pressure to perform, what does it truly mean to lead a family with authentic, Christ-like strength? Today, Danny and Chum sit down with Zach Meerkreebs, pastor in residence at Asbury University, author of Lower, and a catalyst for the 2023 Asbury Outpouring. Zach opens up about his personal journey of finding true masculinity not in cultural stereotypes or outdoor conquests, but in the radical humility and belovedness of Jesus.

This conversation dives deep into the "soft parts" of manhood, the danger of performing for our kids, and how to stop finding our identity in how others perceive us. Zach also shares practical wisdom on empowering a strong spouse, implementing a family "Rule of Life" to weather unexpected storms, and adapting ancient Sabbath rhythms to anchor a modern urban family.

Key Takeaways

• Redefining Masculinity: True biblical masculinity doesn't start with performance or rugged stereotypes; it begins with "belovedness" and sonship. We must find our identity in Jesus before we can effectively lead our families.
• The Power of Radical Humility: Humility is not about making yourself small or being passive; it's about choosing yourself less. In marriage, it means having the courage to communicate honestly and consecrating your spouse's unique strengths rather than subduing them.
• Making the Gospel "Good": The modern world is no longer just asking if Christianity is true, but if it is good. Parents and churches must cultivate safe environments where the gentleness and kindness of Christ are visibly lived out.
• Establishing a Rule of Life: To navigate the urgent, unpredictable moments of life (Kairos), families need a strong foundation in their ordinary routines (Chronos). Establishing a family "scorecard" or rhythm keeps you grounded when crises hit.
• Sabbath & Family Discipleship: Zach shares how he integrates his Jewish heritage into his family's weekly rhythm, using a simple Sabbath practice of sharing a meal, reflecting on what to "stop," what to "delight in," and affirming one another.

Mentioned in this Episode

• Book: Lower: Igniting the Spiritual Awakening Through Radical Humility by Zach Meerkreebs
• Scripture References: Psalm 103:13-14, Philippians 2, Philippians 3, Galatians 5 (Fruits of the Spirit)
• Concepts: The Asbury Outpouring (2023), Developing a Rule of Life, Chronos (ordinary time) vs. Kairos (appointed/extraordinary time)

The ultimate theological answer to suicide isn't about debating where the soul goes, it's about giving them a reason to stay.

In this episode, Millie and Paul discuss one of the most challenging topics facing parents today: suicide prevention within the Christian home. Our guest, Dr. Karen Mason, is a Professor of Counseling and Psychology at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and a former manager of the Office of Suicide Prevention for the state of Colorado.

Dr. Mason helps us move past the "spiritual failure" stigma of mental health, reframing suicidal ideation not as a sin, but as a "dark night of the soul" occurring in a broken world. We dive into the practical "red flags" parents should look for, why asking the hard questions doesn't "plant the seed," and how the story of the Philippian jailer in Acts 16 is actually one of the Bible's most powerful examples of suicide prevention. Whether you are currently navigating a crisis or simply want to build a home of "authentic transparency," this episode offers a roadmap of hope and grace.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• The "Red Flags": How to distinguish between normal teenage angst and a genuine cry for help, focusing on changes in behavior and big life stressors.
• The "Stop, Drop, and Roll" of Mental Health: Why we need to give our children a plan for suicidal thoughts before they happen.
• Reframing the Stigma: Shifting our theology from "where does the soul go?" to "why is life a moral good?" and treating mental health with the same "common grace" we apply to physical ailments like diabetes.
• The Catholic & Reformed Perspective: How church history and modern theology have shifted toward compassion and "diminished moral responsibility" during depression.
• Acts 16 & Suicide Prevention: A beautiful deep dive into the story of Paul and the Philippian jailer, proving that every life—no matter how "scuzzy"—matters to God.
• The "Hope Box": A practical tool parents and kids can use to internalize their worth and reasons for living.
• Science vs. Faith: Why seeking clinical resources isn't "replacing God," but rather utilizing the tools He has provided through common grace.
• The Proverbs 22:6 Struggle: Counseling parents who feel they've done everything "right" yet are still facing this "dark night" with their child.

Resources Mentioned:

• Dr. Karen Mason’s Training Resources: Patreon.com/KarenMasonPhD
• Faculty Bio & Publications: Gordon-Conwell Faculty Page
• Recommended Reading: Preventing Suicide: A Handbook for Pastors and Preaching Hope in Darkness by Dr. Karen Mason.

Emergency Support (Australia):

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or needs someone to talk to, please reach out to these 24/7 services:

• Lifeline: 13 11 14
• Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800
• Emergency Services: 000
• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

Men are lonelier, more anxious, and more disconnected, and it’s shaping how our children grow up.

Kevin Van Lant, Clinical psychologist and Associate Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Biola University, unpacks the quiet crisis facing modern men, isolation, mental health, and the father wound. This conversation helps parents recognise when struggle is more than “just a phase,” why dads matter more than ever, and how healing men can reshape families for the better.

⁠www.kevinvanlantphd.com

Your children aren’t shaped by what you teach, but by what you model.

Parents shape faith long before sermons and programs do.

In this deeply pastoral episode, Danny Gamadhi unpacks why children imitate what they see, not what they’re told. From repentance and surrender to everyday modelling, this conversation reframes parenting as discipleship and invites parents to lead with authenticity, grace, and a lived gospel at home.