The holidays can bring warmth, traditions, and togetherness, but for adoptive families, they can also surface grief, trauma, sensory overload, and big emotions that don’t fit neatly into picture-perfect expectations. In this episode of Parenting Different, Anna sits down with adoptive mom Melinda Martin for an honest, compassionate conversation about what adoption and the holidays really look like behind closed doors.

Melinda shares her journey from foster care to adopting a sibling set of three, and how the holidays became a season that required flexibility, grace, and a willingness to let go of “the way it’s supposed to be.” Together, they explore how trauma often shows up during celebrations, why dysregulation can spike after holiday events, and how parents can protect their children, and themselves, by prioritizing safety, connection, and nervous system regulation over performance.

If the holidays feel heavy, chaotic, or disappointing this year, this episode is a reminder that you are not failing. Sometimes the most meaningful memories are made not by doing more, but by doing less and choosing your family over expectations.

• Why the holidays can be especially triggering for adopted children
• How trauma and loss surface during celebrations
• Letting go of rigid traditions to meet your child’s needs
• Why flexibility matters more than “perfect” holidays
• How to say no to events without guilt
• Supporting nervous system regulation during busy seasons
• Creating connection-centered holiday memories

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In this powerful and deeply vulnerable episode, Lainey Hartley shares her extraordinary journey from childhood neglect, foster care, and kinship care to becoming a foster mom, adoptive mom, author, and advocate. She opens up about the moments that shaped her, being pulled from her mother’s arms as a toddler, surviving homelessness, navigating an abusive relationship as a teen, and learning to raise children while still carrying the weight of her own unmet childhood needs.

Lainey and Anna explore the emotional collision that happens when parenting reawakens the wounds you thought you had outgrown. They talk about postpartum triggers, perfectionism learned through survival, and what it feels like to foster children whose stories painfully mirror your own. Through it all, Lainey reveals how healing, both slow and powerfully, has softened the way she parents, helping her move from control to connection and from survival to safety.

This conversation is a testament to resilience, repair, and the ongoing work of breaking generational cycles. It is a must-listen for any parent navigating trauma, identity, and the complex journey toward becoming the parent they needed as a child.

• How childhood trauma resurfaces when you become a parent
• The emotional impact of fostering when you were once in foster care
• Why control and perfectionism show up in parenting after trauma
• The transformative power of repair, apology, and emotional safety
• What it means to separate your story from your child’s
• How healing reshapes the way we respond, connect, and love

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In this powerful conversation, Valerie Marble opens up about the winding, emotional path that led her into the world of adoption, first through heartbreak, then through unexpected connection, and ultimately through profound transformation. Her story begins with infertility and the longing to become a mother, then pivots dramatically the night she met a 16-month-old boy in the ER who would one day become her son. What follows is a raw, honest look at the lack of control adoptive parents face, the beauty and pain of open vs. closed adoptions, and the courage it takes to keep your heart open after loss.

Valerie shares the emotional roller coaster of adopting three children, including a difficult failed match and a deeply moving hospital experience where she supported her daughter’s birth mother during labor an act she describes as one of the most meaningful gifts of her life. Now the owner of A Step Ahead Adoption Services and a newly published author, Valerie channels her experience into educating families, advocating for ethical adoption, and helping parents navigate both the vulnerability and the growth that adoption demands.

Her story is both grounding and inspiring showing how openness, humility, and emotional honesty can shape not just an adoption journey, but an entire family.

• How infertility shaped Valerie’s path into adoption
• What “doing it backwards” in foster care and adoption really looks like
• The emotional difference between open, semi-open, and closed adoptions
• How to navigate grief after a failed match
• Why many adoptive parents initially fear openness—and how Valerie overcame it
• The role of consultants vs. agencies (and why families often mix them up)
• The power of journaling and emotional processing during the adoption wait

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In this powerful episode, Abbey Ramirez shares the winding, vulnerable, and hope-filled road that led her to motherhood through embryo adoption and eventually to welcoming twins through domestic infant adoption. After years of unexplained infertility, repeated losses, and the emotional weight of uncertainty, Abbey discovered embryo adoption, an option she barely knew existed. Her story takes us inside the medical, emotional, and relational complexities of transferring embryos, navigating open donor relationships, and holding joy and grief at the same time.

Abbey opens up about the moment she learned only one embryo had survived, the heartbreak of a failed second transfer, and how she carried both gratitude and sorrow in the same breath. Then, in a stunning twist of timing and grace, she and her husband were chosen to adopt twins almost exactly one year later. Abbey speaks with clarity, warmth, and honesty about becoming a mom through multiple forms of adoption, and how she’s already laying the groundwork to talk about genetics, identity, and belonging with her children.

This episode is a comforting, educational, and profoundly human look at infertility, embryo adoption, and the surprising ways families grow.

• How embryo adoption works and what the process actually looks like
• The emotional reality of infertility and unexplained diagnosis
• What happens during a frozen embryo transfer (FET)
• Navigating open, semi-open, and anonymous embryo donation
• How to talk to kids about embryo adoption and genetic identity
• The grief of failed transfers and finding hope again
• How Abbey ultimately built her family through both embryo and infant adoption

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In this powerful and deeply vulnerable episode of Parenting Different, host Anna Bernacki talks with Julie Etter, teacher, mom of five, and adoptive parent trainer, about the silent grief that so many women carry after infertility and pregnancy loss. Julie shares her decade-long journey through medical dismissal, chronic pain, and nine heartbreaking losses before discovering the truth about her endometriosis and PCOS.

Her story doesn’t end there. Julie opens up about stepping into adoption while still holding unhealed grief and how that journey reshaped her understanding of motherhood, loss, and love. Together, Anna and Julie explore how infertility trauma can show up in parenting, the importance of therapy, and why true healing begins when we give ourselves permission to grieve.

What You’ll Learn:

• The emotional and physical toll of infertility and pregnancy loss
• How medical dismissal shapes women’s health experiences
• Why adoption is not a “cure” for infertility grief
• The impact of unresolved trauma on parenting and attachment
• How therapy and honest conversations foster real healing
• Why comparison minimizes grief and how to lead with empathy
• Practical ways to advocate for your health and emotional wellbeing

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In this episode, we explore the reality of international adoption through the powerful story of Jodi Slein’s journey to adopt her son from Romania. Host Anna Bernacki sits down with Jodi, a parent coach and adoptive mom, to talk about the moment she first learned about Romania’s orphanage crisis, what it was like to walk inside an institution where infants had stopped crying, and how she navigated the complex process of adopting a child internationally in the 1990s. Jodi opens up about the early signs of trauma, sensory challenges, and attachment needs that emerged after bringing her son home—and how adolescence brought even deeper layers of grief, identity, and healing. She also discusses the long-term impact of institutional care, the closure of Romania’s international adoption program, and what happened to children who were never adopted. What You’ll Learn: • The truth about international adoption in the 90s • Conditions inside Romanian orphanages • Early trauma and sensory needs in adopted children • How attachment forms after institutional care • Challenges during school years and adolescence • Reunion with birth family and its emotional impact • Why Romania closed international adoption and what came next If you want to understand the real, unfiltered story behind international adoption and the resilience of children who survive early neglect, this episode is essential viewing.

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Host Anna Bernacki welcomes Parenting Different founder Isaac Etter to break down the biggest misunderstandings adoptive parents have and what truly helps adoptees thrive. From trauma-informed parenting and race, to curiosity, grief, and identity, Isaac explains why adoptive parents don’t need perfection, they need tools, community, and humility. Packed with insight and actionable wisdom, this episode gives families a roadmap for raising secure, connected, and emotionally supported adoptees. Join the Parenting Different newsletter here: https://www.parentingdifferent.com/free

In this powerful and personal episode, host Anna Bernacki sits down with her adopted brother Jon DeWitt for their first-ever honest conversation about what it was like growing up adopted in the same home. Together, they revisit childhood memories, talk about attachment and belonging, and reflect on how adoption shaped their identities in different ways. With honesty, humor, and deep empathy, they explore what it means to find connection, heal family patterns, and become the kind of adults and siblings they needed as kids. Join the Parenting Different newsletter here: https://www.parentingdifferent.com/free

Host Anna Bernacki sits down with adoptive mom and advocate Alice Refauvelet to explore the messy, meaningful work of transracial parenting. Alice shares her journey through infertility and adoption, how she’s learning to raise a Black daughter in a white world, and why doing better starts with being willing to learn. A candid, hope-filled look at the power of reflection, repair, and community in adoption. Join the Parenting Different newsletter here: https://www.parentingdifferent.com/free

In this episode of the Parenting Different Podcast, host Anna Bernacki speaks with Devon Anasiewicz, whose journey through foster care and adoption began with one unexpected phone call. Devon opens up about loving through uncertainty, grieving the children who leave, and holding space for both the beauty and the heartbreak that adoption brings. Her story is a powerful reminder that love in adoption isn’t about perfection; it’s about choosing to stay when it hurts. Join the Parenting Different newsletter here: https://www.parentingdifferent.com/free