Learning how to cope when other children are mean is something that unfortunately every child will have to face. How we handle these situations as parents can affect their self-esteem.

How Competition and Performance Impacts a Child’s Self-Esteem We discussed earlier this week that our self-esteem is determined by answering the question of whose we are.    If that is the case we need to look at what He created us to be.  He made us human beings not human doings.  Our self worth cannot be established by what we do.  This is an important lesson to teach our children early on. We have also spent time discussing how to help their self-esteem by communicating that our love is not attached to our child’s performance.  How do we guard them from finding their self-esteem through all of the extra curricular activities in their lives that society would deem important?  One way is to teach them the art of loosing.  We need to show them that it’s not about the win but the effort you put in.  This is such an important lesson to learn early on because if not our children will be looking for that next “win” even in adulthood.  What we do, or don’t do, doesn’t define who we are.  At the end of the day what we do needs to be left on the field.  Our gaze needs to be upward focused on the day where we can hear “Well Done” from our Heavenly Father.   Listen to today’s podcast for more insight on your child’s self-esteem.

How does discipline affect self-esteem? It seems that many today would think that disciplining a child would hurt their self-esteem, which is why we have so many homes with so little rules. In fact the opposite is true. When a child has no consistent boundaries placed around them they feel very insecure.

Where does self-esteem Begin in a child's development process? It actually begins at birth with the mother/child bonding. Through the bonding experience of those early days and months we are communicating love and security. A child cannot yet comprehend the concept of God as their Father so until that time we are communicating His love through our parenting.

The concept of self-esteem can be a very elusive and ethereal topic. What is it, and how can I make sure that my kids have positive self-esteem?

Get Organized- Part 1 A great list found on ADDitudemag.com for helping parents get organized and mobilized to help their child/family function with ADD/ADHD. 1. Give specific instructions. “Put away the toys on your carpet on the shelf in the closet.” Be consistent — if the toys are stored on the shelf one night, they should be put there every night. Children need to know precisely what you expect. 2. Assign tasks that your child is capable of doing on his own. Success builds confidence. The goal is to teach your child to do things independently. 3. Involve your child in discussions about rules and routines. It will help him understand goals and teach him to accept responsibility. 4. Write down routines as sequences of tasks (two to five items only), and post where easily visible (refrigerator, bathroom mirror). Review lists regularly with your child. 5. Be realistic about time. Make sure you’ve set aside enough time for the child to complete his homework, clear the dishes, and get out the door in the morning. If the original time frame is leaving you five minutes shy, add five minutes. 6. Expect gradual improvement. It takes time to change old habits and form new ones. 7. Praise effort — not just results. If your child set the table but forgot napkins, acknowledge that she’s trying. Reward good behavior more often than you punish bad. 8. Allow for free time in daily routines. Kids — and adults — need downtime. 9. If your child isn’t taking to the routine, seek help from a counselor who specializes in ADHD. A pro […]

Isn’t ADHD Just An Excuse For A Lack Of Discipline? A great response to this question was found in ADDitudeMag.com, by Robert M.A. Hirschfeld, M.D., who is a psychiatrist and a father of an ADHD child…. “The idea that willpower can solve all problems is as American as apple pie, but so are compassion, tolerance, and wisdom. Some people with diseases such as diabetes and hypertension can organize their lives to limit the effects of their disabilities. But some, no matter how hard they try, need insulin to break down sugar or medication to lower their blood pressure. We offer them support, and we do not blame them for their failure to “fix” themselves. The same goes for ADHD. Unfortunately, when it comes to brain disorders, such as ADHD, depression, or other neurological conditions, a harmful attitude creeps in: the belief that attention deficit disorder, and other disorders originating in the mind, reflect “bad character” and that all it takes is more willpower to overcome them. As a psychiatrist, and also as the father of an ADHD child, I know how destructive this view is. Many people with depression suffer for years because they’ve tried to make themselves feel better, and they still can’t function. Coworkers and spouses become frustrated and blame the sufferer when attempts to “jolly” a person out of a depression don’t work. Their lack of understanding adds guilt and shame to the long list of problems that depressed people cope […]

Mom Is Key Children with ADD/ADHD have a very difficult time maintaining focus on things that do not interest them.  This can become very frustrating to parents when they see their child get very focused for a long period of time over a video game or some other hobby but are unable to maintain that focus when it comes to homework or chores.   Parents need to keep in mind for a child who is truly ADD/ADHD it is not willful disobedience. Where parents can come in to help is by providing consistent rewards for an area that may be difficult for a child to self motivate.  Something such as homework is a good area to start.  Something like offering a small reward such as a snack for a subject completed or an allotted amount of time worked is all that may be needed to motivate the child to focus.  Start with small chunks of time worked and slowly work to more as your child does better focusing.   For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

Have Hope ADD/ADHD seems to be something that many parents have questions about because it is so prevalent in today’s society, to the point where many parents worry about their children unnecessarily.  It appears that currently only 3-5% of children truly suffer from ADD/ADHD. The characteristics of ADD/ADHD are impulsivity, inattention, and hyperactivity. The problem is many parents with toddlers can attest to theses characteristics showing up frequently.  So we must ask when does it become a problem? There are several factors that can cause this in young children, everything from lack of sleep, diet, or even over stimulation.  So we as parents need to ask ourselves a few questions to determine whether or not this is something that we need to take more seriously. Is the behavior I observe in my child similar to that of other children he encounters? Is the behavior I expect of my child developmentally appropriate? Do I see a pattern of behavior when my child engages in various activities? Do I see a pattern of behavior in various settings? It may even help to ask the perspective of another objective adult such as a teacher.   For more on this topic listen to today’s podcast.

NO Excuses The generation of children and teens have been raised observing the “its never my fault attitude”. Many in society want to blame every one around them for circumstances and choices, the victim mentality is sadly very prevalent.  This is a very adolescent attitude that many adults have not grown out of. We need to teach our children that their choices are their own, which means that they need to learn how to take responsibility for their actions.  No excuses are acceptable.  Teaching this attitude of responsibility for decisions makes our child both marriageable and employable.  Never being able to admit when you are at fault makes both of these areas very difficult. The Living Bible translates the Proverbs 22:6 verse like this, “Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it.”  We are training our children not only to make the right choices but to take responsibility and learn from the poor ones.   Listen to today’s podcast for more on the topic of decision making. Â