Part 1 – Behind the Scenes of an Affair: Insight from a Cheating Partner: What Led to the Affair?

Part 1 – Behind the Scenes of an Affair: Insight from a Cheating Partner: What Led to the Affair?

In this episode, Lora interviews Shawn, her husband and the man who betrayed her to find out what led to his multiple affairs. Shawn delves deep into the impact of growing up in rough neighborhoods and facing financial struggles, and how these vulnerabilities manifested in difficulty managing stressful situations in hiss own life such as finances, buying a home, and providing for his family. He also shares how his past traumas and fears led to emotional triggers, This episode emphasizes the importance of understanding how our childhood experiences can impact our behavior in relationships and that unresolved past trauma or vulnerabilities end up affecting our partners and children.

Top Take-a-ways:1. Trauma and past experiences can make expressing vulnerability and having conversations around difficult topics challenging, and lead to unexplained emotional triggers.

2. Affairs often come from the intersection of opportunity and validation, highlighting the importance of understanding and communicating with our partners.

3. Childhood experiences impact our wiring and can lead to difficulties in expressing emotions and resolving conflicts in relationships.

This interview series with Lora and her husband Shawn – the man who betrayed her – is a raw, vulnerable, and very real conversation about Shawn’s state of mind and understanding of what happened before, during and after his multiple affairs.

These conversations are intended to serve two purposes:

First, to provide an understanding of what goes on in the heart and the mind of someone who cheats, and to shed light on some of confusing and irrational behaviors surrounding affairs, and

Second, to provide you, the betrayed partner, with something to share with the person who cheated on you, to facilitate conversation and bridge some of the gaps in your collective understanding. Especially if you are trying to reconcile or need to amicably coparent with them.

While the circumstance of everyone’s situation is different, surprisingly, there are many similarities. Affairs tend to be born out of pain and an inability to express one’s feelings. Quite often, even though an affair causes more pain, more shame, and more guilt, the cheating partner irrationally believes that cheating is a viable option to lower their pain, and then find themselves stuck in a situation they don’t know how to get out of.

It is our joint intention to step bravely into the truth of our situation. To shine a light on a subject that, while shockingly common, is still judged and stigmatized and to do our part in moving the conversation out of the shadows and into the light. May these shows provide you with more answers and understanding than you had before.

It is important to note that while nothing excuses the choices made by the cheating partner, and the blame for the affairs lies squarely on the one who cheats, it is our hope that these conversations inspire a deeper level of awareness and compassion for the plight of the betraying partner. Not to let them off the hook or to mitigate the damage and pain caused by their actions, but to help you in your journey to forgiveness, by way of understanding and acceptance.

After all, Life is hard, hurt people hurt people, and it is only when we reach out and try to understand another’s perspective are we able to rise above the collective traumas of the past and create a better, healthier world for all.

Part 1 is very raw, emotional, and intense. The angst in Shawn’s voice is reflective of his emotions at the time he first chose to have an affair.

Parts 2 and 3 are clear and powerful as they reflect Shawn’s growth in understanding about his journey.

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About Lora:

Author, speaker and Burno