Meet me at the Lighthouse in Hermosa Beach,That shabby nightclub on its foggy pier.Let’s aim for the summer of ’71,When all our friends were young and immortal.
—“Meet Me at the Lighthouse,” Dana Gioia
It was Gary’s fault, really. That and my depression.
I had a rare day to myself in the house. It was the first time I was able to come up for air after a brutal month-long work schedule that threatens to double down in the coming weeks. It was quiet and calm, which is what I needed. And feared.
You have to be careful with your liminal moments, your in-between time. It’s when bad memories, cast-off decisions and other neglected boggarts from your life can literally come to haunt you.
Today proved ideal for boggart-haunting. I was making tea and enjoying a quiet morning, but depression was hitting me hard. The kind of depression that can be crippling if you let it. But it wasn’t an aimless sense of malaise; it was trying to tell me that something was off, something needed tending to.
Gary Gough is part of my regular YouTube rotation. I like Gary’s videos. They aren’t political or use some other desperate ploy to bribe my attention with dopamine. They’re about landscape photography. He goes somewhere, takes photos and talks to you while he does so. Innocuous, straightforward and calm.
Today, it seems he was visiting the Glencallum Bay lighthouse. Seems nice, I thought. A nice place to spend a day. It reminded me of a Dana Gioia poem, “Meet Me at the Lighthouse.” I kept thinking about it so much that I wrote it down while I drank my tea. Then I remembered my depression—it’s amazing what we get used to feeling when we aren’t paying attention—and I really wanted to rid myself of the feeling.
Well hell, I thought. Gary’s at a lighthouse. I live by a lot of lighthouses.
I could visit one...
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