Process

From time to time I mention that personal growth plays a huge part in thriving as a single person. In last week’s post, I wrote about growth being a process. This week I want to delve into a little of the why, what, and how of personal growth.

Why?

First off, why do I think personal growth is important for single people? It works. Personal growth makes life better – whether you are married or single.

It Worked for Me

Growing as a person is important for everyone. This includes singles. In fact, I think it is especially important for singles. Let me start with what you might consider my weakest reason for believing this. It worked for me.

Personal growth made all the difference in my life as a single. I had a lot to learn and a lot of improvements to make. I have always been shy. My divorce left me unsure of myself and rethinking everything I thought I knew about relationships. And, I realized that I knew a lot less about myself and the opposite sex than I thought I did.

So, I started reading books, taking classes, and joining groups. When I did those things, I learned a lot – and started to grow. I began to gain confidence, I became more attractive to the opposite sex, and I started going on more dates and generally enjoying single life more.

I Saw It Work For Others

But, it did not just work for me. As I looked around, I saw the difference in outcomes and levels of happiness of people who put in the effort to learn and grow and those who did not. It was a stark contrast.

On the one hand, the people growing and learning were enjoying life, had more fun, had more positive outlooks, had more people of the opposite sex interested in them, were more well-adjusted, and were overall just more enjoyable to be around.

On the other hand, the people not interested in growing beyond where they were, had one failed relationship after another, were always complaining about how tough single life was, and never understood why relationship after relationship ended badly.

If Nothing Changes

Let’s say you are dissatisfied with your life and your relationships so far. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Unless you make some changes, you will go on being unhappy and dissatisfied.

And by changes, I do not mean changing your relationship status. If you make similar mistakes in your next relationship, you will have similar results. It is time to make changes in how you view yourself and others and how you go about getting into and being in a relationship.

What?

Okay, so how do I change? What is personal growth and what areas do I need to grow in?

Personal growth is what happens as you learn new things and put them into practice. As you learn about yourself, other people, and life and relationship skills, and incorporate the things you learn into your life, you grow and life gets better.

Learn About Yourself

It all starts with knowing yourself better. Why did I do those stupid things in my last relationship, sabotage myself, get discouraged so easily, or overreact to what so-and-so did or said? Why do I get so weird around people I find attractive, get so down on myself or others, or think that a lifetime, happily-ever-after marriage is out of reach for me?

There are things lurking undiscovered inside of you that affect your life. Your mistaken beliefs, motivations, unhealed wounds, and layers of scar tissue influence the way you relate to those around you. It will be hard to change your relationships until you understand why you relate to others the way you do.

Learn About Others

Speaking of other people, everyone is different.