You are holding the keys to your dream house. The keys are personal responsibility and forgiveness.Episode Highlights - Where to start:#1: Spend time alone. This is necessary no matter how uncomfortable it is for you, so that you may begin processing your emotions, asking tough questions, and getting clear on your own point of view. You may have had experiences in your childhood that leave you questioning whether your feelings are even real. Maybe you are crazy, yes that is it, take some Prozac, or Percocet, problem solved. You may believe all the abusive things you were told, so you overcompensate and over-perform looking for some confirmation that you are worthy. You need to spend time alone to sort this out. You cannot fill the void with others, especially if others are looking to fill voids just like you.#2: What triggers you? There are your answers. If something someone does makes you have a strong emotion it is likely that it is bringing something up for you that remains unhealed. For example, if you were abandoned by your Father for another family, you may be extra sensitive to wandering eyes, or attract the experience of reliving being abandoned through selecting partners well versed in infidelity or other forms of betrayal. If you were the whipping post for your damaged narcissistic Mother, you may be looking to continue that abuse through toxic relationships and reinforcement of the belief of your inability to be nurtured, accepted or loved.#3: Whatever your lack or wound you will continue trying to bond to that trauma in any way you can. Therefore, it is imperative to follow #1 and #2 and make the decision to become a vigilante for your self-worth. In order to create self-worth, you have to understand the concept of personal responsibility. You must understand that someone cheating on you again and again and blaming them for betrayal, is not going to create feelings of confidence and self-worth. It is only going to fuel your belief of being unworthy. Being a vigilante for your personal value will do the opposite, allowing you to build trust in yourself, even if it feels terrifying, unfamiliar and lonely at first. This is why it will help to make it your life’s mission to follow #4.#4: Research your trauma topics. This is not like the 80’s when you had to go to a library in hopes of finding something on microfiche. Everything is at your fingertips. You have audio books, YouTube videos, Instagram posts and meet-up groups. If you can afford a therapist great, do that too. Try everything under the sun. Go to a 12-step meeting, go to a crystal healing. Whatever it is try it. You will find what is for you, and the sheer act of investigating will start building in you the love and self-respect you lack.#5: Don’t be too hard on yourself! Just kidding. Be hard on yourself. Be the coach to your football team of unruly emotions. Put them in check and decide not to let them control you. You are in charge now. It doesn’t matter what happened to get you here. You have the choice now to go to the Superbowl, so let’s go. Even if you don’t follow the Tony Robbins crowd, do you think he would even have a following if he stood around saying, “Life sure is hard and I can’t get a break.” No.Bonus: Affirmations and Self-Care. In order to create new beliefs, confidence and love for yourself you will need to drill new ideas, concepts and principles into your head until it feels just as natural as it did when you were always feeling pain and encountering “drama.” Any fundamental change in a learned behavior requires repetition. One can always find a reason why they don’t have time or can’t afford something. Every time you choose not to prioritize your healing by failing to do the actions necessary to take personal responsibility for your life, you lose just a little more confidence and respect for yourself. This makes it harder to make the changes that you dream of. You can clean out your cupboards, paint something, read a book, paint your nails, build a shed. All of that is fine, and great self care, but it is of vital importance to dedicate time to healing your trauma and pain. Stop saying, “I try to meditate but I just don’t think it is for me,” instead turning on Netflix to zone out to something you don’t even like. Sit there until you get it, it will change your life.Forgiveness isn’t what you think it is. It is learning how to thank everyone that has ever hurt you. It is honoring them as part of your story and the journey that has led you to today. It is hard to thank someone and be in pain at the same time. It is not a question of if they deserve forgiveness or not. It is not an obligatory makeup with a person it is freeing them from your heart while you free yourself. You are not condoning or excusing or forgetting, you are releasing what does not serve you moving forward. This includes forgiving yourself too. Forgiving them for not being what you felt you needed and forgiving yourself for not acting sooner or for hanging on too long. If you put someone else first and made your worth contingent on how they saw you it will feel hard to forgive. Between the anger and the grieving process there is an area of vulnerability that we must address.