Advancing Women Podcast

Pick Me’s, Queen Bees, and the Patterns That Persist

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Episode Summary: From middle school cliques to corporate boardrooms, patterns of competition, division, and survival strategies among women persist. Here’s the thing though: this isn’t about a flaw in women; it’s about a flawed system. In this episode of the Advancing Women Podcast, we explore the rise of Queen Bee Syndrome and the "Pick-Me" phenomenon, and what pop culture, psychology, and gender bias research reveal about why these patterns exist, and how we can challenge them.

We dig deep into:

  • The cultural roots of Queen Bee and Pick-Me behaviors
  • Internalized sexism, patriarchal bargaining, and the male gaze
  • The myth of women as each other’s worst enemy
  • Strategies to disrupt toxic narratives and build true solidarity

    • It’s time to move from scarcity to solidarity, from competition to coalition—and rewrite the narrative with the persisterhood at the center.

    Key Takeaways:

    • “Pick-Me” behavior isn't vanity, it’s often survival in biased systems.
    • Queen Bee Syndrome isn't about women being mean, it's about navigating tokenism and structural barriers.
    • Internalized sexism and societal “shoulds” fuel division.
    • Systemic bias, NOT women, is the root issue.
    • Solidarity is the antidote to scarcity.

      • Call to Action: Let’s stop shaming Queen Bees and Pick-Me girls and start fixing the systems that pit women against each other. Let’s write a new chapter grounded in persisterhood, because together, we rise further.

      References

      AWP Episode referenced in this episode: Tug of War Bias, Tokenism & Queen Bee Syndrome. https://open.spotify.com/episode/75MiOAvyhFje37sDd9Latc?si=RBUK5seNRUa5-6VOZIW8Yw

      Rhimes, S. (Writer), & Corn, R. (Director). (2005, May 22). Losing My Religion (Season 2, Episode 27) [TV series episode]. In S. Rhimes (Executive Producer), Grey’s Anatomy. ABC Studios (This is the episode featuring Meredith Grey’s “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.” Speech).

      TikTok. (n.d.). #pickmegirl. Retrieved August 6, 2025, from https://www.tiktok.com/tag/pickmegirl

      Brown, A. (2023). The Implications of the Queen Bee Phenomenon in the Workplace. Journal of Organizational Culture Communications and Conflict, 27(1).

      Wiseman, R. (2002). Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping your daughter survive cliques, gossip, boyfriends, and the new realities of girl world. Crown Publishing Group.

      Rudman LA, Goodwin SA. Gender differences in automatic in-group bias: why do women like women more than men like men? J Pers Soc Psychol. 2023, 87(4):494-509. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.87.4.494. PMID: 15491274

      Rubin, M., Owuamalam, C. K., Spears, R., & Caricati, L. (2023). A social identity model of system attitudes (SIMSA): Multiple explanations of system justification by the disadvantaged that do not depend on a separate system justification motive. European Review of Social Psychology, 34(2), 203–243 https://doi.org/10.1080/10463283.2022.2046422

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      Advancing Women PodcastBy Dr. Kimberly DeSimone
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