Gather close, because this week the foolishness is not just flowing — it is gushing like a busted fire hydrant on a July afternoon.

We kick things off with two teens who set out to commit a heist — excuse us, a “hiest” — and honestly, we have to give them points for effort. Because unlike half the grown fools we cover, these babies had a plan. A written plan. A documented plan. A plan so detailed it could’ve been a PowerPoint… if they could spell. And you know what, we’re not judging — we’ve all had a dream we couldn’t spell.

Then we slide over to New Jersey, where a man called the police — not to confess, not to apologize, not even to negotiate — but to brag about escaping a police chase. Sir. Sweetheart. Pumpkin. If you have to call the cops to tell them you got away… you did not get away.

Next up, Florida said, “Hold my cinnamon roll,” and delivered a woman who took a joyride through Target with booze, sushi, and pastries like she was starring in her own personal episode of Supermarket Sweep: DUI Edition. And honestly, we salute the commitment to a theme. Booze, sushi, cinnamon rolls — that’s not a crime spree, that’s a vibe.

And finally, we close with a Florida couple who turned a pickleball court into the Thunderdome, dragging over 20 people into a brawl so heated it probably raised the humidity. Because nothing says “love” like tag-teaming your neighbors over a plastic ball and a line call.

Join us as we laugh, cry, pray, and ask the universe once again: Why are people like this? And more importantly…why are they like this in public????

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