Juan spent years PIMO—Physically In, Mentally Out, performing the part while hiding his truest self. We trace the pressure to baptize, the “bad association” rules that killed sports and friendships, and how family + culture can be weaponized to keep you compliant. Therapy (and the XJW community) gave him language for boundaries and room to say who he is: pansexual, a drag artist, and done pretending.

When his parents discovered his drag clothes, everything snapped into focus. He left in a storm, crossed a state line, and celebrated his first night out at an LGBTQ bar. The next morning: a quiet apartment, mattress on the floor, and a new kind of silence, freedom. We talk last-assembly loneliness (“900 people and I’ve never felt so alone”), Noah’s Ark scare tactics, moving out without a goodbye, coping and lows (including cannabis), naming anxiety (Lexapro), finding community, first drag gigs (and the high of stage lights), Halloween joy (trick-or-treating at 23), and why history isn’t anti-queer.

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Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.