This is a different conversation... Devin Fish spent much of his life hiding what he was carrying.

Raised amid poverty, instability, addiction, and repeated moves, Devin entered the U.S. Army looking for direction. Over nearly a decade of service as both a cavalry scout and career counselor he learned resilience, but he also absorbed the belief that asking for help was a sign of weakness.

Behind that armor were the death of his mother, unresolved family trauma, isolation, online exploitation, blackmail, and a mental health crisis that ultimately brought him to the hospital.

In this episode of cult.ture, Devin joins Derek and Trent to discuss the experiences behind his book, Answering the Hard Questions: Let It Be the End of a Chapter, Not the End of the Book. Together, they explore military culture, masculinity, coercive online tactics, parental addiction, grief, faith, self-hatred, and what can happen when someone finally allows others to see what they have been hiding.

Devin’s story is a reminder that asking for help is not weakness and that the hardest chapter of your life does not have to become the end of your story.

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Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.

Bri grew up homeschooled in a conservative Christian family before becoming deeply involved with the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP), the fundamentalist organization founded by Bill Gothard and closely associated with the Duggar family.

She believed in the teachings enough that, as an adult, she planned to bring IBLP into her own family.

Then she became a mother.

When Bri attempted “blanket training” with her infant son, a practice she says was intended to teach blind obedience, her instinct was to comfort him when he cried. That instinct led to a question that changed everything: Why should comforting her own crying baby be considered breaking the rules?

Bri joins cult.ture to talk about growing up sheltered, homeschooling, the Duggar family's influence, Bill Gothard, IBLP's “umbrella of authority,” gender hierarchy, obedience, parenting, and the process of beginning to question a worldview she once fully believed.

We also explore the anger and discovery that followed as Bri began researching the people and institutions she had been taught to trust, and how she is now raising her own children with more freedom to question, explore, and decide what they believe for themselves.

It's a conversation about control disguised as protection, the moment instinct collided with indoctrination, and what it can mean to break a cycle.

Follow Bri here

Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶

Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.

What happens when a child is taught that the world may end before she ever reaches adulthood?

Gisselle Ayala grew up as a first-generation Latina in a strict Jehovah’s Witness family in Phoenix. From an early age, she was taught that Armageddon was imminent, that life in the present world was temporary, and that pursuing a career or higher education was largely unnecessary.

In this audio-only conversation, Gisselle joins Derek to discuss the isolation of growing up “in the world” but never being allowed to fully participate in it. She reflects on the pressure to maintain appearances, the lack of empathy she witnessed inside the congregation, the suppression of her cultural identity, and the painful consequences of disfellowshipping within her own family.

Gisselle also shares how her desire to attend Bethel unexpectedly led her to community college and how using the research skills she had been taught eventually exposed contradictions she could no longer ignore. After discovering the organization’s handling of child sexual abuse cases and witnessing an elder verbally intimidate her younger brother, she decided that she would never return to another meeting.

Leaving at 19 did not immediately erase the fear, isolation, or pressure. But it gave Gisselle the opportunity to begin creating a future she had never been taught to imagine.

Today, she holds a bachelor’s degree in mass communications, media studies, and journalism and is pursuing a Master of Public Administration and Public Policy at Arizona State University. Her interests in civic engagement, voting access, and public service have become part of the process of reclaiming a voice she once felt forced to silence.

This conversation explores:

• Growing up in a strict Spanish-language Jehovah’s Witness congregation

Gisselle’s story is a reminder that leaving is not the end of someone’s life. Sometimes, it is the first opportunity they have had to truly begin it.

Follow Gisselle on Tik Tok: @gisselle.ara

Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶

Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.

What happens when your greatest act of resistance is simply becoming yourself?

This week, we sit down with filmmaker Scott Homan, director of the acclaimed documentaryWitness Underground, to explore life growing up as a second-generation Jehovah’s Witness, the underground music scene that became a lifeline, and the long journey of rebuilding identity after leaving a high-control religion.

Scott shares the moment he realized he was living two lives, one dictated by the expectations of the Watchtower and another fueled by creativity, music, and authentic connection. Together, we unpack the psychology of indoctrination, fear, deconstruction, chosen family, and why art often becomes one of the first languages of freedom.

In this episode we discuss:

Whether you’ve experienced religious trauma, left a high-control group, or simply want to better understand how people reclaim their identity after systems of control, this is a conversation about resilience, creativity, and what it means to finally live on your own terms.

Witness Underground

Watch / Stream Witness Underground

Banana Island Films

Banana Island Films YouTube Channel

Guidedoc (International Streaming)

Rotten Tomatoes

IMDb

Instagram

Witness Underground Instagram

Facebook

Hanoi Mixtape

Music and the Mystical Experience

Nuclear Gopher

For those questioning faith, recovering from religious trauma, or rebuilding after high-control environments:

Recovering From Religion

Secular Therapy Project

DECULT

DECULT: Beyond Belief Documentary

Cults to Consciousness

If this episode resonates with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who may need to hear it. Your support helps us continue creating conversations that explore identity, belief, recovery, and the human experience with honesty and compassion.

Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶

Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.

In this episode, Derek and Trent sit down with Brittany Hart, writer, poet, and author of Surviving Wonderland: A Journey Beyond Control.

Brittany Hart is an author and poet who writes at the intersection of spiritual trauma and recovery. Her debut collection, Surviving Wonderland: A Journey Beyond Control, transforms her experience in a high-control religious group into art for anyone reclaiming their voice and finding their way back to themselves. She now supports fellow survivors through creative writing, online guides, and spaces of gentle, grounded healing.

Brittany shares her experience inside the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, also known as IHOPKC, and how a high-control religious environment shaped her sense of identity, time, purpose, and faith. What began as a sincere search for God slowly became wrapped in fear, urgency, end-times messaging, intense worship culture, and the belief that rest, normal life, and even questioning could mean spiritual failure.

Through her book, Brittany uses poetry and the imagery of Alice in Wonderland to describe the process of going down the rabbit hole, waking up, and finding language for what happened. This conversation explores spiritual abuse, the power of music and repetition, the grief of lost time, the role of therapy, and what it can look like to rebuild faith in a way that is no longer rooted in fear.

This is a conversation about control, healing, and the courage it takes to come back to yourself.

Brittany’s poetry collection, Surviving Wonderland: A Journey Beyond Control, is now available on Amazon

Untangle from end times anxiety with help from Brittany here

Follow Brittany on Instagram

Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶

Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.

Jeron Benton joins cult.ture to share his journey growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, becoming inactive, returning to the organization after a near-death experience, and ultimately waking up after a shocking judicial committee experience.

In this conversation, Jeron opens up about being disfellowshipped after spending two years trying to return to the faith, the moment he realized the system wasn't what he believed it was, and the bold plan that led him to be reinstated after he had already become an apostate.

We also explore the deeper realities of leaving a high-control religion: losing family, rebuilding identity, navigating grief, finding authentic friendships, and learning to trust yourself after years of being taught not to.

Most importantly, this episode is about healing. Jeron shares what freedom looks like today, the struggles that still remain, and the practices that help him move forward.

Topics include:

• Jehovah's Witness upbringing

Follow Jeron:

YouTube: Jeron Benton

Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶

Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.

In this episode of cult.ture, Derek sits down with author, speaker, and Stop the Shunning creator Bethany Leger.

Raised as a Jehovah's Witness, Bethany shares her journey from questioning the organization to ultimately leaving alongside her husband. Together, they explore the emotional realities of shunning, the complexities of family estrangement, and what it means to rebuild a life after a high-control environment.

The conversation dives into Bethany's books, Physically and Mentally Out and her newest release, Burning Down the House, which examines toxic family dynamics, boundaries, conditional love, and healing after emotional control.

Topics include:

• Leaving Jehovah's Witnesses

Whether you're navigating religious trauma, family estrangement, or simply learning how to reclaim your voice, Bethany offers insight, honesty, and hope for the journey forward.

Connect with Bethany:

Email

Instagram

Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶

Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.

In this episode of cult.ture pod, Derek and Trent sit down with artist, writer, and former Jehovah’s Witness Sean Miller for a raw, grounded, and deeply human conversation about life after high‑control religion.

Sean grew up as a born‑in JW, the son of a respected elder, and followed the expected path of baptism at 16, auxiliary pioneering, regular pioneering, ministerial servant. But beneath the surface, he carried a creative drive that the organization repeatedly framed as selfish, dangerous, or worldly. As he puts it in the episode, “Go try to take a passion project and throw it into the creative industry when you’ve been taught you don’t even deserve kindness.”

Together, we explore:

What it’s like to rediscover your identity after leaving a high‑control group

How creativity becomes both a survival tool and a reclamation of self

The psychological cost of being an artist in a restrictive religious environment

The difference between “what the cult took” and “where we land afterward”

Why Sean finally finished his book Novice Enthusiasm — and how this podcast played a role

The strange, beautiful ways the universe nudges us forward

This conversation is honest, funny, grounded, and refreshingly free of bitterness. It’s about growth, not grievance  and about the creative life that becomes possible once you step outside the boundaries someone else drew for you.

If you’ve ever left a high‑control group, struggled with self‑worth, or tried to reclaim your creative voice, this episode will resonate.

Find Sean Here:

Website: www.seangregorymiller.com

Book: Novice Enthusiasm

Socials: Instagram

Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶

Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.

Audrey joins Trent and Derek to share her experience growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness and what ultimately led her to leave in 2025.

In this episode, Audrey opens up about the emotional pressure of trying to live a “perfect” life inside the organization, the fear surrounding blood transfusions, purity culture, elder involvement in marriage and sexuality, conditional relationships, and the difficult process of rebuilding life outside the religion.

We also explore what it’s like waking up while married to a non-Witness, the emotional pull to return, navigating family dynamics, and learning how to trust yourself after years inside a high-control belief system.

Audrey’s story is raw, honest, emotional, and deeply human.

If you’ve ever questioned a system of control or struggled with rebuilding your identity after leaving one, this conversation may resonate with you.

Follow Audrey:

Instagram: @_audrey_la_latinga_

Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon

Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶

Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.

In this episode, we sit down with Lydia, a former Jehovah’s Witness who grew up in a fourth-generation family deeply rooted in the organization.

From a young age, Lydia was seen as “exemplary”, giving talks at assemblies, pioneering, and doing everything expected of her. But beneath the praise was something else: pressure, anxiety, and a growing disconnect from her own identity.

We explore what it’s like to grow up performing your worth, the subtle ways control shows up through approval, and how even “good” experiences can carry hidden weight.

Lydia shares her journey through waking up, navigating therapy, redefining identity, and processing moments that only later revealed themselves as harmful or inappropriate.

This conversation is about more than leaving a belief system.

If you’ve ever questioned your identity, your worth, or the system you were raised in, this one will resonate.

Griswold Creative House

Disclaimer:

Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity.

Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear.

Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities.

You are not alone.