Pissy But Pretty

From Juvie to Sober AF: Surviving and Owning Your Messy Past (Ft. Ryan)

Buckle up, weirdos—today’s episode is proof that wildly poor choices, parental baggage, and the “I could out-party everyone I knew at 13” origin story don’t have to define your whole damn life. Heather and Emily (your favorite ex-hot-mess express passengers) are joined by the one and only Ryan: Army veteran, former gang kid, king of survival, and actual miracle human.

 We’re talking lockups, gang life, “growing up” inside the military, obliterating rock bottom, and learning how to become someone you actually want to hang with—no matter how dark your foundation is. If you’ve ever wondered how to outgrow all the chaos you inherited and created, this is the honest, hilarious, occasionally uncomfortable, and devastatingly real chat you need.

Ever thought you were too wrecked to start over? Curious what REALLY happens when a soldier trades battlefields for brunch tables? Listen up—Ryan’s got receipts and a whole lot of hope. Ready to get raw, laugh-cry, and maybe FINALLY forgive your wild side? Press play.

Episode Highlights:

04:58 - It was definitely angry. I think at the time. I think a lot of my anger probably stemmed from dad issues. My father was not very present as a child. He really wasn't present at all when I was young. And I think wanting to know him and feeling like he just didn't care about me and stuff just made me a really pissed off little kid.

06:41 - But now, being grown and having kids–I am divorced. I've actually been married and divorced twice. This most recent divorce is with mother of my children, and our relationship isn't that great. So now I kind of get it, you know? Like, now it makes more sense why you don't want to be around a person. It's tough. I've had to make that decision to be around my children, and it comes with a lot of headache and problems and arguments on her side.

09:20 - I feel like I'm always supposed to deal with everything with violence. That's kind of how we are raised. You know, violence of action is the winner on the battlefield. It's not in the civilian world. And I spent 11 years in the army and only spent 30 days getting out, so you get trained to do a thing so well. And then I'm back out in the civilian world in a month.

Disclaimer:

Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)

You’re not alone—support is just a call away.

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Ever had your colonoscopy turn into a therapy session? Welcome to Pissy But Pretty, where Heather and Emily—your honorary bad-decision historians and semi-reformed party girls—air their dirty laundry and emotional baggage with unapologetic humor and a dumpster fire of honesty. This week, they deep-dive into that gnawing beast we all know too well: anxiety. From accidental media circuses to “mom vs. machine guns at the playground,” our girls spill about panic attacks in the produce aisle, internet trolls, and the absolute circus of modern parenting (spoiler: loose skin and plastic surgeons come up, too).

Think anxiety means you’re broken? Babe, Heather might not be medicated, but Emily definitely is—and neither of them is hiding from the struggle. Ready for sassy, real talk that’ll make you ugly laugh instead of ugly cry?

What happens when your innocent Facebook post blows up your whole life—and how do you actually bounce back? Hit play and find out why you’re not alone, and why Heather and Emily might just convince you to finally refill that Xanax prescription.

Episode Highlights:

13:34 - The anxiety pills that I got put on definitely worked. Funny thing is, I tried weaning myself off of them. I asked my doctor, like, I was wondering if I still needed to take him. I wanted to see how I'd feel without them. When I first went on them, he had told me, by the way, you can't cut this cold turkey because it really F's with you. So he said, you got to wean yourself off. So literally, this was last, like, October, November-ish. So I had been on them for 10 years.

15:21 - Well, I remember being younger and my mom saying, if I had known how crazy this world was going to be, I may have thought twice before having kids. And now it's way crazier. No matter what you believe, religion-wise, political-wise, this world is nuts. Everybody's angry, everybody's fighting.

17:24 - The anxiety for a mom is very real. Women is very real. There's a lot of things coming out now how women have to be on guard and they have to have their phones. They have to have that recording of that big guy when they're in the Uber, like, yeah, baby, you on your way home because they're creeped out by the driver. Whatever. They've just got to protect themselves. And it's crazy how I don't know that men understand that. I look over my shoulders everywhere I go. I work late. I walk outside. There is a gym next door to my job. I walk out by myself, and it's dark as hell. It scares me.

Disclaimer:

Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)

You’re not alone—support is just a call away.

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Hold on to your church hats, sinners and saints—this week Emily and Heather are unbuckling the Bible belt and spilling the trauma tea, one inappropriate Easter memory at a time. Did you think a night out could scar you? Try religious trauma with a side of family intervention and a sprinkle of 90s party nostalgia.

Your favorite retired party girls—now semi-responsible adults (emphasis on “semi”)—dive deep into the mess that is modern faith, healing from past bad choices (and religious cult vibes), and why sometimes telling organized religion to take a hike is the ultimate act of self-care. Expect absolutely zero sugarcoating, a lot of sarcasm, and real talk about believing in heaven (even if you don’t believe in God), toxic traditions, and why spiritual freedom sometimes means unfollowing the rules entirely.

Ever wondered if living a good life can actually beat church attendance when it comes to getting into heaven? Or if reciting Tupac lyrics counts as a prayer? Tune in for wisdom, wild stories, and the kind of laughter your hungover soul desperately needs.

No guests, just raw Heather-and-Emily magic. Your Sunday service just got a makeover—skip the pews, come hang with us, and find out why your messiest moments make you pretty damn relatable.

Episode Highlights:

13:58 - I think that would be super important to show our boys that are gonna be going into high school and getting older, getting friends, doing more independent things, that it's not just a shot anymore. It's everywhere. You take a pill and you're dead. It's terrible. Don't touch anything.

17:04 - I saw an amazing quote, which I love because we were talking about so much with religion because it's so integral in our upbringing and who we were and who we are, all that kind of good stuff. That religion is for people that fear hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been to hell. I freaking love that. I think it's amazing. I don't want to do religion, but do I believe? Yeah. Getting there, getting square. Getting good.

22:09 - The non-denominational seems to be the thing now. They welcome everybody. Like, if you were raised this religion, this religion. It's like non-denominational means there's no domain that you fall under. Like, you're not Catholic. You're not really Lutheran. You're not Roman Catholic.

Disclaimer:

Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)

You’re not alone—support is just a call away.

Connect with Heather Karenz

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Stop scrolling, because Heather and Emily are back—and they’re bringing all the sass, scars, and scandal you’ve been missing. In this episode, your favorite retired party girls-turned-surprisingly-functioning adults get real about how the ghosts of Bad Decisions Past can barge right into your present… sometimes literally. We’re talking dead dogs, unexpected doorbell-ringing Jehovah’s Witnesses from childhood, and the kind of parental drama that makes you want to fake your own death and move to Fiji.

Ever wondered what happens when your estranged mom sends an old friend (armed with religious pamphlets and a side of nostalgia) to your doorstep? Or why anyone thinks a bag of Chihuahua hair is the ultimate condolence gift? This is the unfiltered brunch therapy you didn’t know you needed.

Tune in for killer stories, hard-earned wisdom, and raw laughs. Who says you can’t be pissy and pretty (and maybe a little traumatized)?

Episode Highlights:

16:39 - I was supposed to respect their religion and understand that I am filthy to them and stay away from them. I thought about it, and a couple days later, I did sit down with this other Witness and I said, how fucking dare you? I was disfellowshipped how many years ago? And this was decade. And I remember her getting emotional and saying she was sorry because I said, I am not a disfellowship person. I am Emily. I am a person. I have feelings. I have emotions. I have children, or a child at that time. I am a good person, and you can't tell me any fucking different. And how dare you discriminate and tell her or warn her that I'm disfellowshipped? And she got very frazzled, and I felt good about it.

21:01 - Especially with my mom going through brain cancer and all that now, that somehow, some way, because a mother-daughter relationship, a mother-child relationship really, is one of the most important relationships you will ever have. And so I have been always hoping that you guys would reconcile.

28:39 - For me, I feel I've had enough. I feel toxic relationships. I've been around enough narcissists and I work for doctors. I've been in the medical field forever, and it's just like, silence to me speaks volumes. How much more proof do I need that she doesn't give a shit about how I feel?

Disclaimer:

Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)

You’re not alone—support is just a call away.

Connect with Heather Karenz

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Connect with Emily Bagin

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Listen up, beautiful disasters—this episode is for anyone who's ever had the audacity to exist in a body and, shocker, have an opinion about it. Heather and Emily—your favorite ex-party champions turned functioning(ish) adults—are cutting through the crap to talk weight loss, body shame, medical gaslighting, and why your BMI chart should probably go straight to hell.

Think weight loss journeys are just before-and-after pics and inspirational quotes? Yeah, no. Heather spills the wild, unfiltered tea about her road from nearly 400 lbs and insurance hell to sneaking across the border for surgery that actually worked. There's sarcasm, sleep snutties (don’t ask), and confessions about sweaty upper lips, all with zero filter—just real talk, brutal honesty, and so much laughter.

Ever wondered what it really takes to break the cycle—or if you’ll still be funny after dropping a few pants sizes? We dare you not to relate. Hit play for comfort, empowerment, and a giant dose of "you’re not alone."

Episode Highlights:

02:12 - With my insurance company at the time, I had to go through all these steps. You have to go through six months of meeting with a counselor that would okay you mentally wise to do all the work. A nutritionist, the surgeon. You had to follow this dietician's plan. You had to show that you could lose weight and eat healthy because you're going to need to afterwards.

05:44 - They came back and said I am not eligible for this weight loss surgery because they gave me a device to fix my co-morbidity. Sleep apnea, yes. And it wasn't their fault that I couldn't use it. So then, I think that created even more depression, more eating, more drinking. And I'll never forget, my dad was–last few weeks of his life had ALS and he wasn't able to speak–and at that time, he couldn't write anymore. But we gave him this stylus that we had to extend for him and he had his iPad. And he typed out for me that he was so worried about me. He said he didn't want to see me soon in heaven.

07:51 - My friend told me about a co-worker of hers that had found this place in Mexico where you paid out of pocket. It was $5,000. You had to fly yourself into San Diego, and they picked you up and they took you over the border. And I remember thinking, okay, I'm going to look into this. I did a lot of research, and I talked about it with Digger, and he was like, "If this is really what you want." I said, I am so far gone at this point. I need help. Anyone who's bigger or not even bigger, not even that big; I think every woman has tried something.

Disclaimer:

Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)

You’re not alone—support is just a call away.

Connect with Heather Karenz

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Alright, booze brawlers and drama chasers—today we're spilling the messy truth about hitting rock bottom and clawing your way back to fabulous. Heather and Emily, our retired party queens turned slightly sensible dames, are tossing around the dirty laundry about their own past and why hitting the lowest low was actually the pathway to becoming their best selves.

Get ready to explore the aftermath of regrettable decisions, from blackout binges to epiphany-inducing hangovers. We've got hilarious stories mixed with raw truths about addiction, recovery, and leveling up in life—because, let’s face it, no one learns from staying in their comfort zone.

Why should you listen? Ever wondered why we punish our bodies for fun and then say, "I’ll never do that again"? If you're curious about turning past shame into current game, or just want to hear how our hosts sassed sobriety into submission, this one’s for you. Pop a squat, grab a non-spiked coffee, and let’s do this.

Episode Highlights:

09:01 - Obviously, suicide is is selfish. But when you're in that position, you feel like everybody will be better off. Jonah, my child, you will be better off. I am doing nothing for you. Yeah, that was rough. That that got hard. So after that, I hung it up. And I remember about a month later, I went to a little, like, summer-ish party, and I said, I haven't had a drink in a month. I got laughed at.

11:51 - I met Jonah for the first time then, and that was it. How do you go back? How would I go back to that and look at my child and my children now and just be like, nah. I'm just gonna throw that all away. And I will never forget the feeling of the hangovers and just heart and soul and really wanting to go. And, like, God, why did I wake up again? How is that possible? I thought I was killing myself, and here I am again day after day, after day, after day. It was horrible.

14:35 - I think because of how we were raised, too, where you're throwing a temper tantrum, go sit in the corner, whatever. You will sit there and you wanna talk about it with her. Like, we're not gonna act like this. You're really a good mom and you're really good at not repeating patterns, what your parents would do with you.

Disclaimer:

Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)

You’re not alone—support is just a call away.

Connect with Heather Karenz

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Hey babes, ready to dive headfirst into the whirlwind world of wild nights, regrettable decisions, and the road to redemption? This episode of Pissy But Pretty is a no-holds-barred journey where Heather and Emily scoop the dirt on their riotous pasts full of drinks, drama, and deliciously bad choices because let's be real, who doesn't love a little chaos with their morning coffee?

These once-upon-a-time party queens spin tales of their escapades with a cheeky blend of humor and brutal honesty. From the battle with booze and boys to finding hope amidst the hangovers, it’s a candid look at how past poor choices don't have to define you. Inspired yet? Here's the kicker: How do you turn being the life of the party into the life you've always wanted?

Tune in and listen as our hosts, with their mics and moxie, break down life's lessons like it's brunch therapy. Be prepared to laugh, cringe, and maybe even shed a tear (if that’s your thing). You won't just hear stories; you’ll gain insights on reclaiming your narrative, one cuss word at a time.

Episode Highlights:

10:46 - And we thought we were Coyote Ugly dancing on the bar. And I don't know, in my head, this is how it went. We are dancing on the bar, and Emily dances herself right off the bar. And I feel like everything went quiet. Like, the music stopped, and all of a sudden everyone's like, [gasps] and you just stood up. Two beer bottles. You didn't even spill them. I have never been more proud of you in my life.

12:29 - Black eyes, bleeding, bloody, I remember the pictures you used to send me, like, the next day. And I'd be like, when the hell did that happen? But we never stopped drinking, at least I never did, and the party kept going. We would separate, and I think we would still keep partying. And we would get those pictures of busted hands, broken bones, bruises that we didn't know where they came from.

16:46 - For instance, when I was, like, freshman or sophomore, I remember this guy asking me out, and he was, like, a big baseball stud. My dad was really into baseball. So when I told him that this senior had asked me out, my dad was so excited because this big baseball star had asked me out. And he's like, "You wanna come over to my parents' house and we'll watch a movie?" I'm like, "Yep. Anything but a scary movie." Dude rented Hand That Rocks the Cradle, probably from the Blockbuster.

Disclaimer:

Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)

You’re not alone—support is just a call away.

Connect with Heather Karenz

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Hey sass monkeys, Heather and Emily here—your guides to turning hot mess pasts into semi-respectable presents! Ever wonder how low you have to go before you hit rock bottom? Or maybe you're already there and need a laugh to claw your way back up? Well, brace yourselves for this no-holds-barred episode of Pissy But Pretty, where we're spilling secrets, facing cringe-worthy truths, and laughing in the face of our former train wreck selves.

Heather reveals how she staggered through life pretending the world was her stage, until one too many nights out made her realize she was the only one lost in the audience. Drinks, drama, and the desperate quest for validation—yep, we’re going there. From reckless college chaos to the chilling wake-up call that turned her life around, we're serving you brutal honesty with a side of sarcasm.

Feeling called out, or maybe just curious? Ever thought you might need to re-evaluate your boozy escapades? Tune in to unleash the raw, real, and downright ridiculous journey we've taken back to sanity (with a few bumps along the road).

Episode Highlights:

16:26 - It would come to me from time to time. A lot of times in the shower, like, when you like, you're having deep conversations with yourself in the shower. And I would have a little cry, and then I'd be like, "Nope. Nope. Nope." [Because you were raped.] Yeah, it took me till I sobered up almost four years ago to actually admit that to myself. I would think that happened or sometimes, like, laying in bed at night over, what, twenty years I would think about it. And I would be like, "Well, Heather, what did you expect? What did you expect was gonna happen?"

17:12 - Let's face it. Up to this point, I had many one-night stands, like, just being a complete drunken idiot. But this one was different. This one was like, just dealing with, I think I was drinking that away a lot, and the guilt and the shame I felt from that. Just be like, "Well, what do you expect Heather? You drink too much. And this is kind of the perception that you put out there or how you were dressed."

22:43 - There is a a vision in my head when you talk to me about standing on that street corner by yourself just in the middle of the night. And that was the rock bottom when there was so many other things that happened, hurting yourself and falling on your face and just so many devastating physical problems. But the rock bottom was the lonely moment when you had nothing but you and your thoughts. And you went, "Holy shit. I gotta change something."

Disclaimer:

Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)

You’re not alone—support is just a call away.

Connect with Heather Karenz

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Alright, beautiful chaos creators—buckle up as we deep dive into the gritty and not-so-pretty world of addiction and emotional implosion with your hosts, Emily and Heather. This episode? It’s all about those wild nights that spiraled into the world of substance abuse, seedy interactions, and plenty of WTF moments that might make your skin crawl or have you reminiscing about your own wild misadventures.

Emily and Heather do what they do best: unpack the messy, chaotic, and outrageous corners of their past that define the term "learning life lessons the hard way." Ever wondered why tequila shots lead to bad decisions, or how praying to wake up from a bad trip ends with redemption? Voilà—your crash course via comical therapy.

Curiosity piqued? Tune in to discover how two former party queens transformed misfortune into mastery, turning life's curveballs into curve-busters.

Episode Highlights:

14:00 - Because sepsis is so painful and your kidneys and stones and the doctor that came to see me, the general doctor, primary care physician, was really a big believer in pain pills. Came the Percocets. Came that whole chestnut. I think the last prescription he gave me was 150 Percocets, and it was two every four hours. I hid them in a chip bag so the cousin wouldn't take my pills, and that came that addiction.

18:23 - Well, it was empowering. The addiction to sex then sort of came out of feeling so awful about everything else every time I went out, which was quite a bit. I would meet somebody, bring them home, preferably married. There's a towel. There's the shower. Go home to your wife. You don't need to know my name. You don't need to know anything about this. I felt so empowered.

24:25 - They would understand why you were the hot mess you were back then. I also feel like with you, when I first met you, you were larger than life, but I feel like you felt you had to stay that way or people weren't going to like you.

Disclaimer:

Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)

You’re not alone—support is just a call away.

Connect with Heather Karenz

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Connect with Emily Bagin

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Hold onto your hats, because Heather and Emily are back with another scandalously insightful episode of Pissy But Pretty! We're talking ex-communicated cults, forbidden love, and familial fallout in a way that only your audacious duo can!

Join Heather Karenz and Emily Bagin as they spill the tea on a religious rollercoaster that makes reality TV look tame. Ever wondered how a young Jehovah’s Witness-turned-party-girl ended up navigating life's potholes with grace and grog? Well, let's just say, adultery and all its baggage makes one hell of a narrative!

Curious what happens when you've got nothing but your chutzpah (and perhaps a little too much in your glass) to fall back on? You might find yourself breaking down doors and norms, even if it means going to unexpected places (Hello, psych ward admissions!).

So, pop that bubbly, settle in, and tune in to discover how Heather and Emily manage to turn dysfunction into downright sassy storytelling.

Episode Highlights:

07:56 - So we started an affair. I fell so deeply, so hard in love with who he was, and it was eating me alive inside. It was eating him alive inside. There's no excuse for an affair, but try it. Live a life where you feel your only option to get out of the situation you're in is you die or you commit adultery, and you get out of that marriage. That's where I was.

18:05 - My parents are fully under the belief that I'm not going to be disfellowshipped. You had an affair, but explain your marriage. Talk about how he failed you as a wife and as a partner, and as a husband, and everything. They're can't possibly disfellowship you. They disfellowshipped me.

21:20 - Whether you look at it as he failed as a husband or not, like, why couldn't he clean the house? Why couldn't he get himself off those video games and put some effort into this marriage? But he gets to stay. But you, nobody talks to anymore.

Disclaimer:

Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.

If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)

📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)

You’re not alone—support is just a call away.

Connect with Heather Karenz

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Connect with Emily Bagin

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