Episode overview
In this episode, we unpack why so many of us learn to play it small — not because we lack confidence or ambition, but because at some point it felt safer to do so. Following the huge response to our Don’t Hide Your Shine sanity check, we explore how hiding your shine shows up in everyday life, where it comes from, and why it’s so closely tied to self-worth.
We talk about school, family systems, culture, gendered expectations, and nervous-system protection — and how, over time, shrinking ourselves can leave us feeling muted, disconnected, and far from who we really are. We also share how to begin reclaiming those hidden parts of yourself in small, human ways, without feeling like you’re showing off or abandoning the people around you.

Key discussion points

• What we really mean by “shine” - and why it’s not about ego or attention
• The subtle ways we reduce ourselves: downplaying achievements, staying quiet, deflecting praise, shrinking joy
• Tall poppy syndrome, school dynamics, and early lessons about standing out
• Family systems and why keeping the peace can mean keeping yourself small
• How women are given constant mixed messages: confident but not too confident, ambitious but not selfish
• Why dimming yourself becomes automatic - and how it disconnects you from who you are
• The discomfort (and grief) that can come with letting yourself be seen again

Listener takeaways

• Playing it small is rarely a choice - it’s usually learned protection
• Your shine isn’t arrogance; it’s aliveness
• Humility and self-worth can exist together
• Start with noticing when you automatically shrink or brush yourself off
• Practise receiving - even two seconds can make a difference
• Let yourself take up a little more space than you did yesterday
• You don’t need to be palatable to everyone to be worthy
  
  
  

If this episode resonated and you recognised a place where you’ve been dimming yourself, we’d love to hear from you. Send us a DM or leave us a voicemail - your stories matter.
 And for more on this theme, head over to Patreon for this week’s sanity check (link in the show notes).

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Please join us on Patreon for our Sanity Checks - our short weekly episodes where we share what’s really on our minds. They’ve been part of the podcast since the very beginning - those little check-ins and raw conversations. Now, for the price of a coffee a month, you'll get this extra weekly episode plus much more!

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Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

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Disclaimer:

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.