Episode Overview

This week, we explore a quiet but powerful shift happening in midlife: the move from chasing traditional success to craving something far less flashy - peace.

For years, achievement meant striving. Building. Proving. Being impressive. We grew up in a culture that celebrated ambition, hustle and visible markers of success. And in many ways, we embodied that - high achievers, big thinkers, always “on.”

But midlife changes the lens.

With shifting hormones, teenage children, ageing parents, business pressures and the constant hum of modern life, the nervous system starts to demand honesty. What once felt energising now feels depleting. What once looked impressive now looks exhausting.

In this conversation, we unpack what happens when the real wealth we crave is calm. A regulated nervous system. Honest relationships. A home that feels steady. A life that feels sustainable.

Because maybe the bravest thing we can do in midlife isn’t scale up - it’s refine.

Key Discussion Points

• Swapping coffee for cacao - and the unexpected lesson about cortisol, stimulation and going to extremes.
• Why midlife women report some of the highest global stress levels - and what that says about modern success.
• The shift from chasing “impressive” to choosing “peaceful.”
• The guilt women feel when pulling back - and why peace is actually responsible, not selfish.
• What “quiet wealth” looks like in real life: subtraction, depth, calm mornings and fewer but deeper relationships.
• Insights from the long-running Harvard University adult development study, showing that close relationships - not fame or fortune - predict long-term happiness and health.

Listener Takeaways

• Notice where you’re still chasing impressive instead of peaceful.
• Ask yourself what your current version of “success” is costing your nervous system.
• Consider subtracting one commitment this month.
• Reduce exposure to comparison triggers — both online and in conversation.
• Invest more deeply in one relationship that feels regulating rather than draining.
• Define success privately, not publicly.

Quiet wealth doesn’t shout.
It doesn’t need applause.
But it feels rich.

If this season of your life is asking for less noise and more depth, you’re not behind. You’re not unambitious.

You might just be redefining

Join Us for More on Patreon!

Please join us on Patreon for our Sanity Checks - our short weekly episodes where we share what’s really on our minds. They’ve been part of the podcast since the very beginning - those little check-ins and raw conversations. Now, for the price of a coffee a month, you'll get this extra weekly episode plus much more!

Join Us via this link:

https://www.patreon.com/14211197/join

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview
This episode grew from a simple image we shared in a recent Sanity Check: two jars.

One jar is full - kind words, encouragement, praise, moments where someone saw you and appreciated you.

The other jar holds just one negative comment.

And yet… it’s the second jar most of us carry.

We explore why one raised eyebrow, one piece of criticism, one offhand remark can eclipse a hundred positive moments. Why it lingers. Why it replays. Why it feels like proof.

We talk about negativity bias, self-worth, shrinking, second-guessing and the quiet exhaustion that comes from gripping that mostly empty jar.

And most importantly - how we begin to put it down.

Key Discussion Points

• The “two jars” metaphor and why so many women instantly recognised themselves in it
• Why one negative comment can occupy our minds all day - even if it lasted only 30 seconds
• The concept of negativity bias and how our brains process negative experiences more quickly than positive ones
• Why praise often doesn’t land - and why criticism feels familiar
• The connection between negative comments and pre-existing beliefs like “I’m not enough” or “I get it wrong”
• How self-worth changes the proportion of impact - it’s not about becoming bulletproof, it’s about balance
• The exhaustion of carrying self-doubt: over-explaining, shrinking, working harder than necessary

Listener Takeaways

• You’re not dramatic for holding onto one comment - you’re human
• Negative feedback often hurts because it echoes something you already believe
• Praise doesn’t land if it doesn’t match your internal story
• Growth isn’t about never being affected - it’s about not letting one comment define you
• You don’t have to deny a negative experience - you just don’t have to build your identity around it
• Self-worth strengthens when we become conscious of what gets to stay with us
• The jar feels heavy because it is heavy - and you are allowed to put it down

Join the Conversation
As you listen, ask yourself:

Which jar am I carrying right now?
And more importantly —
Why am I still holding onto it?

We’d love to hear your reflections.

Come and tell us what resonated.
DM us on social media or email us at [email protected].

You’re not broken.
You’re learning what gets to stay.

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

This episode grew from a simple image we shared in a recent Sanity Check: two jars.

One jar is full — kind words, encouragement, praise, moments where someone saw you and appreciated you.

The other jar holds just one negative comment.

And yet… it’s the second jar most of us carry.

We explore why one raised eyebrow, one piece of criticism, one offhand remark can eclipse a hundred positive moments. Why it lingers. Why it replays. Why it feels like proof.

We talk about negativity bias, self-worth, shrinking, second-guessing and the quiet exhaustion that comes from gripping that mostly empty jar.

And most importantly — how we begin to put it down.

Key Discussion Points

• The “two jars” metaphor and why so many women instantly recognised themselves in it
• Why one negative comment can occupy our minds all day — even if it lasted only 30 seconds
• The concept of negativity bias and how our brains process negative experiences more quickly than positive ones
• How social conditioning (especially for women) amplifies the need to be liked, agreeable and “get it right”
• Why praise often doesn’t land — and why criticism feels familiar
• The connection between negative comments and pre-existing beliefs like “I’m not enough” or “I get it wrong”
• How self-worth changes the proportion of impact — it’s not about becoming bulletproof, it’s about balance
• The exhaustion of carrying self-doubt: over-explaining, shrinking, working harder than necessary
• Why tiredness isn’t always about what you’re doing — sometimes it’s about what you’re carrying
• Practical shifts: noticing which jar you’re holding, questioning why something landed so hard, and consciously allowing praise to sit

Listener Takeaways

• You’re not dramatic for holding onto one comment — you’re human
• Negative feedback often hurts because it echoes something you already believe
• Praise doesn’t land if it doesn’t match your internal story
• Growth isn’t about never being affected — it’s about not letting one comment define you
• You don’t have to deny a negative experience — you just don’t have to build your identity around it
• Self-worth strengthens when we become conscious of what gets to stay with us
• The jar feels heavy because it is heavy — and you are allowed to put it down

Join the Conversation

As you listen, ask yourself:

Which jar am I carrying right now?
And more importantly —
Why am I still holding onto it?

We’d love to hear your reflections.

Come and tell us what resonated.
DM us on social media or email us at [email protected].

You’re not broken.
You’re learning what gets to stay.

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview
There’s a moment many women reach - often in midlife - where we stop and quietly think, Who am I actually?

It doesn’t arrive with drama. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s usually the result of years spent being reliable, capable, needed. Years of making decisions for the family, the partnership, the household unit. Years of choosing what works.

And then one day, something pauses us.

Maybe it’s exhaustion.
Maybe it’s hormones shifting.
Maybe it’s the kids growing up.
Maybe it’s a relationship changing.

Or maybe it’s just the slow realisation that we don’t quite recognise ourselves anymore.

In this episode, we explore what it really means to “lose your voice” - not literally, but emotionally and identity-wise - and why that question in midlife isn’t a sign that something’s gone wrong.

It might actually be a sign that something more honest is trying to emerge.

Key Discussion Points

• What “losing your voice” actually means in adulthood
• Operating as a family unit and how decisions slowly stop being about us
• The invisible praise of being dependable, strong and capable
• How self-worth becomes tied to being needed
• Why midlife hormones, burnout and emotional shifts make the cracks visible
• The body saying “no” after years of holding it all together
• Reclaiming your voice quietly, not dramatically

Listener Takeaways

• Losing your voice rarely happens suddenly - it’s usually the result of years of being dependable, capable and needed.
• Living as part of a family unit can slowly shift decisions away from what you want towards what works for everyone.
• Midlife often acts as a pause point, where exhaustion, hormones or emotional shifts make it harder to keep pretending everything is fine.
• Feeling lost or disconnected isn’t a failure — it can be a signal that something more authentic is trying to surface.
• Self-worth can quietly become tied to what we provide rather than who we are.
• Reclaiming your voice doesn’t require dramatic reinvention — it can begin with small, honest noticing.
• You don’t need to have all the answers. Awareness is a powerful first step.

Join the Conversation
Have you ever had that moment where you realised you didn’t quite recognise yourself anymore?

What brought it on - exhaustion, midlife, shifting roles, something else?

We’d genuinely love to hear from you.

Send us a DM or email us at [email protected]
You’re not alone in this.

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode overview
In this episode, we explore what it really means to live in an always-on world — and how that constant state of availability quietly keeps our stress response switched on.

Cortisol has become a bit of a villain in wellness conversations, but we unpack why it’s not the problem in itself. Cortisol is essential. The issue is that modern life rarely gives our bodies the chance to switch it off.

From 3am wake-ups and belly changes to mental load, boundaries, and self-worth, this is an honest conversation about why so many of us feel exhausted even when we don’t feel “stressed” - and what our bodies might be trying to tell us.

Key discussion point

• The impact of living in an always-on culture: emails, messages, notifications, and mental load
• Why our bodies can’t tell the difference between a real threat and constant pressure
• The link between being busy, always available, and self-worth
• Midlife, menopause, and why our bodies become less tolerant of sustained stress
• Physical signs of chronically high cortisol: disrupted sleep, puffiness, belly fat, anxiety, digestive issues, and fatigue
• Reframing cortisol as an alarm rather than the enemy

Listener takeaways

• You don’t have to feel anxious or overwhelmed for cortisol to be high
• Being busy and constantly “on” is still stress - even if it feels normal
• Your body isn’t weak or broken; it’s responding to chronic pressure
• Boundaries aren’t selfish - they’re self-preservation
• You can’t regulate your way out of a life where your worth feels constantly on the line
• Small changes matter: one pause, one boundary, one moment of choosing enough

Join the conversation

If you recognised yourself in this episode - the constant doing, the exhaustion, the feeling of being “on” all the time - you’re not alone.

We’d love to hear your thoughts.
Send us a DM on socials or email us at [email protected].

And if you’d like more from us, head over to Patreon for bonus episodes and deeper conversations.

Join Us for More on Patreon!

Please join us on Patreon for our Sanity Checks - our short weekly episodes where we share what’s really on our minds. They’ve been part of the podcast since the very beginning - those little check-ins and raw conversations. Now, for the price of a coffee a month, you'll get this extra weekly episode plus much more!

Join Us via this link:

https://www.patreon.com/14211197/join

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview
In this episode, we explore the idea of wintering - not as a trend or aesthetic, but as a very real biological and emotional experience.

Recording from opposite sides of the world - one of us in a UK winter, the other in an Australian summer - we reflect on how seasons, light, energy, and life demands shape the way we feel, move, and cope. We talk about slowing down without guilt, listening to the body instead of forcing productivity, and what happens when winter stops being something to “survive” and becomes something we learn to work with.

This conversation is about acceptance, recalibration, and honouring capacity - wherever you are and whatever season you’re in.

Key Discussion Points

• What wintering actually means beyond social media and wellness trends
• How energy naturally shifts with seasons, light, and life stages
• The contrast between winter in the UK and summer in Australia — and how both come with different challenges
• Why pushing through tiredness often creates more resistance and burnout
• Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) vs. milder winter mood shifts
• The pressure to stay productive year-round — and why it doesn’t work

Listener Takeaways

• Your energy isn’t meant to be flat or consistent all year round
• Feeling slower in winter isn’t laziness - it’s biology
• Wintering isn’t about stopping or opting out of life
• Rest, slower mornings, and lowered expectations can restore energy for what actually matters
• Different seasons place different demands on us - and that’s okay
• Growth sometimes looks like acceptance, not effort

Join the Conversation

What season are you in right now - physically, emotionally, or energetically?

What might shift if you stopped forcing yourself to keep the same pace and listened more closely to what your body is asking for?

We’d love to hear from you.

You can email us at [email protected] or send us a DM

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview

When a relationship ends, it can feel completely disorientating - like the ground has shifted beneath you and nothing quite makes sense anymore. In this episode, we talk honestly about heartbreak, obsession, rejection, and the deep vulnerability that comes with losing not just a partner, but a version of yourself.

Drawing on our own experiences of breakups across different stages of life, we explore why the pain feels so consuming, how self-worth often gets tangled up in rejection, and why healing doesn’t happen in a straight line. This is a conversation for anyone in the thick of it - or anyone who still carries echoes of past heartbreak.

Key Discussion Points

• The obsession phase: rumination, analysing everything, and chasing connection
• How low self-worth amplifies the pain of rejection
• The three-month mark: noticing when the fog starts to lift
• Why laughing again can feel wrong - and why it’s actually a sign of healing
• The pull to reach out for dopamine and familiarity (even when you know better)
• Why heartbreak isn’t weakness - it’s proof you can love deeply

Listener Takeaways

• Feeling broken after a breakup doesn’t mean you’re weak - it means you cared
• The pain won’t last forever, even if it feels endless right now
• A relationship ending doesn’t take your worth away - it asks you to find it within yourself
• Healing happens quietly, often without you noticing at first
• Awareness, not regret, is what allows real growth
• One day you’ll wake up and realise they weren’t the first thought in your mind — and that’s the beginning of coming back to yourself

Join the Conversation

If you've been through a break up or know someone who has, please feel free to get in touch and let us know your thoughts. 

Sanity Checks are now over on Patreon, available for the price of a coffee each month. We’d love to see you there.

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode overview

A line from Jon Bon Jovi that genuinely stopped Aileen in her tracks: “We’re all just here trying to figure it out.” Coming from someone who looks like he’s “made it”, it lands differently - like an equaliser and a hand on your shoulder.

This one is about humility, rebuilding, and the midlife unravel - the kind that can feel frightening… but might actually be the start of coming home to yourself.

Key discussion points

• The line that hit hard: “We’re all just here trying to figure it out” - why it feels more powerful coming from someone we assume has it all sorted.
• Identity vs performance: the idea that what you do isn’t who you are - and why that’s a self-worth conversation, not just a career one.
• Why we all panic when something shifts: kids growing up, relationships changing, careers wobbling, hormones doing their thing — and suddenly asking: If I’m not doing that… who am I?
• Losing your voice as a metaphor: not physically - emotionally. Years of being silenced, managing everyone else’s emotions, walking on eggshells, and having to rebuild your voice “brick by brick”.
• A softer, truer kind of success: chasing dreams from alignment, not pressure - and remembering it’s never “too late” to change direction.

Listener takeaways

• You are not your role. Not your job title. Not your productivity. Not your “usefulness”.
• Losing your voice doesn’t mean you’re lost. It might be the start of finding the real one.
• Humility is strength. Real confidence isn’t loud - it’s honest.
• Dreams don’t expire. There’s always a new phase, and you can still begin again at 40, 50, 60 - but from alignment, not pressure.
• You don’t need a five-year plan to be okay. You don’t need to be polished to be worthy.

Join the conversation

If you’re in a season where things feel uncertain - where you’re rethinking who you are, or what your life is becoming - you’re not alone.

A question to sit with:
 When you strip away what you do… what’s still true about who you are?

And if this episode made you exhale a little, share it with someone who might need that same hand-on-the-shoulder feeling.

One more thing, our Sanity Checks are now over on Patreon (for the price of a cup of coffee each month). If you want a little extra support in your ears, come and join us there.

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview
In this episode, we explore a tension many of us feel deeply — the pull between wanting space and craving connection. When does protecting our peace start to feel like shutting people out? And why can setting boundaries trigger so much guilt, fear, or worry about losing belonging?

We reflect on how our early conditioning shapes the way we relate, why many of us learned that belonging meant being agreeable, and how self-worth plays a crucial role in whether boundaries feel safe or threatening. This is a conversation about unlearning, reclaiming energy, and redefining what real belonging actually looks like in this season of life.

Key Discussion Points

• Why the desire to belong is deeply human - even for those who value independence
• How many of us were taught that belonging meant being easy, polite, and agreeable
• The link between self-worth and boundary-setting
• How carrying emotional labour can look like strength but quietly erodes self-worth
• The difference between fitting in and true belonging, inspired by Brené Brown

Listener Takeaways

• Boundaries aren’t rejection - they’re redirection
• Saying no is not unkind; it’s a way of valuing yourself
• Belonging that requires self-abandonment isn’t belonging at all
• When self-worth dips, boundaries often soften — noticing this is powerful
• You don’t need to earn your place; you already belong

Join the Conversation

We love hearing from you. Do you struggle more with setting boundaries, or with the fear of losing belonging when you do?
 Leave us a voicemail or send us a DM - your reflections may be shared in a future episode.

And if this conversation resonated, consider sharing it with someone who needs the reminder that protecting their peace doesn’t make them selfish - it makes them grounded.

Sanity Checks are now over on Patreon, available for the price of a coffee each month. We’d love to see you there.

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode overview
In this episode, we unpack why so many of us learn to play it small — not because we lack confidence or ambition, but because at some point it felt safer to do so. Following the huge response to our Don’t Hide Your Shine sanity check, we explore how hiding your shine shows up in everyday life, where it comes from, and why it’s so closely tied to self-worth.
We talk about school, family systems, culture, gendered expectations, and nervous-system protection — and how, over time, shrinking ourselves can leave us feeling muted, disconnected, and far from who we really are. We also share how to begin reclaiming those hidden parts of yourself in small, human ways, without feeling like you’re showing off or abandoning the people around you.

Key discussion points

• What we really mean by “shine” - and why it’s not about ego or attention
• The subtle ways we reduce ourselves: downplaying achievements, staying quiet, deflecting praise, shrinking joy
• Tall poppy syndrome, school dynamics, and early lessons about standing out
• Family systems and why keeping the peace can mean keeping yourself small
• How women are given constant mixed messages: confident but not too confident, ambitious but not selfish
• Why dimming yourself becomes automatic - and how it disconnects you from who you are
• The discomfort (and grief) that can come with letting yourself be seen again

Listener takeaways

• Playing it small is rarely a choice - it’s usually learned protection
• Your shine isn’t arrogance; it’s aliveness
• Humility and self-worth can exist together
• Start with noticing when you automatically shrink or brush yourself off
• Practise receiving - even two seconds can make a difference
• Let yourself take up a little more space than you did yesterday
• You don’t need to be palatable to everyone to be worthy
  
  
  

If this episode resonated and you recognised a place where you’ve been dimming yourself, we’d love to hear from you. Send us a DM or leave us a voicemail - your stories matter.
 And for more on this theme, head over to Patreon for this week’s sanity check (link in the show notes).

Join Us for More on Patreon!

Please join us on Patreon for our Sanity Checks - our short weekly episodes where we share what’s really on our minds. They’ve been part of the podcast since the very beginning - those little check-ins and raw conversations. Now, for the price of a coffee a month, you'll get this extra weekly episode plus much more!

Join Us via this link:

https://www.patreon.com/14211197/join

Links:

• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.