JUST ANNOUNCED: A new workshop called Enough as You Are: Turning Self-judgment into Self-love, on Sunday December 10th. Details here.

Also, a reminder that David Gandelman and I are holding our Sacred Bali retreat in May of next year. There’s a beautiful group forming for this weeklong event. Join us! Details here.

Hi Friends,

I’m writing the following thoughts in the second person (to you) but rest assured I’m writing this all to myself as well. That’s always the case, because really, we are all the same. Please remember, no matter what: you are beautiful, worthy and enough, just as you are. Really, just as you are.

Who you are right now is someone you have never been before, so limiting yourself based on past versions of yourself doesn’t make sense. It is possible to reflect on your past in a way that serves rather than limits you, that nudges you forward rather than keeps you stuck. You may not have a say in many of the thoughts that pour through your mind, but you do have a say in the perspective you give to them. Be generous with yourself. Give yourself grace.

It is in you to love all aspects of yourself, even what you consider to be unlikable, even what you judge or try to deny, even the parts that are unable to love all aspects of yourself. Self-love is a skill, and like all skills, the more you practice at it the better you become. When you find yourself mired in self-abusive thinking, try taking yourself out of your mind and connecting with your heart. Invite the love in. Ask love what it has to say about you, and as much as you can, listen to this voice of love that is alive within you. It will only ever remind you of your beauty, your strength and your worth.

You may not be able to choose happiness, but you are certainly able to make choices that tend to lead to happiness. Consider the habits, relationships and hobbies that make you smile, that are fun and meaningful, that remind you how beautiful life can be, and carve out more time for them. Prioritize them, and watch as you find happiness choosing you more often.

If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. It’s okay to wait until you are.

The more gentle you are with yourself, the more honest you’re able to be about your needs, desires and limitations. When you are willing to offer yourself compassion —no matter what you discover about yourself — you invite truer discoveries, real reflections not inhibited by shame and self-loathing. To know yourself for real requires that you love yourself for real too. It’s never too late to begin this process.

It’s possible sometimes to try too hard. And wise sometimes to walk away.

Resist the compulsion to shame others for having different opinions than you, or for not showing up in the way you are, or in the way you believe they should be. Nothing of value comes from this kind of shaming behavior; it just contributes to more division and more war. It is possible to be clear and loud about your convictions and your activism without condemning others for theirs, without dehumanizing your fellow human beings in order to make a point. If more peace and love is truly what you want to see in our world, then it is incumbent upon you to be an example of more peace and more love. Nothing of value needs to be compromised in order to do so.

This, from my new book, Enough as You Are, feels especially relevant: It’s one thing to acknowledge how difficult life can be, but it’s another to focus on it, to talk about everything that feels wrong all the time, to act like there is only darkness and misery here. In our compulsion not to deny the harsh realities of this unpredictable existence, we often end up denying life’s extraordinary beauty. We focus our gaze on division and blind ourselves to real connection; we seek out examples of brutality and ignore the many moments of kindness; we bind ourselves to the opinions of others and silence the deep wisdom of our hearts. In our effort to avoid spiritual bypassing we pass right by the endless exhibits of love on this planet, within this humanity, from one to another and another to one. There is so much hardship — yes, too much — and there is so much beauty too. Where are you looking, and what are you looking for?

Gratitude is one of the fastest paths to joy. Whether or not you are celebrating Thanksgiving, consider taking some time (even two minutes) to speak out loud what it is about your life you feel grateful for. Really let yourself sink into a state of appreciation for everything that is working in your life, for the relationships that bring you joy, for the lessons that have helped you grow, for whatever it is your heart feels called to appreciate. Notice how you feel when you are immersed in gratitude, and allow that feeling to compel you to acknowledge your appreciation more often.

There is nothing wrong with you. Really. You’re human, like the rest of us. Try giving yourself some grace.

I’d love to know which of these thoughts resonated most with you, and if you feel like sharing some of your gratitudes, I’d be delighted to know.

I love you all so much and appreciate your presence here. For all those celebrating, I wish you a beautiful Thanksgiving. For all those struggling, I send you a huge energetic hug and an extra heaping dose of love.

With gratitude and love,

Scott

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