Pod Reality

Apologies for the audio thought it would be better. Apologies that I haven't been uploading. I have literally so much going on, So much that I needed time away from the podcast to get myself at least somewhat back on track. My life has so much going on that I've gotten too depressed to barely even keep going. I just want succession and happiness. A true smile on my face. I want to throw in the towel but at the same time, I don't want to. My pride wouldn't let me. God wouldn't let me. I've cried too many tears and had too many headaches to just throw in the towel. I'm going to keep trying. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate it so much. Please keep trying. Don't give up. Stay safe.

Thanks for listening. I got real deep on what's been going on. Apologies that I haven't been uploading. I've been trying to get and keep myself together. The episode explain the rest. Again, thanks for listening!! Also I apologize for being too close to the mic, I’ll know better next time.

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Pressure towards myself. This causes stress and depression in me when in reality, it doesn't have to be this way. A lot has been happening ever since 2020 and after 2021, I've been very cautious about where my life was headed. I decided ever since then, I could not let myself down. Tired of dealing with the frustration and headaches because I have to think of plan after plan just to make sure that things go right. Making backup plans and repeatedly going over them, just to make sure that everything goes right. Stress. I get so exasperated when plans don't follow. Quickly thinking of what else I can come up with, so plans can still go through. This might not seem like a lot, but it's completely tiring. Imagine doing this on a daily. Steering clear of any headaches to start. Daily making plans just so I won't touch my greatest fear when all I'm doing is making plans to get exactly there without knowing it. I don't want to close my eyes, I've been sacrificing way too much to fall and to give everything up. My heart, ambition, my pride, in general, won't let me. Metaphorically, I've been walking way too far to let things bring me down. It feels like a big gush of wind but with hands, keep pulling me back into the situation I just got out of. People tell me time and time again all the time, that they see the build-up I have in me. That I need to talk to someone about my problems. A therapist. You keep insisting I listen to your proposition, and I dismissed them all. I could talk to people about my problems but they don't understand not one bit about how deep the situation is. They always just tell me some advice that seems so simple and think that all the problems can instantly go away. Again, they don't know the problems that come with that situation. All the stress, headaches, crying, and no sleep cannot just go away with one simple piece of advice, by one simple answer. There are steps and processes to it. Theirs steps to the steps, theirs process to the process. Every and anything is not that simple. I try so hard not to throw in the towel. I try so hard to keep peace within me. I try to keep my relationship. I try to get more money from my job. I try to keep up with my hobbies. I TRY TO KEEP UP WITH MYSELF

Just to see who’s been listening… I need you to email #40thepisode to [email protected]. You’ll know when the 40th episode will come. First (3) people to tell me which episode is there fav & one thing you’ve learned from it, will get cashapped $100. Again ONLY (3)! Don’t be number 4. Hate to be you. I love you all. Thanks for listening, I hope.

Should’ve started season 4 with this, but hey. Breaking down my love life with only using two songs that I played every day since day one of the song’s release. Please enjoy!! https://music.apple.com/us/album/love-to-dream/1574004234?i=1574004244 https://music.apple.com/us/album/better-off/1399202539?i=1399202961

Sorry I started off season 4 with an depressing episode. There’s a lot going on. Thanks for staying with me through all this. I know I didn’t make since throughout this episode. Y’all be safe & keep your guard up.