Pod Sematary

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1320234573012361216

CW: Mental Illness

It’s Halloween on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey come alive and go on the hunt for evil!

The Classic Film: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

"Ten years after his original massacre, the invalid Michael Myers awakens on Halloween Eve and returns to Haddonfield to kill his seven-year-old niece. Can Dr. Loomis stop him?” (IMDb.com). Since audiences rejected the idea of a different Halloween-themed story in each installment of the franchise, Halloween 4 brings back Michael Myers to hunt his bloodline... again! We haven't gotten to the druids yet and Danielle Harris is a gem, so this one just barely manages to eke by as acceptable.

The Modern Film: Halloween (2018)

"Laurie Strode confronts her long-time foe Michael Myers, the masked figure who has haunted her since she narrowly escaped his killing spree on Halloween night four decades ago” (IMDb.com). Rejecting all franchise lore except for the original, Halloween (2018) kickstarts the FIFTH Halloween timeline with a modern bang. Although it's not saying much, this entry easily takes the honor of best Halloween sequel.

Audio Sources:

"Carrie" (1976) produced by Red Bank Films

"Doctor Sleep" (Audiobook) written by Stephen King and read by Will Patton

"Halloween" (1978) produced by Compass International Pictures, et al.

"Halloween" (2018) produced by Night Blade Holdings, et al.

"Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers" produced by Trancas International Films

"The Italian Job" (2003) produced by Paramount Pictures, et al.

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"The Wizard of Oz" (1939) produced by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1317540371153391616

CW: Homophobia

It’s Family Friendly Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey light the black flame candle, talk to ghosts, and fix all of society's problems!

The Classic Film: Hocus Pocus (1993)

"A curious youngster moves to Salem, where he struggles to fit in before awakening a trio of diabolical witches that were executed in the 17th century” (IMDb.com). Hocus Pocus is a cult classic and for a reason. Put a little Halloween joy in your life and watch with us.

The Modern Film: ParaNorman (2012)

"A misunderstood boy takes on ghosts, zombies and grown-ups to save his town from a centuries-old curse” (IMDb.com). Don't be like seemingly everyone in 2012 and sleep on this beautifully-animated family horror movie with a heart.

Audio Sources:

"Are You Afraid of the Dark?" produced by Nickelodeon Network, et al.

"Awakening: Part 1" (Gargoyles S01E01) produced by Disney Television Animation

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1992) produced by Twentieth Century Fox, et al.

"Chapter Six: The Spy" (Stranger Things S02E06) produced by Netflix Studios, et al.

"Hocus Pocus" produced by Walt Disney Pictures & Touchwood Pacific Partners 1

"Judge Reinhold/10,000 Maniacs" (Saturday Night Live S13E13) produced by Broadway Video & NBC Productions

"The Mask" produced by Dark Horse Entertainment & New Line Cinema

"ParaNorman" produced by Focus Features & Laika Entertainment

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Stainmaster Carpet Mommy's Little Sweetheart TV Commercial HD" via FM1156 @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvs_qGnBn1M

Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1315360716027621377

It’s a pod people double feature on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey shed all emotion and join the collective in peace!

The Second Adaptation: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

"When strange seeds drift to earth from space, mysterious pods begin to grow and invade San Francisco, California, where they replicate the residents into emotionless automatons one body at a time” (IMDb.com). Less reactionary that it's '56 predecessor and the Jack Finney novel on which it's based, the '78 version's slow boil and creeping terror are exactly as effective as the film's modern-day hype would suggest.

The Fourth Adaptation: The Invasion (2007)

"As a Washington, D.C. psychiatrist unearths the origin of an alien epidemic, she also discovers her son might be the only way it can be stopped” (IMDb.com). Take the 1978 classic, remove the character building and charm, and add some mildly effective personal tension and mindless action scenes and you'll have this fourth attempt at reinventing the wheel. The Invasion seems like it might be worth watching until it just gives up about halfway through and drowns in its own genericism.

Audio Sources:

"Alien" produced by Brandywine Productions

"Amazing Grace" performed by the Royal Scots Dragoon Guard

"The Invasion" produced by Warner Bros., et al.

"Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (1956) produced by Walter Wanger Productions

"Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (1978) produced by Solofilm

"Monster in the Closet" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine S04E06) produced by Fremulon, et al.

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Pod People" (Mystery Science Theater 3000 S04E03) produced by Best Brains

"S&M Present" (Robot Chicken S01E09) produced by Stoopid Monkey, et al.

"Science Fiction/Double Feature" written by Richard O'Brien & Richard Hartley and performed by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

"Split" produced by Universal Pictures, et al.

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1312482071021940737

CW: Suicide, Stillbirth, Infanticide

It’s an excellent week for an exorcism on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey sully the legacy of the original Exorcist from both ends!

The Classic Film: Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

"A teenage girl once possessed by a demon finds that it still lurks within her. Meanwhile, a priest investigates the death of the girl's exorcist” (IMDb.com). This sequel doesn't only ruin the ending to the original, it also sucks. It is the father of lies.

The Modern Film: Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)

"Years before Father Lankester Merrin helped save Regan MacNeil's soul, he first encounters the demon Pazuzu in East Africa. This is the tale of Father Merrin's initial battle with Pazuzu and the rediscovery of his faith” (IMDb.com). The sequel asked, "What if the original was actually the SECOND time Father Merrin fought Pazuzu?" This prequel yells in response, "Three times! You weren't here! He did it three times!"

Audio Sources:

"Dio" written and performed by Tenacious D

"The Exorcist in 30 Seconds (and Re-enacted by Bunnies)" produced by Angry Alien Productions, LLC

"Exorcist II: The Heretic" produced by Warner Bros.

"Exorcist: The Beginning" produced by Morgan Creek Entertainment, et al.

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"S&M Present" (Robot Chicken S01E09) produced by Stoopid Monkey, et al.

"Sandstorm" produced by Darude

"Tubular Bells" composed by Mike Oldfield

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1310388619413200897

CW: Rape, Mental Health, Sexual Themes Involving Children

It’s a Turn of the Screw Double Feature on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey walk dark hallways holding candelabras and continue their love affair after their deaths!

The Classic Film: The Innocents (1961)

"A young governess for two children becomes convinced that the house and grounds are haunted” (IMDb.com). This is our first time watching what is, by all accounts, a classic, and it didn't disappoint. The Innocents, based on Henry James' The Turn of the Screw, is remarkable in its dark tone, stunning visuals, and disturbing subject matter.

The Modern Film: The Turning (2020)

"Kate Mandell takes a job as a nanny for two young orphans at an isolated Gothic mansion in the Maine countryside... When strange events start to plague Kate and the siblings, she begins to suspect that the estate's dark corridors are home to a malevolent entity” (IMDb.com). Not only does The Turning completely botch the ending when it tries to stray from the ambiguity of The Innocents, but it also seems interested in actively undermining its own opportunities to generate fear at every turn.

Audio Sources:

"The Innocents" produced by Twentieth Century Fox & Achilles

"Much Apu About Nothing" (The Simpsons S07E23) produced by Gracie Films & 20th Century Fox Television

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"The Turning" produced by DreamWorks, et al.

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1307886187927859201

It’s Sentient Robot Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey perform the Turing test on a liquid-metal android assassin!  

The Classic Film: Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

"A cyborg, identical to the one who failed to kill Sarah Connor, must now protect her teenage son, John Connor, from a more advanced and powerful cyborg” (IMDb.com). It's T2! You know we're going to gush.

The Modern Film: Ex Machina (2014)

"A young programmer is selected to participate in a ground-breaking experiment in synthetic intelligence by evaluating the human qualities of a highly advanced humanoid A.I.” (IMDb.com). Much more contemplative than the action-packed Terminator 2, we actually had more to say (good and bad) about Ex Machina.

Audio Sources:

"The Beginning: Making Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace" produced by Lucasfilm Ltd.

"Ex Machina" produced by A24, et al.

"Get Down Saturday Night" written by Kevin McCord & Oliver Cheatham and performed by Oliver Cheatham

"Jurassic Park" produced by Universal Pictures & Amblin Entertainment

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Porkchop Sandwiches" produced by Fenslerfilm

"Princess Bride" produced by Act III Communications, et al.

"Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode II" produced by Stoopid Monkey, et al.

"Silence of the Lambs" produced by Strong Heart/Demme Production & Orion Pictures

"Terminator 2: Judgment Day" produced by Carolco Pictures, et al.

"Tiffany on the Wild Side" (Unhappily Ever After S03E15) produced by Touchstone Television

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1305234849565990918

It’s inexplicably Carnival Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey sing the song of misery and relive the day of their deaths for all time!

The Classic Film: Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995)

"The Candyman moves on to New Orleans and starts his horrific murders once more. This time, his intended victim is a school teacher. Her father was killed by the Candyman, and brother wrongly accused of the murders” (IMDb.com). This sequel to 1992’s Candyman takes the supernatural killer (and basically all of the events of the original) to a new town but loses all of the quality and nuance in the process. 

The Modern Film: Hatchet (2006)

"When a group of tourists in a New Orleans haunted swamp tour find themselves stranded in the wilderness, their evening of fun and spooks turns into a horrific nightmare.” (IMDb.com). Praised for its lack of CGI gore and the fact that it’s an original IP, Hatchet (ironically, just Friday the 13th in the bayou) has almost nothing else going for it. It’s kinda lame and boring is what we’re saying.

Audio Sources:

“Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh” produced by PolyGram Filmed Entertainment & Propaganda Films

"Cry-Baby" produced by Universal Pictures & Imagine Entertainment

"For The Right Reasons" (from The Bachelorette S09E02) performed by Soulja Boy, Desiree Hartsock, and the group date guys

“Hatchet” produced by ArieScope Pictures, et al.

"Not Another Teen Movie" produced by Columbia Pictures, et al.

"Office Space" produced by Twentieth Century Fox, et al.

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1302716040153948160

It’s Kelsey's Birthday on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey study the psychic potential of frogs and are real brats about the sushi cake!

The Classic Film: Frogs (1972)

"A group of helpless victims celebrate a birthday on an island estate crawling with killer amphibians, birds, insects, and reptiles” (IMDb.com). Frogs is fanatical and toothless at the same time. It seems like a pale imitation of a *good* environmental horror and still doesn't offer a lot in the way of so-bad-it's-good chuckles.

The Modern Film: My Super Psycho Sweet 16 (2009)

"A spoiled teen's birthday bash turns killer after she convinces her parents to re-open a roller skating rink where murders took place” (IMDb.com). Entertaining enough to have us intrigued for a sequel, this MTV original based on its own actual reality show and about rich, teenage brats probably won't blow your skirt up unless you're into that sort of thing.

Audio Sources:

"Black Christmas" produced by Film Funding Ltd. of Canada, et al.

"Frogs" produced by American International Pictures (AIP) & Peter Thomas Productions

"Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale" written and performed by Jim Gaffigan

"My Super Psycho Sweet 16" produced by POP Films

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Tune Up #1" (from Rent -- Original Broadway Cast Recording) written by Jonathan Larson and performed by Anthony Rapp & Adam Pascal

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1299911169600360448

CW: Suicide, Child Abuse, Animal Abuse

It’s a Birthday Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey sic dogs on their perfect twins and make up stories about killing their friends.

The Classic Film: Madhouse (1981)

"A woman is pursued by her murderous, psychopathic twin sister in the days leading up to their birthday” (IMDb.com). Madhouse isn’t a *great* film, per se, but it’s baffling that no one seems to talk about it at all. 

The Modern Film: Red Velvet (2008)

"A man and a young woman have a chance encounter at a laundry mat which leads to a story about a birthday party where everyone has been killed by a madman in a white jumpsuit” (IMDb.com). Red Velvet has one or two clever and/or fun elements, but it isn’t nearly enough to save it from awful acting and (ironically) storytelling.

Audio Sources:

"The One with All the Wedding Dresses" (Friends S04E20) produced by Bright/Kauffman/Crane Productions & Warner Bros. Television

“Madhouse” (1981) produced by Overseas FilmGroup

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

“Red Velvet” produced by Ulalume Films

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1297387245599485952

CW: Suicide (multiple references and lengthy discussion)

It’s Nightmare Cult Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey leave their boarding school and fall in with backwoods biker cenobites on LSD.

The Classic Film: The Seventh Victim (1943)

"A woman in search of her missing sister uncovers a Satanic cult in New York's Greenwich Village and finds that they may have something to do with her sibling's random disappearance” (IMDb.com). More complex, odd, and baffling than you might expect a 1940s mystery to be, The Seventh Victim packs more plot developments and intrigue into its 70 minutes than a le Carré espionage novel.

The Modern Film: Mandy (2018)

"The enchanted lives of a couple in a secluded forest are brutally shattered by a nightmarish hippie cult and their demon-biker henchmen, propelling a man into a spiraling, surreal rampage of vengeance” (IMDb.com). (Gestures wildly at everything.)

Audio Sources:

“A.T.H.F.” written by Daniel Dumile and Brian Burton & performed by Danger Doom (Danger Mouse & MF Doom) 

"The Beginning: Making Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace" produced by Lucasfilm Ltd. 

"Blurred Lines” written by Marvin Gaye, et al. & performed by Robin Thicke featuring T.I. and Pharrell Williams

“Mandy” produced by SpectreVision, et al.

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Planets and Moons" (Bill Nye, the Science Guy S03E01) produced by Public Broadcasting Service (PBS), et al.

“The Seventh Victim” produced by RKO Radio Pictures

"Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith” produced by Lucasfilm, et al.