Pod Sematary

Warning: Do not watch X-Ray. Or whatever - we're not the boss of you. In this week's episode of Pod Sematary, Chris and Kelsey HATE a movie that some people seem to love for some reason: 1980's X-Ray (AKA Hospital Massacre; AKA Ward 13; AKA Be My Valentine... Or Else!). If you are one of those people, first seek professional help, but then write us to let us know WHY. Then it's on to 2001's Valentine with David Boreanaz, a revenge slasher that Kelsey remembers from her middle school days and Chris doesn't remember at all.

CW: Rape, Miscarriage, Suicide

Chris and Kelsey stay all up in that SJW stuff this week, moving on to feminist masterpiece(?) Rosemary's Baby from 1968. But it's a Double Feature week at Pod Sematary, so we're also tackling the existent(?) TV Miniseries from 2014! Does it have any reason at all to exist other than as an excuse for Zoe Saldana and her sisters to take a trip to Paris? Well...

We step into the fire this week on Pod Sematary with two movies all about social justice. Kelsey and Chris watch 1989's Society, a body-horror flick all about the rich "sucking off" the poor. Then it's the universally acclaimed Get Out from just last year. It has four Oscar nominations, including 3 for writer/director/producer, Jordan Peele. But is it really that good? (Spoiler: Yes.)

Ok, now THIS is our longest episode. We promise to tone it down next time... but these are some seriously amazing films. This time on Pod Sematary, Chris & Kelsey dance to calypso while tackling one of the best comedy horror movies of all time: 1988's Beetlejuice. Then they move on to the eternally-spoiled The Sixth Sense from M. Night McTwistyflick in 1999. Stick it out 'cuz this is good stuff.

It's our longest episode yet, and for good reason! This week is a Double Feature of one of our favorites: Stephen King's It! Kelsey and Chris get all nostalgic for the "ironic classic" 1990 television miniseries. Then it's off to the future (past?) for the 2017 cinematic phenomenon! Don't worry - we won't talk about the book (we will).

Friends, this episode has the worst movie we've reviewed so far. Frankly, it's incredible just how bad it is. Chris and Kelsey take a trip in the way back machine to review the influential, silent, Swedish classic, 1921's The Phantom Carriage. Then... well, then there's 2009's Life Blood about holy lesbian vampires. Folks, don't bother watching this ahead of time; we'll tell you all you need to know about this festering garbage fire.

The Scream Queen, Jamie Lee Curtis, is back in this week's New Year's Rockin' episode of Pod Sematary! For auld lang syne, Chris and Kelsey rewatch one of their favorite New Year's horror films, 1980's Terror Train, and follow it up with the violent and quirky The Signal from 2007. End this awful year right and join us in ringing in 2018 the way it ought to be done: by hitting 2017 over the head repeatedly with a canister of rodent poison!

Content Warning: Rape/Incest

Our last week of Christmas movies has arrived, and boy is it a doozy! Both 1972's Silent Night, Bloody Night and 2015 indie slasher Dismembering Christmas are absolutely bonkers and we have a lot to say about them. So strap in for what is almost certainly our giggliest episode yet!

Christmastime continues in the eleventh episode of Pod Sematary! Chris and Kelsey watch the Made-for-TV Home for the Holidays, where a rich man thinks his wife is poisoning him so he calls for his four daughters, Alex, Freddie, Jo, and Chris... oh, my god, I just realized all of his daughters have boys names! This guy hated that he had daughters! And for our modern movie this week, Better Watch Out takes on toxic masculinity with T-Diamond Stylus!

Content Warning: Abortion

This is one hell of a week, guys! Kelsey and Chris run into their first week where neither of them had seen the movies at hand ahead of time. First up is the 1945 anthology classic, The Dead of Night, which charmed both of our hosts. Next on the docket is quite the surprise: 2016's Red Christmas, about... well... we'll get to that.