A Christmas Miracle for the Guys who Invented the Concept of Christmas Miracles

Shut the door. Have a seat. We have some bad news. This is the last episode of this season of the pod. We also have some good news. Comedian Katrina Davis returns to talk to Matt & Vince about Mad Men season three episode thirteen, “Shut the Door. Have a Seat.”

It’s nearly Christmas ‘63 and those bastards at McCann Erickson are buying Putnam, Powell, Lowe, Sterling & Cooper. Why? So they can be McCann, Erickson, Putnam, Powell, Lowe, Sterling, & Cooper? Sounds more like a lacrosse roster than an advertising agency. Don has no choice but to make Lane fire him so he can round up an alcoholic ad man superteam and poach as many clients as possible on the way out. It’s like Ocean’s Eleven, but with more paperwork.

What can’t the guy do? Maintain a marriage. While all that’s going on, Betty prepares to fly Reno with Henry because the only grounds for divorce in New York at the time were absence of a spouse, incurable insanity, life imprisonment, or adultery. She could have caught him on that last one but whoopsy, she’s an adulterer too. 

What’s your home address and social security number? Tell us in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

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Everyone Remembers Where They Were When Duck Had Sex with Peggy

Pour one out for Jack Kennedy and throw on this week’s episode of the pod. Host of the Hyperfixed podcast, Alex Goldman joins Matt and Vince to discuss Mad Men season three episode twelve, “The Grown Ups.”

They killed Kennedy and now Don’s marriage, and Margaret’s wedding, are ruined. Betty watches a Lee Harvey Oswald die on live tv and presumably wishes it were Don instead, so she goes to her side piece to admit she wants out. The Draper’s still have to go to Roger’s daughter’s wedding, but there’s a real who died? kind of vibe.  

The only person who isn’t going to let the president’s splattered brains spoil his good time is Duck Phillips. He unplugs the television before Peggy comes over so he can give her another go-around like she’s never had before. Unless it’s like the go-around he gave her a few episodes back. You have to imagine it’s basically the same. We’ve seen nothing to indicate that Duck is a creative guy. He probably thinks woman-on-top is scandalous. 

What’s the farthest you’ve gone to avoid washing a bowl? Tell us in a five-star review on  Apple Podcasts. 

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The Mistress and the Car

Retrieve your horsemeat gabbagool, you’ll want something to nosh on while you listen to this week’s episode with David J. Roth from Defector, The Distraction, and It’s Christmastown podcasts, joining Matt and Vince to talk about Mad Men season three episode eleven, “The Gypsy and the Hobo.”

In America, horses are our friends. At least that’s what David told some nice Italian folks who tried to serve him cured horse meat. In 1962, horses were both our friends, and our dog’s food, and Americans were struggling with this dichotomy. Enter Annabelle Mathis, CEO of a horsemeaty dog food company, and Roger’s old flame. She wants Sterling Cooper’s help to convince people that it’s fine for Lassie to eat Secretariat. She also wants one more roll in the hay with Roger, but he’s more interested in telling her she’s an ugly old hag who blew it when she left him. In his defense, when he drinks, he gets really funny. 

Back at the Draper residence, Betty confronts Don about his box full of secrets, and spills the beans. He admits everything. Everything other than the fact that he left his daughter’s teacher in the car down the street to sit and wait while he finally gets (mostly) honest with his wife. In his defense, the teacher is really pretty. 

Where did you think Sam Elliot was from? Tell us in a five star review on Apple Podcasts.

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What’s Blue to You?

Lock up your old dog tags and divorce papers before you listen to the latest episode. Comedian and co-host of the Roundball Rock podcast, Sean Keane, returns to the podcast to talk to Matt & Vince about Mad Men season three episode 10, “The Color Blue.”

In the office, Don smiles for once. What is it that makes him smile? The love of his family? A job well done? A new hot mistress? No, it’s his healthy bonus. Money is the only thing that makes this guy smile, and it’s the most boring thing that would definitely make someone smile. For such a mysterious guy he really is simple as hell. 

Paul and Peggy engage in a pissing contest to see who is more creative, and you would have to be simple as hell to bet on Paul. Unless it was a prop bet that he would get drunk, jork off in the office, and treat a maintenance guy like he’s less a person, and more a plot point. Then you might have enough money to make Don smile again. 

What was Paul’s brilliant but forgotten idea? Tell us in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

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How Do You Say “On the DL” in Italian?

Wake up, Conrad Hilton is calling and he wants to hear this week’s episode of the podcast right now. TV writer, comedian, and host of the TV, I Say podcast Ashley Ray returns to talk to Matt & Vince about Mad Men season three episode nine, “Wee Small Hours.”

Don’s not sleeping because he’s up all night trying to please a client. Connie Hilton wants the moon and Don presumably only wants to stay up late if he gets to cheat on his wife, so neither of them are happy. 

Lee from Lucky Strike makes a pass at Sal, because game recognize gay, but Sal shoots him down because he’s… married? The widdle tobacco scion’s feewings are hurt, so he demands Sal get the boot. Don is way too sweepy to be nice about it, so he slut shames Sal and shows him the door. In a way, it’s refreshing to see all of this sexual impropriety without any specific women getting caught in crossfire. 

Which cruising spots would you go to if you wanted to find Sal? Tell us in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

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Roman Ball-a-day

Get your suitcase because we’re headed to Italy. On the plane, you can listen to this week’s episode of the podcast with co-host of the Hollywood Crime Scene podcast, and returning guest, Rachel Fisher joining Matt & Vince to discuss Mad Men season 3 episode eight, “Souvenir.”

Betty and Don go to Rome so they can hang out with Connie Hilton at a cafe that looks like it’s in The Grove, and then hump each other’s brains out. It’s nice when the married people stop cheating on each other long enough to bone giorno. 

Trudy Campbell is also going on a little trip without her husband, and you know what they say, while the Trudy is away, the Pete will do SA. Pete’s victim’s boss, a neighbor down the hall, really takes Pete to task for his sex pestery. Just kidding, he reminds Pete that there are au pairs in other people’s buildings that he could harass. 

Tell us what you think Pete smells like in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

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Peggy Gets Ducked

Stop staring at the sun for long enough to listen to this week’s episode of the podcast with comedian, co-host of the What a Time to be Alive and Lie Cheat and Steal podcasts, Kath Barbadoro joining Matt and Vince to talk about Mad Men season three episode seven, “Seven Twenty Three.”

Everyone wants Don to sign a contract. Connie Hilton, Roger & Burt are all nagging at him like they’re his nagging wife, who is also nagging at him to sign the damn contract! She, of all people, should know that just because he signs a piece of paper, that doesn’t mean he’ll honor it. Look at his marriage license, and then watch how he talks to Sally’s teacher. Paper and ink mean nothing to this slut. 

Also horny, Duck! Duck threatens to give Peggy “a go-around” like she’s never had before. A “go-around.” Had they not figured out how to do dirty talk in the 60s or is Duck just corny as hell? Maybe that was standard issue boudoir conversation, because it works on Peggy. She has sex with Duck. Duck! The guy looks like he fucks to a metronome.

Is Betty autistic? Tell us your thoughts in a five star review on Apple Podcasts. 

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Guy Carried Out of an Advertising Agency

Everyone get in the conference room, the podcast has a new org chart. Producer Brent is at the top, directly beneath him are hosts Matt & Vince, and right below them is this week’s guest, host of Dopey podcast, Dave Manheim, who is here to talk about Mad Men season three episode six, “Guy Walks into an Advertising Agency.”

The big swinging knobs from Putnam, Powell, and Lowe show are shaking things up in the Sterling Cooper office. First, they have a pretty new org chart that commits an act of Roger Sterling erasure, then they prank Lane with a promotion that would move him to Bombay, and and as a coup de grace, a guy named Guy gets his foot mangled by a brand new John Deere lawn mower that someone let Lois drive in the office.

It’s also supposed to be Joan’s last day at the office, but it turns out her handsome doctor husband is not only an r-wordist, he’s also not a great doctor. Not good enough to get the promotion they were counting on to get her out of the workforce. 

Tell us where you belong in the new org chart in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

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Don’s Hot for Teacher

Get the overnight bag, Betty’s in labor. While she goes through the terrifying, awe-inspiring experience of giving birth, you can sit in a special waiting room for dudes and listen to a new episode of your favorite podcast. Producer of the pod, comedian, co-host of the Oh Hell Yeah podcast, AL West Champion Seattle Mariners supporter, episode description writer, and now parody song writer, Brent Flyberg joins Matt & Vince to talk about Mad Men season three episode five, “The Fog.”

You read that right, there’s a new Draper D-story swinging d-word in town. I wrote it, I sang it, I tacked it on at the end of the episode. I learned in the process that singing is hard, especially trying to sing like David Lee Roth. 

Much like this podcast’s second favorite guy named David Roth, Don is hot for Sally’s teacher, but more obviously in this episode, Miss Farrell is hot for Don. She’s calling him at home, talking all breathy with a glass of wine like damn we get it, we know what Jon Hamm looks like too, but get it together, lady. Probably the only thing that stops Don from driving over and taking her to philandertown in that exact moment is his shrieking wife who needs a ride to the hospital to deliver another one of his little snotty kids. At that moment, he likely thought it had never been harder to be a white man in America. 

Tell us what you would name Don and Betty’s third kid in a five five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

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Living the Jai A-life

Stop trying to make jai alai happen and listen to this week’s episode of the pod with returning guest, Letterboxd lover, and journalist from Semafor, Dave Weigel, joining Matt & Vince for a chat about Mad Men season three episode four, “The Arrangements.”

RIP big Gene. The writers may have forgotten about your dementia, but we’ll never forget you. Not that it’s a competition, but Sally is definitely the most distraught about her grandpa’s passing. He was teaching her so much, from how to drive his car, to inferior Assyrian genes leading to Rome’s downfall.

Pete finds a “fatted calf” to offer to Don in the form of a rich dingus who’s trying to make jai alai America’s next national pastime through the magic of advertising. Don would rather save Burt’s relationship with the rich dingus’s father than carve money out of the kid, so he tries to stop the deal, but Mr. Jai Alai Sr. gives them the all-clear. As you know, America's next national pastime was not jai alai. It was always going to be gun violence.

Sal gets two big opportunities: 1. Direct Patio Cola’s Bye Bye Birdy ripoff ad and 2. Have sex with his wife. He uses anxiety about 1 as an excuse to get out of 2, and he… well, sometimes I look up an episode synopsis on the Mad Men Fandom wiki while writing these, and whoever wrote this one described it perfectly so just read it: “Sal acts out the Bye Bye Birdie takeoff for Kitty, whose cheerful encouragement fades as her husband minces his way through the choreography.” “Minces.” Devastating. 

Who’s your pick to win the Battle Court Jai Alai fall season this year? Tell us in a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. 

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